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Ever finish eating and immediately think, “I just need something sweet”?

That was Jamie.

She swore she’d never be someone who didn’t end every meal with dessert.

But after one conversation with me, everything changed.

In this episode, I show you how we uncovered what dessert was really doing for her—and how she finally stopped needing it just to feel okay.

Now? Jamie still enjoys sweets—but doesn’t obsess over them.

She eats them when they’re worth it, not because her brain throws a tantrum without them.

If you're tired of sugar cravings, nighttime eating, or that nagging “but I deserve it” voice… this episode is your game-changer.

🎧 Listen in to learn how to take back control—and lose weight for the last damn time.

Speaker 1 (00:00):

Welcome back everybody. So have you ever finished your dinner and you immediately just want something sweet? You're sitting there thinking, what is something sweet that I can have? A lot of us go through that and recently I coached one of my members where she told me I cannot help it no matter what. I just need something sweet after I eat and it was killing her weight loss. So if that sounds like you were going to want to listen to this call because if you've ever felt like you were stuck in the sweet loop, you're not hungry, but you really just want something sweet to end the meal, whether that's dinner, lunch, whenever it is that floaty little boat, then this is going to be a podcast that is going to be so helpful. Jamie really thought she was just someone who had to have dessert every day of her life, but we talked on this coaching call and we found that it had nothing to do with desserts, it had nothing to do with sugar. The craving had everything to do with what it was giving her at the end of her day. So I want you to stick around to the end because a couple of months later, Jamie came back and she had an update that you will want to hear because after that coaching session, everything changed. 

Speaker 1 (01:21):

What do you want coaching on? 

Speaker 2 (01:24):

I promised myself I was going to do this for my birthday back in November and I did not. So belated birthday present? Yes, yes. I've worked on quite a few things. A lot of them stem from my esophagus not working at one point and not being able to eat and then macros, so some dieting, trauma. I did really well going into Christmas because that's been a struggle point. Recently I go to see my family, 

Speaker 2 (01:56):

But despite doing well, not like eating due to situations there, my dad has dementia, it's really bad. And seeing my sisters and my mom kind of struggle and me having to take the reins even though I'm the baby sister and be considered passionate was the kindest word they give me. Sometimes I felt like I did well. There was no overeating due to emotions. So I feel like I'm making progress. Yeah, you are, but I still feel like I do good from January to May. I'm a teacher. Then during the summer things happen. I gained my five pounds, I worked to lose my five pounds. Christmas comes back, I gained my five pounds and so it's like those are just seasonal things that I feel like I'm slowly getting better at, but I'm wondering if one reason why it's taking me about five months to lose this weight is the constant. I want to be someone who eats a dessert, whether it be a piece of chocolate, one little Debbie cake or whatnot, and I cannot seem to find a solution. I've tried less food on my plate doing the dessert near my meal. I used to separate the two. So now it's like if I'm eating a piece of chocolate, I put it at my plate area 

Speaker 2 (03:43):

And I think some of it is like, yeah, I always want to be the person that eats a dessert, but bingo. K sometimes not eating that sweet. I can do it maybe two or three times a month, so 10% of the time. But how do I get, 

Speaker 1 (04:04):

Why do you want to be a person who eats dessert every day? 

Speaker 2 (04:10):

I think it goes back maybe to the fact of even when I did macros, I would hoard my fats and my carbs for a dessert and I made sure it was a big dessert. I don't know if it goes back to the diet mentality of you can't have a sweet and I like the taste of it. 

Speaker 1 (04:28):

Why do you do it today though? Don't worry about where it came from. I think you're trying to diagnose where it came from. I just want to know why today, why for the month of February. Does Jamie want to have a dessert every day? 

Speaker 2 (04:42):

It's almost like my body is uneasy without that. At the end of the day. I've tried adding that. Yeah, because you're used to doing 

Speaker 3 (04:49):

It. 

Speaker 2 (04:50):

That's fair. And I do the discovery sheets and I have gotten in the habit of doing both sides. Emotional and habit. 

Speaker 1 (04:59):

Okay. Let's say that we were going to, and I'm not saying I want you to do this, I'm just trying to get some thoughts out of your head. So I like to ask wild questions to get there. What if I said for the month of February, I don't want you to eat any desserts 

Speaker 2 (05:17):

Deprivation. 

Speaker 1 (05:19):

Okay. Why would you feel deprived instead of like, alright, I'll try it. 

Speaker 2 (05:28):

I'm really not sure. I don't know. 

Speaker 1 (05:31):

What did you think when I said, Hey, guess what we're doing next month? No desserts for Jamie. How can I do that? Would I be able to do that? Okay, those are questions. Well, let me ask you this. Could you do that if you needed to? 

Speaker 2 (05:50):

I feel like yes, because I have, I've done like whole 30 and autoimmune protocol 

Speaker 1 (05:55):

So we know that you can live without dessert and how you would just not eat them. I mean it would be very simple. We just don't bring those things in the house for a month now. So we already got that under control. Why would you feel deprived? So if you couldn't have dessert for an entire month, why would you feel deprived versus curious? What life would be like without dessert for a month? 

Speaker 2 (06:27):

Honestly, it's just something I promised myself I would never do without again. 

Speaker 1 (06:33):

Why? Well, in your mind, just tell me your top three reasons for being someone who eats dessert every night or every day whenever you're eating it. 

Speaker 2 (06:52):

It's mainly the promise to myself. But 

Speaker 1 (06:56):

Why did you make that promise? That's what we're trying to figure 

Speaker 2 (06:58):

Out because all the dieting in the past desserts, even I did Atkins in high school, no dessert. Why is that such a problem? I want to be the person who doesn't have insecurity with food. 

Speaker 1 (07:23):

So this is interesting. Your answer to feeling secure with food is to eat dessert instead of changing your thoughts around food because you think that whether you have food or not is what provides the security. Security is just another feeling. You could feel very secure around dessert and be like, I rarely ever eat dessert because I know if I really want to have it, I just got to make a plan for it. I feel really secure around desserts and I've been on as many, if not more, I'm older than you, so I probably have been on probably worse diets. The eighties were a shit show for dieting. I feel very secure around desserts because I know that I can take 'em or leave them. You don't feel secure around desserts unless you're eating them every single day. So the way that you're adding insecurity is just by eating them and not changing fundamentally your relationship with them. So what's coming up for you when I say that? 

Speaker 2 (09:11):

That you hit the nail on the head. I mean I've tried smaller, I've tried healthier. Even just a piece of chocolate. Here's your one piece of chocolate. Yay, you fruit. Instead, 

Speaker 1 (09:28):

You're trying to do something and hope that your beliefs about it changes, but your beliefs are what are driving you to keep trying. I'm trying so hard to figure out how much dessert I can eat to feel safe instead of addressing the root cause problem, which is why do I not feel safe around not having desserts? 

Speaker 2 (10:02):

And what's odd is even yesterday I had ate breakfast, no dessert time and normally I know the crap that comes up in my head when I'm at enough and when I want to keep going. And yesterday I went to throw two pieces of micro, I almost ate it and I said to myself, these two pieces won't stop you from starving. And I've never 

Speaker 4 (10:29):

Thought that before. Well, that's progress. I mean that's amazing. Very much an aha moment. Say what? I'm sorry 

Speaker 2 (10:50):

I didn't say anything. Sorry. Oh, 

Speaker 1 (10:51):

Okay. I think you're cutting in and out a little bit. 

Speaker 2 (10:56):

Oh, I'm sorry. 

Speaker 1 (10:57):

No, it's okay. 

Speaker 2 (10:58):

My machine's running off so that could be it. 

Speaker 1 (11:03):

So this is what I want you to see in that moment, right? There is such a beautiful little moment where your brain knows you don't need the food to feel safe. You don't need the food to feel okay. What you do need though is your own reassurances. You need your own self to point out that things are very different now that you don't have to do diets of old, you don't have to cut out desserts, but the only way to feel secure around food is to talk about in a new way, not to do basically, even though you're not counting macros, you're still doing the same formula, which is I'm going to figure out exactly what I can get away with instead of figuring out why did desserts mean so much to me? Let's just think about next month. Like you said, life would feel like you would feel very deprived Next month you would feel deprived only because you would be thinking what I can't, can't have. 

Speaker 3 (12:45):

Yeah. 

Speaker 1 (12:46):

Instead of spending an entire month saying, for this one month, I just want to see what my life would be like if dessert wasn't the one thing I'm obsessing over. What would my life be like if I spent an entire month trying to figure out what is at the heart of truly needing dessert each day instead of dessert being something that I could give or take, it's something that looks good, but I decide in the moment, is it that important? Is this a really a worth it moment? If it's not, I'll be fine. How do I spend a month reassuring myself truly paying attention? 

Speaker 1 (13:59):

Now, I'm not saying I want you to spend a month without dessert, so I do not want you to get that out of this call, but a lot of times when we talk about it that way, we can see like, oh my gosh, I'm spending so much time trying to figure out how to have dessert every night so I can also lose some weight. Although I think this might be one of the things that's keeping me from losing weight and you're spending so much energy on it and it's taking you and I have the whole year mapped out. I know how it all works out. It's like for these months I lose and then these months I gain and then these months I lose. It's a lot of energy, a lot of stuff to not feel deprived when deprivation. We look at it. Let's look at it from a logical standpoint. I want you to set aside the feeling side and the diet trauma part of you. We're just going to look at this two little weight loss scientists. 

Speaker 1 (14:58):

If we told a, let's say we go to some tribe somewhere living in the remote jungles and we're like, we're going to do an experiment for this month, no dessert. How many of them would be like deprived deprivation has set in? How will we farm? How will we keep the tribe going if we're not going to have chocolate? Or would they'd be like, okay, we got to till some stuff and we still got to start the fires every day and whatnot. So I guess we're all right. So I always, for me, when it comes to deprivation, what I always like to tell my brain is there is real deprivation that people in prison experience, that little kids living in Haiti right now are probably hungry. There's deprivation and then there's feeling deprived because we're used to something, but are we actually deprived or are we taking something away that's going to expose what might really be going on for us? 

Speaker 2 (16:34):

And that's one thing I have tried to figure out too because it's almost like a signal that this is the end of my day. I've tried to figure out is it I'm a teacher, am I stressed? And normally I look at and I'm like, no, I'm not really stressed. I'm great school year, great kids. And so I'm not seeing any connection to the necessarily is this everyday dessert piece alleviating some sort of daily emotion, if that makes sense due to stress or something. It's almost just like it signals this is it. This is the end of your day, you're done. 

Speaker 1 (17:21):

Okay, which is really good because if you don't have a lot going on during the day, then not eating dessert at night won't feel as bad as if it was the only way you took care of yourself. So just for all of you, there's never really taught it this way, but let's talk about it this way. When you go into the emergency room, they have a level one trauma, a level two, they kind of escalate how bad your trauma is and that shows you how fast you're going to get help and stuff. Of course, somebody that's working in the emergency room right now is like cra, we don't have those, so just roll with me when all it is is you're very conditioned to eating it and it's signaling, okay, now that we're having dessert, now we get to relax. Then we call that just like a level one, which means you're going to stop eating it for a while just to decondition so that you teach yourself the day's over and it doesn't have to end with dessert. And for a week it does feel bad, but it's not deprivation and you want to tell yourself, I am not being deprived. I'm just relearning how to end my day in a new way. 

Speaker 1 (18:59):

If that's all that's really happening, it just means you've got to go through the motions of your brain begging for it, wanting it, thinking it should have it thinking it's okay, you could start this tomorrow. It is just going to go through its Rolodex of excuses and it's going to do it for a week or two and the end of your day is now going to be stressful but not intolerable, but it's not going to be as fun as sitting there with a piece of cake or a piece of chocolate or whatever it is that you love to eat, but it's also not fun to spend 365 days a year trying to outsmart your dessert fears. That's not fun either. And from this call with the tears and stuff, I can tell this is not a good time. 

Speaker 2 (20:04):

No, I mean I do really, I go through the thought process. Most nights I'll barter, well, you have two and you put one or you put the little Debbie Harts or you put one, okay, but you're not really hungry, so could you just do a piece of chocolate instead? It's just could you just, but it's not the great, could you just get out of bed and stretch your legs versus working out? Well, it's a negotiation 

Speaker 1 (20:39):

And you just have to decide and this is where you get to pick. You can slow roll this back and plan less and less and less. I think your goal, this is just my opinion and you can tell me how this feels. I think your goal is weight loss. I don't think your goal is to be able to eat dessert every day for the rest of your life. 

Speaker 2 (21:09):

It's a definite goal. I mean, I make that promise to myself every year. I once again negotiate with myself. I've even started, I did, I think it was like 30, if I have 30 successful urges or 60, it's a little chart I made for myself. I was like, I'll buy myself a cute bathing suit for the beach whether I lose the weight or not and where I've always negotiated like, oh, if you lose all your weight, you can get a whole new wardrobe. Well, that's obviously not working, but I do have the health goals in mind. My dad has dementia, my mom had breast cancer. I don't want to be overweight. 

Speaker 1 (21:49):

So I just want you to really think about, let's go back to your original thing. You made a promise to yourself that you were going to be someone that ate dessert every day. If you didn't have any diet trauma and you never felt deprived whether you had it or not, do you want to be someone who eats dessert every day? 

Speaker 2 (22:15):

No. Okay, 

Speaker 1 (22:17):

That's your truth. The truth is I don't want to be someone who eats dessert every day, so let's just, I think this is a very valuable conversation. In a perfect world, what kind of relationship would you want with your desserts? 

Speaker 2 (22:41):

Definitely just, and I've worked on that when it's worth it, certain things are not worth me eating and I've gotten better at that being out, if that makes sense. If you're out, I always tell people I'm a recovering food addict so I know good food. And so choosing one donut when we go out versus three, that sound mediocre. Choosing the one I feel like is one I really want to eat, but then I still want to be able to do that. If I go to a restaurant and the entrees don't sound great, but there's an awesome sounding dessert, I want to be the person that orders that, but I don't want to be the person who feels like a piece of chocolate ends her day. 

Speaker 1 (23:30):

Okay, so that's good to know is you don't want to be controlled by desserts. You don't want desserts having too much say so in your life. 

Speaker 3 (23:48):

You 

Speaker 1 (23:48):

Don't want desserts to end your day. You want you to end your day, not the dessert, and you want to have it tell me if this sounds good. I want to trust myself around desserts that when I'm having them, it's because I'm truly going to enjoy it and that's it. 

Speaker 3 (24:12):

Yes, 

Speaker 1 (24:13):

I've thought about it, it's worth it. I feel good about it and I just move on 

Speaker 4 (24:21):

100% 

Speaker 1 (24:23):

To be that person. Then we can't say we're going to be someone who eats dessert every day for the rest of their life because doing it every day can't be worth it if it's going to be a special part of your life that you have total control over, we got to treat it like it's special, not like it's a big scary thing. It also means that you have to get really good at being able to sit with the part of you that's going to learn a new way to be around desserts. So you've got you inside of you who has their old story, who's scared that if we give up desserts that somehow we're now back to some kind of crazy dieting or something like that, and we just have to reassure ourselves saying, I'm never giving up desserts again, but I'm also not becoming dependent upon them either. 

Speaker 1 (25:43):

I'm going to be someone who ends their day knowing they're going to lose their weight. Sometimes that means dessert, but a lot of times it probably means no and it's not a no because I'm bad or wrong or I can't have or whatever. It's a no because I know what's most important to me and a piece of chocolate tonight is a really good time to say, I'm going to try prioritizing what I most want for me, even if it feels a little bad tonight, even if it feels uncomfortable, even if I can't stop thinking about it. 

Speaker 3 (26:41):

So what do you want to do 

Speaker 2 (26:46):

Moving forward with dessert? Yeah, thinking about my husband is Korean Crabtree all the way, not going to lie. One morning I was listening to one of the replays and he goes, that doesn't sound like Korean. And I was like, no, it's another coach. And so maybe moving forward as we're sitting there at night, I've tried going ahead and assessing my day before and stopping myself from dessert in that way, but then it just comes back up. I might do well, I might say, okay, I'm done. But then it might still kind of gnaw at me for the next couple hours I guess you could say. 

Speaker 2 (27:32):

So maybe as we're sitting there journaling or writing down my thoughts, reminding myself of my goals, I'm doing something of that nature, especially for the next couple of weeks, and then I'm like, am I trying toter with, am I trying to bargain again? Because one of my ideas was maybe making myself some hot tea. That's fine. Okay. I mean they're sweet flavored. That was my only thing is, is this me just bargaining with myself or trying to soothe myself in another way or is that something like when it's really versus going and giving in after having sat with it, bargaining for the smaller dessert, you can have yourself a cup of tea. 

Speaker 1 (28:26):

I think it's lovely. I think I want you to think about it this way. You know that your brain, when we are talking, a lot of what I say is going to make sense, and then when you're sitting there and you're not going to have dessert, your brain, all of this conversation is out the window. It's just like, I don't even remember getting coached. What are we talking about? Why are we not having chocolate? Why are we not just eating? It's going to do its thing and you prepare for that version of you who is going to be having a fit, who's going to be really uncomfortable. We want to take care of her. 

Speaker 1 (29:07):

And so you just want to think about that version of you who's going to be sitting there and her brain is going to light up with all of her thoughts that make you feel either deprived, like it's unfair, it's too hard, all those things. She's in a vulnerable position, so she is the person we are trying to protect. We are looking out for her. What a lot of you do, and what I notice is you will say, you're not going to do something tonight. Say we're going to take away the desserts and you plan for some ideal version of you. The one who is just like, well, I'm going to journal and all this other stuff. It's like, no, what is the version of you who's fucking miserable throwing a fit and feels like this is actual deprivation? 

Speaker 1 (30:06):

She is convinced that this is just as bad as being in prison. In her mind it's like logic is gone. So some tea. If you could have a signal of like, I'm going to try T and I'm going to tell myself, and I don't even think I would say, I would watch saying, because I want you to tell me how this feels. I want you to imagine that version of you who was in the I am wanting it bad and I feel like this is so unfair moment. If you go, well, you can have some tea. How's that feel? 

Speaker 2 (30:46):

It feels like the high school me diet thing. 

Speaker 1 (30:49):

Yes. It's just like when I was dieting and we would go out to eat and I'd have to eat a salad and my brother got to eat hamburgers. He was about as fat as a wire. I mean he was just always rail thin. So you want to make sure that you tell yourself, I prepared for this. We're going to have some tea because I thought that that might soothe you. I thought that that might give you something warm to comfort you because I know you feel like you need comforting right now because this is the hard part. Do you just see the difference in the conversation? It's like we're both having tea, but one of us is basically saying like you naughty fuck who wants dessert? You get tea on the other side. It's like, I know how hard this is for you. So I came up with some things that we could try because I know this isn't the easy part and we're going to just keep trying things until this gets easier because I know what you most want. You want an amazing relationship with dessert. You don't just want dessert every night because you think you're weak and you don't want to be planning for dessert in ways because you think you're so damaged from past diets that this is how you have to eat it. And I would even tell myself, I know how tired you are of all the antics. Me too, and that's why we're going to do this together. 

Speaker 1 (32:23):

For some of y'all, take your conversations that you're having and say that's a level one trauma conversation. Now let's pretend in the moment it's a level 10. So what is a level 10 conversation going to be? It's way more understanding than most of us are doing. Most of us when we were talking to the other, remember ping pong, there is some ping pong that goes back and forth. I just think that, have you ever watched competition ping pong in the Olympics? You know how the Asian teams man, they're like, it goes like a rocket across that table. That's your shitty brain. They're over there playing like, I'm from China and I got super moves. The ball's going to come in shot from a cannon and I want you on the other side who just loves it back up over in the air and it takes up sweet ass time to land and stuff, and you're just always just softly lobbing. You're not trying to shoot daggers back at your old self. 

Speaker 1 (33:37):

So do you want to try and I would be real honest with myself, Jamie, I'd make a list of desserts that are worth it for you at home. When would it be really worth it? If I'm eating dessert at home, I want it to be these things. I want it to be for these reasons. This is how I want the relationship with dessert to be. In order for me to be able to take it or leave it one day to know what's truly worth it is maybe in the very beginning I have to really understand and map out what's worth it. Maybe I'm going to continue to plan dessert five times a week and do my tea twice a week just to show myself. This might not be as hard as I think when I'm having that conversation about tonight. I know you're deprived, you're feeling deprived and want to teach. I want to show myself how I can be there for myself in those moments. 

Speaker 2 (34:53):

I think moving forward, okay, sorry. Part of me is like, do I still want to have T or something wrote down? So that's not, it is my choice. The dessert option is there, but it's ultimately my choice in that moment to remind myself, it's not a safety thing for me doing it, but to remind myself, you get the choice tonight whether you have the tea, you have nothing or you have this, that's your choice. 

Speaker 1 (35:31):

I think that's great. I think I would try that out and I would do it for a week or two, but I would really pay attention. I would because there's what's going to happen in the moment, and then we want to look in hindsight the next day when we're clearheaded, when we're not in the throes of making the choice or wanting, and then if you look back and you're finding I'm really making some good decisions, maybe I'm way further down the road than I gave myself credit for. Maybe this is all I needed. Then we got to win in strategy. If you start evaluating and you do it long enough and you're like, more times than not, I'm just choosing the dessert. I've got lovely options, but I don't seem to ever take my lovely options and I wonder why. Or the next day you're kind of regretting like, Ooh, last night I probably should have just had the tea. 

Speaker 1 (36:34):

I don't think I really needed the dessert, whatever. Then you do that evaluation and then you can decide are the options working or are they just kind of making it harder? Because you don't know until you try and we literally won't know until you do it for a little bit because some people are, our brains think we're still got a lot of old just because we remember our old diets and everything. We think we must have diet mentality. You'll never forget your old diets. That doesn't mean that you carry them with you. It just means you remember them, which is good. We want to remember that stuff. It keeps us out of doing it again. But then sometimes it really is like, okay, I notice that when I give myself options, I don't ever seem to take the options. I think I really do want to take. 

Speaker 1 (37:33):

That's like for me, I rarely give myself evening options. For me personally, if I start eating at night, it takes about two days in a row for that old desire, urge and habit to come all the way back from the recesses to be as strong as it was the day I broke it. It's so ingrained in me to eat, to unwind and then go to sleep. So every now and then, last night's a good example. I actually got hungry, and this has happened twice in the last three weeks where it was like 10 o'clock at night and I'm just laying there and I can't stop thinking about food. And then now I'm starting to get hungry and I didn't think I'd go to sleep unless I ate something. So last night I ate at a protein bar and I swore to myself today, you need to eat really well today because we will not be eating tonight no matter how bad you want to eat something because I just refuse to bring that habit. 

Speaker 1 (38:52):

I've brought it back so many times and I hate breaking it. I hate it. It's awful to have to break it again. It's like three or four days of just like you just wanting to vomit. And so I just do myself a solid and say, if you have a snack one night, the next day give yourself plenty of daily nutrition. You're going to want to eat again. And I got all the sexy excuses. It's even harder when you're in maintenance, y'all in maintenance, it's like you feel like there's no bad things that'll happen except eventually the scale does start going back up eating extra food. There's all kinds of consequences, but when maintenance, it's so easy to con yourself that there's not, and so always the second day I have an agreement with myself, eat up during the day so that when you want to eat at night, you can logically tell yourself, you had plenty of food today. There's zero evidence that you need to eat, go to bed. You probably just need sleep. So y'all think about me tonight when I'm not having anything because I hate something last night. 

Speaker 4 (40:13):

So just try your method. 

Speaker 2 (40:18):

I definitely will. Before I even came on, I went, normally I have a hot chocolate bar and I rarely make myself hot chocolate because I don't drink calories, but I will rare if my throat hurts, I'll make a hot chocolate. But I set my tea out instead where I normally had pieces of chocolate. I went ahead and set out some teas just thinking like, oh, you're not drinking the hot chocolate. You could be drinking your tea more. But I definitely want to try it because I want to break this. I'm literally so close to being to maintenance, and the previous time I got there, I didn't get there healthy between I get there healthy I do. Between S and deprivation, I got pancakes because I was training for a half marathon. That was my, and so I don't want to keep this cycle up, but I would like to see maintenance again and it's a promise I've made to myself and I just want honor that promise. 

Speaker 1 (41:36):

Yeah. Well, I think you just focus on that. It's like the promise I want to make to myself is I will get to my maintenance weight in a healthy way and a healthy way is having a really good relationship with desserts where I don't feel dependent upon them. I don't feel like I have to have them every day and where I know that I can have them when I know that I'm going to truly enjoy it, there will be no second guessing. There will be no regretting. I want to get to where worry, angst and anxiety around food is not a thing for me anymore. And just having it every day is not alleviating. That all changes in the brain and how you talk about them. 

Speaker 2 (42:32):

Okay. Okay. Thank you so much. How are you? I'm good. You coached me a couple months ago about desserts showing much better. Good. 

Speaker 1 (42:46):

Were you the one that said you needed dessert every night? 

Speaker 3 (42:49):

Yeah. 

Speaker 1 (42:49):

Okay, good. I'm glad that, can you just update us on what that is? I loved that coaching call. 

Speaker 2 (42:57):

So I felt like this very strong urge that my night did not end until I had something sweet. It didn't matter if it was a piece of chocolate, ice cream, whatever, but I had to have something or I felt unsettled. It's so much better. I still have dessert normally about three times a week, just kind of spread out something small. Normally nothing old. Me also wanted something big sometimes and now it's more worth it versus searching for that. Sweet. 

Speaker 1 (43:35):

So your thought isn't, I've got it. I'm just the kind of girl that has to remember your statement. I swear to God, I think this is exactly what you said. I have just accepted the fact that I'm the kind of person who has to have dessert every night for the rest of my life. It was something very dramatic like that, and I was 

Speaker 2 (43:52):

Like, what? 

Speaker 1 (43:53):

Yes, 

Speaker 2 (43:54):

And I wanted to be that person. I wanted to be the person that could always have a sweet, I never say no no matter what size I was. 

Speaker 1 (44:03):

So would you tell me what is your thought now that you've been doing this a few months about dessert? 

Speaker 2 (44:10):

Most nights I don't even think about it. Sometimes we'll still write it on my plan and some days I'm like, I could care less. There are sometimes where something, we buy something like Amish Reese Cup, Easter eggs, and the old me would've wanted the whole one and they're huge. And the new me was like, well, I'll be okay with just this amount. It's not that unsettled desire, I guess you could say, to end my day with it. Now it's more I can like your blondie and all of that. It's got to be worth it or I take it or leave it. There's cookies that sat in here, my husband's bought little, yep, the majority of the box. 

Speaker 1 (45:01):

How did you break that? What did you actually do to break that? 

Speaker 2 (45:06):

You coaching me, 

Speaker 1 (45:09):

So I coached you, but then because I know what everybody's probably thinking, I think that there's a lot of women listening to this right now who are just like, I want to be like her. How did she go from, I'm the kind of girl that's going to eat this every fucking night and you need to teach me Corin, how to make sure that I eat dessert every night. Two, I have it a few times a week and I feel like I have kind of control over this now, and I am the kind of girl that likes sweets, but I have such an open relationship with it now, not a, it has to be one way or the highway relationship. So when you got off the call and you went to your real life that first week, what did you do differently that started laying the groundwork to be where you are now? 

Speaker 2 (45:59):

First I asked myself, I separated it. So for years it was wait an hour and eat dessert. And then once I started following you, it was dessert with dinner, then I could go to bed or whatnot. So that week it was mainly about just asking myself first, is this worth it? And there was that urge to just get up off the couch and go find something, and I just reminded myself, you've set this goal, it's going to be miserable in your mind right now, but what's going to make you more miserable in the long run? 

Speaker 2 (46:45):

Go ahead. The ping pong. No, it's kind of like you said, the ping pong. And so I've gotten really good with the ping pong at dessert asking myself, is this worth putting your goals on hold? Is it worth eating tonight? And sometimes it's like almost when y'all talked about scheduling wine, some people schedule a wine sometimes I'm like, I can schedule my dessert if I want it. It's not life or death. The dessert's not going to go bad. The dessert's always there. If it, let's say that Reese egg sat there and it wasn't good, that's fine. Next year they'll have them again. It was teaching myself that it didn't matter as much as I was making it out to be. 

Speaker 1 (47:34):

So what I'm hearing is number one is you started telling yourself the truth rather than, I need this, I want this, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. A little won't hurt or whatever it is that was going on. You started just first interjecting. Is it worth it? Because although it's going to taste good, we already know the part that enjoys it. The other side of the story never gets my airtime. So you really reminded yourself that first week of like, yeah, it's going to feel bad right now. I usually eat it, but I also feel bad after the fact too. There's this other unintended consequence happening, and so living in the truth kind of helps you. And then plus reminding yourself you can plan it, just reminding yourself over and over again, all the things that we talk about, willingness to play the ping pong. I think this, but I also think this being willing to negotiate with both sides rather than getting angry at both sides. I mean, it sounds like you just kind of went through the reps of, I'm no longer going to have to just dead stop this, but I definitely have got to be someone who talks differently about this. 

Speaker 2 (48:53):

Yes, definitely. At one point it was almost like deprivation and I had to see that it wasn't deprivation. I was just depriving myself of what I wanted ultimately, which is yes, 

Speaker 1 (49:09):

And I think, well, I was going to say, I think that's your third step. It was like after you got awareness, you did, is it worth it? Told yourself the truth and stuff. And I think the third part, which is what most of you miss out on is am I willing to suffer a little in the short run while my brain is convinced I will die without dessert, while my brain is convinced these feelings will never end while my brain is convinced this is going to be an epic tragic story like the Greek Tales or something. And it's like I just did it a few times, so now my brain is like, wait a minute, my story is we die. You woke up the next morning. Oh shit, you were even proud. Oh fuck, you're even losing weight. It's like, I've been so wrong. You're not dying. It's not the collapse of the Roman Empire. 

Speaker 1 (50:19):

I hope you enjoyed that coaching session with Jamie because this is the kind of help that most women need if they are going lose weight. And it is exactly the help that I feel like is missing in the entire diet industry. We just don't need more meal plans. We do not need a fucking food list. We don't need to know what so-and-so eats and we don't need somebody to tell us how many goddamn calories we can have a day. What we need is someone actually helping us understand why we eat the way we do and how do we finally change this shit. So if you're sitting around thinking, I just want to feel in control of food, I for once want to believe that I actually can do this, then coaching these types of sessions are the missing piece. This is what gets you to that place of feeling in control of food, understanding why you eat the way you do, and then building the belief that, man, if I fix these things, I bet you I can finally lose weight. And that's the shit that makes us different. At no bs, you need to be with us because I promise you, you will get the help you need just like this every single week. And it won't take long before you stop saying, I can't help it. And you start saying, I can finally do this.