You can follow every rule, every plan, every diet…and still struggle with weightloss if the voice in your head is TOTAL BITCH.

In this episode, I explain why negative self-talk hits your body like stress, why it makes you overeat, and why you keep quitting the second you make a mistake. 

You’ll learn how to notice that voice, what it’s really trying to do, and how to talk to yourself in a way that helps you lose weight instead of quitting.

If you’ve ever felt hopeless or defeated after one mistake…if you’ve every thought “why bother” or “see, I can’t lose weight,” then this episode will help.

Get my FREE weightloss videos (The Secrets to How I Lost 100lbs):

www.nobsfreecourse.com

actively how I was talking to myself. I got so good at hearing every single time I

was beating myself up. Every single time I was telling myself something wasn't good

enough. Every thing that I was, every time I would tell myself, fuck it, just do

this. Like, I got good at catching it and telling myself, okay,

that's never worked in the past. Those are the things that have never worked for

you in the past. So we got to start thinking in a new way. That's it.

more water than I was drinking sweet tea. So this isn't like some kind of like

weird shit. This actually is laced in some science. There was a recent study from

the Harvard Medical School and it found that how you talk to your body has this

major impact on your health, even more than any pill that you could take.

So volunteers, they were asked to talk to their bodies, literally saying things like,

sense. When you use words, especially on the inside, that calm your fears,

your body has a response. It naturally lowers cortisol levels.

Those things start falling. And when you have got like really high cortisol levels,

because you're running around, constantly beating yourself up, constantly putting

pressure on yourself on the inside, stressing yourself out, catastrophizing about.

in these bodies also improved. The better people talk to themselves, the more their

immune cells started repairing, all from changing their inside tone.

They had this one woman in the study who had chronic pain for years. And for the

first time, she spent two whole weeks thanking her body for what it could do

instead of only thinking about all

You're not good enough. So when she stopped fighting her body, her body relaxed and

stopped fighting her back. So the researchers, they called this effective signaling.

And that's basically where your nervous system treats your self -talk, kind of like

sound waves. Just like it was coming from someone else. Your inner talk,

your body treats it as if someone else is saying all of this to you. So every

So when people ask me, what's that one thing you did? It wasn't the gym. It

wasn't, I didn't cut out a lot of foods. I didn't start counting calories. The most

powerful thing I ever did was learning how to talk to myself on the inside. And I

had to learn to talk better to myself. Or I was just never going to be able to

lose weight and keep it off. Because when you're an emotional eater like I was,

which most overweight women actually are, you cannot afford to talk to yourself the

same way you always have. Now, if you're new to this podcast, I invite you to go

and look back at my past podcasts. There's one that talks about the nine types of

overeater. That is for you to listen to, because if you're wondering, are you an

emotional eater? You probably are, and that podcast will help you see exactly where

it's happening. And

earlier and earlier and earlier. I don't think our inner critics ever really go away

because our brains are not wired to not have an inner critic. Our brains are really

wired for our inside to be looking for problems. But what we can do is not let

the inner critic be the one who runs the show of our life. And once you see and

hear what you're talking on the inside about, much

enjoyment, not medicine, not permission to take a break,

or not a break in itself, not a reward anymore because you're so scared to say no

to other people. So you wear yourself out all day long and at the end of the day,

you just need a reward for being good. So most women don't even realize that the

voice in their head is that thing driving their weight gain and the thing that's

going to drive their weight loss. They think they fail because, well, they're just

busy and they don't have a lot of time or because they love food too much or

because they've failed every diet in the past. But really, weight struggles come from

the voice in our head that is harsh, scared, worn out,

and is never known to talk any other way. And I promise you, you cannot lose

weight and keep it off if you keep talking to yourself like a total butt hit. Your

self -talk is literally going to be the foundation for every decision you make in

life. But especially if you want to lose weight, your self -talk is the foundation

of how you're going to do it or not do it. And if your self -talk, is that of an

asshole, everything's going to go downhill the second you make a mistake or the

second life isn't matching all of the expectations you think you need in order to

be able to lose weight. So let's talk about that voice. The first thing you've got

to know is that the voice in your head, the critical one, the one that judges you,

the overly dramatic telenovela version, the catastrophizer, the worried one.

That voice does not come from who you are today. That voice is usually made up

from old versions of you. It's these old parts that are learned and they make some

loud habits. And they've been trying to protect you for a long time.

So.

You're mostly just stressed out because of her, not being able to do the things you

really want because of her. She don't know that. She thinks that she's doing you a

rock solid. But when we look at her logically now, we realize like, oh,

at some point, she served a really good purpose. And now I need to help her relax.

I need to show her a new way. So every woman that I've ever coached in my

program.

Pera. So if you want to look up the holistic psychologist, I don't know if it's

the holistic psychiatrist. She may be the holistic psychiatrist. Just look up the

holistic whatever. And you will find Dr. Nicole. So if you Google that,

you're going to find her books. I think she's brilliant. And if you really dig,

like figuring out all of your stuff around like,

why am I like I am the way I am now?

page, her books are on there. All right. So when we start understanding,

you know, these are the archetypes I have. When you see yourself in them, you will

understand not just what they do for you, but what they're secretly longing for

because they all have needs that they really want. So let's talk about some of

these voices you've got going on because once you know which one is talking, you'll

finally understand why you feel the way you do. And honestly, most women have just

never, ever been taught this shit. They've never been taught that they've got

thoughts and that their thoughts have personalities. You just think it's you,

but it's not. It's these parts that got formed a long time ago and you were just

trying to get through life the best you could with them. So the first one is the

perfectionist because she's usually the first one to show up. And I just want to

say this before we get started. If you think, oh my God, Corinne, so many of these

are me, welcome to Corinne's Club. I am most of them. You don't just have one

usually. Usually you are made up of a lot of different little parts And they come

out in different situations. So don't feel like ass and beat yourself up because

you're like, oh, my God. I'm like all of them. It's like good to know. I love

knowing that these are my parts. That means I can do something about it. So the

perfectionist is the one telling you that there's always a right way. And if you

don't do it the right way, somehow you failed. And she becomes this little alarm in

your bar.

the perfectionist even exists. When you were younger, there's probably times where

perfection kept you out of trouble. Maybe you were the kid who learned early on

that being good meant you got extra love and attention. Maybe messing up meant

someone in your family got really upset. But maybe you had a parent who was a

perfectionist and you watched them anytime something didn't go right.

She's trying to protect you from being hurt. And the real desire that she has is

she really is desperate to feel like what she's doing is actually enough.

That even when she doesn't do it perfect, that it's okay. She wants to feel proud

of herself. She wants you to be pleased with her. She's not wanting a scolding

anymore. She wants you to kind of grow up and not be scared all the time.

She wants to know that things are okay now. They're not like they were when we

were younger. She wants your reassurance. She doesn't want you doing things perfectly

in order for her to feel okay. She wants to know it's okay.

life getting a lot of praise for overdoing. For me,

I watched my mom. You know, it was a real safety thing for us that the harder my

mother worked, the more we were able to be able to afford rent. And so I took

notes on that stuff. So the overachiever in you has noticed that if you worked

really hard and you did lots of things, people took notice, and they told you how

proud they were. She realized early on that being impressive kept people happy.

So she decided she'd make you impressive all the time in life. But what happens is

she never taught you how to rest. Rest to the overachiever feels threatening.

It feels dangerous. It feels like you're not doing enough and that somehow you're

going to fall behind. So at night, this often shows up in eating in the evenings.

When you're finally trying to wind down, when you have breaks in your day where you

actually have time to take a break, next thing you know, a little overachiever pops

up in your head and she's like, girl, you didn't do enough. Or, you know what, we

should be doing more. You know what? You should, like, there's still things to do.

And you feel that pressure start building in your chest. It's like the pressure that

drives not time eating for so many women. You're not really craving food, but what

you are craving is a break from your own expectations that you should always be

doing. And you shouldn't stop doing until it's literally you're worn out and you

can't possibly do more. But here's the other part. The overachiever is often

terrified. She's scared that if you slow down, everything's going to fall apart.

She's going to lose things. In her mind, it's catastrophe central. She's scared

you're going to really disappoint people. She's scared that you won't be good enough.

She's scared you're going to lose things. She's basically running your day with her

foot on the gas pedal, and she is not using the brakes ever. But what she really,

really wants deep down is she wants to know that it's okay to slow down,

that nothing bad is really going to happen. She wants to feel like she can rest

without losing people's approval, without hurting people, and without losing livelihood,

without losing ground on things. She just wants to take some deep breaths.

She wants to tell, she wants somebody just tell her, you've done plenty. I'm proud

of you. And you get to stop now. All right. The next one is our people pleaser.

And she's usually the one with the softest voice. She has kind of like the

strongest pull in us. This is the part of you that learned keeping the peace in

life is going to keep you safe. So a lot of times we grow up in a household

where adults are very unpredictable. And you were always the caretaker.

So sometimes this happens. People pleasers live in an alcoholic home or they live in

a home where one parent is quick to be full of rage and stuff.

And you become the one who's just trying to hold everything together. So you're

taking care of anything and everyone you possibly can. You felt really responsible

for somebody else's mood. That one wrong step meant that they were going to be

pissed or they were going to drink or something bad was going to happen. And now

as an adult, this part of you is constantly walking on eggshells when nobody's

actually asking you to. So she's the people pleaser in you. She's got you eating

food. You don't want saying yes when you don't mean to. And putting yourself last

because she thinks that's the only way to make people happy and to keep

relationships stable. She eats because food becomes the reward that she didn't get

from other people. Food becomes the place she gets to finally have something for

herself.

Not as the person who keeps everything together, who holds down the fort, who keeps

everything running smooth, who doesn't rock the boat. She wants to know she matters

because she's simply just a human being. She wants to feel like her needs really do

count, and they actually should get on the list. Eventually,

she wants to know that her needs count just as much as anyone else is. But a

really good place to start is to know that your needs should actually just get on

the list even if you can't put them in front of anybody else right now,

even if you can't make them equal value. She wants to feel like she belongs without

having to do for everyone. That people just like her for her,

not because of

that she will be cared for by you and that she is respected by you.

Now, let's talk about the underachiever. That she gets a really bad rap. She is not

lazy. She's just truly scared of heartbreak. She learned that getting her hopes up

hurts more than just staying small. So she keeps you from dreaming too big.

She keeps you safe by saying like, well, let's just lower our expectations here a

little bit. I don't want to set really big goals because then I'll just be

disappointed. She is the voice that says, don't try too hard. Don't set big goals.

Don't aim too high because setting big goals means that you're just going to be

disappointed. She doesn't even think.

She wants to know that you will hold her hand and say, we are going to try this

anyway. And what I'm going to do differently now is I will never be disappointed in

you. If for some reason this doesn't work out, I'm going to tell you why it's

okay. I'm not going to make it as bad as it's been in the past.

But more importantly,

I'm going to believe that this can work out until I've proven otherwise.

That's what the underachiever really wants. Next, there's the self -punisher,

and she's pretty tough. She learned early on that being hard on yourself is what

actually keeps your ass in line. She thinks pressure keeps you safe. So when you

make a mistake, she's coming in hot like a dumpster fire. She's the voice that

says, see, you always screw things up. And that kind of talk, it lands in your

body like a tsunami. You feel shame. You feel all kinds of like all of a sudden

extreme heaviness. And you quickly and automatically, you want to eat just to get

out of that feeling. But here's the thing. The self -punisher, she's actually

exhausted. She's living inside of you. She's been trying to keep you in line for so

many years using the methods that she learned as a child. She's not trying to ruin

your life. She's not trying to be an asshole. She just doesn't want you to feel

unworthy. And she thinks this is the way to protect you, that if she's just hard

enough on you, that you will be scared and you will perform and you will keep

going and you won't have time to feel unworthy. She knows no other way to talk to

you. And what she wants, really, she wants relief.

She wants to feel like she's understood. She wants you to forgive her.

She wants you to soften yourself. She wants you to stop being scared of mistakes so

she can stop attacking you over and over again for every little thing.

She wants your reassurance that she doesn't have to punish you to get you to do

things anymore.

don't think people see you for who you are. So she comes out when the house is

really quiet. A lot of times she comes out late at night. She comes out when

everyone else is taking care of, but you. She can come when you don't have anyone.

And she eats because food feels like her companionship. It feels like the thing that

listens. It feels like the thing that is there with her. Now, this lonely self is

usually created in moments when you needed your own comfort and you didn't give it

to yourself. It also can develop in childhood when you were told in moments to be

strong when it was really tough. You didn't need to be strong.

You needed someone to understand. You needed someone to tell you that your feelings

were normal.

had the right to talk to them about what was going on with you, you could have

also been in a house where somebody wasn't emotionally available to you. So even

though you were living with people, you always felt alone like no one understands

you because they were so unemotionally available that you had big emotions.

And so you had to scroll them off and not show them because no one got you. And

now when you feel alone, you reach for food because food feels like someone's

sitting there taking care of you, sitting next to you and listening. So the lonely

self, what she really wants is connection. Now, don't get this wrong. A lot of

times people think that they need to go find a big group of friends or whatever.

on. She just wants your presence. And she wants to feel like she's seen by you so

that she can calm down. And then we have our chaotic version of us.

This is our overwhelm. She's convinced everything is too much and nothing is under

control. She lives in that, I can't get it together. I can't get my shit together

energy. And eating becomes this moment where she can actually feel

You might have grown up with parents who were doing everything and anything. Maybe

you grew up in an environment where you carried way too much responsibility. Maybe

things in life happened faster than what your emotions could keep up with as a

child. And so ever since then, the overwhelmed person in you,

the chaotic one, she now is always trying to warn you by

sense of feeling like I am in control.

Now, finally, there's the overthinker. She tries to protect you from analysis

paralysis. She is convinced that if she thinks through every possible option,

every possible outcome, she is the one who are like, what if, what if, what if,

that she is going to save you from some huge epic fuckup that could go wrong.

somehow kept you safe. So right now she's thinking second guessing everything,

that's a good habit. That's going to protect you. But underneath all of that second

guessing, what she really wants is some trust. She just wants you to stop believing

that you're always going to fail. She wants you to make decisions from a place of

reassurance and calm instead of panic. She wants you to feel confidence

stop treating all these voices inside your head as if they're only problems, you

start seeing them now as signals. You start getting good at listening to what

they're saying. And these signals become a place where you can start saying like,

okay, tenderness is needed here. Some structure is actually needed here. I think rest

is needed here. This is where reassurance is needed. And that's when you actually

can change your eating. In fact, changing your eating is really easy when you start

noticing, this is my perfectionistic voice. This is my overachiever.

This is my chaotic voice. And what she really needs in this moment is this.

So now that you know the signals of when these voices chime in and you know Thank

you.

it, but I'm going to give you the two quickest steps I can to just help you so

that you can settle the inside voice a little bit to help you make a few better

decisions on the outside. So when you notice one of those voices pop up, I don't

want you sitting there thinking like, oh God, here she is, or this is bad, or I

shouldn't be thinking this or I'm so broken because I have this voice. Now, you

don't have to fix the voice. You don't have to convince yourself of anything other

than I'm going to notice. I notice I'm thinking I didn't do enough today. I notice

I'm feeling afraid. I notice I'm worried someone's not going to like it when I say

no. And when you notice, instead of freaking out over these things,

you're going to create just enough space between what you're thinking and what you're

feeling so that you can decide what you want to do next. So all we've got to do

is get good at catching our voices when they're showing up and talking to us.

And then we're not going to argue with them and we're not going to shame them and

we're not going to try to stick them in a corner and out like they shouldn't be

here. Remember, they were all created for good reasons. And they think they're still

doing you a solid. And until you convince the voices that they can relax now and

they can come back if needed, but you're learning how to do things in a new way,

that you start doing that, you're going to feel a shit ton better. So the next

thing you're going to do is you're going to narrate how it feels. So if you

notice, you know, like you're thinking, I didn't do enough today, you can say, and

that thought makes my chest feel tight. It makes it hard for me to breathe.

The worry that something's going to go wrong is making my shoulders tense.

This fear of doing something wrong, not appearing perfect,

It's making me want to eat something. So we're not judging anything. We are just

telling ourselves the truth of what's happening in our mind and in our body. And

once you tell the truth, so much easier for your body to start calming down. You're

not creating a shitstorm inside yourself anymore. You're just sitting there, noticing

and talking to all those inner parts that you have. And that is what's going to

help you calm down. That's what's going to put you into telling yourself things

like, I'm learning how to deal with this. This is okay. I'm taking this one step

at a time. And those small faults, they work because now your nervous system isn't

flooded with a bunch of harsh shit. And I'm going to tell you, I think this is

what ultimately changes your eating. This is what helps.

get a lot clearer and easier to make. And that's why this is the one thing that

changed everything for me. It's why I could lose weight. I stopped fighting myself

and my body stopped fighting back. And when I could see what my inside voice was

really telling me, I didn't need food to fix shit anymore. I didn't need the food

to fill in the gaps of my life anymore. And that's when I lost 100 pounds and was

able to keep it off until right now.