- Hello everybody, welcome back. So today we're gonna talk about three beliefs that

so many dieters live by, and they're beliefs that feel really true, but they're

actually stopping you from losing weight. You see, there's the funny thing about

beliefs. Your beliefs about eating and losing weight, they are not set in stone.

They can change once you understand how to change them. And once you see that,

I promise you, it is going to feel like a huge weight is going to be lifted off

your shoulders because you're going to finally realize, "Huh, maybe I can do this.

Huh, maybe there's nothing wrong with me." So we're going to go over it today

because I think it's really important. And the reason why is because most women,

they think the reason they can't lose weight It's because they don't have enough

willpower or because they just love food too much or because their life is just too

busy. And the diet industry, the reason why we think these things when it comes to

losing weight is because it's done a really good job of convincing us that all that

shit's just true. But I'm gonna promise you, those things are not facts.

They are what we call beliefs. I believe I am too busy to lose weight. I believe

I love food too much. I believe I don't have enough willpower. Beliefs are simply

stories that you can tell yourself over and over and over again. And you've repeated

them so many times that now you just think, this is who I am. And beliefs are

often, like they really do feel true, like beliefs feel like a hundred percent true,

and they're often mistaken as a fact. So there is a difference between something

being a fact and something being this just feels really true to me. It's what I

believe about me. It is what I believe about this thing. So if you don't learn

anything today, I'm going to want it to be this. Beliefs are not permanent.

Beliefs feel really true, but they are not definitively true. They're just something

that you've thought so much in your life that you think it's just the way it is.

And this is what I want you to really, really, really hear. If we can make

something that you've thought over and over again feel really true simply by

repeating it, it means that if we want to believe something else, all we have to

do is repeat it over and over and over again so that our brain gets on board that

this must be what you would like to believe is true. So there's a book I read a

while ago. It was called Personality Is It Permanent by Dr. Benjamin Hardy. And in

it, he says something that just stuck with me for years. He said, "Just because you

believe something forever, doesn't make it true. It doesn't mean that you are stuck

with this story. The stories you've told yourself about being too addicted,

too busy, just loving food too much, they're part of your personality so far in

this life. But they're not who you have to be. And once you understand how all of

this works, you get to start writing some new stories, doing some new things,

and changing how you fundamentally believe about you and your ability to lose weight.

So today I'm going to walk you through the three most common beliefs I see in my

clients. I'm going to tell you why they're not 100 % true and we'll talk about how

you can start changing them so you can finally lose your weight in a way that

feels really doable and that you can keep it all for life. Because this is the

stuff that keeps the weight off, changing the way that you talk to yourself. And a

few episodes ago, I talked to you about breaking your internal habits are more

important than breaking the external habits. We've got to do both,

but I don't think the external habits get broken without the internal habits being

broken also. So here's belief number one. Give me an amen and a hallelujah.

If you think this one, if I can't do it all, it ain't worth starting. I hear this

one all the time. This is for my perfectionist out there. The first belief that

stops women dead in your tracks is that one. If I can't do it all, it's not worth

starting Korean. And this one is sneaky because it happens to sound very logical.

Like you're just really thinking about this and you've got a logical plan. If you

can't do the meal prep, if you can't go to the gym, if you can't make the perfect

grocery list, if you can't do all the Calorie County, if you can't do all the

shoulds, why would you even bother trying? That's how a lot of women think.

But here's the thing, that thought keeps us stuck forever, sitting on the sidelines,

wishing, hoping and praying that we someday gonna get our motivation boosted inside

of us. And we actually gonna do the thing. So many of my clients come to me with

this exact mindset. They are convinced to the soul and their bones that they've got

to do all the things. I gotta eat clean, I gotta exercise five times a week, I

better drag a gallon of water around with me, I got a journal, and girl, I better

have a special pillow to do all my meditating on, and I gotta have at least three

apps that track in different ways. And then I got a meal prep,

like a son of a bitch, every Sunday, and do with my family. They got to do all

that before they can even get started. And then what happens? We get fucking

overwhelmed and we don't do a damn thing. Now this is not because women are lazy.

It's because they've never ever seen diets that didn't demand some type of holy

water thrown on them in order to get started, to break the curses of the demons of

their life. They've never been on a diet that didn't demand all kinds of perfection.

They've never been on a diet that didn't start with a radical 180 that's always

happens to be on a Monday. It's a boot camp, starts this month. Like just think

about everything we've ever been taught. Diet after diet has trained us to think

that if we don't do everything, we must be doing it wrong. But the truth is that

women who lose weight and keep it off, they are not doing all the things. They are

the ones who are doing one thing and getting good at it. And then they layer in

another and they layer in another. They start small and they let their momentum

build. And then one day they wake up and they think, man, I have lost some weight.

This feels a lot easier than it ever has. That's what my clients say. So when I

was losing weight, I figured this out the hard way. For years, I would tell myself,

okay, today's the day. I'm gonna get started. And I would do all the things. I

would overhaul my life in one 24 hour period. You know, cleaning out everything in

your house. You go to the damn grocery store you basically strong arm any woman

who's going after the lettuce because you're fixing to just over up like Just

overtake the whole produce section You go home and you lay out your workouts for

the week and like week one You have somehow turned into a clean eating exercise and

diva and it lasts in the beginning because you're like you're kind of proud of

yourself You're like all right, But after a while, you can't keep up with it,

because old habits, the way our brain works is like the way you've been doing

things. Your brain is just like, just because you've decided to do this doesn't mean

that I'm not going to ask you to do the old things. I'm just really used to doing

it the old way. I'm really used to not going to the gym. So the first day that

you're tired, your brain is going to be like, I think we should stay home because

it's in the habit of not exercising. Just because you've been exercising for three

weeks does not mean that your ass has rewired your entire brain to never want to

skip a day at the gym ever again. I'm gonna break it to your sad asses. It takes

like two, I think the number is 266 days for a habit to truly form to where you

have now shifted, not only taught your brain to wanna do this, but you've Excuse is

often enough you have tried and not done it and got back on the horse often enough

to teach your brain Like oh, she really wants to do this Most of y 'all have the

habit of stopping the second something goes wrong That is also a habit if you teach

your brain that the second you miss a day You don't go back then the next time

you start the second you miss a day your brain's like alert put in the habit, but

real habits take a long time to become automatic and just who you are.

It takes almost a fucking year, like nine months. It's like having a baby. It's

like having a habit baby. And so you have to think about that. We have to get in

the habit of getting back up when we fell down. We have to get into the habit

Keep it on going no matter what happens so that our brain can be like she must

really like this or she must really need this for some reason she probably like

because she's Restarted the gym when she's missed days 10 times now in the last

nine months That must mean she really wants to be somebody who goes to the gym.

I'm convinced now Y 'all got to convince your brain that you mean business.

Convince your brain you need, you mean business. Stop convincing your brain that the

second something that doesn't go right to come rescue you while you lay on your

couch clutching your pearls that you ain't perfect. Your brain is a habit guy.

He's like I'll form any fucking habit you want. You want to be the habit of a

quitter? I will Make that happen for you. It's like a genie in a bottle, granting

you wishes endlessly.

So when I was losing weight, I would do that. I would do all of those things.

And then sure enough, the second I slipped up, I'd beat myself up so bad that I

just quit. And it wasn't because the mistake was a big deal. Like skipping the gym

one day is not a big deal. Eating McDonald's one night after a rough day is not a

big deal. You know, it's a big deal when you believe that eating McDonald's one

night means that you are a complete failure And you'll never lose weight and then

you give up That is you making get a big deal So the last time I lost my weight

I finally told myself no matter what the fuck happens Korean I'm gonna keep going

and that one thought changed everything It meant when I made a mistake I had to

ask, all right, why do you think this happened? Why do you think you needed

McDonald's after this long, hard day? What did McDonald's do for you? Next time,

what would you like to do for you? That long, hard day, let's look at it. Was

there any way to make that day easier? Were you taking it in the ass all day and

not speaking up? Like, were you beating yourself up? Were you, I remember so often

when I used to work in a corporate setting. I worried about my body so much.

And when we would have meetings, and I would have to like sit in a meeting and

have to go to the bathroom, I would be so worried that people won't have to push

their chair in and everybody be thinking, yeah, that fatso, she's got to go to the

bathroom and she's like bothering me as she goes. And I would be sitting in that

meeting all day dreading having to go to the bathroom, worried what people are

thinking.

It was no wonder the first stop I made after that was not the gym.

I would go straight to McDonald's because I had stressed myself out all day long.

On top of work, I was internally a pressure cooker.

I wish that I could go back to myself at that time and say, "You don't need to

beat yourself up for McDonald's, But you do need to start having some understanding

of how you're talking to yourself You do need to turn the volume down every single

time you catch yourself Worrying about what people are thinking out your body And

just remember you're a human you're having feelings, but maybe this isn't as bad as

you think That's what I needed. I didn't need to do all the things. I didn't need

to be perfect. I didn't need to make a big deal out of mistakes. I just needed

understanding. I needed to ask, why did this happen? What was going on for me?

What do I really need in these moments? What did I need during the day that maybe

drove me to wanting to eat? So instead of quitting, I decided, let's go start

learning from this shit. So Here's what I tell my clients now, when your brain

screams that's not good enough, that is your green light. When your brain is sitting

there thinking like, it's not good enough to just do a couple of little things.

It's not good enough to start doable. I don't care what that crazy blonde bitch who

cusses all the time in her podcast says. When you hear that not good enough voice

pop up, the antidote is to tell yourself, well, then that's exactly what I I'm

gonna do. I'm gonna feel miserable doing shit that ain't good enough because I feel

miserable sitting on the sidelines. And if we're gonna choose misery, I'm gonna

choose the misery that's gonna have a positive outcome that one day I won't feel

miserable about anymore. Because what's really going on in your brain is your brain,

it just doesn't trust you. It is so used to perfectionism and old diet rules,

that anything simply simple just feels wrong, but it's not wrong. It's what works.

Trust me. So here's your takeaway for this belief. Stop waiting until you can do it

all. Pick the one thing that feels doable today and then do that. And when your

brain says it's not good enough, just do it anyway. Trust me over your

perfectionistic brain, because I bet here's something that we all believe.

Perfectionism is standing in the way of you getting what you want. Most

perfectionists tell me they know it's a problem, but they want to be perfect.

There's a million reasons why that might be happening, but we don't need to dig

into those right now. All we need to do is prove to ourselves that it's safe to

go. And we're going to do these little things. And we're going to trust Korean.

And we're not going to trust the part of our brain that is seeking perfectionism

because we already know it just doesn't work. All right,

belief number two, I just love food too much. Good Lord that one I hear all the

time, but I want to be honest with you Every human on the planet loves food.

You are no special unicorn. It is not unique to you It is not a character flaw to

love food So when someone tells me I just love you too much.

Here's what they really mean When I eat something that tastes good, I lose control

and I can't stop myself and they don't understand why that's happening.

So for a lot of women, here's what's actually happening. They'll go out to eat,

they'll order something delicious, and in the background, their brain is running wild

saying, "You shouldn't be doing this. You're being bad." I mean,

how many times have you said it with your girlfriends, "Girl, I'm "Girl, I'm gonna

be bad. "I'm gonna get me, and especially Martini, "and I'm gonna have me a

dessert, "and I'm gonna have me some French fries. "You know I shouldn't be bad,

but I'm gonna be bad." We do this all the time. We tell ourselves, "I won't get

to have this again "for a long time." And when all that shit happens, when you

think you're being bad, guess what we do? We start negotiating with ourselves.

You tell yourself, Girl, I'm gonna make up for this later. Tomorrow, I'll just skip

breakfast. I'm gonna start over on Monday. This ain't a problem. And that makes your

brain say, oh shit, we better get as much as we can right fucking now,

because she isn't gonna just eat this stuff all the time. She's gonna eat now,

and then she's getting ready to do mean things to us. She's going to restrict,

she's going to skip meals, she's going to deny us this again. So I should really

get down. We're going downtown on this plate of nachos right now. So

that is how we end up overeating. And it's not because the food tastes good. It's

all those diet thoughts swirling around in our head that we're not and really aware

that are causing problems. And the same thing shows up at home. A woman will sit

down to a dinner that tastes amazing and instead of eating and having enough,

she starts thinking, I don't know when I'm gonna get another break. I don't know

when I'll get this and win again. Or the worst part is, this is the only time I

get to feel good today. For a lot of us, our food is the only time we get to

feel good, that we get a break, that we get to reset. That's what loving food too

much really is. For so many women, food is their only source of real joy.

Their life, it doesn't have a lot of joy. It's the only time they allow themselves

to sit down and not be producing. It's the only way they know how to relax,

how to cope, how to entertain themselves, how not to feel lonely. So of course you

would think, "I must love food too much." But what they actually love is the relief

the food gives them. From everything else, they're not allowing themselves to feel or

do in this life. And I will tell you, there's nothing wrong with losing loving

food. I love food. I want to eat food that tastes amazing.

What's different now is that food isn't the only thing that takes care of me

anymore. I don't rely on it to fix my guilt, my loneliness, my boredom or my

stress. I don't use it as a way to the only time I feel happy, the only thing I

look forward to the only way I reward myself, the only way I celebrate anything in

life. Now, I also teach my clients that we're supposed to love food.

We are supposed to for a variety of reasons. We want to love food for our taste

buds, for our physical needs, our nutritional needs, sometimes for entertainment. Yes,

you get to have cake on your birthday if you want to. And sometimes for emotions,

but in a way that adds to your life, that's not numbing your emotions.

Like for me, every now and then, usually about once a week, my husband and I, we

order from this little meat and three in our little town of Nolan'sville, and I get

fried chicken livers. Good Lord, I love my fried chicken livers with okra. And I

usually get white beans. Sometimes I get mashed potatoes, but I gotta be honest.

This meat and three does not have the best mashed potatoes. So I gave up on them.

But sometimes I get white beans. Sometimes I get green beans. Sometimes I get

turnips. You can really tell Corinne is a Southern girl. If you didn't get it by

the accent, you definitely gonna get it by her favorite foods. So I get my fried

chicken livers, but I don't order them because, well today was a really shitty day.

Or I'm feeling really sorry for myself because I've been an asshole to myself all

day. You know why I get them, because when I was a little kid, my granny used to

make them for me.

I remember Sundays, she'd fry chicken, and she'd fry chicken livers, and she would

always tell me, "Baby, I saved the chicken livers for me and you." And it was

really special for me. It was like a nod that she was thinking of me. She knew

what I liked. They were really tasty. My grandmother loved me.

She loved me like a daughter. And so now when I eat them, they bring me a lot of

joy and gratitude for having an amazing granny in my life. That's emotional eating

that's nourishing, not destructive. So the problem isn't that you love food. The

problem is the diet industry has warped you into thinking that losing weight means

suffering. That you have to eat bland food, you have to cut out things you love,

you have to basically repent for the sin of being overweight by living on bullshit

you hate. And I just don't believe that. You can love food and lose weight just

fine. In fact, we all should lose weight eating foods we actually like.

It just makes sense. It's easier to lose weight when you look forward to your food.

It's harder to lose weight when every meal feels like you're eating something from a

jail cell. So you can eat food that tastes good while also meeting your body's

needs. What we need to look at isn't, "Do I love food too much?" But what else is

going on that makes food feel like the only thing I've got at times? Because when

you figure this out, when food stops being the only joy, the only relief,

the only break you give yourself, you stop feeling out of control around things you

love. Now, belief number three is losing weight is hard. It just takes too much

work. Now, this third belief is sometimes a toughie for people. But I want to

unpack it with you because What people usually mean when they say this is, it's not

really that losing weight is hard, is that they've learned a lot of hard ways to

lose weight. My clients will come in and tell me, well, I don't have time to lose

weight. And when I ask why, they will rattle off a list. Well, I got a food prep

on Sunday and I have to cook separate meals for my family. I can't go out to eat

anymore. I'd have to give up my social life. I'd have to be in the gym five or

six days a week. And I'm like, where did you get that shit from? That is not what

I teach. It is for sure not what I'm trying to get you to do week after week in

my program. But years and years of diets, that's where it comes from.

It is a belief in our head. All of those rules, all those things we've been told,

sometimes it's really hard for us to just let them go because we've been told over

and over again that's the way it should be. Diet after diet has trained you to

believe that losing weight means misery, suffering, hunger.

It's going to take a lot of time. You're going to have to do a lot of shit and

you're basically going to have to reinvent your entire life to make it fit. So of

course you would think it's hard. Of course you would think you don't have time.

But here's what I want you to hear. Just because you've only been exposed to hard

ways doesn't mean it's the only way. When I first started losing weight I knew one

thing for sure. Every time I tried something that was too hard I failed. I couldn't

keep up with it. It required too much of me and it wasn't helping me deal with

what was going on inside of me. And then every time I quit, it wasn't because I

didn't want to lose weight bad enough because, trust me, since the age of nine, I

had been writing in my diaries and journals about how bad I wanted to lose weight.

Almost every entry was how much I weighed, the diet I was getting ready to start,

or me boo -hooing because I quit another one and I needed to start another diet.

It's sad to read my old journal entries years and years and years of them growing

up. That's all I talked about. So every time I quit, it definitely wasn't because I

didn't want it bad enough. I knew I wanted it bad. It was because I was exhausted

from trying to live a life that just wasn't possible for me.

So when I lost my hundred pounds, I was like, we're going to do this shit

different. We're going to have to. And I started with those little things that fit

into the life that I already have, not the life that I thought I should be living,

not the life that every diet told me this is the way you have to do it, or you

won't lose weight. Not the life that a diet book said, you got to do it this way,

because it's the pure way, the clean way, the best way, whatever.

I had to do it in a way that met me where I was at that point in my life.

That was gonna, like literally, I want you to think about it. Meeting, like plugging

in, losing weight with the life you actually live only makes sense.

It literally makes sense. It's easier to do it that way. It's much easier to do

things that fit in your current life than it is to somehow change your current life

to make a diet fit in it. So I picked the low -hanging fruit and I worked on

that. I didn't try to overhaul everything at once and that gave me a lot of

safety. And that's a word I didn't really understand back then, but I see it really

clear now. I was creating safety for myself, that it is okay to do these little

things. I think we could do this. So I made it safe for myself to try something

small, to get good at it, and to not beat myself up if I messed up.

Every little win that I got gave me momentum. And momentum would let me feel good.

And Feeling good made me want to try another small thing. And that's how my weight

lost snowballed. I just refused to make things harder than they needed to be every

step of the way. I didn't make it risky or feel overwhelming every step of the

way. I didn't load myself up with a thousand rules to follow. I didn't set myself

up for the guilt of being in the gym while my kid was at daycare all day or for

the frustration of cooking different food than the rest of my family or the

isolation of never being able to go out with friends. None of that was going to

work. And but that's the stuff that diets have always made me and you do.

And then they call it being disciplined. But what it really is is misery.

And if it's not misery, you know what it is? Not needed. Those extremes are not

needed. Not for the typical person who just wants to lose weight. So here's the

reframe I want you to take away. It makes sense that you think losing weight is

hard. It makes sense that every time you've tried before, it felt like too much.

But that's not because weight loss health has to be hard. It's because you've only

ever been shown hard versions. The truth is losing weight doesn't have to take over

your life. It should fit into your life. And when you do it that way, starting

small, creating safety, building wins, you're finally gonna see that it doesn't have

to be about suffering and exhaustion. It can actually be about feeling better as you

go. So here's what I want you to do with all three of these beliefs, no matter

which one you identify with or maybe you identify with all of them. First, I just

want you to notice them. I want you to notice for the next few weeks, when do you

think these things? If I can't do it all, it's not worth starting. I just love

food too much. Losing weight is hard. It's going to take too much work. So for the

next couple of weeks, don't try to change all of this stuff. Don't argue with

yourself. Just notice how often this shit comes up for you. Because here's what I

want you to know. Very often to change a belief, we do not have to do much more

than listen to something like this and then start noticing what we're thinking.

And you might even find yourself naturally questioning your thoughts like, "Wait, Is

it really true that I have to do all the things? The repetition of

thinking something different is the only thing that's going to make some of these

thoughts feel untrue. And the only thing that makes them feel true is by repeating

them all the time without noticing them and without questioning them.

So after you've spent a couple of weeks noticing how often you think those things,

that's when I would love for you to just take it a step further. Pick one belief

that you keep hearing over and over again and just write about it. So let's say

you think you love food too much. I want you to write down why loving food

actually has nothing to do with losing weight. This is where I like to punch holes

in my thoughts. I'll ask myself questions like why is this actually not true?

Is there another side of this story? What would Corinne say about this? Would she

think it's true? Or would she say something else? Why would someone else not believe

this is true? These are all really good questions to ask because your brain will

automatically keep giving you all the reasons that it is true. That's its job. So

we have to give equal air time to the other side, the other truths.

So my mentor, Brooke Steele, she taught me this. Every thought you think will have

pieces that feel true, but that doesn't make the whole thing true. There are always

other things that are just as equally true. We just don't think about them near

enough. And that's what I want for you. I want you to feel like you actually have

choices in your beliefs. They're not just the truth. They're thoughts you can look

at and decide if you want to keep believing them. And if you do just those two

simple things, noticing and then punching a few holes, You'll start to open up to

new possibilities. You'll lead yourself to better conclusions. You will make different

decisions. And notice what I'm saying here. You don't have to work hard to do this.

We don't have to grind at losing weight. We don't have to grind at believing new

things or managing how we're feeling. I just want you to think, what If everything

we did just became about finding the easiest, most gentle way,

the simplest way to start losing weight, that's what I want you practicing.

So today we talked about three of the biggest beliefs that are keeping possibly you

and your friends stuck not losing weight. If I can't do it all, it's not we're

starting. I just love food too much. Losing weight is hard. It takes too much work.

And what I hope that you can see now is none of these are actual facts. They're

just old diet thoughts you've practiced for a long time and they feel painfully

true.

So remember that beliefs are not set in stone, y 'all. They can change and you

don't have to force them to change overnight. You can just start noticing them,

start questioning them a little by little so that they loosen their grip on you.

So over the next week, just notice when those three beliefs pop up, you don't have

to try to fix them, you don't have to argue with yourself, you don't have to feel

ashamed that you're thinking them. All you gotta do is just notice them. And when

you're ready, punch the holes in them. Write down why it might not be true. Why

somebody else wouldn't believe it. What would Karen say about this? It's that kind

of reflection that could be the start of everything changing for you and your weight

loss. So if you love this episode, do me a favor. Please hit subscribe so that

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Also, if you wanna share it with your friends, I would so appreciate it. All right,

I will be back next week with more help so that you can lose weight without losing

your damn mind. Until then, remember, nothing's wrong with you and that your beliefs

can definitely change. I'll see you next time.