All right, everybody, welcome back. So today we're gonna talk about something that

came up recently in my membership where I was working with a client and she thought

she knew what the problem was for losing weight, why she was having a hard time.

And guess what? She didn't have a damn clue until we got to talking. And this is

what I need you to hear. When you know the real problem with why you're not losing

weight, then you can find the right solution. So write this down. When you know the

real problem for why you're not losing weight, then it's damn easy to find the

right solution. You see, too often when we're losing weight, we're fixing the wrong

fucking things. And then we're wondering, why can't I stick to my diet? So what I

want for you today is to walk away from this episode, knowing the difference between

the problems you think you have with losing weight and the problems you actually

have with losing weight. Because without the right problem, you will always end up

with the wrong solutions. And I want you to always understand what the solution is

that you need because that's how people lose weight. So let's dig into this and

start asking ourselves, I wonder what the actual is. So you see most women,

they are never failing at their diets because they don't know what to eat or

because they're lazy. They're failing because they're fixing the wrong shit. So here's

what I mean. There's what I call a should plan and a needs plan.

Now should plan is what you think you have to do to lose weight. It usually sounds

like this. I should cut out sugar, because I'm so addicted.

I should meal prep seven days of food every Sunday. Give up anything fun.

I should get my butt to the gym five times a week. No compromises.

I should, and the list goes on and on and on.

And when you've got 47 shoulds stacked up in your head, you know what you feel

like? A big pile of shit. You look at all of those shoulds.

You feel overwhelmed as fuck. And then don't be surprised. When we do that,

what do we do? We sit on our fist and we lean back on our thumb, not doing jack

shit. So a needs plan is very different than a shoulds plan. A needs plan is about

what actually has to happen for you to get started today. Let me say it again.

A needs plan is about what actually has to happen for you to get started when?

Today. It's one or two things that feel doable on your worst fucking day,

not your best day. And this is where most women screw up.

They're trying to solve weight loss with a fantasy plan as if they live on a

fantasy island instead of just meeting yourself where you're at. So let me tell you

about the client I was coaching inside of my membership. This is what she said,

"Karen, I'm a new empty nester. And being in my early fifties and paramedical

puzzle, I just wanna get as fit and strong and healthy as I can so I can take on

all the challenges I've been experiencing with paramedicals. And I wanna regain some

muscle, some energy. I wanna use my brain and basically, I just wanna be unstoppable

in this next stage of life. That sounds great, right, y 'all? She goes on to say

it. It's all about be in the best version of myself and no more excuses, putting

myself last. So I just asked her a simple question. I said, huh,

can you give me an example of an excuse you've used to put yourself last recently?

And she said, well, I do everything else that needs to be done first. Then I find

I'm too tired to cook some healthier recipes or go or a walk or go to the gym.

If anything needs doing for my kids or my parents, I do that first. And then once

again, I can't be bothered to do all the things that I was gonna do for me.

And so she went on and she said, I think a big part of this is my ADHD. I

struggle with procrastination and overthinking, which then overwhelms me. And I find

other things to do for other people so I don't have to start my new healthy way.

Now I'm gonna guess that a lot of y 'all are nodding along like hallelujah, that is

me, identify, I am she. But this is what I told her.

Here's some good news. You aren't really putting other people first. You are using

other people to not lose weight. Now we need to know why you don't want to start

your healthy journey because it's not you putting others first, it's important to

know what you think you have to do or what you should do because if you've got

some reason that's hidden deep down of why you don't want to start, then just

telling people no is never going to work. You are always going to want to put

other people first to protect you from your hidden reason. It is not like you got

to somehow be a selfish bitch and start telling people, no, it's like, no, we're

doing that to avoid something deep inside of us that we just haven't unearthed yet.

So I went on to tell her, it's important to know this because If you have a

hidden reason why you don't want to start, then just telling people no will never

happen. I bet you can still take care of them and start taking care of yourself

once we figure out why you just don't want to start this healthy journey. And I

think a lot of people do this. We have a great fantasy about what life's going to

look like. I'm going to be be healthy and I'm gonna have my brain fog lifted and

I'm gonna have all these things. But between where you are now and getting there,

your mind has a ton of shoulds and it has laid out for you, this is the misery

you're about to embark on. And if the road between where you are now and there is

riddled with misery, sacrifice, deprivation, and hard -ass rules, all kinds of shit,

you're gonna put other people first to avoid that. That is your way of saving

yourself. It's not a character flaw. You don't have to, there's no just starting to

tell everybody no, because guess what? You will find another reason to not start all

the shit that you think you have to do. So in your mind,

I asked her.

When you start your healthy journey, I want you to describe to me in great detail

as to what you think it entails. What all are you going to have to do?

What are all the things you think is going to happen? Really tell me what you

think you have to do because the answer to getting started does lie in there. You

see, y 'all, all of those things that are going on in your head, they're not all

gonna get done today. The journey from where you are now to, you know,

paraminopausal, diva, with all her brain functioning, muscles, lost her weight,

whatever it is that you fantasize about, all of that in between is not gonna happen

in one day. We're just gonna take baby steps, but we convince ourselves that we got

to do all the things. We got to do everything that New Year was doing, and we got

to start it today. It does not have to happen. That is not the way it works,

and that's the problem. There's always a couple of things on that big -ass list of

shit you think you need to do, that we just need to pick off first, and we just

start doing those things. So here's how I teach my clients. I want you to make a

long list of everything you think you should do. Go back through and say,

all right, I think I should do all of this, but Corinne and reality says that for

today, I only need to do something small. So,

then we go through our list of everything we think we should do, and we pick

something really doable. Something that we could feel doable today.

Now, if nothing on the list feels like you can do it today, then you've got to

pick the thing you'd most like to start with, and then guess what we're going to

do? We're going to break that motherfucker down into smaller steps. So a long time

ago I listened to a book by Mel Robbins and I don't remember the name of it but

it was an audible book. It was like it was probably six or seven years ago and

she only released it on audible but she interviewed this guy who dreamed of opening

a liquor store and he never was getting started. He was finding all kinds of

reasons to just not get started. So she, in this book, she did these little

coaching sessions where she would talk to people back and forth and you would listen

in to figure out how she helped them get started. So she asked him, "Well,

tell me everything that you need to do in order to open a liquor store." And he

rattled off a thousand things, including stuff that wouldn't even happen until after

the store was actually open. So she had him break it down. And he realized that

after she asked him, all right, let's look at the list. Let's find something on

here that feels like a good start. So he picked,

well, probably finding a place. She said, okay, well, how do you feel about doing

that? And he said, it just feels so overwhelming to find a place. She said, all

right, well, then what we're going to do is we're going to take that step, and now

we're going to break it down into micro steps. So they narrowed it down until his

task for that day was go Google some commercial realtors in his area.

Because before he could find a place, he knew he was going to have to find a

realtor and he wanted to find a good one. So first thing you need to do was

Google some and make a list. So that's what he did. And then guess what he got to

do tomorrow? He got to call and set up appointments. And that's all he had to do.

That's what we've got to do with weight loss. We've got to break it down to the

simplest steps possible for ourselves. Because we have had diets ruin us over the

years. Making diets seem like they're way harder than they have to be. You do not

need to do everything on day one, but you are not going to get started if in your

brain There's a million shoulds You're not going to get off the couch And most of

us we don't get started because we're thinking about Rebuilding our entire life from

the ground up on fucking day one second one So if you did just one thing today,

I would start with this. At your next meal, I just want you to ask yourself,

am I hungry? That is it. That would be my homework, probably for an entire week.

And you know what? I wouldn't even tell myself that I couldn't eat if I was

hungry, not hungry. You know what I would do? Not change a damn thing about my

behaviors. I would get good at asking am I hungry so that I would get good at

every time I was about to put something in my mouth that I was getting used to

the idea of just questioning it. Because that is a skill, guess what you need for

the rest of your life if you want to maintain your weight. You need to be somebody

who waits for slight hunger, 90 something percent of the time.

Thank you. Now I will tell you, I am in that habit. I wait until I'm hungry

before I eat. And then in rare occasions, maybe once or twice a week,

I have to eat when I'm not hungry because of meetings or my schedule or whatever.

And I always tell people, if you've got a scheduled job where you have, like if

you're a teacher, or you're a nurse, where you have to take your lunch at a

certain time, you just eat. You know why? Because common sense says that you'd get

hungry later, so you might as well eat now.

Don't make this harder than it has to be, y 'all.

So I would do that for a week or two. If you're not hungry,

you can still choose to eat, But at least you're getting good at questioning it and

do that for a little bit and then you can add the next step And it's not what

you think. It's not don't eat It's if I'm going to eat when I'm not hungry.

I wonder why I wonder what the reasons are

In my last one of my episodes recently, I don't know if it was the last episode

or two episodes ago we talked about Like, you really understanding the reasons why

you eat and breaking the internal habits that are going on, it is really important

because if you didn't do anything,

anything at all for a few weeks, but question, am I hungry and understand your

reasons for eating. When you do,

you are going to lose so much weight because just simply asking the question and

noticing you're not hungry, there will be times that it was just habit or mindless

and you'll just skip it because it's not emotional and you'll just save yourself all

those extra calories you eat without thinking. And then there will be a lot of it

that you'll realize, like, huh, I'm actually just tired. Huh,

I'm actually just anxious right now. Huh, I'm just really stressed out or I'm just

bored. That is good things to know because those are the things we've got to fix,

otherwise you will never lose weight. If we're using food to fill holes in our life

that food was never meant to fill. It's really hard to lose weight permanently.

So here's my promise, making sure you understand what you actually need to work on

is the most important thing for weight loss. Now,

a lot of you will tell yourselves, your problem is, well, I'm lazy. I'm discipline.

There's just too much to do in my life. No, that is not the problem. The real

problem is this. When you think about losing weight, you see a thousand shoulds,

you freak out, you freak out and you don't do anything. So the very first step is

to make your big list of shoulds. You pick one thing, you narrow it down until it

feels doable. And then you get off your ass and you do that one thing, and if

your brain screams it's not good enough, do like I always tell my clients, "Prove

it! Prove it's not good enough. Do it for 30 days and earn the right to have that

thought. Do not pre -decide shit. You are a fortune teller.

Period. So, most of us don't keep sitting back,

or most of us, we just sit back, and we wish we could lose weight. We sit around

assuming that we're weak, we're assuming that we don't care, and when we stay stuck

because of that shit, losing weight feels often like you've got to do everything at

once, but it's not the case. I promise you are not lazy.

I do not meet women who are lazy hardly ever, hardly ever. Usually we're overworked,

we're anything but lazy. And when it comes time to lose weight, we're tired and

we're emotionally eating. We're anything but lazy, we're anything but undisciplined.

We're some of the most disciplined fucking people. think about your life, how often

are you doing things every single day that you wish you didn't have to do, that

you do not want to do, but you suck it up with discipline and you do it anyway,

you have loads of commitment. Our problem is the overdoing of all that,

the not having boundaries, the way we talk to ourselves to get us into those

situations to where we feel like we have to be doing those things. So please don't

ever tell yourself that you're lazy or undisciplined or you lack commitment. Look at

your whole life. You're probably running out of those things by the time it gets to

trying to lose weight because you're using food to cope with all the overdoing of

all that stuff.

So Many of us are just sitting around all the time, not doing jack shit to lose

weight, because we're thinking about a giant, impossible list of shoulds, and we

never start. And I promise the best way to start is to start with what feels

doable today. Now, I know what a lot of you are thinking, because if there's one

person in the world that can mind read, it's probably me. You're thinking, well, if

I do the smile it's going to take forever to lose like Corrine. No, what actually

takes forever is sitting on the couch doing nothing because you're overwhelmed by all

the things that you think you should do. That's the time waster. That is going to

make it forever for you to lose weight. The reality is those small steps have to

get done at some point anyway. You can't skip over them, so you might as well

start with them. I always like to say, we're going to pick off the low hanging

fruit first. That is where we're going to start. And when you pick off low hanging

fruit, you build momentum. And that's when motivation loves to show up.

Motivation doesn't like showing up on the front end. It shows up once you've proven

to yourself that you're going to do some shit. And when a few things start working,

it's like, well, hello, you just bust it in the room like the Kool -Aid man. We

don't get motivated sitting around overthinking. You get motivated after you start

doing things. So right now you don't have motivation because you're stuck in a

shitty trap. You're worried about all the things instead of just starting with one

thing. The only way out of that shitty trap is to do something and it's something

small. So here's what I want you to try. We should grab a sheet of paper and once

you draw two columns at the top of one I want you to write should at the top of

the other. I want you to write me in The should column. I want you to dump every

fucking thing your brain thinks that you should be doing in order to lose weight I

should cut out carbs. I should meal prep every Sunday. I should walk every day I

should go to the gym five days a week. I should I should I should I should let

it all out. Don't leave anything hiding in there. We don't want to have something

like lurking around beneath the surface, so we end up misdiagnosing our problem. And

then I want you to look at that big giant list you just created. We're going to

call that now, Fantasy Island. That is Fantasy Plan. The one you never start.

It's the one that only works when life is perfect. When you've given up your kids

for six months so you can lose your weight. When you were able to retire from your

job for six months so you can lose your weight. That's not happening. So let's stop

going to fantasy land. Now I want you to go to the needs column. I want you to

ask yourself, what do I actually need to do today that feels doable? Not someday,

not when life comes down, not when the stars align, not when work is less busy,

what are you going to fucking do today on the busiest most fucked up normal day

you got? Maybe that means I'm going to have to drink some water before lunch

because I don't drink enough water and I know that's triggering a lot of my

afternoon cravings. Maybe that means asking yourself if you're hungry before the next

meal so you can quit eating just because. Maybe that means writing down what you

eat. So you can see if you're eating plenty of foods that meet your nutritional

needs, or if you're just topping off your taste buds every single meal, that's gonna

be your needs plan. Do that one thing. And then you can come back once you've done

that thing a few times and you feel like you got a little momentum. You feel like

you're doing it okay. You don't have to be doing it perfect. But you feel like,

yeah, I'm pretty good at this one. Now we go and we pick something else off the

list that we think we really do want to put into our life.

This is how you get started versus sitting on your ass wishing that you would get

started. So let's review. Losing weight is all about addressing the right problems.

Most of us get stuck chasing all the things that we think we should do instead of

doing the one or two things that actually need to happen today. And when you swap

out the should plan, for a needs plan, you move from wishing to doing. And once

you get into motion, the rest of this gets a lot easier. Now,

if you want help, I've got a download that walks you through this exact exercise,

step by step. It's called the should versus needs planner. And it'll show you how

to stop obsessing on all the things in your head and it'll finally get you started

on the one thing that matters. You can grab it on my website at nobsweightloss .com

/myneeds. The link is also gonna be in the description. And if you don't want the

download, that's fine too. Just do the exercise I taught you today. Grab a sheet of

paper, Don't overthink it. Don't sit on your ass another day waiting to feel ready

to do it. Write your shit down, pick one thing, do it, and then I'll see you next

week.