- Hello everybody, welcome back. So today we're gonna talk about something that's real

important I think for everybody to hear when it comes to losing weight. And it was

one of the things that when I lost weight, it was so different than anything I'd

ever done before that I am 100 % sure it is the reason why I've been able to keep

my weight off for 18 years. So I wanna talk about how I stopped a lot of my

overeating that was due to simply trying to escape my life.

Now, I know that sounds dramatic, but that's really what I was doing for a lot of

years. I didn't really love my life for a long time. It's not that I hated it or

that I had a bad life or anything like that. I just was sitting around, seeing how

things weren't exactly the way I wanted um feeling like I wasn't living up to what

I thought my potential was. There was just so many things that I didn't like and

when I stopped the overeating to fill the holes of my life,

one of the things that ended up happening that was such a good what I would call

side effect is that I finally started liking me And I've got to be honest.

I spent most of my life not liking myself. If you've ever listened to any of my

podcasts, you know that my younger years are really hard on me. By the time I was

nine years old, I was really overweight. I mean, I just gained so much weight and

was made fun of every single fucking day in school. I mean,

it was so hard. I remember very often coming home crying,

not wanting to go back. In fact, there was one year, it was my sixth grade year,

probably the worst year I was ever bullied in elementary school. And my grandfather

picked me up and it was the last day of school before Christmas break. I got in

the car because right before that, there was a kid in our class who stood up on

his chair and he chanted, "Boost, boost, boost at me." And that is what he called

me because my ass was as big as a caboose. And the teacher literally, she just

laid her head down on the desk and she just let it roll because we only had like

15 minutes to go into the bell ring. So when I went to the car and I got in,

I immediately started bawling. And my grandfather asked me what was wrong. And I

just said, I don't want to go back. All the kids hate me. They think I'm fat, and

they just make fun of me all the time. And my grandfather was so sweet, and he

didn't know what to do. And I mean, I love my Paw Paw so much, all. So we went

to the little store, and he let me pick out anything I wanted to eat. I think I'm

probably, if I had to guess, I either got a Butterfinger or Box Milk Duds, a bag

of chips, and probably a Dr. Pepper. That was my favorite thing to get after

school. So then you cut to my high school years,

and I really struggled in high school. I struggled with IBS. The first day of band

camp, I shit my pants doing jumping jacks. I was just telling all my members about

my shit, all my shit in my pants stories. Not easy going through high school as

being known as the girl who craps her pants. But I had IBS, I had Ulcers. Like I

just had a rough go at it in high school and I had weight. And by my senior

year, I attempted suicide. I was feeling hopeless and then my 20s weren't much

better. I was like up and down the scale. I'd never lost all my weight, but I

tell you all of this because I want you to hear that, you know,

I had quite the past to overcome and through all of that, the one thing that I

learned was that eating did help things. And I'm going to blow smoke up anybody's

ass here, eating does make you feel better in the moment. It really does. That's

why so many of us do it. The problem is, is it doesn't fix the real things that

are going on for us. It doesn't fix low self -esteem. It doesn't fix self -worth

issues. It's not going to help you have open communication with people.

It's not going to help you stop being a people pleaser and start like having like

just normal boundaries that people pleasers just don't have and don't feel safe

enough to have. So when you constantly are eating to fill all these holes you also

probably don't like who you are at the root of so many issues when it comes to

eating is just this inability to like yourself and I get it because that's how I

spent most of my life. So when I decided that I was going to lose weight, I knew

one thing for sure, but I was going to have to do it different than any other

time before because all the times before I tried really hard. I would do all the

things, but I would always pick really asinine diets that just required me to change

every habit that I had when it came to food. And this is important for you to

hear. When you are an emotional eater like I was, when you are someone who is

eating your face off for a variety of reasons, you're lonely, you're bored, you

don't have anything to do this weekend. Like in my 20s, I ate my face off so many

weekends because everybody else had something to do but me. And I hated sitting at

home alone because all I would do when I would sit at home alone is fit sit

around and think about how nobody loved me. I was probably never going to get

married. Like I would just like sit and obsess about all the things that I was not

good at all the things I was probably never going to have in my lifetime. I was I

just knew I was never going to get married that no man would ever love me enough

to marry me. And it was no wonder I ate on the weekends. So when you were, like,

when I was, like, getting ready to lose weight, I knew I couldn't just do the

diets that I'd always done because for one reason, I didn't like myself.

And when I took away food, I was just left hungry and not liking myself.

And so, like, things had to change. So when I did lose weight.

It was different than any diet attempt I'd done before. And what happened, and that

I didn't even know was happening at the time, I was breaking a lot of habits that

were living inside of me. You know, there's the easy habits, the habits of,

like, you know, eat more fruit or stop when you've had enough. Like, there's habits

that we need to lose weight when it comes to just the physical part of eating, but

the unsung hero habits that no diet talks about are the habits living inside of

you. So all of my diets were always focused on what I was eating, how much I was

eating, and my exercise habits. And I'm not saying that those aren't, you know,

pieces and parts of weight loss, but that's where every diet always stopped for me.

I never ever thought about the habits that lived inside of me, like how I talked

to myself, how I talked about my life, just how I viewed things in the world.

Before I lost weight, like I was saying, I was so hard on myself. Nothing I ever

did was good enough. I always felt like I was too fat to be loved. And I even at

one point got married to the man I'm married to Now we've been married for almost

24 years, be 24 years, it's November. And he loved the shit out of me from day

one. Even, it did not matter how much I weighed, but to me, I was too fat to be

truly loved. And another thing that always was going on for me is I thought other

people were constantly judging me for my weight, but Here was the reality of my

world. I was a great employee. If you asked anybody that ever worked with me at

any time, they would probably tell you, hard worker, she can learn anything.

She figures everything out. You can rely on her. If we ever need something done,

she's the one to give it to. I was always getting raises and promotions at these

jobs. But all I thought about all the time was I bet they think I'm fat I

Bet they like I just knew that my bosses and everybody were obsessed about the size

of my ass I

Never ever even dawned on me to ever think that They were thinking about what a

hard worker. I was that I was good at that I did and that I was funny.

So I rarely acknowledged the good in me because I was always thinking,

everyone thinks you're fat. And I always thought, and I feared, really feared,

the worst would happen in just about any given situation. It was another one of the

things that I used to eat over. I chronically worried. A friend of mine, he likes

to call it living in hypothetical hell. At any moment, I could tell you every way

something was probably not going to work, why it was not going to work, how it

wasn't going to work. I always saw doom and disaster with everything and my mind

would run wild with worries and what ifs. So, I could list you literally hundreds

and hundreds of internal habits that I had that were not helpful.

But this is what I want you to know. When you lose weight and you combine changing

internal habit change with external habit change, your whole fucking life gets better.

You don't just lose weight, your life gets better and you will be like me, someone

who struggled not only with the way they thought about themselves, the way they felt

about their lives, who struggled with self worth, self esteem,

struggled with my weight. I've never lost weight and kept it off. Not one damn

time. I had failed diet after diet. My first one was 11 years sold at Weight

Watchers. And if somebody like me can do it, I think you can too.

When you do internal change combined with external change,

external change is what most diets are doing for you. They're just not working on

the inside. When you combine them, it's easier to lose weight and it's really easy

to keep it off like I have for nearly 18 years. So I want to tell you a story

about this because I think it will really make it clear as to how internal habits

need to change. Back in the day when I was well over 250 pounds and Lopen,

he was a little baby. I mean, we're talking zero to one year old. Chris would come

home

And he would start taking care of Logan after a long day of work. And most women

would say, like, that's great. That's awesome. Your husband's so helpful. Well,

guess what I thought the entire time that I was lazy? I felt really guilty.

All I would think about is Chris has worked hard all day long, and here I am, a

lazy fat fuck, and having to get my husband to take care of the baby.

It felt selfish, it felt guilty, and it didn't matter.

I'm gonna tell all of you. People would tell me, you've been home with the baby

all day long. It just didn't feel like enough. I had a chronic,

not good enough, like, issue. Talk about a habit. My habit was feeling like I was

not enough for most of my life. So, Logan wasn't an easy baby.

He, you know, he just wasn't and I'm being just honest. Now,

I loved that child with every fiber of my being, but you know how you can really

love something and at times just not like it? That's kind of what I was going

through for at least the first year if not longer of his life. I always joke

around and tell people like I am a great mother when you define mothering as I can

provide, I can run the errands, I can get you where you need to go, I can get

you to your therapies. I have you know built a business to make sure that that

child is well taken care of long after I draw my last breath on this earth. I'm

really good at that stuff. I'm not good at playing. I'm not good at talking about

things that, you know, Logan's interested in, even when he was little. Those just

were never my forte. So I always felt like I was such a bad mother until someone

told me one day, mothering comes in all shapes and sizes. My coach one day looked

at me and she said, "Karen, when you were sitting there and you were listening to

your child, talk about a topic that is boring as fuck and you have no interest

whatsoever. And all you're sitting there thinking is, I wish I was anywhere else but

here. She said, number one, that is normal. And number two, that's called mothering.

Not every moment is glorious. I can't tell you how much fucking relief came off my

shoulders, but I I had her back then. All I had was my internal habit of always

thinking I wasn't enough. I wasn't a good enough mother and the root cause reason,

you're so fat. That's why you can't take care of your baby. It's why you don't

have enough energy, blah, blah, blah. Me being fat was the thing that I,

it was like the weight and the albatross that I carried for most of my life.

But Logan, I just tell y 'all, he legit was needy. And I would spend the whole day

wondering what the hell has happened to my life? I couldn't take this child anywhere

without it being a production. If we went to the mall, I had to carry him the

whole times. He hated the stroller. He also hated the car. He cried wherever we

went. I knew if I took him someplace, the tears would start the second we got in

the car, and the screams would follow and it would not stop until I got his ass

out and carried him someplace. And I'm going to tell you at 250 pounds carrying

your kid around. I really struggled with it. I dreaded going places because if he

wasn't crying, I was struggling just to hold him. So I stayed home a lot back

then. And even though that was exhausting in its own way to be kind of trapped at

home, when Chris would get home, my brain wiped everything out. Suddenly I would

convince myself that I had not done enough that day. I had not done enough to be

tired. And that because I wasn't the one who brought home the paycheck, I didn't

deserve any help. So I shouldn't expect him to take care of the baby too. Now,

when I look back on this, I can see that was a lot of learned bullshit. Society

does teach women that being home with your kids, you know, it isn't real work at

times. And I'm going to tell you right now for all those women who were staying

home with them kids, that is some hard fucking work. I applaud you. In fact, I

stand on my chair and applaud you. I don't think it's easy at all. I think it's

exhausting. And then society tells us that if our husband is the one who's earning

the money, then we should just suck it up and handle everything else. So back then

I didn't know that I was operating on what society was modeling in TV shows and

magazines and stories and books and all kinds of shit. I just always felt like I

was doing something wrong all the time and I was really tired and I did feel

really trapped and I was kind of trapped and I was worn out each day and I really

needed a break desperately but I did not feel like I could ask for one and even

though my husband was willing and doing it I didn't know how if I'm needing it in

my own head. So I would eat every night. I had the habit of not feeling good

enough, of feeling selfish, feeling lazy, feeling guilty. And then that manifested in

a habit of eating every night. So eating was the only break that I would allow

myself. And it wasn't about the ice cream that I was pile driving every single

night. It was about just getting a few minutes where I could sit down and numb out

and not hear the selfishness,

the guilt, and the hatred of myself for needing a break. What I know now is that

I did need a break. What I know now is that I wasn't undisciplined.

I actually worked really hard during the day, during that time. I wasn't lazy.

I actually gave my all to that child, everything that I had.

But the other thing that I see so clearly now was that a lot of times I thought

that my body Was somehow broken or that I was addicted to food or some crazy shit

like that? No Eating at night was never the problem food ice cream things tasting

good never my problem What was going on is food was the solution I had for a

problem that I just didn't know how to face Feeling guilty for need and rest

feeling like I wasn't enough if I wasn't doing more feeling like I had to earn

every damn thing including just time to sit on my ass not think and chill out with

some current time and so when I finally did decide to lose weight again for the

thousandth time on my big ass stack of failures, believing that it would never work.

I decided I had to do it differently, that I could not just diet again.

I had to really do things different this time. I had to confront a lot of the

stuff going on inside of me. I didn't need to try harder.

I needed to stop beating myself up every single night for needing something that

every human needs and deserves, some rest. And so one night I asked Chris,

I said, "Is it wrong of me to need a break at night?" 'Cause I just couldn't

believe it. And he looked at me and he said,

"Babe, No, it's not wrong. I get to go to work every single day.

I get to be around adults and you don't. I get to go out to lunch if I want to.

I get time in the car on the way there and on the way home to just listen to

whatever I wanna listen to, to enjoy my car ride, to decompress, to look forward to

seeing y 'all, whatever I need, I get that time. And he really, he looked me in

the eye and he said, "Babe, you don't." He laid it out so clearly that in that

moment, something clicked in my brain. I couldn't argue this anymore.

And it was wild because hearing it from him, the person that I really did respect

the most in this world. I love that man so much. It was the thing that finally

helped me start believing that maybe I just wasn't doing everything wrong in my

life. Now, I'm going to tell you, feeling guilty or selfish did not change

overnight. It took time. But it did start with an honest conversation of me talking

to someone to ask is what I'm thinking true. Is it accurate?

Because I knew, honestly, my brain was a fucking mess, and I just needed to hear

from someone I trusted that it was okay, not only to feel how I felt,

but that it was okay that there is a different reality here for me to see.

So I tell you this story because most of us, we're not overeating because we don't

know what a vegetable looks like. We're overeating because food has become the only

way we know how to give ourselves breaks. It's the only place we feel like we're

allowed to relax, the only place we don't feel guilty for wanting something, and

than diets that keep failing us because no one's talking about this stuff.

Sometimes I feel like I'm the only person yelling and screaming at people about it

because it's so important.

The diets they'll tell you, if the scale goes up, that's probably 'cause you're not

disciplined enough. You didn't try hard enough. You must have screwed something up

this week, what was it? And when you're already feeling like you're not good enough,

guess what? Those types of things when they're said to you, you just believe it.

You believe you must have screwed up. I remember going to Weight Watchers in my

20s. We could have Weight Watchers. I swear to God, I was a repeat offender. I

would lose weight and everyone would clap like I had cured cancer somehow. But

here's the thing. I was never proud of the weight loss. I wasn't celebrating because

deep down, I felt like a complete fraud because the only reason why the scale went

down most weeks was because I was gaming the system. I would starve myself all day

long. I would wear the lightest clothes that I own. Every week was a competition to

see if I could wear something lighter than the week before. I would avoid drinking

water all day long before my evening weigh -in, and then I would sit through that

meeting relieved that the stale went down and that the old lady,

Grim Reaper, standing there at the stale, calling me over, wasn't going to chastise

me. But then as I would listen to them celebrate and clap and all the things,

the worry would set in. I'd sit there thinking, how am I going to do this again

next week? What if the scale goes up? What if I can't find the lighter clothes?

What if I can't take a big enough dump? What if I have to actually eat lunch or

something next week? What if they see that I can't keep this up? So by the time I

would walk out of there, I was anxious as shit already thinking that I was going

gonna have to work harder this week, suffer more?

Be miserable? You name it. And then guess what else would happen? On the way home,

I'd hit McDonald's like a damn hamburger. Even though I had technically lost weight,

I just felt like a loser on the inside because I knew I was just doing antics and

Weight Watchers would celebrate it. They would never ask me before they celebrated

the loss. Tell me what you ate this week. Tell me how you did. Nobody ever noticed

that I was binging after Weight Watchers meetings and then eating my face off for

two or three days and then starting the crankdown of starving and eating very little

and trying to make up for shit until that meeting would come again. And then when

I would get to the point to where there were no more antics to be done, I would

just quit because I didn't want to be seen as a loser. And it wasn't just Weight

Watchers that did this shit. When I worked with trainers, I would tell them the

plan's going pretty well. But I was so hungry, I added a little peanut butter this

week, or I ate an apple. And I remember somebody telling me that I needed to work

harder. Don't do that. You just need some willpower. Yo, I was not binging.

I was not eating like a asshole. I was just trying to survive working out and the

very little bit of food that they would give me. I was legit starving.

I couldn't even concentrate at work some days. And the message that I was getting

was even healthy food's a problem for you. Even an apple is too much. I can't tell

you how many diets after that where I would literally panic about whether eating an

apple was gonna keep me fat. And let me be real with you at 250 pounds,

apples were not my problem. I did not have some crazed apple binging problem that

got me all the way up the scale. But what all this did teach me was that I

couldn't trust myself. These are the messages the diet world is sending a lot of us

and we feel like we are broken. If any of this is resonating with you,

please hear me when I say this. You are not broken.

You are not broken.

So I just want to say I understand why so many of us feel like it must be us.

That's the problem. For years, I was stuck in the like just the cycle of thinking

that weight loss was supposed to feel like misery, that if I wasn't suffering,

starving, or spending hours at the gym, I must be doing something wrong. If

something was simple or was common sense based, it just couldn't work. I didn't

realize back then that all the things, all the diets that had me starving myself,

all the diets that required cutting out carbs or strict rules, all the diets that

you could gain the system and you could get rewarded for it, or you eat like a

normal person, adding in a piece of fruit so you don't eat your cat when it walks

by, that somehow that's being bad, created constant self -doubt in me.

So that every time I wanted to try to lose weight again, I was scared to death.

I was confused. I was afraid I was going to do it wrong. I promise all of you,

as someone who finally conquered it and has helped thousands and thousands of women

do this inside my program, hundreds of women have lost over a hundred pounds held

today. I'm going to give a shout out to Wanda. She's been a client of mine for a

while And she has struggled with her weight for a long time, but she has never

given up. She is officially down 140 pounds today.

She just posted in our group. She is an inspiration and a light to so many of our

members because she still has, I don't know how much weight Wanda actually wants to

lose, but she probably has at least a good 60 to Maybe a hundred more pounds.

She wants to lose who knows wherever Wanda wants to be is where Wanda wants to be

But she's gonna get there and Here's how I know because I have watched Wanda

Struggle for a while, but never give up on working on the habits inside of herself

And I hope she listens to this a lot of my members don't listen to the public

podcast anymore because they got plenty of really deep stuff. But I hope she's

listening because she I can see has done what she needs to do.

She has broken some of the habits inside of her. Not all of them. She still

struggles sometimes with believing in herself. It's really hard for her sometimes to

just share her successes, but she does anyway and I'm so fucking proud of her

because that's what today is all about. We have to break the habits that are inside

of us. They're more important. They should come first so that the habits that we

have externally are easier to form, easier to do. The habits that we want to break

that are external, They get easier to do when you break the habits on the inside.

So the truth is that only about 30 % of your weight loss is the outside stuff,

like what you eat, your movement, that kind of stuff, your food choices, 70 % of

your weight loss, I promise you, it is going to come from all the inside stuff.

I'll say that again, 70 % of your weight loss will come down to what you work on

on the inside. Because what's going on on the inside is what will dictate how often

you're able to stick to your plan. Because if you're lonely or you've got guilt and

selfishness coursing through your You're only going to be able to hang tight doing

your diet for so long until you're going to want to go back to food. That is why

we have to work on the internal stuff. Do not believe anyone out there that is

telling you it is just a matter of calories in and calories out. That is true in

one way.

We do have to eat less in order to lose our weight. Not a lot less, but you do

have to eat less than what you need, but slightly less than you need.

But if you only do that piece and you don't fix what's going on the inside, you

will break. And a lot of you know this is true. I want you to think about the

last

did you get off? I can't tell you how many times when I was a hundred pounds

overweight, I could rip off about 25 to 30 pounds and I'd get some of that weight

down and guess what? I'd end up breaking and for a long time I just thought like

I just was bad at losing weight. I thought that I just um like ran out of

motivation. It's like yeah I did run out of motivation. I could only command myself

to follow a plan for so long before I would break because if I was sitting there

every night telling myself I was lazy and selfish and feeling guilty for asking my

husband to help me out, yeah, eventually that misery would now outweigh the misery

of being overweight. And I want you to think about this 'cause I think it's so

important. When you are overweight, most of us, we start a diet when we get

miserable, like fucking miserable. We'll be scared to death to travel and we'll tell

ourselves, I don't have time and I don't have money and I don't have this and I

don't have that. But then there will come a point and it ain't because suddenly You

hit the lottery and all of a sudden God has blessed you with an extra 10 hours in

a day. Never any of that happens. Your life never gets less chaotic. You know what

always happens? You get an asshole, a big fucking asshole of being overweight.

At some point, that misery now outweighs your excuses.

It outweighs your fears. Like, I'm afraid I can't lose weight, but at some point

you're so miserable, you're like, I'm going to hold my nose and I'm jumping in the

deep end and I just hope I swim. You get brave at some point.

So don't sit there and fool yourself and thinking that you're going to find money

and time. No, you know what every woman does? They eventually find courage because

their misery is now outweighing those things. And then when you lose about 30

pounds, guess what happens? You start feeling better. You're like, oh my gosh, I'm

actually doing it, blah, blah, blah. This is why so many of us will say, I got

overly confident. No, you didn't bitch. Here's the thing that happened. You got to

feeling good about your weight. So now all that shit you were eating over,

it has now more miserable than the feel good. Now that's the fire that's gotta be

put out. And if in your diet, you're not fixing the things that you were eating

over, at some point, you do lose momentum, you do lose motivation, you do lose

those things. It is not because you're cocky, it is because you're feeling good over

there, And then everything you were eating over has just been sitting there, waiting

to be loud and clear again. That is why it's important that you work on breaking

internal stuff while you also work on the new external habits.

So, when I started focusing on my inside habits, the very first thing I had to do

was just notice how often I was doing things. It was so normal for me to talk to

myself like an asshole, that so much of what I said, so much of how I talked

about my life, so much of the things that I thought were just happening, so much

of the way I interpreted the people and the situations around me. Like,

so much of it was, I asked whole talk and it all just felt so true.

I had never even thought about challenging how I looked at things, how I talked

about things. And what I was fortunate enough, like when I was losing weight, or

when I decided to lose weight, I was just fortunate enough to have like my husband.

See, I grew up in a family where everything was negative. My mother is the world's

worst warrior, y 'all. She always thinks the worst is gonna happen. She lived in

hypothetical hell my entire life. And I saw that in everybody in my family.

I had never literally been exposed to anyone who had a persistent positive outlook a

day in my life until my husband. So when I was living with him, I would just

notice. I would forgot about things and he wouldn't. I would assume things are

terrible. And he was like, I just don't see that. I would be hating on my body

and he would be saying, "I love you," and he'd walk boom boom every single day.

He would look at my butt like it was a juicy pork chop and he was a starved ham.

So it was such a stark contrast to me. It was like the first time in my life

where I really noticed, "Shit, there must be different ways to think about things.

He seems to think about things, the same shit that I'm seeing, in such a different

way. And that opened the door for me. And that's what I hope this podcast does for

you, because I know a lot of you, you're not married to a guy like I have. You

might not have anybody in your day -to -day life who speaks other truths, who sees

things in different ways, who challenges the way you tell stories about stuff,

about yourself and about your life. And if you don't have that, that is what I

want this podcast to be doing for you. It's at least once a week where you hear

an alternative universe where things aren't as bad as you think, where there's

possibility that you can have hope that you can lose weight. I just want to be

that for you. Back in the day, when I first started, I had to noticed just how

often I was saying this stuff to myself. And it really took a lot of just catching

things that, and not even changing them for me to see,

no wonder I feel bad all the time. Because when I'm thinking like this shit all

the time, that really is the problem. It was this, aha, that in me that realized

my life and me weren't the real problem. The way I thought about my life and the

way I thought about myself, that was my eating problem. And when I realized it,

it was a lot of my thinking that needed to change. It felt so relieving because

now I didn't have to change my life. I didn't have to become a different person. I

was in 100 % control over what I thought. So much of your life,

when you think it's all wrong, you're just not in control of a lot of that stuff.

So when I didn't have to control other people's opinions anymore, when I didn't have

to control situations like I didn't have to lose 100 pounds for my husband to love

me, like the day that I realized he really does love me, it freed me.

It didn't make me less motivated to lose weight. It actually relieved me so much

that I didn't have to eat over my body and what I weighed for fear that he was

going to leave me one day. That is what helped me lose weight, removing all the

reasons why I was eating. That is why I lost weight. And when I realized I didn't

have to suffer and starve to do it there was a part of me that was so relieved

that I was going to just do some simple things But there was a big part of me

that was skeptical that any of this would work The part of me that was skeptical

was literally because I was skeptical of every fucking thing So I had to talk to

myself There was a part of me that didn't think I could lose weight, like a big

part of me, almost a thousand percent of me to be honest. But there was a small

voice also in my head that believed extreme hunger,

starving, cutting out foods that I loved, all the extreme shit wasn't working.

That I did believe. I believed it because I'd lived it. And so there was a part

of me on the inside that says, here's what you don't know. You don't know if doing

the little things is gonna work or not. 'Cause that's what I agreed to do when I

first started losing weight. I was now gonna reverse course. I was not gonna do

extreme shit. I was literally gonna do small things until I got good at 'em.

And when I got good at those things, then I could add something else in. Because I

was bound to determine, I would not quit this time, that I was going to figure

things out. Somehow I was going to figure this out, even if it took a lifetime to

figure out. I was just really willing to just plug away with little things for as

long as it took. And that was so helpful for me. Because a part of me really did

believe that trying it a new way might work. I already knew a thousand ways it

didn't work. And it felt really true for me to say to myself, Corinne,

you might not think it's good enough. You might not think it's gonna work because

you've never been able to lose weight before, but here's what you don't know. You

do not 100 % know if trying it a different way will or will not work,

because we haven't tried it yet. And I always tell my clients, if you're such a

good fucking fork and teller to where you can tell if something's gonna work or

not, stop trying to lose weight, take your ass straight to Vegas, go bet on horses

and blackjack. Go play the lottery.

That is a great way to use your fortune telling skills. We are convinced we know

shit that we actually don't know. So when I was sitting there thinking about what

can I believe, I really did believe that I couldn't lose weight, but I had to

define it better. I knew that I couldn't lose weight trying to keep doing it the

way I'd always done it through punishment and misery. I was not cut out for that.

I was not built for that. I don't think any of us are but I knew for sure I

wasn't. I also knew that if I tried to do it in smaller easier ways that I

couldn't with a hundred percent certainty tell you that it wouldn't work and if I

didn't have a hundred percent certainty if I wouldn't bet my child's life on it

then I was gonna be like all right we got to try it we've got to earn the right

to know it doesn't work by trying for at least 30 or 60 days.

Do the small shit, do the easy shit, and let's just see what fucking happens. So

if I was sitting in front of you right now, and you were thinking that the only

way to lose weight was through typical diets, where there's a lot of misery and a

lot of restriction, here's what I would tell you. How many times has that fucking

worked? The only way we know if it worked is if you lost your weight, and you

kept it off. Do not tell me something works that you lose weight,

but you regained it. Because that means that they missed the point. If you regained

your weight, they did not teach you how to break your internal habits. They only

taught you how to diet. And we have got to and we deserve better.

We have got to learn how to rewire how we think about ourselves. Because losing

weight alone is not enough to make you feel better. When you are sitting around all

the time worrying your ass off about all kinds of shit, waiting for shoes to drop,

automatically assuming that people think the worst of you, whatever it or that you

got a people, please, in order to make people happy. Just because you wear a size

10 that does not make that that life good

So I'm gonna guess that if you're sitting here and listening to this podcast Then

you are a person Who has not successfully lost their weight?

And kept it off and you're in like who is in maintenance living the high life so

much that you listen to me constantly talk about emotional eating, the basics,

believing in yourself and shit. Now, I know a lot of you do listen because you

have done some asinine diets, and but you're living in the maintenance misery.

Maintenance misery is where you've lost weight in a way you couldn't live that you

don't want to live the rest of your life. You didn't change how you think about

yourself. So every day is riddled with obsessing about what you're going to eat,

worrying that you're going to eat something wrong, worrying that you're going to lose

control. If you eat things you love that you're going to suddenly gain weight, and

if you gain any weight, then suddenly you're going to start regaining your weight.

You're terrified. That is maintenance misery. Now work a lot with these women.

A lot of people end up joining my program because they need to unwind a lot of

diet trauma. But I just want all of you to know it doesn't have to be this way.

So let's wrap things up. What I want you to do this week is really simple, but

it's not hard. I want you to just start noticing. Notice where in your life you're

setting unrealistic expectations for yourself? Notice where you're assuming people are

judging you without you ever even asking what they're thinking, where you're trying

to read minds constantly, you're trying to anticipate what's going to happen next,

and whatever you think is going to happen next is always somehow catastrophic and

really terrible, where you worry your ass off, and notice where you're making things

harder than they need to be in your life, and especially notice where you're denying

yourself rest or care because you're convinced that you're being selfish when you do

it. Because if you don't know what the real problem is when you're trying to lose

weight, you can't fix it. And if you don't realize that you're eating because you

feel guilty or because you think you're not enough or because you're worn out from

carrying the weight of the world, you're going to just keep blaming food like food

is the problem or that you are the problem. We just got internal habits to break.

This is why so many diets fail. They give you rules. They hand you a meal plan

and they say, try harder. We can do hard things, but they never get into why

you're eating in the first place. If you don't fix that part, you're either going

to white knuckle your way through a diet and gain it all back the second life

feels hard or you'll quit before you even get there because you've taken away the

one thing that's been helping you cope in life. This isn't you being broken.

This is nobody's ever taught you how to solve the real problems that cause you to

gain weight. So this week, I don't want you looking for a perfect diet. I want you

to pay attention to the places where food has become the way you cope. I want you

to expose yourself to that stuff. Write it down if you have to. Ask questions

instead of just assuming shit. That is how we lose weight. And if this episode like

really hit home for you, I want you to make sure that you are subscribed to this

podcast because I don't want you to miss any of the future episodes. And if you've

got a friend who's always beating herself up about her weight, feel free to share

this podcast with her. Sometimes hearing somebody else put words to what you're going

through is the exact thing that makes you feel less alone. All right, that's it for

today. I'll see you next time.