Do you ever wake up promising, "I'm gonna follow my diet perfectly today!" But by the end of the day you're thinking, "Damn. Why can't I do this?"

Have you tried counting points, tracking macros, or cutting carbs? And felt like a failure when you "slipped up?"

Do you keep waiting for the "perfect time" to lose weight? Maybe when life isn't so stressful and you'll "finally have the willpower" to stick with it?

I spent 30 years "failing" at weightloss. And here's what I know from experience: 

You have been screwed by the diet industry.

In today's episode, The Perfect Time to Lose Weight, I'm exposing the truth about why diets don't work. You'll hear:

• The most important element of weightloss that diets ignore
• 3 common types of overeating (I'll bet you've done at least one of them)
• The ONE thing people who lose weight do differently (write this down!)

You haven't failed at diets. Diets have failed YOU. Want to know what to do instead to lose weight?

It's time to stop blaming yourself for failing diets. And start understanding what's really going on.

The very first thing that all of you need to know is that you have been screwed by past diets, and I really feel that way. As someone who did 30 years of dieting trying so hard since the age of 11 doing anything that me and my mama thought might be a good idea, whatever my mama could afford at the moment, all the things, there was always something missing. Now, I am not saying that the diet industry is purposely sitting in a dark room like Dr. Evil going, we're going to withhold food. That is not what I'm saying when I say that they are screwing us. I think that the diet industry is just very stuck in an old fashioned system and it is screwing women over royally. What that means is that if you are not learning that this is a truly an emotional issue for us, we are eating our feelings a lot, even when it tastes so good, that is still a feeling.  

I want you to think about this. Let's say that you're married. You know how great boom boom is and boom boom with a good looking man's, probably even better if you wouldn't go out with your husband and say, you know what? I'm going to need a night with that man because he looks so good and I bet it'll be so good and so much fun. Why would we set aside our commitment to marriage? But if we're not going to set aside our commitment to marriage, why would we sit and say a damn good reason for not achieving my dreams, a damn good reason for me to prepare my relationship with food, to feel better in my clothes, to establish long-term health, whatever reasons we're losing weight for, I want you to think about this. Why is the food tasting good a valid excuse? Most of us don't even think about that.  

It's like we spend so much time in our life not using dumb ass wants and desires for things. We don't respond to them. Just like I always say, if I'm at the grocery store and somebody in front of me is taking too damn long and they're paying pennies and nickels and hand counting them out, and I'm in a rush and all I want to do is throw, punch 'em, throw 'em on the ground and go first. You know what I do? I sit there and seethe. I sit there and I sit through a lot of frustration and anger and worry that I'm going to be late because I'm not about to go to jail over that. But I'll tell you, if I throw 'em down on the ground, throw punch 'em, I'm probably going to feel good. I'm going to get where I want real quick.  

I'm going to meet my immediate needs, but I don't do it. So even when we think food tastes good, we're like, I must not be emotional. I just love food. I promise you that's still an emotional eat. It is still something we have to overcome. It is still something that we have to learn how to in the moment. Even though something's fun and tastes good and feels good in order to lose weight, you know what we have to really learn how to do? People who lose weight are really good at doing the thing they least want to do in the moment.  

Write this down. People who lose weight learn how to do the thing they most don't want to do in the moment they learn how to do it anyway. In order to be that person, you have to understand all of these reasons why we are eating all of these reasons, why we feel compelled, all of the reasons why we want to do the absolute opposite in the moment. Even though we know I want to lose weight, I want to have a better relationship with food, I so want these things, but in the moment, these other things get in my way. And in order to be someone who loses weight, you have to work through the emotional reasons why you keep turning to food so that in the moment when you don't want to do it, you understand why you are wanting to absolutely do the one thing you know probably shouldn't.  

The one thing you promised yourself you wouldn't do again. So how many of you get fucking tired of waking up in the morning thinking, I wish I hadn't ate that last night. I wish I'd done better yesterday in the moment it felt like, oh, tomorrow I'm going to be so much better tomorrow. I'm going to have my shit together tomorrow. Me. She is prepared and she is ready to do all the things, and you wake up in the morning and tomorrow you is suffering at the hand of last night you. And the only way to start breaking these things is we have to understand when are we emotionally eating? Why are we doing it so that moving forward in the moments when this trigger comes back up for me when this moment happens again, I know what's really happening. I'm not just reacting to feeling deprived.  

I'm not just reacting to feeling like my needs aren't getting met. I'm not just reacting to my anger. I'm not just angry eating. I'm not just giving up eating. I'm not just doing those things anymore. So you have to get really good at noticing all of that, and that is how we fix overeating in the long run. So when you sign up to lose weight, you're really signing up for what I call a more complex life. We all think we're going to lose weight and everything's going to get easier. And this is what really happens in weight loss and why all your other diets aren't meeting your needs. Why your other diets they blow up. They're not your fault. It really isn't your fault. So when you start trying to lose weight and we are going to now have a more complex life, it just means that we are going to have to do things very differently than we've done in the past.  

We are going to no longer react to cravings and temptations and urges in the exact way we've always done it. Now, a lot of times what happens is people get really used to thinking that a more complex life means, oh, it's going to take so much time. Now I got to go to the gym all the time and I'm never going to be able to eat the foods I want. And we confuse what the complex life is. I promise you, when I teach you how to lose weight, it is literally butt ass simple. It is not complicated. We're going to eat when we're hungry. We're going to stop it enough. We're going to drink water, we're going to get our sleep. We are also going to take care of ourselves. Self-care has to come back into the picture. It can't be something that we never do.  

And then the last thing is we're just going to pre-decide some of the foods each day so that the tired ass version of us is not sitting around having to think and obsess and worry and wonder about what to eat. My job always in weight loss is how do I make your weight loss so simple that a three-year-old could do it and understand it, and then how do we make all the stuff that goes on around that easier on you? So when you lose weight and you're signing up for this more complex life, it's not because it takes a lot of time. You're not going to get enough food. It's not because we're going to cut out carbs. It's not because we're going to have to hire trainers and get our ass kicked and not be able to walk for three days after a workout.  

What we're really doing when we sign up for what we call the complex life is let's say you have been rebel eating. Rebel eating is where you go through your entire day and the rebel eater at night usually comes out. The rebel in you is the one who is all day long living by everybody rules. You are so scared to disappoint people. You feel like you don't have a voice in the world. You're just doing what you're told. You're trying to be the good girl. All the things. It's not only just in your diet trying to be good, but it's just in general in your job. You're trying to be a good mom, you're trying to be a good wife, you're trying to be a good everything. And the rebel eater gets her ass full by the end of the day, and then at night she's so sick and tired of everybody else's rules.  

All she wants is a little peace and quiet and all she wants is to be able to just say, I want to do what I want to do. I haven't got to do what I want to do all day long, and it is fulfilling this need. So when we decide to lose weight permanently by ending our overeating, that means we have to learn how to have a bigger voice in the world. That means we have to learn how to feel safe saying no to people and things that we know we don't want to do and that we don't even have to do it, but something in us is convinced we don't have the right to say no or that they're going to get hurt or they're going to suffer if I say no. So when you sign up to lose weight, you are signing up to become that person because if you're eating over those reasons, we have to heal those reasons or you're never ever going to lose weight.  

You will always be an overeater because the need to feel like you matter and that you have a voice in the world isn't going away and there is not enough Twinkies ice cream that popcorn chips and bottles of wine that are going to fill that hole. Now, let's say you're a bucket eater, all right? If you are a fuck eater, then you have to develop a sense of flexibility with rules. Perfectionists tend to be the biggest bucket eaters. They think the second one thing goes wrong, I've broken the rules, I might as well just eat my face off. I might as well just go face down. When you are one of these people, if you're a screwed eater, you've got to practice patience. You have to learn how to be patient when things aren't instantly going the way you expect or want, especially on the scale. You have to redefine and learn about what is the scale supposed to be doing. You have to learn how to not beat yourself up when you make mistakes. You've got to learn how to, this is probably one of the biggest ones is you have to not just learn flexibility, but you have to learn how to have lots of gray areas. You have to learn how to be a little uncertain and still feel safe.  

And then there are comfort eaters when you sign up to lose weight, you are also signing up how to love yourself. Comfort eaters very often don't love themselves very much. You're not always in self-hatred, but you have the running theme in your head. I'm not good enough. You're always playing from behind. You're always trying to prove yourself to someone. If you're a comfort eater and you decide you're going to end overeating, you're also signing up to somehow soothe your own needs in new ways. You are signing up to learn how to speak up for what you need in your deepest relationships, and you're also signing up to no longer require other people to soothe you. You learn how to be disappointed in others, but you also learn how to normalize expectations of others. I was a comfort eater for a long time and I vacillated between two things.  

I needed like my husband to say certain things or I was a wreck if he wasn't saying certain things. I was going to what we call hypothetical hell. This is another common phenomenon for people who need to lose weight. You have to learn how to catch when you are. What if this happens? What if this happens? What if this happens? What is this happens? This is why we're saying we're going to live a more complex life if we're not going to rely on food anymore. We have to learn how to rely on ourselves. We have to learn the skills to listen to what we're doing and pivot and to a new direction. We have to learn how to talk to ourselves. We have to learn how to talk to others. It's all of these skills that so many of us, no one ever taught us.  

We didn't even know these were problems, and I'll just tell all of you, if you didn't know these were problems, you were not to blame for not being able to lose weight. I want all of you to realize it makes sense that it has been very hard for you. Overeating, especially when we're talking about the emotional side, the 70% of it is always about things that most of us never even knew were a thing. We thought it was a default, like a defect in us. And we've probably been told by other people, you are too sensitive. You are too loud, you are too much. Don't cry about that. That's not worth crying over. It's okay. And it wasn't okay. It is one of the things that I think so many women by well-meaning parents said to us as we were growing up, that when we are scared and crying as a child, and even though as an adult they know it's ridiculous. Let's just imagine you're crying because you think there's a monster in your closet to you as a five-year-old, it is as real as this desk.  

And then someone comes in and says, it's okay. It's like me feeling like shit is okay. We don't learn these things, so you don't need to beat yourself up. And now some of you probably did have parents that were amazing, and then some of us had parents that did the best they can, and their best was not exactly the best. I have a father that abandoned me. I'm sure he was doing his best, but it was very traumatic for me. I spent my entire life repeating basically a past trauma of being abandoned by my dad. Now, not all of us have big traumas. I didn't have very many major traumas. I had what I would call little ruptures in my system growing up that I spent my entire twenties and thirties reliving over and over and over again until I realized what was happening and I was recreating it in food and in losing weight.  

So here's some signs that you are an emotional eater and that this is probably coming from your past. So if you feel like you're constantly putting other people first, it's probably something you learned. You could have witnessed your mother doing it. You could have a grandmother doing it. You could have witnessed a teacher doing it. It happens everywhere. If you suffer from perfectionism, you always feel like you got to do it right or somehow hills to pay. You don't know, really know how to feel good enough. That was me after my dad basically leaving us and not having anything to do with us. I spent the majority of my life, even after I lost weight, I still had to work through this never feeling good enough. I was always trying to do things, and it was no matter what I accomplished and what I did, there was always something else that I needed to do because I never felt safe. Hard time celebrating yourself. You want to lose weight really bad, but you're constantly throwing up reasons why it's not the right time. I don't have the money for this.  

I need all these things right before I do this. That's another pattern we get stuck in always taking something we know we want to do and coming up with a reason that feels legit in the moment to not do it. And so what we do is we delay our happiness. We delay all the things that we know we want so bad. If we are delaying it at some level, we probably feel like we don't deserve it. If you have a hard time asking for help, that's one of mine. If you have a hard time setting boundaries, just let people run over your ass all the time. Fear of failure. So afraid to fail.  

I love it when people tell me, I just can't take failing one more time. I'm like, really? Really Think about that sentence. Let's say you've lost weight and you have failed 40 times. You survived 40 times. Why is this next time, the one time that you're not going to be able to handle it? Anytime my brain likes to tell me not to do something so afraid, I'm going to fail. I can't handle that. I'm always like, Corinne, you are so wrong. You handle a lot all the time. You're just afraid and you don't want to feel like a failure. There's a big difference between you can't handle it, and I don't like feeling this way.  

I have just made a rule for myself. I will not spend another day in my life not doing things that could possibly change my life because I'm afraid I won't be able to do it. That's called pre-filing. So you're not escaping failure, you're just failing ahead of time. Permission seeking is another one that is a big one. You don't like making decisions. You need a whole committee before you make any decisions. These are things that we do and that's why we're eating. I want you to think about it. If you're going through your life without boundaries, afraid to make mistakes, you're always putting everybody else first. You never feel good enough. You don't know how to celebrate yourself very well. You don't ask for help very often. You're afraid of failing. You won't do anything unless somebody else tells you it's okay. You never feel like it's okay for you to do it.  

You're constantly saying, I don't have time. I don't have money. And feeling all of the anxiety around that, that is not a great life. It is no wonder we're eating. And then unless we're solving these things, it is really hard to lose weight because our only outlet now is food. That is why diets fail. They take the outlet and they leave you with the shit life, and they're like, but you're going to be thin one day. And it's like, well, what is the point of being thin? I want you to think about this. When I was at two 50, I promise you if at 150, I was still putting everybody else's needs first, but I was just, I weighed 150. I was still going to be butt ass tired and uncared for if I weigh 150 versus two 50, but I beat myself up all the time.  

I'm just going to feel beat up all the time while I weigh 150 if I can't celebrate and never feel good enough. And this is what happened to me when I finally hit my goal weight. I didn't really know how to celebrate myself. I still didn't feel good enough. Although I was excited to be one 50. Guess what? Next came. Well, you sure didn't look the way you thought you would. That's unfortunate. I mean, don't, don't get too happy. You might gain the weight back. Corin. If you are 150 pounds and you're still doing everything in your house yourself because you didn't ever learn how to ask for help, guess what? You ain't happy. This is why we deserve better. We deserve weight loss programs that tackle the real reasons we're eating. And so what we have to do is we got to learn a few things.  

Number one, we have to be able to spot when we're doing it. Then we've got to take new action in the face of old excuses, in the face of reasons, in the face of all of those things that feel so scary and so real and so overwhelming. You have to learn how to be really clear with yourself about, this is my old shit coming up. And it may be true in the past that I have failed all kinds of diets and I have done all kinds of things, but it's up to me in this moment to decide, do I keep repeating my past? Do I keep reliving my past every day? Or do I make the most of this moment so that tomorrow's moments are a little bit better? So again, you're not to blame for all those diets. People who lose weight are the people who do the right things for themselves when it's the absolute hardest and scariest thing to do. People who lose weight, they do not wait for a convenient time. People who lose weight do not wait until they believe. People who lose weight are not certain that they can do it. People who lose weight know that in this moment when it's really hard, it must be worth it. All right, bye y. All.