Updated: February 12, 2024

Episode 356: How To Actually Hold Yourself Accountable

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Episode 356 How To Actually Hold Yourself Accountable

I get this question a lot: 

“How do I hold myself accountable?”

Most women think accountability is being hard on yourself. We tell ourselves to be good, don’t be a fuck up, or stop being lazy. 

Then wonder…

Why do we know what to do to lose weight, and we don’t do it.

Newsflash: We talk to ourselves like an asshole to get ourselves to behave.

And this will keep you from losing weight. 

In today’s podcast episode — How to Actually Hold Yourself Accountable — I’ll share three steps for weightloss accountability :

  1. Know when you’re being an ass to yourself.
  2. Track habits that help you lose weight (and stop tracking things that don’t).
  3. Identify unmet self-care needs (so you can stop eating to care for yourself).

When you learn this, you’ll start losing weight and never look back. So listen today!

Get the Free Course here:



Speaker 1 (00:00:01):

Hi, I’m Corinne. After a lifetime of obesity being bullied for being the fattest kid in the class and losing and gaining weight like it was my job, I finally got my shit together and I lost 100 pounds each week. I’ll teach you no bullshit weight loss advice you can use to overcome your battle with weight. I keep it simple. You’ll learn how to quit eating and thinking like an asshole. You stop that and weight loss becomes easy. My goal is to help you lose weight the way you want to live your life. If you are ready to figure out weight loss, then let’s go.

Speaker 2 (00:00:36):

Alright, we’re going to start today. This is a q and a day, which I don’t do very many of these, so if you are coming on in, welcome, welcome, welcome. I’m going to get all my little screens up and we are going to rock some questions. So lemme tell you how today is going to go. Q and a days are simply, that is exactly it. You get to ask questions about anything that you want in terms of weight loss. If it is a little bit more about maybe you’re a podcast listener, the losing 100 pounds podcast, in case you’re just like, I can’t remember your podcast name. It’s the losing 100 pounds podcast. Maybe there’s been things I’ve taught in there, you have a question about it. Maybe you’re afraid of losing weight and you’re just wanting to hear a little bit of mindset stuff.

Speaker 2 (00:01:24):

Whatever it is, you can come in and you can ask your questions. The way that you’ll do it is you will use the q and a function on your zoom room. That’s it. If you have any questions about that, just use the q and a and I’ll answer those for you. I want to kick off today with a question that I commonly get because I think this is one that I’ve been thinking about it here lately because it’s a confusing question to me. It is called how do I hold myself accountable? People ask this all the time because I think that the origin behind why we’re asking the question is I know what to do but I’m not doing it, and if I held myself accountable, then somehow I would be doing better. Okay? So I want to talk about it today while y’all are populating questions, so make sure you ask them.

Speaker 2 (00:02:22):

Otherwise, it’s going to be a really short session and there’s a few hundred of you here, so somebody should, unless y’all are all killing it in weight loss, otherwise just tell me in the chat like, Hey, I’m just killing it. I don’t have any damn questions. All right, so the first thing you can ask it like, all right, Jill, put it in the q and a for me because it’s a lot easier for me to see questions in the q and a than it is for me to see in the chat. I just happen to see it over here, but if you’ll put it in the q and a, it’ll be a lot easier for me to answer because it’ll stay there. The chat, what it does is it rolls things up and then I can’t find your stuff. Don’t worry about it, Jill, we all good?

Speaker 2 (00:02:56):

So let’s talk about though, how do we hold ourselves accountable? The first thing is we have to understand what does holding ourselves accountable mean? Because a lot of times what we are really thinking when we’re talking about accountability and the reason why we don’t do it is I got to call myself out on all my shift. That’s not holding yourself accountable, that’s judging yourself, that’s admonishing yourself. That’s highlighting the things that you’re doing wrong. Holding yourself accountable literally means the state of feeling responsible for an action or a result. So for example, holding yourself accountable would say, when I overeat, I want to know that I did it. I don’t want to hide from it. I don’t want to run from it and I don’t want to ignore it. What I want to do is I want to know when I do it, because the only way for me to stop overeating is to know are there specific times that I do it? Is there specific emotions that drive it? Are there certain people around that I tend to overeat? Are there certain foods that I forget to stop it enough, more so than other foods? So we want to be responsible for the actions and results. The reason why most of us aren’t going to be responsible for them is because we’re not taking responsibility. What we do is we take blame and shame. Those are two very different things.

Speaker 2 (00:04:30):

Taking responsibility for something means I am going to see it and I am going to learn from it, and then I’m going to make a plan for the next time to do something different to see if I show up differently. Taking blame for it is I’m going to see it, then I’m going to call myself names. I’m going to hate on myself. I’m going to catastrophize. I’m going to scare the shit out of myself, and then I’m never going to want to see these things again. So accountability is about how do you hold yourself responsible instead of holding yourself in shame and judgment. So one of the things that we have to do in order to be more accountable is to unlearn talking to ourselves like a complete douche bag. When we see ourselves not being perfect, you can unlearn that behavior. Most of us don’t realize we do it, and here’s how.

Speaker 2 (00:05:35):

If you talk to yourself like a douche bag, when you break a plan, when you overeat, if you feel bad after you’re being a douche bag, when you notice you’ve overate, when you break a plan and you feel curious or you feel a little disappointed because thought you were going to do better, but you’re willing, you’re feeling willing now to figure it out, you ain’t being a douche bag. So step one in accountability is you got to unlearn being a douche. The second part of accountability is you have to learn how to see things. We have to learn how to see things. This is really simple. This comes into tracking. We have to learn how to track the things we need to see. Now, traditional diets have us track stuff that does not matter. It does not matter if you track your calories. It does not matter if you’re tracking macros and stuff.

Speaker 2 (00:06:39):

I know you all think all that shit matters. It does not matter if you’re going to be holding yourself accountable and you’re going to be losing weight. You have to get sophisticated at finding the things to track that actually cause weight loss. The way I teach my members is we’re going to track things like how many off plan eats are you having versus how many on plan eats are you having? Because that’s going to tell us how many times you are able to follow through and it’s going to tell us how many times you’re having a tough time doing what you said you would do. That’s weight loss. Weight loss happens when you get better at doing what you said you would do. That’s why tracking calories and shit doesn’t matter. You be blowing through your calories all the time, but that doesn’t mean that you’re actually getting better at knowing whether or not you keep promises to yourself or not.

Speaker 2 (00:07:39):

We also want to do things like tracking overeats. How many times am I stopping at enough versus how many times am I eating past enough? Because then when you have a collection of times that you are eating past enough, now you have data to dig into. If it was four times this week, okay, were they at night? Were they around certain situations? Was it just certain foods? What were the patterns? Because when I find the patterns, now I know where to zone in and I know where to come up with strategies. I was just coaching someone I coach on Sundays in my membership, and one of the things that we were talking about was I had a lady who was telling me that she makes plans and in the evenings there’s two things that she plans for in the morning and doesn’t follow through within the evening.

Speaker 2 (00:08:39):

I was like, well, tell me what they are. She said, well, number one, I’m trying to get back into exercise again because she’s had a surgery and it’s really important that she start moving her body. And she said at night, I am just really tired and I don’t know if I’m ready to do all this. I don’t know if I’m ready for all this exercise. I said, okay, what’s the other thing? And she said, well, in the evenings I don’t want to follow my plan Every night. I’m like, I’m just saying I just want to take it easy. I said, okay, so here’s what we know. The problem is in the evenings you are craving ease in your evenings. So our plans need to provide ease if it wasn’t going to be food and stuff, where in your life right now do you feel it’s so hard that by the evening you need eats?

Speaker 2 (00:09:41):

And we started talking about it. She’s had a health scare and stuff. One of the things that we don’t do near enough is that when we’re tracking our overeats, we’re not asking ourselves in this moment, what did I really need? Another lady that I was working with, we do calls where I bring people on camera and I talk to them and this is how we get to the root of the problem and all of our members benefit from it, and she Raise your hand or give me an emoji. If you ever say this, you’re wanting to have a cookie at night or you’re wanting to eat something, she was wanting to eat pretzels and she’d yell at herself. She wouldn’t necessarily yell hard, but she would say, you don’t need that. And she was like, I’ll say you don’t need it. You don’t need it a couple times.

Speaker 2 (00:10:38):

And then eventually I would just go like, fuck it. I’m having it anyway. I just want it. And I said, okay, so this is good to know because the reason why you’re going into fuck it mode is because when you’re yelling at yourself, you don’t need it. Not one time have you said, what do you really need? If it’s not pretzels, she was like, what? I said, yeah, you’re telling yourself you don’t need that, which probably means you need to ask the question. So what do I really need and how do I start getting more of that in my life? And I was telling her it’s just like if we all had a two-year-old toddler sitting next to us and they’re just screaming for something. They’re not telling us what they want. They’re just crying, and you can tell they want something and you’re just sitting there going, you don’t need to cry.

Speaker 2 (00:11:36):

You don’t need to cry. You don’t need to cry. And we never ask them what they want. A toddler is just going to turn up the volume. They’re now going to throw themselves onto the ground. They’re going to kick and scream because what they really want you to do is ask ’em obvious question, what’s wrong? What do you need right now so I can fix it? And then when they say, here’s what I need, I’ve been sitting in a shitty diaper all day, my ass is burning from rash. Will you change it? And you change the diver, slap on some of that. What is it? I remember, I can’t remember what we used to put all over Logan’s ass, that chalky shit, desodine or whatever it was. You do that, guess what happens to their crying goes away because we solve the fucking problem. And the problem that we have is when we are not holding ourselves accountable, when you look at and track things and learn how to ask these types of questions, then you are never going to be able to figure out how to lose your weight because weight loss happens in identifying needs.

Speaker 2 (00:12:53):

Looking at why we are overeating and figuring all of that out. So we have to remember just a few things when it comes to accountability.

Speaker 2 (00:13:04):

You have got to learn how to hold yourself responsible instead of holding yourself in blame, shame, and judgment. You have to track behaviors. And then once you are seeing the behaviors that aren’t going to equal weight loss, we have to ask ourselves, where are the obvious patterns? What are the obvious solutions? Things I can try that won’t be too hard for me? What are the needs that are not being met that this food is trying to solve? Until we’re doing all that, you can start any diet you want and it’s going to fail miserably every single time. You are only going to be able to willpower for so long because when you’re trying to lose weight, if you emotionally eat at all, if you eat to be happy, if you eat to be comforted, if you eat to pass the time, if you eat to fit in, if you eat to relax at night, if you eat to not feel guilty for taking a break, whatever you do, when you take away the food, you are left with all of those feelings or you’re left with no way to give yourself those feelings. And if you don’t know that and have a way to put all that into place, you will stop holding yourself accountable. You won’t want to look at all of it. You’ll always feel like a failure. So we want to make sure that when we hold ourselves responsible, when we’re holding ourselves accountable, that the very first thing we do is we learn how to do it in a way that gives us solutions that doesn’t tear our self-esteem down. Okay, so let’s look at some of the other questions that are coming in.

Speaker 2 (00:14:55):

I’m having a tough time restarting help. Most of the time when people are having a tough time restarting, Judy, this is what happens. Literally, I was talking about this earlier today. You need to make, I asked a lady, she’s lost over a hundred pounds and she came on to get coached because after losing a hundred pounds, she’s got some more weight she’d like to lose. She started stopping some of the behaviors that she was doing. So for instance, she uses something called Fight Timer, which was helping her slow down her eating. Then she had stopped using one of our methods called the halftime method, which helps you eat a little less and figure out where your enough is. She had started increasing her portions to see if she could eat a little more and still lose weight. She found out that was stalling her weight, so she didn’t go back to what portions she was eating, and she had been exercising three to four days a week.

Speaker 2 (00:16:00):

She was now only exercising one day a week. I can’t remember her name, but I have all my notes here. And I said, okay, well, of those things, what can you do today? She’s like, well, I could fire up the bike timer. It’s on my watch. I was like, all right, what’s it going to take for you to do that? She said, pushing a button. I said, okay, then why aren’t you pushing the button? And she goes, well, I don’t know. I know that that’s not going to be hard, but I just think I should be doing all the things I was doing. And I said, look, this is the reason why most of us have a hard time restarting when we’ve gotten off track. We have a certain set of behaviors we were doing at the heights of when everything was working and when we were doing those behaviors, our brain, our thoughts were really great.

Speaker 2 (00:16:56):

Well, now our thoughts are not so great, but we want to act like someone who thought like a champ. We want to behave like the version of us that had the best thinking ever. So what we’ve got to do is we have to realize where we’re at with our thinking. If our thinking is it’s hard to start, then we can’t try to plug in best day actions. We have to try put in actions right now to restart that are current day thinking. If I think it’s going to be hard, then I’ve got to ask myself this question, what is the smallest, easiest things that I could do to get momentum? That’s what we have to think about. Can’t be think about all the other shit. So when you want to go back to thinking about how I used to be, what all I used to do and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, know that that is an energy drain that is a waste of time and it never will start the engine.

Speaker 2 (00:17:59):

You don’t have that same thinking going on anymore, that best day you had best day, you started with something and slowly ramped up until she put it all together. So we don’t start at the end of her journey, we go back and we’re like, alright, this version of me has to start with what I know I can do so I can get my wins, get some momentum, get my fucking ass going. And then here’s the beautiful part when we restart, the very first time you did this stuff, you not only had to get your ass in gear, but you had to learn a lot.

Speaker 2 (00:18:43):

You had to learn a lot of stuff. This version of you doesn’t have to do it. You already have a collection of knowledge and it’s all tucked away in your habit brain. It’s just waiting for you to fucking do some stuff so it can send up positive thoughts so it can send up like remember when we did this, and remember when you tried this, your brain’s waiting on you to do something small so that it can send you the better thinking, but y’all want to do it in ask backwards fashion like, no, here’s what I want to do. I want to sit around and I want to wait until I feel amazing, and so I’m going to gripe blame and complain and wonder why I can’t start. You’ll get caught in a loop and you’ll never get out. The day is not coming when you’re going to feel amazing and get going.

Speaker 2 (00:19:40):

You know what day is coming, the day that you’re like, I’m sick of this shit. I’m going to do some simple things and get off my ass. That day has arrived, let’s go and then one day I’m going to feel amazing and one day all of those thoughts are coming back, but when I sit here and try to act like I’m supposed to be feeling better and I’m, I’m doing all that shit, shit, I’m getting nowhere. This is why so many of you need to join our membership. I talk about this stuff daily. This is the kind of stuff y’all need to be hearing on repeat because here’s what you are hearing on repeat your brain all the time. You might have successful members. Literally they’re like, I just plug in the hours of content you’ve got because in there I’m talking about this stuff.

Speaker 2 (00:20:37):

The podcast is nice, but I’m just teaching a lesson. You can’t just get real stuff all the time now. You ain’t going to listen to me all the damn time. But a lot of you when you’re showering, shitting, cooking, wandering, commuting, Netflix, I don’t give a damn what’s going on A lot of y’all, you need my wisdom drowning out your crappy thinking because when you’re listening to me, you can’t be listening to your brain and I’m a shrill and I’ll yell at you and I’ll drown out old shitty every day. Come here. Old shitty. Look at him. He just with a smiley face. He’s like, all you do is tear me down. All right, what do I do on days that I’m not hungry at all? Do I just wait until I’m hungry to eat? Yep, why not?

Speaker 2 (00:21:36):

That’s what farmers do. That’s what they do in indigenous lands. Y’all act like it’s so crazy. If I’m not hungry, should I eat? No, don’t tell that to some fucking farmer in South America, no farmer in South America is ever sitting around going, I just noticed I haven’t been hungry much all day. Maybe I should stop farming real quick and go get a snack. That’s some makeup bullshit that we do and fucking civilized society. My grandmother back in the twenties and thirties was never sitting around luxuriating and confusion about whether or not she was hungry. You know what they did? They worked the fucking farm. They were real grateful when it was time to eat. No one was worried that if they ate breakfast at seven in the morning before it got too fucking hot and they worked until 12 and took a break. It was the hottest part of the day. No one was like, you know what? Around nine, I was actually hungry again. I should take a break. They’re like, oh, we keep working. This is one of the things we have to think about. Just listen to your body. Your body’s not going to steer you wrong. There will be. Now I want to say this about hunger. You are supposed to as a human, have days where you’re extra hungry and have days where you’re barely hungry. That’s called fucking bodies.

Speaker 2 (00:23:17):

That has been going from the beginning of time until now. Regardless of the food chain for all of human kinds, everybody has always had fluctuating hunger and hungry days. So just eat. When you’re hungry, your body is not going to let you starve. But if you get hungry, eat this goes as equally as on the days that you are extra hungry, you should eat. We don’t not eat on those days. If you’re physically hungry, eat it is the simplest rule and yet we all want to override it all the time. I struggle with drinking enough water on the weekends. I do better during the week because of my structured schedule. You’re not doing it because of a structured schedule. You’re not drinking water on the weekends because you haven’t put structure into your weekend for water. I want you to think about this. I have water on my desk on the weekends.

Speaker 2 (00:24:29):

I have it in my bedroom literally everywhere you look in my house, there’s little bottles of water almost everywhere so that when Corinne wants a drink, she has one. It is not hard to get water in for all of you. If you have an unstructured weekend and you lay your ass in bed and watch the Netflix all weekend, guess what? Pile up four bottles of water next to your bed. If you run the kids everywhere, you are here and there and everywhere, taking ’em to practices and then we’ve got games and we go out to dinner and stuff. Drink water at dinner. Keep a cooler water in your car. There’s this thing called igloo. There are these things that we can do to make sure that we have water everywhere we go. Stop at a gas station. They have lots of bottled water. We’re in the time in life where water, if you’re in the United States, probably if you’re on a Zoom call, you live somewhere where water is highly accessible, buy extra bottles and keep them with you.

Speaker 2 (00:25:47):

How is your program different from a traditional life coach school program? I’ve done this with a one-on-One coach lost 30 pounds and gained it all black plus some very depressing. I also am a LCS coach and I think some aspects of the weight loss program are essentially another diet. I don’t do the LCS program. I don’t do no sugar and no flour. We do the four basics. We’re very different than LCS. We don’t even do the model inside. This is for all of you. I don’t want to get too far into it. We don’t even do the model. Our program is very different. We have community number one. We have my course is very different. It is emotional based stuff, but I also teach you how to do, we’re based more with intuitive eating type skills. We do a lot of emotions based. We also do a lot of habit work.

Speaker 2 (00:26:34):

We do those kinds of things. I just think our program’s a lot different. I mean, I love Brooke and everything she does at LCS, but our program’s very different. I don’t believe in cutting joy out of food. Also, we do a lot of making sure that you’re eating all the foods. I think that all of us need pleasure in food. So like LCS takes the pleasure out of food. We put the pleasure back in. I just think it’s important that we honor our cultures. I talk all the time about how Jill, you may want to listen to my podcast so that you understand the big differences between my program and their program, but mine’s very different. I’ve been coaching this way for seven years. I am master coach certified and everything, but I created all my own content and I’ve studied weight loss and I’ve studied all types of different things from intuitive eating, binge eating, recovery, nervous system, societal conditioning.

Speaker 2 (00:27:33):

I take a lot of that stuff and it’s more of a 360 approach to weight loss. Weight loss. It’s not just thought work or cutting sugar and flour out. Any suggestions on how to stop and enabling husbands? I’ve had numerous serious conversations about my health and needing his support. Nothing’s worked. So a husband can’t enable you. This is my first thought. I always tell my clients, unless your husband ties you down to the kitchen table, takes small jaws of life and opens it up, throws Twinkies in and plunges, no one can force you to eat. What you have to learn is quit focusing on, I need you to stop doing these things so I can do better and start focusing on, I need to quit set thinking that when you want me to eat, when you offer me these foods that I don’t have control over myself, that’s where we need to enable ourselves.

Speaker 2 (00:28:35):

So rather than making him stop, because the hardest thing you’re ever going to do to lose weight is to try to control everything around you so that you can lose weight. There’s only one person we can control. That’s us. I can control my hand to my mouth. People can offer me food every fucking day and I can say no, and I’m going to tell you I own a sports bar, own a sports bar, and when I go down there, they’re always wanting me to sample things. They always have drinks. They’re wanting me to sample. They want me to try things. Customers always want, I don’t know why, but the customers always want to buy me and my husband drinks about 60 to 70% of the time I go to my bar to hang out. I don’t even drink or eat. I go there to hang out with my husband, not because I can’t, but because we go so often.

Speaker 2 (00:29:30):

I just like hanging out there. I don’t want to hang out at my fucking house all the time. I want to change a scenery and people offer me stuff all the time and I’m just like, no, thank you. I appreciate that. It’s so kind of you. The best way to get though, if you are all wondering, one of the best ways to get someone to stop offering you food is for you to stop eating it. When they do, every time you eat it, here’s what you have trained them. If you push enough, if you do it enough, I’ll take it.

Speaker 2 (00:30:09):

That’s all you’re doing. After 15 times you don’t eat it and it either has to go to waste, they’re going to know you’re serious. They’re going to stop because usually when somebody is trying to get you to eat things, they don’t know how to love you any other way. When you say stop offering me food, sometimes those people hear this, I don’t know how to show you I love you or to connect with you in any other way. Just like you’re saying when you want them to stop. I don’t know how to connect with myself and I don’t know how to help myself any other way than to control you.

Speaker 2 (00:31:00):

So I always say to people, when you want people to quit pushing food on you, quit training them to feed you. If you’re trying to lose weight and the entire time you’re losing weight, you’re bitching, moaning and complaining. Don’t be shocked that people want to feed you because when you’re eating your face off, you’re probably a lot easier to be around. If you’re going to be a bitch while you’re trying to lose weight, people are probably going to turn up the volume of offering you food. Why? Because they think you’re miserable. They don’t want to see you hurting, you being overweight probably doesn’t hurt them. You seeing their complaining probably makes them feel bad and they wish you were happy. So there’s several different approaches to that.

Speaker 2 (00:31:48):

I’m doing great. Following your podcast and doing the basics, I’ve lost 28 pounds. Good for you. Still stuck on it tastes so good and I need some tips to stop when you tell yourself it tastes so good. I was actually just talking about this today. You need to use what’s called the power of the, and it does taste good. Your brain, y’all, the whole point of losing weight the way I teach you is so that you get to eat things that you actually like. So you are never going to not have that thought. The only way to get rid of that thought completely is to only eat things you hate. Once you think about it, we’re never going to not think it tastes so good unless we eat shit we hate and we don’t want to do that. So we have to have that. It tastes so good and these days I plan for it more often.

Speaker 2 (00:32:46):

I don’t need to feel like I’m never going to get it again. So one of the things that we teach inside the program is we teach a lot of the psychology that happens behind thoughts like it tastes so good because that is never going away ever. You’re always going to eat foods that tastes good for the rest of your life. What we have to do is we have to start building the emotional strength to stop eating even though it tastes good. And a lot of times the reason why we’re weak in those moments is because in the past there’s a few things that could be happening. Number one, you could be having diet trauma responses, and we teach this inside, but diet trauma responses are where maybe you in the past cut out a lot of foods and because you cut out a lot of foods, your brain associates, when you eat something that tastes good, it’s going away.

Speaker 2 (00:33:46):

You’re going to be punished, and so your brain turns up the desire to have more of it because even if you’re doing it this time differently, your brain doesn’t know that this time’s different. So that’s why you have to learn how to talk to yourself through those kinds of thoughts. Another reason why it tastes so good comes up and it’s hard to manage is because you’ve not practiced on that food enough. So a lot of times what we do is we call it, well, I’m going to plan these foods, but in my mind there’s only a certain amount of times it’s acceptable, so I’m still technically restricting. So maybe you plant, let’s say you like cookies and you want to be able to eat cookies and you plan it and you’re like, well, I should really only eat it once a week. But for someone who’s always cut it out, that can feel like that’s such a level up and it’s except when you’re always telling yourself you can only have cookies once a week, you shouldn’t eat them so much and stuff. Then when you’re eating them and they taste good, you’re denying yourself pleasure because you’re eating it and you’re thinking things like, I’m being bad. I probably shouldn’t be doing this. I only get this one time a week, and we planned the cookie with the intention of enjoying it.

Speaker 2 (00:35:16):

We don’t enjoy it when we sit there and we eat it with a lot of diet mentality, with a lot of rules and stuff. So we don’t get the pleasure and that’s what our brain says, oh my God, it tastes so good. You should just have one more and one more won’t hurt because our brain is looking for pleasure. It looks well when you squelch the joyful thought or the joy with your thinking, if you don’t unwind all that, it tastes so good. Doesn’t mean you shouldn’t have those foods. It’s signaling. We need to make sure that when you have a hard time stopping because something tastes good, that you’re actually learning how to mentally enjoy it while you also eat it, and that’s really hard for a lot of us. This is why in no bs, we do a lot of what we call teaching you how to have truly permissive eating because a lot of people binge and a lot of people keep overeating because you may be doing the four basics like Corinne, I’m working on enough and I’m planning foods that I love.

Speaker 2 (00:36:22):

I’m doing what you say, but there’s these other hidden factors that are not making it easy to keep them consistent. Sometimes we’re still losing control and it’s because of the hidden factors. It’s things like I’m mentally restricting when I’m eating the food. I am talking to myself, I’m hanging on. A lot of times I’ll hear clients tell me, well, I do plan the foods I like. I plan all my bad foods at least three or four times a week. That’s the problem. If we’re still labeling them as bad, then when we eat them, we morally feel bad. Well, we deny ourselves pleasure. So that could be a couple things that could be going on. People are wondering what’s in my water? It’s called Xtend, X-T-E-N-D. Meh, if you’ll post my faves page so that if they want to order it, this just what it’s got branch chain amino acids in.

Speaker 2 (00:37:24):

I’ve been drinking it for like 15 years. A lot of you won’t want to drink it. A lot of you will. I like getting branch chain amino acids in and I’ve just been drinking it for a long time. This is called the grape flavor. I think it’s the best ones. If you get it, get grape. Don’t get that blue one. That blue eyes tastes like the bullshit. I eat too much when I’m stressed. I’m missing the full enough signal. How can I pay attention and stop it full enough? So you’re asking the wrong question. Here’s the correct question to ask. If you notice you eat too much when you’re stressed, your question is now why am I so stressed and what can I be doing about my stress levels? Because then enough will be a lot easier to catch a lot of you what you wanted.

Speaker 2 (00:38:13):

I want you to notice you didn’t want to work on your stress. It’s like I have all this stress in my life, but how do I stop it enough? And if you just stop it enough, all you’ve done is kept the stress and took away your coping mechanism. The reason why you’re having a hard time stopping at enough is because you cope with food, with your stress. Take away the root cause of the problem. Y’all quit trying to take away food and not address what’s driving the eating to begin with. So the question becomes, Kathy, looking at for you, where all am I stressed in my life? What is it going to take to remove some of it? Where are the stressful thoughts for a lot of women? There’s a few camps that we live in. Number one, we have stressful thinking about ourselves. I’m not doing enough.

Speaker 2 (00:39:09):

I should have gotten more done. There’s never enough time. Then we have stressful events where it’s like you have a life that’s packed. You’re trying to be a mom, you’re trying to be a housewife, you’re trying to be a killer at work. You’re trying to take care of your aging parents. You’re trying to take care of basically everyone and anyone. You have all these responsibilities, and in some of those cases we have not learned how to ask for help, how to say no, and we don’t do those things because we think we’ll be a bitch. People will think we can’t get it all done. We must be weak and stuff. We have to look at all these different places where the stress is coming from and then come up with ways to unravel. A lot of it, if you are having a hard time, say you’re just really busy.

Speaker 2 (00:40:10):

You’ve got to stack stacked in Jack to life and that’s your biggest stressor, then you have to, in order to stop it enough, you have to look at parts of your life that you’re like, where can I get help? What is it going to take for me to ask for help? Do I literally can’t get help or is this a matter of I feel bad about asking for help because if I feel bad about asking for help that I need to figure out, that’s what I would get coaching on inside of no bss. Because when we start really pulling apart all these things, we start seeing how we can really change our life. Because when you change your life, then you take away a lot of these triggers to overeat. Weight loss becomes really simple. You’re not compelled to overeat when you’re taking away some of the major things that send you to eating.

Speaker 2 (00:41:11):

Do you give nutritional advice? I do not. I give emotional advice. I give common sense advice. The vast majority of people do not need any more nutritional advice. Go to Pinterest, go to WebMD. There’s plenty of places to look for nutritional advice. Most of y’all need to learn how to stop emotionally eating, stop eating for every reason other than this, because what a lot of y’all want to do, this is the same thing that happens. This is just a whole diet culture thing. Well, if I just change up all my foods, then I’m going to lose weight. But I’m not changing all the reasons why I’m eating like shit to begin with. I’m not changing those stress levels. I’m not changing how to go to bed at night without feeling guilty as fuck that I didn’t do enough. I’m not changing a lot of the things I actually need to change in my life in order to take better care of myself nutritionally, because I’m going to tell you right now, I think there’s important things when it comes to roots and vegetables and fibers and all the things. I’m not sitting around eating McDonald’s three times a day. But here’s the thing. When I weighed a hundred, when I weighed 250 pounds and had to lose a hundred pounds, my problem, a lack of fruits and vegetables was never my problem. You know what my problem was? I felt like I was failing as a woman.

Speaker 2 (00:42:42):

My 1-year-old was kicking me in the ass. I felt gross as fuck in my body, not because of what I was eating, because every day I tore myself apart. I never felt like I was doing enough. The only way I knew how to connect with my husband because I was so ashamed to have sex, was to go out to eat. So we’d go out to eat. That was my problem. I did not need someone to tell me that an apple a day was going to be good for me. I did not need someone to tell me that hitting McDonald’s probably wasn’t the best choice.

Speaker 2 (00:43:21):

But what I did need to do is figure out how I was going to start making some small changes. I was going to start meeting my emotional basic needs. Every single person has what we call the human needs. Water and sleep are two of the basic human needs. Love from yourself, connection to yourself, comfort from yourself. All of these things make a play in it. This is why I tell y’all, do not worry about the quality of foods just yet. Worry about the quality of your thinking. Worry about the quality of your life first, you get quality of life, quality of thinking, and the four basics going. It is a lot easier to be open to the idea of having carrots and hummus with a sandwich instead of hitting McDonald’s because you’re too fucking tired because you’re wore out because you never get a break because everybody needs something you from morning to night.

Speaker 2 (00:44:35):

How do you stop nighttime cravings? I can’t sleep nighttime cravings. If you can’t sleep, and this is what I tell my members all the time, you’re going to need to lay there and bore the fuck out of yourself. Most of you don’t want to bore the fuck out of yourself. You want to sit there and you want to anxieties yourself. I can’t sleep. Oh my God, I wonder how many hours it is until I go to sleep. Blah, blah, blah, blah. I should have done this today. I should have done that. This is going to suck tomorrow. We let our brains run wild. One of the things that I tell my clients is when I wake up, I often wake up around one or two to go pee and my brain wants to be like, Hey, are we up for the day? Just like my kittens.

Speaker 2 (00:45:26):

I’ve got two six month old cats right now that are crazy. If I go to the bathroom, they come running in because they think it’s real food time. We call it. I sing a little song every morning and every night when we do the canned food, I’m like, it’s real food time. It’s real food time. Who’s ready for the real food time? And they just come running. Well, they think if I put my feet on the ground at any time from 9:00 PM on, it must be rip food time. And they come in and they dance and they run around. Well, I don’t feed them. And eventually they go lay back down and they go to sleep. You got to not feed you. You are just like a six month old kitten. You’re going to have to be trained not to eat right now. Your brain is sending up a ton of food thoughts because you probably, if you’re not eating, you’re driving yourself crazy thinking about how much sleep you’re missing, how much this sucks.

Speaker 2 (00:46:28):

Your brain’s thinking about a lot of things. So here’s my hack. I tell myself over and over again, oh, not time to think about work. We’re just going to lay here. Nope, we’re not going to look and see how much time’s left. We’re not going to let time pass. We’re just going to lay here. Now, I happen to be Catholic. One of the most boring things in the world. Say about 50 Hail Marys. See if you can get through ’em. You can pray, you can meditate. There’s a lot of things that you can do, but you have to just tell yourself You’re not going to get rid of nighttime cravings. You’re going to have to say no to nighttime cravings for a while. Bore the fuck out of yourself, not allow yourself to get so worked up until your brain learns. We don’t ask for food anymore in the night. Eventually my cats will learn this just not yet. I’ve only had ’em for six weeks.

Speaker 2 (00:47:25):

I do good at work, but in the evenings I feel starved. Am I not eating enough during the day, not enough for supper? Maybe I would just try eating a little bit more during the day and see what happens. A lot of times when we feel starved at night though, I will tell y’all this. This is one of the things we work on inside of our program. A lot of our program is based on really figuring out the root cause of why this stuff happens. Most of the time, the reason why so many of us want to eat at night is because we don’t know how to take care of ourselves at all during the day, and we don’t give ourselves any kind of rest during the day. And I’m not talking about like 30 minute naps and stuff. I’m talking about just when you are having anxiety, when you’re over worrying or whatever, you don’t know how to stop that during the day.

Speaker 2 (00:48:14):

So what we do is we come home and the one thing that we most need is a break, and we only know how to give it to ourselves with food. We don’t know how to rest without it. We don’t know how to just lay on the couch without feeling guilty or we should be doing something else. Most of the time when we’re starved or over hungry at night when it doesn’t make sense, when we think I really probably shouldn’t be this hungry, it’s because our body, I mean we ourselves, we don’t know how to wind down and calm ourselves down any other way than to eat, to distract ourselves from what we’d be thinking if we didn’t.

Speaker 2 (00:49:11):

So if you’re noticing that, it could just be that effect. How do you stop the snack urge after meals? Y’all keep asking me, how do you stop these things? You’re not going to stop them. Y’all are wanting to stop the urge. The urge doesn’t stop. You have to stop responding to the urge for the urge to eventually go in away. So you need to ask yourself, how do I have an urge to eat after meals and compassionately tell myself, no, what do you really need in this moment? Because the best way to get the urge to go away is to figure out what you really want in the moment or what you really need in the moment. One of the best questions my clients get asked all the time is if after meals, if food isn’t going to be the answer, what does it have to be?

Speaker 2 (00:50:21):

Patience. Going to bed early, leaving dishes undone. Not doing that last load of laundry, asking the partner, put the kids to bed tonight. Tired. No, I don’t want sex tonight. That’s mine. Every now and then I look at my husband and I can tell he’s ready and I’m like, you know what? Not tonight. I love you. I’ll surprise you later this week. I’m really tired tonight. Sometimes it’s honest conversations. So asking that question is more powerful than how do you stop the urge? It’s like how all of you start asking yourself this. How do I get myself what I really need? So my brain doesn’t need a snack anymore.

Speaker 2 (00:51:25):

I’m at my wit’s end with the battle with food. I’m not hungry and I eat. I’m upset and I eat. I feel like crap and I eat, what the hell? First of all, that’s called judgment. What is wrong with me? Nothing’s wrong with you. We all do that. Every human emotionally eats at times. Why can I not get this under control? I’m at the heaviest I’ve ever been. Alicia, here’s the biggest problem you’re having right now. You are attacking yourself and then wondering why you’re not finding a solution. Anytime all of us do this, we love to ask ourselves poorly worded questions. What is wrong with me? Instead of what needs are not being met that I need to learn how to fill? Like you said, I’m upset and I eat when I’m upset. What do I most need in that moment when food’s not going to be the solution?

Speaker 2 (00:52:26):

What conversations do I need to have? What timeouts do I need to put myself in when I get really angry? I don’t eat and I also don’t yell. Used to, I used to either eat or I was literally, I would go ballistic. I was, what was that game my brother and I used to play? We used to play a Sega game where you always wanted to get the fire torch. If you got the fire torch, you could just everything. That was me. I was the fire torch utter devastation in my wake. I always figured if I’m mad, my fear was always somebody else was mad at me. So it was like, oh no, we’ll fix this. I’m going to make sure they’re in pain so that they have to apologize. They should be upset so that I don’t have to worry. I did something wrong and that was my thing for a long time. So now when Corinne’s upset, I feel myself getting hot. When my brain starts racing with all the things I’m going to say, I usually just say like, look, I’m going to my bedroom.

Speaker 2 (00:53:42):

I need an hour. For me, it’s usually an hour. I need an hour of crying, of running through every awful thing I want to say to people sitting there stewing in my venom, and then I start calming down because I’m letting myself have what I want, which is anger. I’m letting myself be angry. I’m just doing it in a controlled environment. I had to learn that. That’s how I handle myself. So I am not destroying the relationship with myself by eating and then destroying the relationships that I care about. And that only came from asking myself in the moments when I’m wanting to eat because something’s wrong in life, I need to start figuring out what is it I’ve got to learn how to do, learn how to say, figure out the needs that I have and then meet them myself first before we go off into the land of making other people change for us. Like I got to change first. I’m never going to know what I’m truly needing when I’m pissed. If I eat over it, that’s on me. How am I ever going to voice my needs with a twine in my mouth?

Speaker 2 (00:55:14):

I eat because I hate myself and I hate myself for the comfort and emotional eat. I live in regret for my decisions in life, and I find it difficult to accept being single at 51. Yeah, that’s a lot to unpack, Vanessa. And a lot of people feel just like you. There are a lot of people that have regrets in their life and they don’t know how to stop regretting. They don’t know how to move on from it. We teach that. But I will just say you are not alone in that. And a lot of us sit around and hate ourselves for decisions we’ve made, and then we hate ourselves because we comfort and emotionally eat. But I want to tell all of you, you are born an emotional eater. I want you to think about this. When a baby comes out of the mother’s womb, the first thing they do is cry and feed them to comfort them.

Speaker 2 (00:56:17):

From the moment you were born, that moment you came out, you were scared, butt naked, vulnerable and cold, and you knew it. You were in a very safe environment. And the first thing you were ever taught that was imprinted in your brain is that if nothing else works, food will make you feel better. Now, that’s just one moment. I want you to think about how long that happens for a child that first few months. Every time you need something, you get fed first. That leaves an impression on you for the rest of your life that if no one in this world ever teaches you how to comfort yourself, if you expressing your emotions is shamed. If you grow up in a family where no one displays emotions or you’re told you exaggerate, nothing’s wrong, you should be happy. If feelings were diminished for you, you always knew you could eat.

Speaker 2 (00:57:37):

And then I watch people like Vanessa at 51 hate herself because she does it because you know what every diet does? They don’t teach you how to meet your emotional needs. They perpetuate this idea that we should just know that they say like, we’re just going to take away the food and we’re going to feed you less. We’re going to do all this other stuff. I don’t give a shit what’s going on in your head. I don’t care how much you like yourself. I don’t care about any of that. If you lose weight, you’ll probably just feel amazing. You won’t. When you lose weight, you will have moments where you feel amazing, and then everything else you normally think will still be sitting there because it never changed.

Speaker 2 (00:58:26):

Weight loss won’t take away regret. She’s like, I’m single at 51. She could lose all of her weight. She could do a dumb ass diet. She could go on some shake, detox, lose 50 pounds and will be sitting there 50 pounds thinner thinking I should have done this sooner. Here I am single, because no one taught her how to stop regretting and liver life. They just taught her how to lose weight. So for all of you, please stop trying to lose weight and thinking it’s going to change your life. You’re going to change your life. The best weight loss happens when you learn how to actually meet your own human needs, de-stress. Speak up for yourself. Stop regretting. Learn how to forgive yourself. Celebrate yourself. Find gratitude more than you find problems. When you do all of that, it’s so much easier to lose weight.

Speaker 2 (00:59:29):

That stuff needs to come along with weight loss. You can’t just lose weight because all you’ll do is lose the physical weight, but you’ll be burdened with your same fears and worries, your same, I promise all of you. That’s how it always happens. All right, I want to tell all of you a couple things. Number one, hang on, I got to get the right screen up. I’ve got one more question I want to answer. Let me get the right screen up. I had to switch to my chitter chatter talk that I was going to give you’all about accountability. So where is it?

Speaker 2 (01:00:09):

Alright, so this was a special call to do q and a and I want to tell all of you the reason why I wanted to give it to you is because I wanted to make a big announcement on December the 30th. I am hosting from 9:00 AM to one 30 Central time, the no BS 2024 weight loss workshop. We do it every year for our members. It is the one thing that our members are like, we can’t wait for the start of the year because I host a fucking baller workshop. So if you liked this where I’m just answering questions off the top of my head on the things you asked, imagine a day where I am taking you through live teaching some of the keys to making sure that you’re going to be set up for success in 2024. So here’s what we’re going to do.

Speaker 2 (01:01:05):

We’re going to make in that workshop a 12 week weight loss plan That’s going to change everything. The first thing that we’ll do is we’re going to ditch a lot of the BSS resolutions that we have. I want to set you up with a weight loss plan that helps you get weight off for the first 12 weeks of the year. That’s not laced in. I got to do a 180. There will be no pantry purge, there will be no last supper. There will be no, everybody in the family, we’re getting healthy. No one in your family needs to stop, drop and panic because mama’s going on a diet. Again. We are not doing that. So we are going to learn how to not set a dumbass resolution that dies on quitter’s day on, I think it’s January 19th, quitter’s day officially for all the resolutions. We’re literally going to put a plan where you have something each week that you’re going to do differently.

Speaker 2 (01:02:02):

So at the end of 12 weeks, you have got 12 really easy, simple, compounded habits, and every week you lose a little weight. And then that’s step two. We will put it together in a plan. I’m going to teach to ditch the resolution, and then we’re going to go through what are the 12 things and you’re going to be able to pick, let’s see, Shelly’s 12 things will be different than Melissa’s 12 things. We are going to be giving you lots of ideas and lots of things to pick from, and you’ll be picking things that you feel like you can do, not what you think your neighbor’s going to be doing. So we’re going to give you plenty of ideas to pick from. And then I’m going to teach you how to roll that out slowly. And then the last thing I’ll be teaching that day is how do you do this with some motivation?

Speaker 2 (01:02:57):

How do you build momentum? How do we get past the point of the 12 weeks where even when you get started with something, how suddenly it just feels like you just lose all your motivation and your excitement. There’s a reason why that happens and I’m going to teach that there, but this is what I want to tell you. I’m going to help you in this workshop, stage it out so that for that 12 weeks you know how to tap back into some motivation when you feel it waning. I’m going to show you how to have a plan that you can keep in front of you so you don’t forget what you’re supposed to be doing, and we’re going to do all of it in a way where you literally leave feeling like, I can do this. I don’t want you leaving thinking I hope to God I can do or will everything better go right in my life in order to do this?

Speaker 2 (01:03:51):

Does Corrine teach all of the weekly classes during this 12 week program? It’s not a 12 week program that day. I’m helping you build your 12 week program. I’m with you all day. I’m going to tell y’all right now if you join no bs, I’m in the membership usually twice a week, if not once a week, but sometimes this week. I’m in the membership for four classes this week. Just depends. I do most of the teaching in our membership. I dunno what the fuck goes on in all these other weight loss memberships that y’all join where Oprah never shows up or the other gurus never show up. Y’all in our Facebook group, I have posted, I have missed one day since November 2nd on posting every day a teaching lesson and that was this Friday. I was running a fever. I had a fever. I’m one of the most hands-on bitches you’re ever going to meet when it comes to weight loss and I want to be hands-on.

Speaker 2 (01:04:53):

I don’t want y’all having to never see me. I have great coaches like me, so I got coach mj, I got Coach Kathy, all of them. You see all of us, we all know BS women, but you do get me, so we’re going to lose weight, we’re going to stay motivated. You’re going to hear my mouth running all the fucking time, and then if you register for this workshop, it’s 59 bucks, you’ll come for the workshop and you’re going to get a month of membership on top, so you will get your first month covered plus the workshop. If you join, you get a private 30 day Facebook group just for beginners these days. The way we do it is we take every single new person, they get dropped into what we call the baby Facebook group and starting in January with the baby Facebook group.

Speaker 2 (01:05:45):

I hate to call y’all the babies, but y’all are like my babies. I always say that when you’re early, you’re my newborn. You’re coming out in the world, cold butt necked, looking for the tits and trust me, my son, he nursed. I was a Jersey cow. This one over here, I’m going to tell you he nursed that one like he wanted it to land at my, he didn’t even want it to land at my knee. He wanted it to land at my ankle when all was said and done, but you have a private 30-day Facebook group, Facebook group, and I’m going to be live every Wednesday with y’all in that group for your first 30 days. Then you move into the main group after the 30 days and then I’m live with you. You get 30 minutes when you’re a beginner. Then you get a full hour.

Speaker 2 (01:06:30):

Ask any of my members, they love Wednesday calls because what you experience today is what I do every Wednesday I talk about something and then I just answer questions. I want to make sure you know what the fuck you’re supposed to be doing in weight loss. All right? So if you want to get on the weight list, you can go to 2024 workshop.com and you can sign up for the workshop. We will make sure that you get notified of the workshop when it comes live to register, but if you want to join no BSS right now, you’re like, I don’t want to wait. I want the workshop, but I want to start today. I’m tired of fucking waiting and putting my life on pause. Then all you’ve got to do is go to join no bss.com. You can sign up today. You can get into the 30 day Facebook group right now.

Speaker 2 (01:07:31):

You can come to the workshop and you can start losing weight, and I promise you, you can lose weight during the holidays. Plenty of my members are doing it and we ain’t suffering and we ain’t not eating our favorites. We just ain’t sitting around eating our face off because we’re stressed out about the holidays. We’re figuring out our shit. So if you want to join, I’d love to have you. Alright. I dunno if I want to do any more of these, but if I do, I’ll let all of thank you so much for attending today. I hope you have an amazing one. Either go to 2024 workshop.com to get on the waitlist for the workshop, or you can sign up today for $59. You can start now@joinnobss.com and the workshop is included.

Speaker 1 (01:08:14):

You have a good one. Bye, y’all. Thank you so much for listening today. Make sure you head on over to no BS freecourse.com and sign up for my free weight loss training on what you need to know to start losing your weight right now. You’ll also find lots of notes and resources from our past podcasts help you lose your weight without all the bullshit diet at. I’ll see you next week.



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I'm Corinne Crabtree

Corinne Crabtree, top-rated podcaster, has helped millions of women lose weight by blending common-sense methods with behavior-based psychology.

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