Updated: December 12, 2023
Episode 346: Break Free of Overeating Shame and Judgment
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If you're a regular podcast listener, you know my bestie Jane. I talk to her every day even though we live 1000s of miles apart.
Jane is not only my best friend but a Master Certified Life Coach and an expert on binge eating, emotional eating, and food addiction.
Because she's been there.
I recently sat down with Jane for her podcast Binge Breakthrough. In today's episode, you'll hear our raw conversation about her bingeing journey.
From barely sharing her secret eating to opening up with me and now helping women become binge-free, Jane's story is nothing short of an inspiration.
But it didn't happen overnight. It wasn't an easy fix. And she had to overcome two paralyzing fears: shame and judgment.
Believe it or not, none of us really want to lose weight. We want to lose the shame and judgment we have about our weight, our bodies, or our eating. Today, we talk about how to do that SO THAT you can lose weight a helluva lot easier.
If you're addressing binge eating or just want to lose weight and eat like a normal person, this is the podcast for you.
Listen to Episode 346: Break Free of Overeating Shame and Judgment to learn how Jane moved out of shame and judgment and into her best life. And the part I played along the way.
[su_youtube url="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vJAonMF42O4" title="Break Free of Overeating Shame and Judgment (Interview on Jane's Podcast)"]
Transcript
Speaker 1 (00:01):
Hi, I'm Corinne. After a lifetime of obesity being bullied for being the fattest kid in the class and losing and gaining weight like it was my job, I finally got my shit together and I lost 100 pounds each week. I'll teach you no bullshit weight loss advice you can use to overcome your battle with weight. I keep it simple. You'll learn how to quit eating and thinking like an asshole. You stop that and weight loss becomes easy. My goal is to help you lose weight the way you want to live your life. If you are ready to figure out weight loss, then let's go. Hello everybody. Welcome back. So for years you've probably heard me talk about my best friend Jane, and today you're getting a special treat because Jane is going to be interviewing me for her podcast and we are allowing y'all to drop in.
(00:53):
We talk a lot about her relationship with me, bingeing, she is a binge eating coach. All the things. I think you're going to love it because she is so good at helping women overcome their binge eating. And I know a lot of my listeners also are binge eaters. So I think you'll get a lot out of this podcast. We just kind of talk about her journey and basically how I witnessed it. And so I want you to sit back and enjoy. And if you are interested in looking up Jane, you can go to jane pilger.com. That's J-A-N-E-P-I-L-G-E r.com. And she also has a podcast called The Binge Breakthrough. So I hope you enjoy it and let's drop in on a really personal conversation between me and my bestie Jane.
Speaker 2 (01:46):
Alright, so today I thought it would be fun on the podcast to have an interview with my best friend. So far on the podcast, I have had one other guest and that guest has been my husband Todd. And we had a great conversation about his perspective, what he has seen on my journey through all of the challenges and the struggles and everything with food. And I thought it would be great to also bring in my best friend because she has also been able to have the insider perspective on this journey. She has seen me literally at my worst. She has also seen me at my best, but I thought it would be great for her to be able to just share what she's seen through the perspective and just see where this conversation goes today. So my best friend is Corrine Crabtree, and I found Corrine back in 2008.
(02:43):
I remember it so well. It was February of 2008 and I was at a very low point in my binging. My husband was working a lot, I was binging a lot, and I was desperate to find an answer and I was looking for answers everywhere. And I found her weight loss program, her website, and I joined right away. And we became, initially she was this person who I thought was going to be the answer to all my problems. I thought she was going to fix me. And one of the things I really remember is that I thought this woman is going to change my life and she has changed my life, but it was not in the ways that I really thought would be. But anyway, we became friends over time and over time we became such good friends that I became willing to let her in on areas of my life, areas of my binging, areas of my food that I literally had never talked to anyone about. So her rings here to just share her own perspective on all of this. And so welcome Corinne to the podcast.
Speaker 1 (03:58):
Well, thank you. I actually have a question for you. You're welcome.
(04:02):
So it's so interesting because Jane and I talk literally every morning and I probably talk in my membership. I talk about Jane all the time. I'm always telling clients the other day, I'm Marco Polo and Jane, and I'm just moaning in and groaning about this and crying about that. Something though that's been coming up a lot just with my own clients that I bet you have the same is one of the things you said is she's going to fix me and she's going to be the answer. And so when you go back and you think about what is it that once she gives me this magic answer and once I'm fixed, then I'm going to feel, what would you say that is?
Speaker 3 (04:48):
That's a really good question. Then I'm going to feel, I would say I was probably looking for confidence. I think that's what I would say
Speaker 2 (05:01):
Is that I was looking for confidence, but I was for sure looking to be fixed. So maybe I would, would feel fixed. I would feel whole, I would feel complete confident, something like that.
Speaker 1 (05:17):
I think whole and confident are great feelings. One of the things I've been working with my clients on, because so many of them, they're like your clients, they come to us because they want some kind of specific outcomes like yours, I want to stop binging. Mine is like, I want to lose weight. And I always say, that is never what you really wanted. It's so important for people to hear that. And the reason I wanted to ask you is because I literally was the answer, not because I did it, but the one thing you really wanted was you never wanted to stop binging. What you really wanted was to feel whole and complete in life and just as your best friend, I will just like to say that is not Jane's problem anymore, Jane, literally when we talk and stuff, I know she, every time we're having a conversation, even on our days where it just is, it's not a good day and this is just whatever's going on.
(06:18):
She does not talk from a place of I'm somehow incomplete and this is why this is happening. And she never says anymore, I can't figure these things out, or I just don't know if this will ever happen. She's always talking from that. So I just think it's always so interesting when someone, we always think what we want is what we want. I was just using this a purse the other day. I said, if we go to a target and we are looking for a purse with lots of pockets, no one wants a purse with pockets, somebody is saying, I want ease to my craft. I want organization, I want quickness. I want to be able to put my hands on it. If I go to Gucci to buy a purse, I'm not going there because I just love donating to the brand. I'm going because I want a purse that says something. I want people to be thinking like, woo, she has great taste. I want to feel luxurious. So I loved when you were saying that because going back and listening to your story just on how you found me and what you were really seeking and just to let your audience know you found the feelings you wanted. And I think once you found those feelings that you wanted, then your binging started really changing.
Speaker 2 (07:36):
Yeah, yeah, definitely. Yeah, I totally agree with all of that. It's so fascinating to really look back and see the perspective, what it was that I thought was missing, what I was really, I thought, I just need to stop binging. That's what I really want. Then when I stop binging, then I will feel these things, but it never works that way. It's never in that order. It's like we have to figure out what are those things you think you will feel when you hit X, Y, Z, whatever your goal is, then how do you then cultivate those now and then that thing that you want will end up happening. But it never happens in reverse
Speaker 1 (08:17):
And it doesn't. And one of the things that I keep watching clients go through is I had one, actually, I was working with someone who binges just this week, and she had had weeks of not binging and just doing great and all these things. So really applying herself and challenging herself and working through a lot of emotional stuff. I wish I still had the notes. There was. She said, but I'm just going to tell you I'm a failure because this week I benched.
Speaker 4 (08:54):
And
Speaker 1 (08:54):
I said, really? And so I was asking her about why she joined and I said, because it's not to stop binging or to lose weight. Why did you join this? And she said, well, I just want to trust myself to know that I'm changing. I said, okay, well, let's just go back. I had her make a list of what are some of the things that have changed? And I said, you know what your biggest problem is? You're waiting until you quit binging to allow yourself to believe you're changing.
(09:28):
I said, you have exactly what it is you want right now, and you have this idea that until this happens, I shouldn't feel this way. And I was like, that's never going to happen until you allow yourself to see you already feel this way now and that you create safety and feeling it. And I just think that's important for everyone listening is it, all of us coaches, we get it. We understand that because we have gone through it, but it's looking for the little moments of identifying whatever it is you ultimately want to feel at the end. Where am I denying myself those feelings right now? Where in the micro moments am I not celebrating things? Where in the micro moments am I not recognizing confidence must be building in me? Because today I didn't walk into the gas station to buy all the snacks.
(10:24):
Today I was confident enough to say no when I really wanted to. That takes balls. And so often we'll say, well, I'm still having urges. I just watched, I remember watching you in particular, there was a little while when you were, this was way back, way back in your early throws of binging and stuff. Even when you would make a little progress, it was painful to watch you cry and fight to feel like it was okay that this binge wasn't as bad as the last one. Your whole thing was perfectionism. It was like, either I'm not binging or if I even get the whiff that I started, then I had messed up. I watched so many people. It's amazing how often we're terrified to feel good until this problem is a hundred percent eradicated.
Speaker 2 (11:30):
And that is the perfectionism. And the perfectionism. It ends up on both sides because there's this perfectionism on, well, if I didn't eat perfectly, if I ate too much, well then I had this imaginary line, which I never put, you asked me before, so what exactly constitutes a binge, which would change of course, depending on whatever I decided that day. But I had this imaginary line, and once I ate to this imaginary line, then I would decide, oh, well, now I'm binging. And if I'm all in on everything that I do, then if I'm all in on the binge, then I might as well binge perfectly too, which means all the way until I literally cannot eat anymore. And so yeah, it's like that perfectionism really showed up in all aspects of it.
Speaker 1 (12:19):
I do remember that. I remember asking you thousands of times, why do we even have to really have this line? I was like, so you can't stop if you cross the line. And I knew that it wasn't a matter of emotional dysregulation. It was more of a like, so if you cross this now that equals it must go. It's like, why can't it does? Why can't we make it not matter where you stop?
(12:50):
And that took you a while to get, but I do remember one of the first times where you were cautiously optimistic and ready to share, and you had ate, I believe it was, I believe you were eating cereal and you had were astonished that there was a box of cereal that you didn't finish because you were always like, I have to finish everything, just get it all out. And you were just like, I'm so proud. And I don't remember if it was two and a half, but it was basically like this time it's two and a half boxes, not all three. At some point you decided, and I think this is important for your listeners, at some point we have to start moving around the imaginary lines for our own good. There was a period where your lines were moving where it was like, okay, well, I can't feel good about it because I only stopped here.
(13:46):
It's like you actually had moved, the imaginary line got a win, but you were still determined to beat yourself up. It was like you had to break the habit of beating yourself up to be able to start saying like, okay, it's good when the imaginary line is moving around instead of it only being this. Now that's a big step forward. I think that's the thing that I think most people don't understand. It's hard to see looking in that I got to see, because we literally talk every, I mean, the only time we don't talk is when Jane's on vacation. If Jane is somewhere and on vacation or whatever, that's about the only time. And then that's when she comes home to four to five hours of Corinne's Marco Polos that have stacked up. I always apologize towards the end. I'm just going to stop leaving messages at this point because you'll never catch up. But being able to hear you so often, I got to see where all of the little pivots and wins were coming and then sometimes helping you see them. But I will say one thing that I think that helped you so much is you really worked on that part of you because you're a type personality and a types are the worst ones at seeing themselves as
Speaker 4 (15:08):
Winners.
Speaker 1 (15:09):
We see ourselves as hard workers. We see ourselves as finishers and stuff, but we rarely take a moment to just acknowledge what's working. We're so busy for the next thing.
Speaker 2 (15:23):
Yeah. Yeah. I think for me too, what I can see, I can see a couple of things. I can see that I had a hard time pulling apart the existence of a binge and the shame and the judgment. They just were so, they had happened so many times together, and I would go into shame and judgment that to be able to create separation from the existence and to pull away the shame and judgment, I feel like that was as over time, I was able to pull those apart, that then I was able to more celebrate things moving or things changing or seeing the progress and all of that. But it's one of the things I talk about so often is that shame and judgment, it's like it just prevents you from seeing anything and really being able to look under the hood to see what's going on in the first place. Do you want to tell people about our little emoji back in the day?
Speaker 1 (16:22):
So back in the day. So Jane had many flavors of tolerable allowance into her world that I was allowed into. And so just like any relationship, as you get to know each other more, you start trusting the other person to be able to be more vulnerable, be more open and things like that. But when we first started really becoming friends, I knew Jane would binge when I wouldn't get a text from her in the afternoon. She had these patterns, and I live across the country. She's in New Mexico, I'm in Tennessee, and all the way in Tennessee, I'd be like, ah, she's binged. Because if she was quiet between one and three, I was like, nah, something's happened. Or I would start reaching out, you okay? What's going on? And eventually we agreed upon that if she was starting to binge or wanting to binge or something was triggering her, whatever, or she had been, she would send me an umbrella. And that meant it was rain and dooo in the land of enchanted skies or what are y'all called? The land of enc? Land of
Speaker 4 (17:33):
Enchanted,
Speaker 1 (17:34):
Yeah. It wasn't so enchanting if the umbrella came out, but she did that for a long time. And I thought that that was always, when I think about your history, that was such a big step for you to just let someone in just a little bit. And I would text and all I would say is, if you need me, I'm here. Because one thing we had agreed on when she first started doing it was she didn't know if even if she alerted me, if she was even going to be open to talking, she was still in the shame shawl. I always like to say it's like there's a gremlin that lives in your house and he has a shame shawl, and you never know when he's coming. He just throws it on and you, next thing you know, you're like, oh my God, I'm wearing my shame. Shaw. And back then, Jane had not done the separation work yet. One of the first steps for her wasn't even releasing shame. It was, and I guess to some degree is, but it was the willingness to say, I'm in distress
Speaker 2 (18:45):
Just to, yes. Even that was huge for me because I never talked about it. There was so long that this was my thorn, this was my cross to bear, and I would not share it with anybody. And I think part of what, really, if I look back on it, part of what kept me hiding was I had so much loathing of myself and so much judgment, and I knew how I was responding to myself, and I was certain positive that anybody else would have the same response to me, that same loading and the same judgment and the same disgust with me. And so it was protective for me, oh no, no, nobody else is coming in here. Because I was just convinced that anybody else would have the exact same experience of it that I had of myself. And so it was like when I first told Todd, seeing him respond to me in a way that was so different was like, oh, wow.
(19:55):
And I think for you, it was similar where I had to go through enough moments of just an emoji to kind of really develop that true belief and trust that, oh, she really still is going to like me and love me and accept me and not think any worse of me because this happened. But it was like I needed, for me, it was like I just needed that evidence that it really was going to be okay and that you weren't going to see me differently or worse or whatever. And then once I saw that, then I was like, oh, maybe this isn't so bad. Then I would start opening up a little bit more. Then I would start to realize, wow, I actually feel better when I talk about it. So then it was like the hole was opened up, and then I was willing to really see, the more I talked about it, the more I felt better. Then it was like, okay, then the time would shorten. So what I remember is it was like we went from emoji to maybe I'd come back, I've come into the fold two days later, and then I would talk about it, and then it would be one day, and then it was just like, alright, as soon as I'm done, I'm literally talking about it right away. And so that whole process, it's really interesting for me to look back and see how it
Speaker 1 (21:24):
Evolved. Well, and there's so much relief in the processing and there's not any in the hiding and the shame.
Speaker 4 (21:31):
That's right.
Speaker 1 (21:32):
And I think that one thing that I'm, as we look back on how it all happened is when your brain started one, seeing this isn't that bad, it kind of started normalizing that, okay, other people see this differently. Maybe it's not everything. I think it is because I know your thoughts were so real for so long. But I do remember when your brain was just kind of cracking the door open to, it wasn't like you were suddenly believing this is all okay, and now it's just process it and blah, blah, blah. That never happened. It evolved into that. But the early stages was, I think when I was never freaking out because my thoughts about you were so different. So I came at it so different every single time. I had a lot of compassion for you. The friend in me often felt compassion. I don't want my friend to feel this way, not because of what you did, but just like she's hurting. So it was, and it wasn't that I hurt, but I would have overwhelming compassion of just like, okay, my best friend's hurting and this sucks for her. That was kind of where I was at. But because of that mindset, I was coming at it of, let me ask you some questions, because in my mind, there was always going to be a solution.
(23:00):
There was always something. I really believed one day, this wouldn't be the thing that would be controlling your life, because I'll be honest, I always challenged you from the get and maybe a little too soon in your journey, but I'm a little bit of a challenger to just be okay with, maybe you'll binge the rest of your life, but it won't be like this.
(23:28):
And if that was the case, if it wasn't miserable and it just happened every now and then and it wasn't like a shameful thing, then what would life look like? And it would look like being whole, being complete, being confident, moving on with your life, doing great things like starting a business, doing all these other things. But I remember back then, I think a lot of it was when you started seeing somebody else response to this completely differently than I do, it has, it almost has to break your brain just a little bit on, maybe I'm wrong, it feels so real, but maybe I'm just wrong in some of this.
Speaker 2 (24:12):
And I think that's where all of this, it's these little things that kind of come in, it's like, huh, maybe it just kind of starts to wiggle of little, the things you've held onto for so tightly for so long. And if I look back on it, I think one of the things that I held on so tightly was I was convinced that I was broken, and a binge was evidence of brokenness. So it's like, here's the equation. Binge equals broken. So until there was never a binge ever, ever, ever, ever until that day, then therefore I am broken. And it's like, I think once I really realized, I think it took me a long time to get to the place where I really truly in my heart and heart was like, actually, I'm not broken. This all makes so much sense, but I think it was holding onto that binge equals broken. And so then if then when I would binge, then I'm feeling broken, then that takes you straight into the shame spiral because shame is a broken, I mean, that is the sentence that equates to the feeling of shame. So it's like all of that combined in there was, I think I was really holding onto,
Speaker 1 (25:32):
I think another big pivot and shift for you that as we're talking about through this, because I always have thought that the reason why you're such a powerful coach and why you are where you are now in it is because you really untangled the shame piece, which is the part. People just want to stop bing, and they don't want to work on that shame piece, which I'll just tell all the binge eaters, even if you stopped binging, if you don't work on the shame piece, then you'll just be living in fear that it's going to come back and you'll just be ashamed that you live in fear. It's like you might as well work on the shame piece. You're not going to escape it until you figure that part out. But one big shift that I noticed that I think a lot of people don't understand about moving out of shame is you didn't move into feeling good about yourself and you didn't move into just being a scientist and stuff. I remember so many Marco Polos from your bed with you and ginger laying there crying, and you were not ashamed of the binge. You were just disappointed
(26:41):
That you were still doing it, which is so different. It was like, I know nothing's wrong with me. I'm just disappointed that I'm full. I'm disappointed that I'm going to have, I have to deal with this today, and I'm just disappointed that I had planned these things and I ate anyway. I think what people don't understand about moving through stuff is we don't always go from really bad feelings to all of a sudden positive. Most of the time we're going to move through a series of emotions. And when you're in the throes of ashamed, it aness, being disappointed feels a lot better. It's not easy, but it allows for a more cleaner version of hurt
Speaker 4 (27:34):
For
Speaker 1 (27:35):
Sure. Because I always tell people, it's like, well, I want to be disappointed in me sometimes. Sometimes there are just things where it's like, well, yeah, I thought this would happen and I'm disappointed. I thought I would do this and I didn't do that, and I'm disappointed, but that doesn't mean I can't carry on and it doesn't mean I can't figure it out and stuff. I always think that it's like disappointment is one of those really healthy, more of the other side of the emotions. I don't mind calling 'em negative. Some people don't like calling 'em negative, but I just think negative, positive, it doesn't matter. One's not better than the other. They just have labels. And so it's on more of the negative side, but it's one of those things that your brain and your soul is alerting you to, I'm disappointed only because I know we're going to fix this and today wasn't the day.
(28:32):
And then when we look at it as, there's something I said not too long ago that one of my coaches loves now, and she says it all the time, that some of our scariest emotions are our benevolent messengers. They're really there trying to, they may talk like a jerk sometimes, but they're really trying to tell us, I just believe in us so much, and I'm trying to get your attention. That's all I'm really trying to do here. But I watched you go through the stage where it was like you didn't beat yourself up anymore, but you were definitely sad and you were definitely disappointed, but you weren't ashamed anymore. It's like, I know nothing's wrong with me, but there's a part of me that wishes that I was handling things different. There's a part of me that wishes I didn't eat so much food because I know I'm going to feel like, but for the rest of the night.
Speaker 4 (29:25):
And
Speaker 1 (29:25):
Then you would cry and you would, Marco polo me as you were drifting off into crying sleep in a nap, and you would Marco polo me when you woke back up.
Speaker 2 (29:35):
And I think all of that, absolutely. And I think a lot of it really came through the changing of the internal dialogue. It's like as the internal conversation changed, then the shame and the judgment weren't front and center. It's like, oh, okay, we, there can be a different conversation even if there's still eating way more food than feels good in my body. What happens afterwards doesn't have to be the same. It's like it doesn't have to equal broken. It doesn't have to equal shame and judgment and all of the beat down. That then just keeps you in the cycle doing it over and over again to just get away from yourself.
Speaker 1 (30:18):
Well, now it's a fricking nothing burger. We don't process it no more. Jane took away all my fun. We don't have all that coaching that I get to do. But now if she ever binges, and it's honestly this few and far between now, I mean, I hope you definitely recognize that because I definitely do.
Speaker 4 (30:42):
But
Speaker 1 (30:42):
Every now and then she'll just be, she literally, if she eats more food than she wants or binges or whatever, she's always got an errand to run after. She's usually in the car's like, well, I ate more food than I needed, but I'm off to the post office now and I know why it happened. And no big deal. I would give anything if we had a Marco Polo of a version of, if we had a phase one umbrella, phase two laying in bed crying with ginger phase three, I'm going to the post office. Exactly.
Speaker 2 (31:18):
Yeah,
Speaker 3 (31:19):
Exactly. Yeah. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (31:23):
It's been pretty remarkable to watch you. It has been. It's been a journey. It's been interesting for me too. I remember first going through the initial process, I remember you were like, I don't really know, because our food stories, our individual food struggles are so different. So Corin definitely knew what it was like to be overweight and lost a hundred pounds, but Corinne never was Avenger. And so I remember initially she was just like, I don't understand. I don't understand Bingeing. It is, I have not lived that experience. But she certainly understands it now because she got the inside scoop of way more seeing all of the details of way more binges than probably anybody else would experience who is not an avenger themselves. So it's interesting to kind of reflect on that too.
Speaker 1 (32:18):
Yeah, it's like watching a case study. One of the funniest things we ever, well, it's not funny. Well, it's, we laugh about it now. Wasn't funny when it was happening, but Jane and I got certified together through the Life Coach School back in 2015, and one of the things that we had to do that week was we had to eat a scary food, essentially. What is a food that we're afraid of? And I was coming out of some bodybuilding trauma years, and I had an awful relationship with peanut butter. If I started peanut butter, I was overeating peanut butter. My story was, it was just in a magic elixir and I just wasn't going to be able to stop. And we went to a grocery store and we had talked about it, about how you were so excited. We were like, holy, oh boy, it's going to be great.
(33:10):
We're going to do this. And so go to the grocery store and you were like, I'm going to get food just like if I was binging, if I'm going to do this, we're going to treat this a binge. So she was really determined in the beginning, and then we go to the grocery store, I just grab my jar of peanut butter and she's like meticulously looking for things, and then she's like, okay, no, if I was binging, this is what I would get. And so she's doing it. Well, then I'm just kind of watching her and as we're going further and further into this buying of things, excitement and determination was waning, and it was more like, this is going to be real. Oh my God, now everyone's watching me. And so we had went to a restaurant, she'd bought all of her binge food that she was going to eat in front of all these people. We were all eating together doing this experiment. By the time we got to the restaurant to pick up dinner for ourselves, after Jane's crying, bawling as we're standing in this restaurant and this hostess is looking at us, what is wrong with these ladies wanting to go food?
Speaker 2 (34:18):
It was, yeah, that was such a powerful experience for me because it was, everything related to a binge had always been done in secret even before that. At this point, we were probably past, were past the emoji days, but still, I would never talk to anybody while I was vening. And so this was the closest, it was literally the closest that anybody got to experiencing a binge with me, and I felt so, I felt vulnerable. I felt exposed. It was a really a very powerful experience. And what's so cool now is I do similar experiments often with my clients, and I have them bring in their scary foods, and it's, it's so powerful to actually have this experience with your scary food in a way that's so different than anything that you've ever done before. Because when we're in a binge, it's like you're on your autopilot. You're pretty much shut down. You're disconnected, you're really, you are acting as if nobody else is watching. But then when you do it where it's like, okay, lights are on. I'm here. There's other people here. I'm experiencing this in a new way. It really can bring up a lot. So yeah, that was so helpful.
Speaker 1 (35:37):
It did bring up a lot for you. You were ashamed before we even got started in that way.
(35:44):
We had another friend with us, Amy, and I just remember, I remember both of us well was, I don't even know if you remember all this, but when we got to that restaurant to pick up our, we all thought we would be binging and just eating our faces off, and the exercise was very different. It was a very slow, methodical process of eating the food and really thinking through and listening to yourself. So main reason why we were buying some dinner was because we figured, Hey, we're going to want dinner. It's going to be a few hours later. When we got to dinner in our room that night, do you remember crying so much? Talking about, oh my gosh. So that night when we finally went to dinner, that exercise was so hard for you because we were all in a room together and you actually tried to leave your seat to go eat by yourself in the room, but you were trying to find a corner in the room to be able to, so we couldn't see you, and then you were like, no, I'm just going to stay here where everybody else is, and you did your work.
(36:50):
And then that night it was like everything went fine during the exercise and you were fine and whatnot, but when we got back to the room, you cried an awful lot, and I remember you talking about how you just didn't even realize how much shame you really did have. It was like, I even tried to hide in a room full of people. My gut reaction was, no one should ever see me eat like this.
Speaker 4 (37:18):
Yeah, yeah, that's
Speaker 2 (37:19):
Right. You say, I do. It was a wild day. I do remember that. I remember sitting, I remember sitting at the table without food in front of me, and I remember I just had this, I wanted to get up and go in the corner. I did not want to be in this room and seen eating
Speaker 3 (37:37):
These things. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (37:41):
I think if there was one key takeaway for your people, it would be to just see, you were willing to do a lot of scary thinking. You were willing to challenge things that you, I think one of the hardest things as a human to do is to challenge something we really believe, just to really challenge it because even if what we believe about ourselves is terrible, I'm broken in stuff. It's very certain, the hardest thing for a human to ever do is face uncertainty, and if you don't believe that, if you're very uncertain that you could be whole and accepted and all these other things over here, we hang on to pain. Just to hang on to certainty, and you really challenged a lot of stuff that made you rethink everything, and that's a long process. It's not an overnight process, and it's also not something, I mean, you tell me, it's not like now you have all these amazing thoughts about yourself and that you never doubt yourself and that you never, I know for me, I don't ever consciously think I'm going to regain all my weight. I really a hundred percent believe I won't anymore, only because it's been 16 years. There's been enough practice of that and enough lived experience where I've been able to let that part go, but I still have urges. I still overeat. I still have instances where I'm like the old version of me. I just don't believe I am her anymore, and I don't believe she's coming back. I just know these things are always going to happen, and it's probably like everybody else.
Speaker 2 (39:34):
Yeah, yeah. It's like there's remnants, right? You see little leftover pieces where it's like, oh, look at that. But yeah, it's not who, I do not see myself as that person anymore. Sometimes it's, sometimes little things pop up here and there and it's like, oh, wow, that's fascinating. But then it's almost like you go out in your yard and it's like there's a wheat and you just kind of pull the weed and you toss it, and then you just keep going and your yard looks great. It's not like, oh my gosh, it's now overrun. It's like, no, just a few little things here and there, but that is not the lens with which I see myself anymore.
Speaker 1 (40:14):
Yeah. Well, I'm proud of you and I love you, and you know all that.
Speaker 4 (40:18):
Yes, thank you.
Speaker 1 (40:19):
And I am sure I will see you on Marco Polo. That's right.
Speaker 2 (40:24):
Probably tomorrow. Exactly. Well, thank you for sharing the insider scoop of the journey. I think it's just so helpful, I think for anybody to hear like, oh, this doesn't happen overnight. This takes time, and to really see there are so many things in the journey that can feel terrible, can feel like going backwards or whatever. It's like all of it matters, and it's all so important and literally every single step in the journey, no matter which direction you're going or what it feels like, it all matters and it's all so important. It's like just keep holding that vision of who you want to become and nothing you think you're going to get at that goal. It's like, that's what you really want for today now.
Speaker 1 (41:13):
Exactly.
Speaker 2 (41:13):
Awesome. Thank
Speaker 1 (41:15):
You. You're welcome. Thank you so much for listening today. Make sure you head on over to no bs recourse.com and sign up for my free weight loss training on what you need to know to start losing your weight right now. You'll also find lots of notes and resources from our past podcasts help you lose your weight without all the bullshit diet advice. I'll see you next week.