July 28, 2023

Episode 330: The 3 Secrets to Eating What You Love and Losing Weight

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When I started losing weight, I knew this time had to be different.

I always thought the only way to lose weight was to count calories.

But it never worked. At least not for long.

Throughout my 20s, I did diet after diet, counting calories and points, resulting in me losing and gaining the same 75 lbs.

Counting calories occasionally helped me lose weight, but I failed to keep it off.

The moment I added my favorite foods to my life, I was face down in them because it felt so good to have something tasty in my mouth.

This would start the slippery slope – desperately trying to hang onto my weightloss, wanting to eat like a normal person, and sick and tired of doing complicated math just to eat.

It wasn’t until I refused to count calories that I realized there was a better way.

With trial and error, I figured out 3 secrets that helped me lose 100 lbs without giving up foods I love.

Today, I’m sharing them with you so you can lose weight without having to take a break from your diet to enjoy life.

Transcript

Hi, I’m Corinne. After a lifetime of obesity being bullied for being the fattest kid in the class and losing and gaining weight like it was my job, I finally got my shit together and I lost 100 pounds each week. I’ll teach you no bullshit weight loss advice you can use to overcome your battle with weight. I keep it simple. You’ll learn how to quit eating and thinking like an asshole. You stop that and weight loss becomes easy. My goal is to help you lose weight the way you want to live your life. If you are ready to figure out weight loss, then let’s go.
Today we are going to talk about three secrets to eating food you love and losing weight. Now, this is important because many times if you’re anything like me, you are trying to lose weight doing diets that take away foods that you love and they aren’t replacing all of those moments that you’re eating them with a way to handle your life. So I used to weigh 250 pounds, and let me give you an example. I used to do all kinds of crazy ass diets, but I will say the one that I went back to the well on several times was Weight Watchers when all else failed. Weight Watchers was my old friend. I’d only been doing her since I was 11 years old. So it just made sense to me that I would go back to what I knew. So then of course they would have you count points and this is what would happen.
I’d be doing fine for a few days. Everything’s rocking and rolling. I’m highly motivated. I’m excited because I’m getting the rush of starting over. The weekend would come and my husband would want to go out to eat or do something. So I’d meticulously research the restaurants. I would try to see, all right, what could I get? What could I get? And as hard as I tried on a weekend, I would blow my points by lunch and I would have almost nothing left for dinner because I would try to make as many good choices as I could, but then I would want to have something so dinnertime would roll around and then I’d be hungry, and then I would feel like I had been bad earlier in the day because, well, you shouldn’t have ate this and you shouldn’t have ate that even though you had points for it.
Now, look at us. Now we’re suffering, and I would sit there and I would beat myself up that I should have made different choices and also have the perfect storm of being hungry. And so for a lot of us that have struggled with our weight, if you are trying to beat yourself up and you’re hungry, you might as well just book it. We are going to eat and we are going to eat. There’s no tomorrow, and that’s what would happen to me. I’d be like, fuck it, let’s just order pizza. I’ll start over again on Monday, and I’d have this moment of relief that you did so good last week. I bet you can just start over Monday. It’ll be all right. Maybe we’ll even cut back a little bit tomorrow and then Monday would come except this time I wasn’t going into Monday motivated and exciting because it was all fresh and new.
I’d go into Monday, dreading the week, hoping that I could stay on plan, worrying that I was going to run out of points, missing the foods that I love, and I would drag myself through that week and by the time Friday would get there, it wasn’t just, I’m going to meticulously look to see if I can get things to fit into my points. It was just like, Ugh, I just need a break. And you know what? I needed a break from me. It wasn’t that Weight Watchers and Points was doing something to me. What I needed to break from was me talking to myself like an ass asshole week. But here’s the problem. Weight Watchers didn’t help me with any of that. Weight Watchers didn’t tell me how to think on the nights when I was going to be down in the dumps that I couldn’t lose weight.
Weight Watchers just gave me points and said, Hey, I know you feel like shit about yourself. I know you’re terrified. You can’t lose your weight. I know you’re unmotivated right now. I know you’re also really hungry, but here’s your points. Now go deal with it. I needed more and I also needed to be able to eat the foods that I loved. I took a real honest look at myself when I was losing a hundred pounds and when I first started, I knew that one of the things that had jacked me up in almost every diet I had ever done was having good foods and bad foods, and that is the first secret to being able to eat the foods you love and lose weight is you have to stop calling foods good and bad because here’s the truth, no food is inherently good or bad when you assign a moral value to food.
I want you to think about how many times you’ve done this. Let’s say you’re going to eat grilled chicken and you feel real good about yourself and you’re like, oh, and it’s never like we’re really proud. It’s almost like when we think about ourselves eating the good foods, there’s like relief that we haven’t been bad. It’s not like we even are like, here I am a healthy maven getting my grind on doing this thing. Most of us, what we’re doing when we assign moral value to food, it’s fine when you’re eating the healthy stuff, but if you ever treat yourself, have a holiday, decide to take a bite of something, decide that today. You know what? Today I am going to have a cookie. I’m going to plan to have cookie today. Even if it was done on purpose and you ate it in control, when you think that that cookie’s bad, then it is 99.9% assured that you’re going to think, well, I was bad.
I just want you to think about this. How many times have you heard people say they’ll just be eating bread? Well, I’m being bad, but I’m going to be better tomorrow. There’s this idea that the things we eat make us a good or bad person, and then we wonder why it’s so fucking hard to lose weight. Losing weight is not a morality issue. You may have extra weight on you, but that doesn’t make you a bad person. Going out and kicking puppies can make you a bad person. Going out and pushing the old people down makes you a bad person. You eating pizza at night because you had a long fucking day and your kids are crying and you dog vomited on the carpet that morning doesn’t make you a bad person. You know what? It makes you someone who doesn’t know how to regulate their nervous system, yet someone who knows one way to deal with stress, that doesn’t mean you’re bad.
That makes you pretty fucking normal In the United States, in the entire world, most of us are not taught how to freaking have a bad day without eating, shopping, or drinking. If you watch television, it is so glorified. People are constantly, I watch shows all the time and I love it when they’re talking about they’ll have a long day, they’ll start pouring drinks. It is so normalized to not feel but to eat or drink when you feel bad. So I don’t want you ever to feel bad again, that if the best you can do at the end of a bad day is eat something great, but we can unlearn it, you can learn new things, but you are not a bad person based upon the quality of food that you put in your mouth. So that means there is no reason to feel guilty or ashamed for eating foods.
There are no self-righteous foods out there. Food is fuel for our body, but it’s also food is meant to bring us some pleasure and joy. That’s why I teach as the first big secret when it comes to good food and bad food mentality. Food serves multiple purposes in your life. There’s the physical wellbeing. So in order to lose weight, one of the secrets to being able to lose weight is to be really honest about how some of the foods affect your body. Not in a shaming way, but I know for me there are just foods that don’t work well for Corin. Number one, apples supposedly a healthy food, but you know what it does? It spikes my appetite. Something fierce. If I eat an apple as a snack, I am going to be starving in 30 to 45 minutes. There is something in apples that reacts in my body that it is not a filling food.
In fact, it drives hunger for me when I shouldn’t truly be hungry. So guess what? I don’t do? I don’t eat apples because I have paid attention to how they are in my body. Now the same goes for wine. Oh, I love me some wine. I love apples too, but I love wine. I like wine, but here’s what I know At 49 years old, more than two glasses, I’m paying a hefty price. Used to be able to drink three, it’d be no problem. Now, hefty price, I have headaches the next day I feel awful. My body doesn’t process alcohol like it used to. So my choice is now to either keep doing it or listen to my physical wellbeing, include wine in a way that my physical wellbeing does okay with. There’s another part of food that’s important. Food is supposed to taste good. You’re not supposed to eat shit you don’t like. So one of the other qualities about food is like if you’re trying to lose weight, we want to pay attention to how does it it feel? How does it taste? We should like our food. A huge purpose of food is pleasure and joy. Also a third factor. Cultural. Everybody has their cultural favorites. I’m from the south. When I go visit my mama, I eat fried chicken livers and fried chicken.
Food has a huge cultural significance in our lives, and it’s important that we recognize that because none of us are overweight because we’re just getting down on our culture too much. Most of us are overweight because our cultural foods are bastardized. They’re on the list of like, these are the bad things. And when your cultural foods are on the list of bad foods, guess what? It makes you start thinking something’s wrong with your culture, and that is a terrible thing that diet industry has done to us. We’re not overweight because we eat our cultural foods. We’re overweight because we eat ’em out of shame, out of thinking that we’re bad overeating them because we feel like we fucked up. We broke some rule somewhere. And then the last part, foods need to satisfy our physical wellbeing. They should taste good. We want to be including our cultural foods and also there are some foods we eat simply for our emotional wellbeing.
I don’t eat a lot of crackers and chips through most of the month, not because they’re bad, but because the rest of the month I really like meat. I like rice, I like potatoes, I like hearty food. Then comes my period, and I could care less about meat. It turns my stomach. Vegetables are really hard on my body. I pretty much live on crackers and some chips and things like that. It’s about the only thing I can tolerate for three days of my period, and that’s what I just planned to eat because during that time, not only is my physical body a little averse to other my normal foods that I eat, but during that time I’m usually sad. My hormones erect and I do want to plan some comfort. I want to plan for my emotional wellbeing, and when you learn to untie good food and bad food mentality, here’s one of the things you notice when you start planning things for your emotions and you start planning things this way, you aren’t fuck it eating.
You aren’t throwing away the whole day because you’ve been bad. I want you to think about this one question. How many times have you been rocking and rolling on your weight loss? You eat something that you think it makes you bad or is a bad food and the next thing you know you’re eating so much of it because you think, I’m going to take this away again. I need to eat all I can right now. How many times have you ate double down on eating fast? It’s like, well, I don’t want to shame myself. I want to get as much as I can in before the beatdown comes, so we overeat. Or how many times have you quit thinking, well, if I can’t stick to this and I can’t only eat these foods, then I might as well not try at all. When you want to lose weight, it’s not because there are going to be certain foods that you should eat and shouldn’t eat.
It’s going to be because you unlearn trying to escape the morality around the food. The majority of the people I work with will tell me if I just had a cookie, yeah, I would lose weight. My problem is I have a cookie and it turns into 10. That doesn’t mean cut out the cookie. It means examine. What are you telling yourself about one cookie that drives you to feel like you should eat a bunch of them? It’s usually, I’m being bad. I’m trying to outrun this. My body knows I’m going to try to take it away again. I’m going to punish it, so now my body’s trying to get in all the joy it can until I go back to misery land. When you fix that, it’s so much easier to lose weight. Secret number two, to be able to eat the foods we love and lose weight, we have to learn how to be able to leave tasty food behind when we’ve had enough.
This is a huge skill and it touches back on what I was just talking about. So many of us, when we start eating foods we love, this is what happens to us. Our brains know every single time in the past when we have severely restricted, we have removed the pleasure and joy around food. We have removed. We’ve done so many calorie restricted diets that we had to be so hungry. I call it past diet trauma, and every time you’ve done a real hardcore diet like that, you’ve left a traumatic imprint on yourself. Now, when you start trying to learn how to eat some of these foods, you will feel like you’re losing control, but you’re only losing control because when you eat them, you are telling yourself, I won’t get this for a long time. I’m being bad. When we talk about it that way, then it makes our brain think, get all you can because the bad times are coming. Get all the joy and pleasure you can right now because the bad times are coming. What we have to do is we have to, in order to be able to eat the foods we love and lose weight, we have to figure out what is the relationship we have with ’em right now? How do we quit being scared of it? How do we practice with these foods?
How do you learn what it is that you think while you eat them and then take all of that knowledge? It’s like, now what? Now how do I start building safety? How do I start reassuring myself? Do I do that in journaling? Do I do that in the moment? That’s the next big secret is you’ve got to learn how to be able to eat the food you love, but now we’re going to be able to leave bites behind and sometimes even say no. I have clients that I work with now who swore up and down. I’m a good example, and alongside some of mine, we swore up and down we needed ice cream Every day of our life, I’ve got a couple of clients that swore up down they need a chocolate every day of their life and we all really enjoy chocolate. We all really enjoy ice cream. Then what happened is that as we kept planning them and got to where we just eat a little bit and we’re like, I’m going to eat it again tomorrow. I don’t need to eat like an asshole today because I’m going to have some more tomorrow. What we found out is we started having days where it was time to eat them We’re like, I don’t know. I could probably just wait until tomorrow.
When you take away the fear that you’re not going to be getting it, you allow yourself the ability to have it when you’ll really enjoy it. Most of us are having the foods we love simply because we are afraid they’ll get taken away, so we overeat them. It’s not the quality of the food that’s causing our weight problems, it’s the thinking about these foods that drives us to overeat them. We change the thinking behind them. We change the eating that we do with them. Then there’s the third thing, and that’s learning new ways to settle your nerves. We talked about we have to redefine. We have to drop our diet rules. We have to really put all foods on a level playing field so that we’re not assigning I’m a good person or I’m a bad person. There’s only two things. I’m either being good with food or I’m being bad with food.
Then we talked about, now we’re going to practice eating all the foods, especially the ones that we love, but we want to get to where when we eat them, it’s just not a big deal. There’s no rush to overeat. There’s no compulsion to eat more. There’s a sense of confidence, there’s a sense of safety, there’s a sense of calm that happens when we eat them. And then the last part is having those new ways to settle your nerves. So as I talked earlier, when you go on a lot of diets and they say, no eating after seven o’clock, but after seven o’clock, if you feel really guilty for watching TV, instead of cleaning your kitchen, if you are after seven o’clock, you normally eat with your partner because that’s all y’all do now is eat together. You don’t talk, you don’t connect. There’s some distance there.
Guess what? After seven o’clock, you’re not going to be sitting there thinking like shit, either we need to start changing our relationship or now I’m seeing what our relationship really is. Our relationship is built on a sleeve of Oreos. That shit’s hard. When people tell me, what’s the hard part of losing weight? I’m like, the hard part of losing weight is when you take the food away. The reality sets in. Now you know how you think about yourself. Now you know all of the shit you tell yourself. Now you’re going to have to feel your stress. Now you’re going to have to feel disconnected. Most of us are eating because of certain reasons, and then when the food’s taken away, guess what’s not? Inserted ways to settle your nerves, how to be there for yourself. How to start thinking differently about your life. If you take the food away and you and your partner haven’t been talking for a few years, guess what?
You’re going to be nervous about starting to talk to them. You may or may not like what they have to say, and you’re not going to have an Oreo to take the edge off unless someone teaches you this stuff. You go back to food to avoid the uncomfortable parts of your life, and the problem is, is that when you go back to the food and now you’re just recreating this other uncomfortable part of your life. So I always tell people weight loss is one of the best ways to absolutely change your entire life because when we start looking at things, I remember feeling so guilty at night because my husband would come home after a long day of work, and I’ve been with our kid from the jump 5:00 AM in the morning, and I would just be exhausted, and when Chris would come home, I was just like, here’s the baby.
Take over. Well, that was great because he would, except here’s what would happen in my brain. You’re not a good wife. He’s worked all day and now you’re, because in my mind, raising a kid was hard. You’ve now given him more work to do, and then I’d feel incredibly guilty, and of course I’d want to eat because I wouldn’t want to sit there and think about what a bad wifi was or sit there and think about what a bad mom I was because all I wanted to do was lay around and then I would sit there and think about how lazy I was because after a full day of taking care of a baby, guess what the house looked like, A fucking shit hole. But I was so tired from running around after him, so tired because I was talking so down on myself. Then I would just pile one more piece of shit on my shit sandwich and say, and Chris is upstairs taking care of the baby.
You should be cleaning. It’s no wonder I wanted to eat every night. I did not know how to settle my nerves. I didn’t know how to be understanding of myself. I didn’t know how to be compassionate with myself. I didn’t know how to take a guilt-free break. I didn’t know how to feel deserving. I didn’t know how to cry. I didn’t know how to just sit there and do anything that I could to be like, I get you. It’s okay. I know you’re having unreasonable expectations of yourself and it feels horrible. I didn’t know how to breathe through it. So the third big thing for being able to eat the food you love and lose weight is you have to be able to settle your nerves. You have to be able to about other ways to talk to yourself. You have to be on alert for your truest emotional needs.
One of the things I would invite you to do is to sit there and think about this. Tasty foods do make us feel better and relax us because we don’t know how to do it any other way. They’re not actually taking away our stress, but what they really do is they distract us from the things in our life we’re emotionally hungry for. So we just don’t think about those things and we eat. It’s not that the food is doing anything, it’s not changing your life. It’s glossing over it. It’s preventing you from solving the things that you really need to solve in your life. So this is really important. What I want you to do, especially if you’re like a nighttime eater or anytime that you were thinking about good food, bad food, I want you to just ask yourself when you want something in the moment, what am I emotionally hungry for right now?
Because whatever you’re emotionally hungry for, that’s what needs to be worked on in order to lose weight. When we solve for all that, guess what becomes a lot easier. Eating when you’re hungry, stopping before you’re full, eating a little healthier, including some of the things you love most in this world. You can do all of that so much simpler when you’re starting to feel all of those emotional hunger needs. So to recap, you need one of the secrets to eating the food you love in order to lose weight is to, we have to unlearn good food, bad food mentality. The second is you have to gain the ability to be able to eat your tasty foods just like a normal person. You deserve to be able to eat the foods you love. You deserve to be able to eat them in a way that feels calm, that feels confident, that feels assured that you’re not taking these foods away ever again.
And then the last thing is we have to learn how to settle our nerves where we have been allowing foods to settle them for us. And when you do those things, you will find you can eat the foods you love and you can lose weight at the same time. Trust me, I did it. Thousands of no bss women are doing it right now and have done it. So if you want to learn more about this, if you’re like, this is my problem. This is exactly what is stopping me from losing weight. This is what makes us at no BSS weight loss different than all the other programs you’ve tried, and we would love to help you. Finally, a relationship with food that is so strong and so unique from anything you’ve done before that when you lose all your fucking weight, you feel like this shit is not coming back.
I like how I eat now. I do get to eat foods I love. I have built a better relationship with some of the healthier foods. It is such a beautiful blend, and I like me more because no BSS has taught me how to have a bad day without eating. No, BSS has taught me how to appreciate myself instead of beat myself down all the time. That’s what makes us different and we want to help you. You can go to join nobs.com right now. Doors are open. We would love to work with you and get you started today. See you over@joinnobs.com. Take a look at what we have to offer. Ask us any questions that you have. Let us help you lose your weight for the last damn time.
Thank you so much for listening today. Make sure you head on over to no bss freecourse.com and sign up for my free weight loss training on what you need to know to start losing your weight right now. You’ll also find lots of notes and resources from our past podcast help you lose your weight without all the bullshit diet at us. I’ll see you next week.

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I'm Corinne Crabtree

Corinne Crabtree, top-rated podcaster, has helped millions of women lose weight by blending common-sense methods with behavior-based psychology.

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