If you're wondering …
“Corinne, how do I tell my partner I'm trying to lose weight again without their raised eyebrows and jackass comments?'
Then you need to listen to Episode 251: My Partner Doesn't Support Me.
Most of our partners have watched us diet for years. They've watched as we starve ourselves and then be miserable because we can't eat what we want.
If you're anything like me, I bet you've chewed on their ass instead of food more than once when you were HANGRY.
It's no wonder our partner's reactions to us trying to lose weight aren't supportive!
We've trained our partners in the exact opposite way we've trained ourselves. The second we quit a diet, we also quit the shit show of a soap opera we put on of hating ourselves and talking like we don't love anyone.
But, it doesn't have to be this way.
In this week's LESS THAN 10 MINUTE EPISODE, I'll teach you…
- How to own your diet history.
- How to have a different type of conversation with your partner.
- The role of patience and compassion as weightloss tools.
- How to keep going if you don't get their support.
I’ve been dieting for 53 years. My husband is tired of me not getting to a goal and giving up. He is extremely skeptical. Well, yeah, he’s watched you give up a lot. So don’t expect him to be like, hey, I just believe in you this time. Like just, some grace there. So much so that I don’t share what I’ve been doing. He gets very sarcastic and negative every time I start something new. Yeah. How do I work around his non-support? I wouldn’t call it his non-support. I would call it your non-support of yourself. Take the ownership. How do I get over raise eyebrows and negative comments? I want you to think about this. Why do you think he’s doing it? Because he is like, you know what? I really want to sabotage her. She just thinks I’m tired of her failing.
No, it really is. I love to watch her fail. So I’m going to do some shit to make sure that happens. No, that is not the motivation. Do you know what his motivation is? Sue’s going to go on a diet and get excited, do all the things. Then she’s going to overeat, talk bad about herself, whine, feel bad, all this other stuff. I’m going to have to be at the brunt. Some of these diets for 53 years, she expected me to like change everything I eat and I didn’t want to. Then on top of it, when she has a bad day, she gets pissed at me for not being support.
To most of our partners that have watched us diet for all of our lives, the reason why the snide comments and stuff come out in the beginning is because they’re like the faster I can help you get to the quit point because I’ve watched you, the less I have to listen to you bitch about what you’re doing, moaning that you can’t have shit, acting like you like cutting off your tit in order to lose weight. We spend so much of our diet life in our past whining about it, hating ourselves, talking like an ass, all these things. Our loved ones don’t really love that shit show of a production we put on. And then we wonder why they don’t want to punch a ticket and pay for it.
Guys, you got to think about like, where do I own part of this? How have I set him up to not be excited when I want to do it all again? In the past, have I gone into each one going like, let me tell you what I’m going to do. I’m going to lose weight. I totally believe in myself. I’m just going to let you know this is the most loving, compassionate thing I’ve ever done. Everything that I do I’m going to look forward to. If it hasn’t been that way don’t expect him to be excited. Just don’t. And then also don’t sit there and like, need him to be excited. This is the other part of the problem.
You’re saying like, how do I deal with somebody else not doing my emotional work. I’m like, fuck that. How about we do this Sue? How much positive commenting are you giving yourself on a daily basis? How many times are you catching yourself rolling your own eyes at you? How many times are you catching yourself not saying lush things? How many times are you like throwing yourself under the bus going like, you know what? I don’t know if this one’s going to work. You need to be focused on that part. All of you. This ain’t just Sue. I’m glad Sue asked because every one of you who is looking for somebody else to suddenly talk different, the problem is I want you to think about this.
If you need them to show up their best self every day, in order for you to have a half-ass day, you have a problem. You’re doing the wrong work. And if your inside chatter, the way that you talk to yourself, the way you support yourself is very dialed in, then you have patience and compassion for all of those who don’t believe in you yet. Your thought process will be like, just watch me, bro. I cannot wait to prove you wrong. That would be your thought. You’re just in a agreeance with him. You’re just like, Hey, I need you to like get on board with the belief train because I don’t believe in me. Work on you. Quit working on him.
And I don’t care if you talk to him about it or not, but I would do this. If I’m going to talk to him, talk to him about it in a way that you’ve never talked to him about it before rather than like, I need you to support me. That’s bullshit. You don’t need him to support you. Go up to him and this is what you say, hey I just want to let you know I’m doing this new diet thing with this chick. And she’s told me to not like, that I totally can’t rely on you. She has said like, for sure, this is all me, my problem. I need to work on me, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. That my friend, his mouth might drop because I’m going to guarantee you all most of you do not go to your partners with that conversation. You go all needy.
See it’s your mouth and your hand. The only relationship you need to work on is that one mouth, my hand, mouth, the hand. You get really good at that relationship, the rest of them won’t matter. And then when they start noticing that you’re taking care of yourself and you’re thinking differently of yourself, you’re no longer relying on everybody to make you feel good anymore. They suddenly become a believer. And then they just start telling you, Hey, don’t you ever quit. Whatever it is you’re doing over there, don’t you quit doing that.
I cannot tell you for all you newbies, some of these girls will tell you I get letters from husbands, emails from husbands. Every now and then they’ll come to some of our events, like they’ll come along for the ride. They don’t come to the event themselves, but they’re like in the hotel. They want to meet me so bad and they cry and they will say things like, thank you for giving me my wife back. Or I’ve told her she can never quit this. I don’t care if she doesn’t lose any weight. She feels so much better about herself and it has improved our marriage. That’s where the magic comes in.