Updated: December 12, 2023

Episode 239: Dealing with Feelings: Shame, Fear, Confusion and Restriction

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If you are overweight, you might experience feelings like shame, fear, confusion and restriction.

Being aware of these emotions is the first step in dealing with them.

In Episode 239, I coach four women through each of these feelings.

This podcast is packed with goodies like…

Finding your why for losing or keeping your weight off (even after you receive devastating news that has you FEARING you can’t do it).

How to do Corinne’s free program when your life is upside down and your friends are doing all kinds of other diets. I cut through the confusion and show you how to focus instead.

What to do when you “think” you must hop on the Keto bandwagon because you got a hard deadline with your weightloss coming up.

Listen and learn how to break through these obstacles that stand in the way of lifelong weightloss.

Listen to Episode 239: Dealing with Feelings: Shame, Fear, Confusion and Restriction today. 

Transcript

Hi, I’m Corinne. After a lifetime of obesity, being bullied for being the fattest kid in the class, and losing and gaining weight like it was my job, I finally got my shit together and I lost 100 pounds. Each week, I’ll teach you no bullshit weight loss advice you can use to overcome battle with weight. I keep it simple. You’ll learn how to quit eating and thinking like an asshole. You stop that and weight loss becomes easy. My goal is to help you lose weight the way you want to live your life. If you are ready to figure out weight loss, then let’s go.

Sarah (00:37):

Okay, good morning, everyone. And welcome again to the Losing 100 podcast with Corinne and Kathy. We’re answering your weight loss questions today. But before we get started Corinne, you just finished and wrapped a huge event for the No BS Woman. Did you want to tell us a little bit about it before we get to our first question?

Corinne (00:55):

Yeah. So welcome everybody. We just finished transformation weekend. It was called, becoming the hero of your story. And it was an amazing event for over 2400 people. We had about 150 in-person, and then we had the rest of them in the virtual world. We always like to say that our events are like Oprah meets TEDx. So it’s quite a production, and it’s one of the highlights and joys of my life. I love those events. I really see women change so much over the course of three days. They take the time to invest in themselves.

Corinne (01:35):

On day one, we went back to our past to kind of see where our diet conditioning started, why we believe the things do about our body, and just how a lot of these things came to be in our life today, so that we could break free of feeling like we are broken or that something is wrong with us. A lot of us just didn’t even understand that so much of what we think and feel about ourselves today was learned. And when you understand it was learned, it is much easier in the current day to let it go.

Corinne (02:08):

The second day, we did a lot of removing the four biggest obstacles that I find get in the way of women being able to lose weight in their present day, which is, how to stop people pleasing; how to drop the opinions of others, and quit ruling your life by them; how to drop the fear of failure, like to understand why we have fear of failure, and how to move through it; and then the last one, we did a huge, what we call the Fuck it foods worksheet, where we addressed urges. And we ate food as a group that we normally are scared of, or we think controls us. And so we did it in a way where we could unlearn the fear around it.

Corinne (02:50):

And then the last day, is like, once we tackled the obstacles of our everyday life, once we got past our past, we were able to really start thinking about, who do we want to be? And how do we start showing up as that version of us each and every day, instead of waiting for weight loss to make us happy or waiting for things to make us happy? We really worked on, how do we start being that person today and no longer putting off the good of life? And that’s what we did for three days. So let me turn it back over to Sarah, who will take us to the next segments of whatever we’re doing.

Kathy (03:28):

Hey, Sarah, before you go to the next segment, I just want to, two high fives in the air for Corinne, because she was incredible all weekend. She was on point. She looked amazing. I mean, super good. But my biggest takeaway, she was talking about the fear of failure and the people pleasing and the other people’s opinions, to me, that all wrapped up in a beautiful trifecta of teaching on accepting yourself and trusting yourself. Not only in how you show up in the world, but what you eat, how you take care of yourself. It was just an amazing weekend. And I know, speaking for the whole No BS team, we were all taking all the notes and doing all the exercises. It was just an amazing weekend. So thank you, Karen.

Sarah (04:15):

Yeah. It’s great. I really think what Kathy said is a huge takeaway for someone that’s listening to the podcast or is a No BS Woman. When you tune in to you and trust your gut, that’s the key to weight loss. I lost a 100 pounds by listening to myself, and learning what worked best for me. And that’s just a great takeaway for anyone who is listening. Okay, we’re going to go ahead and get started with our questions this morning. First up we have Allie, good morning, Allie, do you want to unmute, and say, my question is, and let us know what’s going on for you?

Allie (04:49):

Good morning. So my question is, basically, I am a No BS Woman, I was in an accountability group, and I loved the women and that I was with and they were doing so well, and losing the weight. And yet I had so much judgment about it for myself, because I wasn’t doing all the things. So I ended up just leaving the group, and just trying to do it on my own. And I’m just wondering if there’s any advice to, I guess, just… I mean, I listened to you before in the group before about the shame, and that really sort of landed with me, so I think that there’s that. There’s also a bit of people pleasing, I think, I’ve got all the things, unfortunately.

Corinne (05:39):

So this is something that we commonly do you, so I want to just highlight what happened for you, so that you can use it as something to move forward with in your life, so that you don’t repeat this pattern, because a lot of us do this. You’re in an accountability group, they’re all doing well. You’re looking at that, and you’re telling yourself shitty stories about you in comparison to them. And you’re also noticing the gap between what they’re doing, like they’re doing these things. I’m not doing these things. Common sense for all of us would say, “So I should probably start doing the things. I should work, how to get to where I’m doing the things, that’s leading to their success. So let me figure out and ask them like tips, tricks, hacks, all that kind of stuff.”

Corinne (06:26):

But what we end up doing is we use our shitty brain and we’re like, “Oh my God, I feel so terrible. They’re like losing weight. I’m not. So here’s what I should do, I should quit at this accountability group. That’ll solve my problems.” Like our brain convinces us, “Move away from the painful thing,” instead of, “Oh, I can look at this and figure out the things that I’m not doing. And if I don’t beat myself up, then I can work on things.”

Corinne (06:58):

You can also use, any of you that are in an accountability group, or Allie, whenever you’re in a situation where you notice that you beat yourself up, the solve isn’t to leave the thing, because most of us think the thing is causing us to feel bad. The thing is happening. We are having shitty thoughts about ourselves, and then we feel bad. So the thing is not the problem. It’s our shitty thoughts. And so instead of using it as an opportunity to figure out how to love yourself, how to change your inner self talk, and everything, what most of us do, is we remove the stimulus in a thought era that, it’s causing me pain.

Corinne (07:39):

When what it’s really doing is highlighting an opportunity to build a stronger relationship with yourself, to end self beat downs, to also see the gap between my actions versus their actions. What are the little things that I can do to start moving myself closer to that? That’s what ends up happening.

Corinne (07:57):

So if it was me, Allie, I would use this as an opportunity for you to think about, oh, okay. So where else in my life right now, do I do that? I see this happen often with women who are in friendships and things like that. They’ll have friends that they think are making the feel bad. Now, if your friend is throwing shade on you and like saying asshole things, yeah, that, obviously, let’s get out of that. But a lot of times, what we are, is we’re just around people, that on the inside, we’re looking at them and all we’re doing is thinking about how terrible we are next to them. We are creating all the shade on the inside.

Corinne (08:39):

And so what we do is we start isolating ourselves like, “Well, I don’t want to hang out with them anymore. I’m just going to stay home.” And the next thing you know, you’re just alone, because all you do is you look out into the world and if you don’t learn how to not compare and beat yourself up, you eventually start cutting off everything, in a misguided attempt to feel better. But what ends up happening is, you’re not really learning how to feel better, all you’re doing is you’re misguided attempt is, avoiding feeling bad. Avoid feeling bad, doesn’t translate into feeling better. And that’s what I see happen most often.

Corinne (09:20):

So Allie, if it was me, if you decide, and it might take you a couple thought downloads and cheer them up sessions on the inside, I’d reach back out to them, and just say, “I realize what was going on for, I loved you ladies. Y’all are successful. I’d like to come back. What do you think?” It’s risky? But I try it, but that’s my advice. What do you think, Allie?

Allie (09:45):

I think you’re spot on. I was I’m sitting there going. “Yes. Yes. Yes.” The last part, yeah, super risky. I was literally thinking can’t I get in a new group and start fresh, with my new-

Corinne (10:00):

Allie-

Allie (10:00):

… mindset.

Corinne (10:01):

Well, this is the thing, you have two options. You, for sure, can do that. We will put you… All No BS Women, please hear the words coming out of my mouth. If your accountability group falls through, not a good fit for you, you leave like Allie did, whatever happened, we will place you in as many groups until we find the right fit. Y’all are like our little Cinderellas, we will keep putting them shoes on your damn feet until we find a fit. But, here’s the deal, I think for you, Allie, I think for personal growth, you’ve already said you like these ladies, if they still have the group going, I would ask them about it. You might get a hard, no, but that gives you an opportunity to tell yourself, “I’m proud of me for asking. I’ll go and look for another group.”

Corinne (10:50):

It will probably trigger you to want to shame yourself. Y’all need to put yourselves in more riskier situations. So you’re just like, “All right, I have a new mindset. Let me go and do it over here.” I think you should practice triggering some shitty ass mindset. That’s where real growth happens. And then, I will tell you, probably about 40% chance that they may be like, “Ah, I don’t know, we’re already locked solid, blah, blah, blah.” It’s probably 60% chance, they’re like, “Thank God, we missed you. We would love to help you.”

Corinne (11:21):

And that’s what I see people who do a lot of, we call it, compare and despair inside of No BS. When you are cutting out all these peoples and things in your life, so afraid to feel bad, you also end up… It’s an unintended, terrible consequence of cutting out all the good too. And most of the time there’s so much more good in the world. And we’re trying to protect ourselves from that little bitty chance that we’re going to feel bad, that we cut out way more that we can receive than we’re ever going have as shitty ass crap. But you get to decide Allie, and there’s not going to be a wrong answer either way.

Allie (12:03):

Thank you.

Corinne (12:04):

You’re welcome.

Allie (12:04):

That’s awesome. Thank you so much.

Sarah (12:08):

Thank you for your question, Allie. I think it’s a great one, because in my weight loss journey, I think it was in three or four accountability groups, until I really found the right fit. So I just want to encourage you to reach back out and keep going and get some support. All right. Our next question is going to come from Madison. Madison, would you like to unmute and say my question is?

Madison (12:27):

Hello. My question is, I attended camp this weekend, and I loved every minute of it. But on day three, I was definitely judging myself for not being really able to envision my future self or be able to set any kind of like big 90 day goal. I’ve been in maintenance for close to two years, and I just recently have peaked kind of above my range, due to some medical issues and medicines I’ve been on.

Madison (12:51):

And because of this diagnosis, I don’t don’t know if I’m going to be able to have a family, and having a family and having a healthy pregnancy has been a huge part of my why. So now without having that why, I feel like I’m going to regain my weight or need a new why or something to help keep me maintaining, or back in my range once I’m off this medicine.

Corinne (13:12):

Okay. There’s a couple things to addressing. Number one, you do not need to feel bad. No, Madison, I’m going to assume you went to the bathroom, when I gave the talk about the future self, and saying to everybody that, for some of us, it’s really hard to envision and that’s okay. Were you in the potty?

Madison (13:31):

Yeah, let’s go with that.

Corinne (13:33):

Okay.

Madison (13:33):

No, Judith did say, “It doesn’t have to be super specific,” but I guess I love my actions and having a big due plan coming out of there. And I just kind of only came up with a couple little things I can really address at the moment [crosstalk 00:13:48]-

Corinne (13:48):

What are… This is the thing I keep… There’s two words that you keep using, big and little, like that’s a helpful. Like, “I don’t have my big why. I don’t have my big goal. I don’t have all this other stuff.” And it’s like, “Well, all I have is these little things.” I don’t think you need either one of those descriptors. I don’t think it’s helping you right now. So tell me, what did you come out of there with? What were your things that you were like, “All right, my next 90 days is about this.” What was it?

Madison (14:15):

So one of the biggest things I wanted to reinvigorate is something I started after May camp was to write down everything I’ve done right for the day, at the end of the night, so doing a page of that each day. And then-

Corinne (14:25):

If that’s little work-

Madison (14:27):

I mean, that’s something I should be doing already is praising myself for what I’m doing.

Corinne (14:33):

No. Madison, did you just hear the words that rolled out of your mouth?

Madison (14:36):

Should-

Corinne (14:37):

I should be doing no. No. This is the thing, it’s so easy to think, I should already be doing this. How do you feel?

Madison (14:48):

Inadequate would be the word I would use.

Corinne (14:50):

Right. You shouldn’t be already doing that, because you aren’t. It’s like, I was talking about this in the last hour, when I was doing business coaching, there’s no help for you in thinking you should already be doing it, because it just leads to inadequacy. It makes you feel terrible about yourself. It’s a very use… All of you think that that’s just like stating the fact or like, “This is where I’m supposed to be.” It’s like, no, you’re arguing with reality when you do that. The reality is, currently, right now, I’m not writing about what’s right about me. So a helpful thought would be, I’m going to start writing about what’s right about me, and that’s a gift I give myself. That’s something that a lot of people won’t even do.

Corinne (15:37):

You have a 1,000 ways to think about you deciding to do that, and you’re picking one of the worst ways to do it. Just meet onto your brain. I promise all of you No BS Women, all we talked about at camp, remember the three big things that we were going to learn. Number one, we’re going to find our unnecessary suffering. Shoulding, like I should be smaller. I should have this by now. I should, I should, I should, that’s unnecessary suffering. The example I gave in the last hour was it would be like getting on the scale and weighing in this morning and thinking, “I should weigh less than this.” And expecting to get back on in five minutes and the scale going, like, “I was wrong. You should weigh less than this. Here’s your new number.” It changes nothing other than making you feel terrible. And if you feel terrible, you are going to change how you show up for the worst.

Corinne (16:34):

If every time you’re going to write about what’s right about you, and all you’re doing is like, “Yeah, well, I should have been doing this all along.” Eventually, if you keep trying to write about what’s right about you, and it still feels bad, you’ll quit doing that work. Not because you’re writing the stuff and that’s not working, but because you’re bringing that crap mental attitude to the work. So we want to clean up as much of that as possible. So, number one, my thought about you deciding to do that at camp is, what other fucking work is there that’s even any better than that?

Madison (17:09):

I don’t know. I feel like-

Corinne (17:11):

None.

Madison (17:11):

… everyone has like business goals and life goals and weight loss goals, and that was mine, I guess. That and also [crosstalk 00:17:19]-

Corinne (17:18):

Madison, the relationship with yourself is always going to be the most important work you’ll do over the course of your life. All these people with weight goals and business goals and all this other stuff… Literally, in the last hour, I just coached and I wouldn’t even give anybody a tip or strategy, because every one of them came in with their broken ass mindset around themselves, and were…

Corinne (17:40):

They have major business goals with a busted mindset and they’re stuck not doing shit. All of you, there’s no better goal in your life than working on the internal relationship you have with yourself. It’s always got to be the first one you work on. That’s why diets fail us. All right, so start again. Number one, I’m giving you your thought for you, there’s no better gift that I’m going to give myself over the next 90 days than figuring out a better relationship with myself. What’s the other thing you came out with?

Madison (18:14):

Well, during like the self care part, I really love that exercise of how we can show up daily for that. And part of mine was, taking time to do my hair and makeup and really pick out an outfit I love, like three times a week. Instead of just, sometimes rolling out of bed and throwing my hair in a ponytail. I’m just trying to really curate my confidence or my confidence through the way I show up that day.

Corinne (18:38):

I think that’s awesome. Literally, Madison, I just want to like jump through the phone and hug you, and say, “I don’t know why you are sitting there and choosing to think so terribly about your 90 day goals.” I wish more of our No BS Women would do some of that stuff. What I watch a lot of people do is set big, hairy ass goals, and they get like all distracted by all the things, and they forget to work on themselves. They think working on themselves is their task list, their 24 hour plan, a meal prep and stuff. I think all that stuff’s great, but that’s just actions. And what you decided to do is to take care of yourself for the next 90 days.

Corinne (19:23):

Especially, I’m just going to tell you, because your why was to have a family, and you’ve been told that that might not be possible, what other thing would you even work on in the next 90 days, other than the relationship you have with yourself, how to be there for yourself, how to comfort yourself. You mentioned, “I’m afraid I’m going to gain my weight.” I promise you, if you spend the next 90 days building a really integral relationship with yourself, you’re not going to need to ever worry about that weight gain coming back. You don’t do that work, and you just get busy with some bullshit goal that you think you should have, because all these other bitches had one, you will run the risk of that weight coming back, because you’ll be busying yourself instead of taking care of yourself.

Madison (20:10):

So what you’re saying is, I’m right on track, essentially, with trying to focus in on what I can control versus what I might not be able to control.

Corinne (20:22):

Yep.

Madison (20:23):

Is that I… Yep.

Corinne (20:24):

And you just heard it from the queen. So if-

Madison (20:29):

That’s perfect.

Corinne (20:30):

… your brain doesn’t believe it, I don’t know what to tell you anymore.

Madison (20:33):

No, it definitely helps hearing it from you. And it was wonderful getting to be in your presence this weekend.

Corinne (20:40):

Well, I appreciate that. I do.

Madison (20:42):

Thank you.

Corinne (20:43):

And just one thing that you can do, if you want to sandwich in some extra thought work on top of the what’s right about me stuff, which I think’s really going to help you this next 90 days, is also, if you want to just give yourself like one reason each day, why this weight’s never going to come back, and just write that down every single day. Because if that that’s one of those little nagging thoughts that you have, all of you that have lost lots of weight with me… Because I know that that’s one of the things that’s the hardest to overcome is, no matter if you lose it the way you want to live it, like we do all the things, our brains are probably hanging onto the belief that if…

Corinne (21:24):

It’s like, once you’ve lost all your weight, now you’re going to trigger the part of your brain that’s like, “Yeah, well, now that you’re here, you’ve never been able to keep it off.” And we have a story around that. A lot of times when we’re losing the weight that thought and that belief doesn’t get a lot of oxygen, so you don’t really hear it and notice it. But then once the weight is released, that’s when it triggers that thought.

Corinne (21:47):

And it’s okay. Your job once you lose the weight is to, now, to start teaching your brain why it’s not coming back. And that’s a daily practice, and it can be as simple as one sentence a day, reminding yourself. It can be the same sentence. You can change it up each day. You can notice something different, whatever it is. Okay, Madison.

Madison (22:09):

Thank you so much. I’ll add that.

Corinne (22:11):

You’re welcome. Good luck.

Madison (22:13):

Thanks, bye.

Kathy (22:14):

Hey, I’d like to circle around just for a minute here, because Madison started this whole conversation because she was judging herself, because she couldn’t see her future self. What was happening Madison is that you had one goal, one future self person that you have an obstacle in front of you to get to see. You have all these other things you talked about. You talked about how three times a week you’re going to do your hair and makeup and put on clothes that you like. You talked about business goals, life goals, weight loss goals. You want to continue maintenance. What I would offer to you, is that, maybe your future self a year or five years from now is not something you can see just yet. And that’s okay.

Kathy (22:59):

I was there too. That famous story where I’m sitting on the couch in Corinne’s living room crying, because I couldn’t create a goal. When you release yourself from creating that huge goal and you break it down into smaller goals, more doable things, like your three days a week that you’re going to get dressed and put on your makeup, you begin to create evidence for yourself. You begin to see that you can create goals in tiny little increments. And that what’s so important, when you are met with an obstacle, or you are met with, I don’t know how to do this. I don’t know how to dream. Because you really do, you just don’t recognize those little places where you can talk.

Madison (23:43):

Thank you. That was so perfect.

Sarah (23:45):

Thank you so much for your question today, Madison. It was great to meet you at camp, and we will definitely see you inside of the Facebook, and around Instagram. Okay. Our next question is coming from Kelly. Kelly, do you want to unmute and say, my question is?

Kelly (24:01):

Hi. My question is, okay, I don’t know how to, I mean, I know how to journal… I guess, what I’m trying to say, and I was thinking about this hard last night. I’ve listened to a bajillion of your podcast, Corinne, and I’ve watched YouTube videos, and I have my doable food written out for the day. But when it comes to journaling, it’s like, I know how to think for other people, I’m like the caregiver, whether it be for… I was married at one point and my husband died in 2015, so it was like taking care of him or taking care of the boys. So I’ve never known me for me.

Kelly (24:49):

And I don’t know how to find that person. It’s like, I look at myself, and I’m like, “Well, yeah, that needs fixed. Or you can have less of an attitude about some things,” because I do put walls up, and I have two friends that are doing this along with me, my accountability buddies. And I’ve known them for years, so it’s not like they’re strangers.

Corinne (25:14):

Kelly, are you actually in the program?

Kelly (25:17):

No.

Corinne (25:18):

Oh, okay. Well I was going to say-

Kelly (25:21):

I’m sorry.

Corinne (25:22):

No, that’s okay. No, it’s not that. I mean, I want to help you, but my tip was to start going through, we have a self love course that has 30 days of prompts, and then we have a relationships course that has 30 days of prompts. Our planner has all kinds of different topics, and then it has 30 days of prompts, so that… That’s the easy way to learn how to journal is to don’t rely on yourself, just get the questions and answer them. Like you just write. We actually teach it, but I was going to give you a plan for what to go through inside the membership, if that was the case. But go ahead and finish. And maybe I can give you some help just externally from the membership.

Kelly (25:58):

Okay. Well, like I said, I’ve always done things for… And I had bariatric surgery in 2010, and every thing was going great. And then disaster struck and I had to look away from myself and towards other people. So for the next five years, six years after that, it’s never been about me. And I don’t mean that to sound selfish, but sooner or later, I’m going to be 51 here next month, it’s got to be about me at some point, right?

Corinne (26:31):

Well, yeah, but, I mean, this is the thing I think that some of us get screwed up in thinking, is like, like for you thinking, it’s never been about me. So many of us think that weight loss has to… like the decks have to be cleared. So this is one of the problems that a lot of us run into. So I’m just going to use your situation as an example of where traditional diets and stuff do fail us. So you have bariatric surgery, you’re cranking right along, and then life happens. And our association with weight loss is that when life happening, you can’t lose weight, and that’s not true. The problem is, is that diets don’t teach you how to deal with life. And unless we learn how to deal with life, then when life happens, we deal with life, with self-sacrifice and eating to compensate.

Corinne (27:22):

I promise all of you that… My grandmother got diagnosed with pancreatic cancer, she was the woman who raised me. I mean, my mom was there too, but like I lived with my granny almost as much as I ever lived with my mother growing up. She was like, my mom. I had a two year old at home. I had to take care of my grandmother every night from 10:00 AM to 6:00 AM, sleeping on a floor and giving her meds, and cleaning her up when she would shit herself, and all the lovely things that happened over three months, when someone’s dying of cancer. I didn’t eat through it. It would’ve been real easy to say, “I’m going to need to eat through this. I’ve got to sacrifice myself. I have a two-year-old all day long, and I’ve got my grandmother with cancer, and I’m sleeping on the floor.”

Corinne (28:09):

I could have used all of that as an excuse. But what I had learned, when I lost my weight, is that, eating truly didn’t make me feel better. Eating was no longer a way that I dealt with stress, grief, and sadness. So if food wasn’t going to be that, my brain was going to deal with my emotions. But we are not taught to deal with life in diets, and that’s why we tend to have this idea, I think, for you thinking, at some point I have to be number one. I don’t even think that’s a helpful thought. It’s more of the idea of, life will always is happen, it’s time I learned how to lose weight, while it does. Otherwise, we’re always waiting for the perfect time, or we’ll find a time where it seems perfect, then some shit will happen, and we’ll go back to, “See, this is not the time. Can’t do it. You can’t be the priority.”

Corinne (29:02):

I’m going be the first to tell all of you, since my son’s been born, 19 years ago, and I started a business and my grandmother died, and my grandfather died, and my uncle died, and like all the things, my son got diagnosed with autism, I ain’t been number one yet. I’ve never needed to be number one in order to lose my weight. I think all of you think that that has to happen. It’s like, the only thing that had happen is that, when shit hit the fan in my life, I needed to learn how to think about it, and I needed to learn how to not put a fucking chicken tender in my mouth because of it. That’s the only two things that I had to learn. And that’s what we all have to recognize in weight loss.

Corinne (29:40):

So for you, like when you talk about like journaling, you have to write each day about like… So for all of you who are not members, I’m going to give you the best advice I can, but if you truly need to work on your mind… You know your mindset is your bullshit standing in your way, which I’m going to tell you, it’s probably all of you, take the free course, and I promise you that after you take that free course, you’ll have five days to join the membership. And if you want to learn how to be a journaler, my ass will teach you all the things.

Corinne (30:13):

But if you’re going to do it free, you are going to take the harder road, because you’re going to need to go search through the podcast. I do have podcast on there about journaling. I have several podcasts where I throw out questions all the time. If I throw a question out to you in the podcast, get you a fucking piece of paper and answer the question. Write it down, and then answer those questions. That’s journaling. Go to Pinterest type in weight loss journaling prompts. Go to Google, look up self-love journaling prompts, write them down, and answer them.

Corinne (30:50):

It isn’t hard to figure out journaling. The hard part is, sitting down and actually doing it, when you think you suck at it. So just quit telling yourself, “I suck at it. I’ve never learned it. I have all these things.” Start telling yourself, “It’s about God time I figure it out. We’re going to figure it out. I don’t care if I just write one sentence today, it’s better than writing no sentences. It’s better than telling myself I can’t find myself. I’ll find myself, if I write. If I sit around and think about how hard it is, I’ll never find myself.” And that would be my best advice on that. Does that help?

Kelly (31:21):

Yes.

Corinne (31:22):

Okay.

Kelly (31:22):

Yeah. I… Yeah.

Corinne (31:25):

Yeah. A… Yeah.

Kelly (31:25):

Well, a big part of it is that writing, I know that things will come out and there are things that I’ve pushed way back and I think that’s what, I’m more fearful of. It’s like, do I do it, and just bite the bullet and just do it? Or do I-

Corinne (31:42):

Let me ask you this, Kelly. Let me ask you, I did this all weekend long, because even my members, who are with me all the time, they’re at this three day immersion weekend, you would’ve thought, before we got started, they were in their private Facebook group for the event. Talking like I was going to rip fingernails off one at a time with a journal. I finally asked them all, I said, “What the fuck y’all think fixing to happen here?” Tell me in your mind that like, even if you’ve pushed it down, what are you fixing to uncover? You don’t even have to know-

Kelly (32:14):

Anger.

Corinne (32:14):

… what you’ve uncovered, but if you uncover it, what is your brain telling you that’s going to happen? Because I-

Kelly (32:21):

I’m going to get angry.

Corinne (32:21):

… promise you, what you think is going to happen is ridiculous. But go ahead and tell me what it is, so I can help you see that.

Kelly (32:27):

Yeah. I hear what you’re saying, and most of it is just anger. It’s anger at myself. It’s anger at other people, and it’s probably misguided, in some instances. Because I don’t know what to do with my feelings, so I just instantly turn it into anger, and then shove it away.

Corinne (32:46):

Right. And so this is the thing, when you guys don’t just face some of the shit you think and examine it, and be like, “Was that really true? Is that how I want to think about this situation? Is it even worth my time to continue story in my head?” That’s a great question for a lot of you. It’s like, you don’t even have to repair any of that stuff. You can just be like, “Is it worth my time letting this sit way far down to where every time I start to even get…” This is the thing about all the things you’ve shoved down. They’re still there, and they try to come up and every time they do, you need to go order a pizza to shove it back down. You need to figure out something to eat, to shove it back down. So whether you want to take a look at it or not, all thoughts, unexamined, come out in you. Showing up in your life the way you don’t want to.

Corinne (33:35):

So if you want to start showing up in your life the way you want to, it’s time to take a look at the thoughts. The worst that happens, when you first start journaling, when you’re not used to it, is, the judgy part of your brain comes in, is like, “Oh my God, I cannot believe you think that way. Oh my God, you’re a shitty ass person for even believing those things,” or, “You should never think that.” That’s about it.

Corinne (34:01):

At the end of the weekend, I’m like, “Did anybody die?” And everybody’s like, “No.” We cried all weekend, we looked at our thoughts, we laughed, we cried a lot more. We did all kinds of stuff. I told them, “We’re going to be on an emotional rollercoaster for three days.” And at the end, they, they were all saying, like, “Can’t believe, I’m completely exhausted, but I also feel better.” Nobody found a thought that sent them to the grave.

Kelly (34:29):

That makes total sense. I appreciate that.

Corinne (34:32):

You’re welcome.

Kathy (34:33):

You know what’s interesting-

Kelly (34:33):

Thank you.

Kathy (34:34):

… to me about that Corinne, is that, I hear so often, “I’m afraid to journal, because I’m afraid of what I’ll find.” But they already know what’s in there. She already knew it was anger. She even knew what caused it. So it’s more of an acknowledgement of what you find, without telling yourself you’re a terrible person for thinking it.

Corinne (34:53):

I know. We all have to get over this… This has come up several times today, but I think the best thing about journaling, I think the best thing about putting yourself in situations and stuff, it’s like, let the judgy bitch come up, so that you can start redirecting the conversation. What most of y’all do is avoid anything and everything to not judge yourself. And so you just walk around in fear all the time, worried about trip wiring the judgy part of yourself. It’s like, why don’t we just decide, sometimes our brain’s going to throw some fucking shade, and we’re going to get better at redirecting it and stopping it, instead of suffering.

Corinne (35:32):

I told y’all three things, unnecessary suffering was the big one from camp this weekend. I highlighted everything possible that I could to show you where you are creating unnecessary suffering for yourself. The other big thing, for all of you, that weren’t at camp, we talked about creating your experience. We all create the experience of our lives. And what’s happening with our last person, is she already knows the anger and stuff is there. And so she’s sitting around in her current life, creating this experience of fear for herself, fear of what she’ll find, and living her life like in this stalled out pattern, because she’s afraid to find it. She’s also afraid she won’t get what she wants out of life.

Corinne (36:17):

You’re stuck between two no win situations. And so the reason why I tell you guys to put yourself into more situations where your brain will judge and stuff, is so that the third big point of camp hits, which is, find your old shitty thoughts, and then you got to pivot them like a motherfucker. If you don’t learn how to pivot your thinking, you’re just stuck with your thinking. And the only way to learn how to pivot is to trigger old thinking, not to wish it away, not to avoid it and stuff. Nobody’s going to just wake up tomorrow and be like, “Oh my God, I think amazing things about myself. And I didn’t have to do any work. All I needed to do was lose some weight.”

Corinne (36:55):

No, losing weight is not going to make you think better. You might be enjoying some things, but if you’re always afraid of food, if you’re always afraid that like, “I don’t know if I’m going to lose weight. I don’t know if I’m going to lose weight,” then when you lose weight, you’re like the other person, “I’m afraid I’m going to regain my weight. I’m afraid I’m going to regain my weight.” If you want to learn how to think differently, you have to trigger old shitties that you have. You have to put yourself in situations to actually have them and then learn to pivot, pivot. You want to go from having old shitty and stuff it down, to being the kind of person who has old shitty and now pivots. It’s just learning a new habit and behavior. Damn, I’m getting worked up. I’m running out of-

Sarah (37:36):

Those were some really, really good-

Corinne (37:38):

I was over here breathing heavy me through that.

Sarah (37:41):

Well, I think it’s really an important message, and it’s something I’ve been personally working on even after I’ve lost all my weight, how do I feel these emotions that I avoid all the time and feel them and move on? Because when I avoid feeling them, they just build up and I get angrier and angrier, or I have more shame around my shame. But sitting there and figuring out how do I process this? What is this telling me? And what do I want to do next? When I’m in control? That’s some of the work that I’m working on now.

Sarah (38:08):

So I think it’s a really good point to bring up. We’ve got one final question here this morning from Arielle. Do you want to say, my question is? And let’s see how we can help you today.

Arielle (38:19):

Hi, everyone. My name’s Arielle and my question is this, Corinne, first off, I was a virtual member of your seminar this weekend, and it was amazing and life changing, really. And this is my question, so I am active duty Army. I’m an Army nurse, and I know you’re a huge keto fan, but the reality is, in my profession, it’s part of my-

Corinne (38:45):

A huge keto fan-

Arielle (38:45):

… job requirement-

Corinne (38:46):

… that’s hilarious.

Arielle (38:49):

The reality of my job profession is I have to weigh a certain weight to not get kicked out of the Army. It’s just the reality. I’ve been in the Army 17 years. I’m hoping to retire at 20. And I have to weigh in at the end of November. And so, when I discovered your program, what I’m really trying to do right now is really do the mental mind work, which I have plenty of work to do. I think I’ve been listening to self-love like on repeat for the past, like three weeks.

Arielle (39:25):

And I’m planning to just retake your whole course again, after just listening to you this weekend. But I remember one module, I heard someone talking about like, “They don’t eat ground chicken anymore, because…” And you had corrected them like, “Well, instead of being so happy that you stayed on plan, you just like beat yourself up when everybody was eating sloppy Joe’s,” or something like that. And so I was just wondering, what you thought about that? I want to work on the mindset, but I have a reality, and I’m still going to do my plans, but they’re going to have to be carb free and ketoesque-

Corinne (40:01):

Why?

Arielle (40:01):

… until-

Corinne (40:02):

Why between now and then? This is what I don’t understand, why don’t you just not overeat?

Arielle (40:06):

Well, I have to lose at least 10 pounds-

Corinne (40:13):

And how long do you have?

Arielle (40:14):

… by the end of November.

Corinne (40:15):

That’s a long fucking time.

Arielle (40:16):

Like six weeks, maybe like six weeks.

Corinne (40:19):

Yeah.

Arielle (40:19):

Two, three, four, five weeks.

Corinne (40:20):

Well, what is 10 divided by six? Somebody do math.

Arielle (40:23):

Two, four, six, eight, 10. Yeah. Like, I mean, so [theorically 00:40:28], I could do like two pounds a week.

Corinne (40:30):

10 divided by six is one point six pounds a week. That’s not two pounds a week.

Arielle (40:36):

Well, touche.

Corinne (40:38):

Ha, so math wins again. When we just get a fact, instead of like, “Oh my God, you know what? I’m going to have to do the keto and do it super fast.” It’s like, it’s six weeks. It’s one point six pounds a week. That’s like completely doable, if you’re not emotionally eating.

Arielle (40:55):

I mean, I guess, it just, it’s what I know, it’s safe. I know I’ve been effective at it.

Corinne (40:57):

No, it’s not safe. And you’ve not been effective at it, or you wouldn’t be trying to lose one point six pounds underneath a deadline.

Arielle (41:03):

Yeah.

Corinne (41:05):

Touche, again.

Arielle (41:07):

Yeah.

Corinne (41:08):

I want you to see how your brain is like really trying to convince… I don’t care if you want to do keto, but here’s what I don’t want for you, to lose weight with your thoughts that currently have, because the second your deadline’s over, you’ve lost every reason to keep going.

Arielle (41:23):

That’s what I’m fearful of as well. Because what happens, every single member of the military, literally, every single one, they weigh in, and the next day it’s like a 10 pound binge, like everyone, it’s just what they do.

Corinne (41:34):

Yeah. That’s because they do something like you just did. I’ve got to lose weight under the gun. They blow up how much they’re… Well, Corinne, is like two pounds a week, and I’m going to have to do keto and no carb. I promise you, you can eat just fine between now and then, as long as you wait for your hunger and stop it enough, and sleep and water, do those things. When you’re planning your food, what do you want to be eating? Tell me like, what do you love to eat? I don’t mean like, if you’re going to go-

Arielle (42:11):

No, no, no. Yeah.

Corinne (42:12):

… eat all the things, but what do you love to put on your typical 24 hour plans?

Arielle (42:17):

Well, Corinne, I’m going to confess that my husband is a chef and makes incredible, very healthy food for me all the time. Like last night he made butternut squash, and very, very healthy, season spiced. And I couldn’t have eaten a tray of that-

Corinne (42:36):

I just know you’re going to… Yeah, there’s no way in hell you could lose weight eating shit like that all the time. [crosstalk 00:42:41]-

Arielle (42:41):

I mean like butternut squash and chicken. No, I mean like eating butternut squash and chicken is not a cake, so it was like-

Corinne (42:50):

Okay. So tell me this, let me figure this out. Arielle, why are you not losing one point six pounds a week right now? Why is that already not happening for you? If you had to like, look back at your data, tell me what’s going on, where you’re like, okay, “This is what I’m doing. This is what’s causing me to not already be losing one point six pounds a week.”

Arielle (43:09):

Because I’m depriving myself too much, and then I overeat.

Corinne (43:12):

Yeah. You’re overeating. This is not a keto problem. So you said, “Here’s the problem. I deprive myself, and then I end up overeating. So I have the solution between now and when I have to weigh in for the army, the reality of the situation is I probably should go on keto.” It’s like, you’re just telling yourself, “You know what? I should do. Keep doing the busted system I keep swearing to God works.”

Arielle (43:37):

Oh, Corinne.

Corinne (43:38):

Oh, Corinne, why do you have to be right so many times.

Arielle (43:41):

I know it’s ridiculous.

Corinne (43:42):

Here’s what I want you to do. I don’t-

Arielle (43:44):

Yes, ma’am.

Corinne (43:44):

… want you to deprive. I want you to think about this. I want you to think about, I have an amazing husband who cooks healthy food. I’m going to eat these things, and I’m going to get good at teaching myself, we eat when we’re hungry, and we stop it enough. I’m going to drink all my water. I’m going to get my sleep. I am not going to do any kind of asshole antics. I will be able to lose one point six, if this week I don’t lose one point six, maybe I need to wait… Here’s some of the like actual No BS tricks you can use you can, then next week, what are we in Wednesday? So between this Wednesday and next Wednesday, you can extend your hunger just a bit.

Corinne (44:26):

So one of the things that we teach is that hunger comes in waves. And what a lot of us do is we will eat the second we think we’re hungry. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that, at all. If you think you’re hungry, in the beginning, do that. But if you need to lose one point six each week to get here, then what you do is like the moment you feel you’re hungry, you’re like, “Okay, I get to eat in 15 more minutes and I’m going to drink some…” Have you heard of our trick called going on the clock inside the membership?

Arielle (44:53):

I’ve heard of it, but I’m not familiar with it.

Corinne (44:56):

If I would you-

Arielle (44:56):

I heard-

Corinne (44:56):

… I would just go on the clock for a few weeks. So this is how it works. The second you think you’re hungry, you go and get 16 ounces of water and you drink it, and-

Arielle (45:05):

Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. I know [crosstalk 00:45:06]-

Corinne (45:06):

… you set the clock and you wait 15 minutes. So that you’re, number one, ensuring that you’re actually hungry and not just thirsty. And then what a lot of times happens, is when we practice on the clock, is we realize that our hunger comes and waves. So I might get hungry at eight o’clock, but if I drink some water and I wait 15 minutes, my body thinks, oh, it must not be time to eat yet. So I’m going to tap into my fat stores, and then it makes the hunger go away.

Arielle (45:34):

Oh, okay.

Corinne (45:36):

Then you wait for the next time that you’re hungry. If after 15 minutes, you still are, but this is where you have to check in Arielle, this is where your work will be, checking in to see if after 15 minutes you’re physically hungry, or if you’re just like, “This is some bullshit, I just want to eat because it’s time,” or, “This is some bullshit, I got hungry. I’m a little bored right now. I’m worried about my army test. I’m blah, blah, blah.” And you’re convincing yourself that you’re hungry. So that’s one trick that you can use that will help. Almost everybody that ever is a member, when we do hunger challenges and stuff, we’ll do on the clock, they don’t realize that they have been eating at the first whisper of hunger. They haven’t been really waiting for like what I call true, sustained hunger. That doesn’t mean hangry y’all, so don’t misinterpret what I’m saying.

Corinne (46:27):

But, for me, sometimes I’ll get hungry first thing in the morning, and I’ll drink water and stuff. I won’t get hungry for like another hour or two after that. And then what I’ll notice the next time hunger comes, even if I drink water, my stomach is still signaling, we’re hungry, or my body is still signaling. So then it becomes what I would call, for 15 or 20 minutes, my body’s still trying to send signals. It’s saying, “Yeah, it really is time to eat. I’m not just throwing up a flare that, we could eat right now.” So that’s one thing you can do. Then on the back end, with the enough, is you practice Kathy’s method. Are you good at the enough side? Or is that where you typically… Do you know-

Arielle (47:06):

No, I’m good.

Corinne (47:07):

Okay.

Arielle (47:08):

No, I mean, I know when I’m hungry. I know what I’m full.

Corinne (47:10):

Okay. Well then you shouldn’t have any problems losing one point six pounds between now and your Army test. I mean, that would be the easiest thing of all.

Arielle (47:17):

All right. I’m going to be positive, that’s the work I need to do. I have some serious self-love mind work that I have to do.

Corinne (47:25):

Yeah. Well, don’t even know if it’s serious self mind love work. It’s just like, if you’re already good at hunger and enough, what’s getting in your way? If it’s just deprivation, if it’s just you pulling the trigger and trying to make yourself, I don’t know what you’re doing, when it comes to the deprivation, then don’t do that for the next six weeks, and you should have no problems. That’s what you have to examine. It shouldn’t be a problem, if I’m really good with hunger, if I’m really good with enough, the only thing that happens is, I trigger a binge after I’ve decided to cut out major food groups, then you know your pattern. I have to stop cutting out major food groups to prevent the binges.

Arielle (48:07):

I mean, I feel like it’s worth a shot. I definitely feel like it takes a lot of the anxiety away. I won’t be fearful of white rice or something like that.

Corinne (48:16):

There’s no one walking around with a weight problem because of white rice. Now, if you’re eating white-

Arielle (48:21):

Or bananas or something crazy.

Corinne (48:21):

Do what?

Arielle (48:23):

Or like a banana or something crazy like that.

Corinne (48:25):

No.

Arielle (48:25):

[crosstalk 00:48:25] silly or an apple.

Corinne (48:27):

No. But sitting down to like all of the white rice, a banana, bread, and all this other stuff, and eating it to an oblivion, because you haven’t been eating it, and then shaming yourself and eating to the point to where you can’t even think about the shame, and eating at those levels, that’s a problem. But that was never the food’s problem.

Arielle (48:49):

Right. I think I can-

Corinne (48:50):

I love how you said I love keto.

Arielle (48:54):

No, I mean, I thought I’d throw that out there. Well, I’m going to try. I’m going to do it. I have to do it. And I want to do it. And I don’t want to binge and gain 10 pounds in a day like the rest of my colleagues are doing, even the “thin” ones. It’s not for me. I want better for myself. I certainly want better for my young children who are watching me now, ever so closely. Now that they’re in my life, so-

Corinne (49:21):

Well, I’m going to give you-

Arielle (49:22):

And I feel like-

Corinne (49:22):

I’m going to give you two more-

Arielle (49:22):

… I can do this.

Corinne (49:24):

… tips.

Arielle (49:25):

Yes, ma’am.

Corinne (49:25):

No more saying I have to lose the weight before that test. I know that feels true. But let me ask you, when you think I have to lose the weight before this date, how do you feel?

Arielle (49:34):

I mean, that’s so much anxiety, so much pressure.

Corinne (49:37):

Let’s stop saying that. Let’s just start saying, I choose to. I know I can.

Arielle (49:41):

I like it.

Corinne (49:41):

You can think of it a thousand different ways, other than that. That’s just going to, like you said, drive up your anxiety, when your anxiety’s driven up, you’re like, and I better cut out all the bread. So do that, and then here’s the other side. I want you to have a plan for the day of the weigh in, and the two days after. And I want it-

Arielle (50:04):

Yeah, definitely two days.

Corinne (50:04):

… to be like three days of meal plans that feel like love. That’s something you’re going to look forward to. And I don’t mean binge-y, but like, “My husband’s going to cook these things and it’s amazing. I am very unlike all these other people. What I did was I prepared myself, so that the three days after there’s no end to this. I don’t need to end something that I love.” You got to get into that mindset instead of thinking about what everybody else is doing. I want you to be thinking about what you are going to do. Okay.

Arielle (50:33):

Okay.

Corinne (50:33):

All right. Well, good-

Arielle (50:34):

And then, Corinne, I will see you at the next conference in person.

Corinne (50:37):

Awesome.

Arielle (50:37):

I will see you.

Corinne (50:38):

It’s going to be in March of next year, and it’s going to be in downtown Nashville, one block from Broadway. For all you hussies that are dying to come and party too, trust me, it’s going to be lit, in March.

Arielle (50:51):

Well, Corinne, I will be there with my mother and my bestie and we will be there.

Corinne (50:55):

So are you going to make your mom dress like a hussy? Just teasing.

Arielle (50:58):

Heck, yeah. Heck, yeah.

Corinne (51:00):

All right.

Arielle (51:01):

Thank you, ma’am.

Corinne (51:01):

Thank you. Bye-bye. All [crosstalk 00:51:04] right, Sarah, it’s all yours now.

Sarah (51:05):

Yeah. We’re going to wrap everything up. Thank you so much for everyone who came today and for everyone who asked their question. When you come forward and you share your struggles, you are helping other women too, who never have the bravery or courage to ask that question. So just want to say thank you to everyone for that.

Sarah (51:22):

And if you have not taken Corinne’s free course, go to nobs.club and there you can put your email in, and we will send you Corinne’s three day video course, and a free workbook on how to kickstart your weight loss and lose your weight for good, for the rest of your life. It’s a great course, and it’s totally free. So if you’re here in our Clubhouse room, or if you’re listening to our podcast and you haven’t taken it yet, I highly encourage you to go take that course. All right. That’s our show for today. We will see you next month here on the second Tuesday of the month at 9:00 AM central. Thanks, y’all. And have a great day.

Corinne (51:58):

Thank you so much for listening today. Make sure you head on over to nobsfreecourse.com, and sign up for my free weight loss training on what you need to know to start losing your weight right now. You’ll also find lots of notes and resources from our past podcast. Help you lose your weight without all the bullshit diet advice. I’ll see you next week.

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I'm Corinne Crabtree

Corinne Crabtree, top-rated podcaster, has helped millions of women lose weight by blending common-sense methods with behavior-based psychology.

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