March 29, 2021

Episode 208: You Are A Badass In Weightloss And Your Life (Book Review)

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You ARE a badass!

Y’all know I love me a good personal development book, especially one you can apply to your weightloss. I’ve read tons of books, but it’s extra points when the book literally makes me laugh out loud. That’s exactly what happened when I read the book, You Are A Badass, by Jen Sincero.

This book covers everything from how our subconscious beliefs keep us making shitty decisions on repeat and how commitment to self love can fix it.

This week, Coach Kim (one of our newest No BS Coaches) and I are talking all about You Are A Badass.

We chat up overcoming our past, owning our feelings, and how liking ourselves and our weightloss has shown us what we’re truly made of.

 

Not only are you going to learn more about Coach Kim, but you’ll understand why our No BS Women love the added benefit of being able to participate in a FREE, monthly book study.

 

In today’s podcast, you’ll learn why reading and owning the fact that You Are A Badass every day makes your weightloss feel easier.

 

Topics discussed in this episode:

Topic 1: Why we use our monthly No BS Book Study to support our members, and how we knew You Are A Badass was the right book to give easy tools to access self love. [00:01 – 09:36]

Topic 2: How your subconscious mind is really running the show, and how owning the truth of your story through journaling can get rid you of decades of useless, bullshit thinking. [09:36 – 21:03]

Topic 3: Different strategies that you’ll love to rewrite your past, and embrace the future you want to create for yourself. [21:04 – 46:27]

Topic 4: How letting go of the idea that quitting on yourself is an option allows you to enjoy reaching any goal including losing weight. [46:28 – 59:55]

Get the Free Course here:

http://phit.click/freecourse

Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00:01):

Well, hello, everybody. Welcome back. So I’ve got a special treat today. I’ve got one of my coaches here, coach Kim. She’s one of our newer coaches and I’m going to let her introduce herself in a moment. I forgot to tell you what we’re doing. We are going to talk about a book that I honestly, I think I read this book probably two years ago. I mean, it’s been one of those books that I read. I have recommended it several times because I just remember it being so good when it came to changing. How you think about things and like explaining a lot of the concepts that I explained to you guys. Um, I thought, I just think she broke it down in such a common sense, easy, digestible way, just like I like to do for everyone. And it’s you are a badass by Jen Sincero.

Speaker 1 (00:00:50):

So we’ve added it’s in our bookstore now. So if you look at the show notes or you go to the blog and you look at the podcast, the book link will be in there for you. I highly recommend it. It’s an, I don’t know how old it is, but it, to me, it’s an oldie, but a goodie because it’s been, it’s been around a hot minute, so it’s, but it’s, I just thoroughly enjoyed it. And when we wanted to start doing these books series for you guys, I wanted to be able to create podcasts where some of the other, no BS coaches got to come on and you guys could get to know them some because we’re a big membership and we’re changing lives. And the best way that I know how to do that is by making sure that the membership has amazing women who are dedicated to changing other women’s lives too. So with that coach Candace here, she’s going to tell us all about herself and just makes us feel good, cam. I know you can. Well, Hey,

Speaker 2 (00:01:52):

So I started off current and I were talking prior to getting the podcast going. And I was like, well, we gotta press record because we’re, we’re leaving. We’re putting all the juicy stuff out there. But, um, I just want to tell y’all I came to Kerryn, like so many of you, um, was mine and my own bees wax listening to Amy Porterfield’s podcast. And she talked about this woman and she said, y’all, if you’re gonna listen, she says the F word a lot. And I was like, that’s my God, a lady. So I started listening and from the beginning, I just was like, Oh my God. I started with the, my story. I was bingeing them. And before I knew it I’d signed up for the free course. Like all of you, all who haven’t done should, and I was like, weight loss can not be this easy.

Speaker 2 (00:02:46):

At that point, I’d already lost. Probably I was about two 47. I lost some weight from two 65. And I was like, okay, I’m going to do this, these four easy basics. I’m going to do it. And so I waited for the opening to come and it opened in April and I was a little chicken. And I was like, okay, y’all, don’t be chicken like me, because, and then I waited till June and I was like, I can’t wait. I’m going to do it. And literally the program changed my life so much because for me, the question always was I kind of get how to lose weight, but how do I do it forever? Like, what can I, what can I learn that I can do forever? And there’s this missing part. And for me, it was that self love vulnerability piece and Corinne. If she don’t preach nothing else, she’s going to preach. Self-love like use your weight loss to love yourself. Do not wait till the end to get there and then try to love yourself, use the whole process. And I did that and before I knew it, I was the lowest weight. I’d been in 15 years, but not only that I was going towards my desires more, I was crying

Speaker 1 (00:04:10):

Kerryn.

Speaker 2 (00:04:11):

If y’all don’t know, Kerryn is in touch with her emotions, I, I was listening to watch her and I’d be like, I don’t, I don’t know if I have that in me and I do. And so do all y’all and um, I just realized this program was the most revolutionary thing I’d ever experienced because it was telling me the exact steps to not just lose my weight, but be off the scale and live my best life. And I had to have more, so much so that I had to apply for the job.

Speaker 1 (00:04:45):

Yes. So when Kim applied like, like her, like I just knew the moment that I interviewed you, I was like, okay, this is what we need. Like, we need somebody with all this sass, all like, you’re you always just re like, when I listened to you and touch him, Jason, a lot the same way, the two of you guys are such a good, um, mix of in your face. You’re gonna say it like you see it you’re, you know, and you’re going to put a little humor behind it. Cause sometimes when we’re telling people like, all right, now you gotta get your together. Kinda gotta like buffer it with just a little bit of a joke. Otherwise they’re like paranoid and a deer frozen in the headlights. So I just think that you have been a wonderful addition to the team. You do a lot for us on, um, all kinds of stuff.

Speaker 1 (00:05:32):

I mean, if y’all don’t know she came in and she wasn’t a certified coach, but she had listened to everything I’ve ever said, studied everything. I ever studied, read books. She listened to podcasts that I listened to and just, it was like she was a natural born coach. And then when she came in, she also had such an amazing way of not only on camera and like, you know, just by telling stories, but the way she writes. And so she’s really been helping me a lot with, um, making sure that we get enough blogs out and we get enough social posts out and that she’s helping me just making sure that there is not one to be one single woman in the world who doesn’t hear that there is a different way to lose weight. So I have just appreciated you so much since you’ve joined the team for, I mean, I’ve, I could list a thousand reasons why, but those are just a few.

Speaker 1 (00:06:32):

And, um, anyway, I’m excited for everybody to get to know you today because you’re very insightful. There’s not a coaching call that goes by that you do that. Somebody doesn’t say, Oh my God, did you hear coach Kim say this? And I just start talking about it. So it’s, um, I also think it’s a real treasure that, um, you’ve been on this journey and you’ve been doing this work and it’s still very fresh for you. And I think that also lends to a lot of the reasons why you’re able to make such an impact in our women’s lives is that, um, it’s still very right there in your face. You know, when portal may the dinosaur. Now, when I want to like tap into things, I have to go back to my past self and write about her and like drop into that mindset and stuff.

Speaker 1 (00:07:21):

And, um, I think it’s nice that we have people who on our team who this is very recent for them and they still totally get it. And they still feel the same emotions and stuff. And so it makes your, it just makes your coaching so rich and so deep. So anyway, I just want to say all of that before we start diving into the book because yes. All right. So we’re going to talk about the book first. I want you to, I’ve already kind of told my, I loved it. I loved the book cause I was like, all right, she cusses. She says, it just like it is, she is not over-complicating this. That was my main thing. And any book also, I will just tell all of you, if I laugh out loud, when I’m listening to it, you can bet your. It’s going to be as a recommended book out my age. This was one that I was just like listening and just giggling and just like, Oh my God, like, that’s how you should say it. So tell me why you, why you loved this book.

Speaker 2 (00:08:20):

I actually came to Jim’s and Cheryl’s work through her. You are a bad-ass making money, which is just the same. Like she’s a, she’s a goof ball. She’ll say anything. The stories. I mean, she puts it all out there and I love that kind of vulnerability. But also it’s like this particular book, you are a bad-ass is like this buffet of all these kind of self-help tactics that people sometimes are freaked out about. And she does breaks it down. And every chapter she’s like at the end, but love yourself. I mean, that’s the refrain of the book, but love yourself. And so she’s, it’s, it’s easy. I know our women in the no BS membership are going to love it. All you podcast listeners, you grab the book too, and then you join the membership so you can love it. Um, because the way coach has Sinia is going to break it down in the book study, it’s going to be incredible. It lends itself so much to having the life you want, but also how to not quit on yourself when it comes to weight loss. And it just gives you that sample, like, Hey, y’all, you’re not up. It’s your subconscious mind that you think is thinking, but it ain’t thinking it’s taking in what you learn when you were a kid. And she just breaks that down chapter after chapter after chapter,

Speaker 1 (00:09:50):

And we’re doing we’re, this is the book club. So for all of you who don’t know in no BS, we have a book study every single month. This is the March book, correct? Yes. Okay. I just wanted to make sure, cause we, we talk about all the books we’re going to read and then I mixed all the months up and then everybody’s like, uh, Korea, do you know what you announced the other day? That was the wrong month. I was like, so, all right. So this is good for all of the no BS women. This will be our book study. And I love that coach Yesenia is doing this for us now, but forever the no BS women have like begged pleaded for us to do book studies where we can have a call with a coach and discuss concepts and people can come on and talk about the things they love.

Speaker 1 (00:10:31):

And one of the things I love about doing the podcast with you coaches is that it gives us a chance to kind of let all the podcast listeners in on a little, like a little sneak peek into what it’s like to have like a book club moment. So, all right. Check the chapter one. My subconscious made me do it, tell us about that part, because one of the things that, um, that you had said was that nobody has helped me learn that I could feel I could process I could heal and I can release feelings and weight in a way that I’d never been taught before. So what is it that she talked about in that particular chapter that, um, that you’ve loved?

Speaker 2 (00:11:09):

Yeah, so she talks about I’m on page 22 and 23. She talks about our subconscious mind is like a little kid who doesn’t know anything better and not coincidentally receives most of its information when we’re little kids and don’t know any better because our frontal lobes, the conscious part of our brains haven’t fully formed. Yet we take in information via words, smiles, frowns, heavy sighs, raised eyebrows, tears, laughter, et cetera, of all the people surrounding us with zero ability to filter any of it. And it gets lodged in our squishy little subconscious minds as the truth, otherwise known as beliefs, where it lives undisturbed and an analyzed until we’re on the therapy couch, decades, letter, or checking ourselves and to rehab again. So that part of the book to me is everything because yes, I, um, before I came to no BS, I actually started coaching on my own.

Speaker 2 (00:12:13):

Um, a lot of black women, um, people of color women in midlife, what I call awakenings, where they’re coming back and they’re, you know, claiming their lives exactly how they want to have it. And I also was an artist, a teaching artist and a PR and a professional singer. So I felt like I coached from the stage. And I literally over 15 years worked with a hundred thousand kids teachers, you know, just literally the life coach was there in me, like it was there. And I recognize sometimes you teach what you need to learn. Right? And so for me, feelings were always this kind of ooey gooey area that because, you know, when I was 10, my dad was killed in a car accident with a drunk driver head on collision. And somewhere in my subconscious mind was lodged that I was the cause of that because I had a difficult relationship with him and so many intense feelings when it came to him in that relationship, of course, now I’m a parent and I get it and I see it from another point of view.

Speaker 2 (00:13:25):

But at that point, you know, I sit in and what happened was when he was killed, I cut my emotions off and I stayed that way through my teens, my twenties, my thirties. It was literally in my forties where I really began to reclaim some of those emotions because my subconscious mind told me at that age that my intense emotions were the reason why, like when, you know, he would do something and I would feel some kind of way about it. And I would go and have all these feelings and think all these bad things. And then one day he never came home. And I thought that was my fault. I didn’t even know this Curran. I didn’t even know this for years. So when I found this out literally was a no BS when it just got to the point where, you know, we were doing a particular course and it was just like that journaling.

Speaker 2 (00:14:30):

So the thing about y’all need to know about journaling. Here I go, coaching y’all is that journaling when you’re getting your feelings out on the page, that’s when your subconscious mind slips your habit, brain slips and shows you the real. And that’s what happened. I remember the day I wrote and because you feel like you were responsible for your dad’s death and I gasped, you know, and that’s what I want y’all to know is that sometimes you’re like, what’s wrong with me? Why am I up? Is there something wrong? And the truth is I love the fact she named her chapter. My subconscious made me do it because you sometimes aren’t even aware of what’s knocking around inside of you, what’s going on. And that’s why coaching is so valuable. And journaling is so valuable because it helps you open up your brain and see the useful thoughts. And what’s not useful what you want to keep and what you don’t want to keep.

Speaker 1 (00:15:31):

And I think that’s important because I think a lot of us have a lot of judgment over those thoughts. Like we think that they’re bad or we think we shouldn’t have them. And there’s no, any of that, they’re just sentences that we think that, and I love the way you were talking about and how you highlighted, how she talks about so much of what, what we think today. And so much of what we believe today, all formed over something that either someone did say to us and we were at an age in our life, we didn’t know better. I mean, if you think about children, especially between the ages of zero to five, we believe everything we’re told. We don’t have any kind of a brain that says I’m an independent soul. And I’m going to sit here and ponder and think about how I want to think about this.

Speaker 1 (00:16:23):

That does not happen. So a lot of things are, I was actually, it’s so funny. You mentioned all this because I was doing some work the other day on my zero to five-year old thinking. I was trying to think about what I remember when I was really little and how did I interpret it? And I have had this flashback came to me of once, when we were, um, staying at a hotel, my mom always worked at hotels and she always had to work the graveyard because she would make, you didn’t make minimum wage on graveyard made minimum wage during the day. But at night I think you have extra dime an hour was not much, but she always took graveyard shifts for the very reason that she could get a little bit more money. And then we would be in school during the day and she could sleep.

Speaker 1 (00:17:08):

She wouldn’t have to hire a babysitter. And so if she worked at hotels, a lot of times they would let us stay at the hotel and that’s where we would sleep so that we didn’t have to, you know, eat and she didn’t have to go find a babysitter and stuff. And it just, it’s a long, dirty story about how we just didn’t have family down in Alabama that wanted to let us stay at their house and stuff. So one night, some drunk guys broke into the room that my brother and I were staying in and I was probably about five years old and I was remembering this. And I was thinking about how often that I am very scared about not having enough money and that we’re going to run out of money. And I worry about how much things cost and all kinds of stuff.

Speaker 1 (00:17:54):

Because at an early age, I remember always like, even then thinking that I wasn’t safe because I remember my mom anguishing over money and that like not having enough money meant that you like, it was very dangerous. And I spent my entire life like recreating that story over and over again. And you know, now I’m fortunate enough to where like, I even, like, I know we have enough, we’ve had enough for a long time. My husband, you know, he had an amazing job for a year. I had good jobs and I always felt very vulnerable around it. I would never read, want to look at our bank account because it would scare me to know what we did or didn’t have. Cause my brain would automatically go to, you know, we’re gonna run out. This will never be enough, that kind of stuff. So it’s just, I want to just tell all of you go back and look at the stories of your childhood.

Speaker 1 (00:18:55):

Think, just allow yourself to write a little bit. What do you remember? What are the memories that will jump out to you first or write about some and just see like, what is the messaging that I might have misinterpreted because I was a child that I may still be hanging on to today. Just so you know, that’s where changing, how you believe in things and rewiring of the subconscious that’s where all of that work begins is by going back and looking at some of that. So it’s just really interesting for all of us to, to know that just because our subconscious is it’s the one that’s in control. It doesn’t mean it’s the one that we have to just keep listening to because, well, that’s the way it is. It’s the one that we want to uncover and find out what’s going on. So if we want a new story, we can get busy on rewriting a conscious one until it becomes the new subconscious programming.

Speaker 2 (00:19:57):

I think it’s really important. I love that zero to five thinking. It’s really important to understand you can rewrite it, but you got to know the. That’s not going around. And you first, because if you don’t know that, then you don’t have a chance to rewrite it. And so even with you said that about your money, I actually have the opposite Kerryn. Um, we grew up and we had enough and I felt guilty about having as much as we had. And so I spent some of my time in, in my career making enough money, but would do certain things to sabotage it because I felt guilty for having enough. And because of y’all don’t know, I’m black, I’m African-American might not hear it, the screen,

Speaker 1 (00:20:48):

You know, the podcast,

Speaker 2 (00:20:49):

But especially because of

Speaker 1 (00:20:53):

[inaudible], they be spitting on myself in the middle of, because in my community,

Speaker 2 (00:21:03):

There are certain things the news says and certain reality that my friends and I had and certain reality of some of our neighbors and certain reality. And so I had a lot of guilt around that. I had a lot of guilt around having enough and that played out as well in, in, you know, from my subconscious, but also the fat being a black woman in a world that constantly is reflected back to me that black folks don’t have enough that just kept hammering that message home. But again, it is through the work doing the work you are, coach is still do the work where I was able to confront a lot of that. And it’s funny, this is kind of off the subject, but part of the reason why I applied to no BS, cause I had been an entrepreneur for years is because I saw Kerryn reading me and white supremacy.

Speaker 2 (00:22:02):

And that meant a lot to me as a black woman, I was like, I want to work for a person who’s doing the work. I knew you, even in the interview process, you talked about doing the work. You talked about your team learning. The work we’re doing, you know, in our February book was the body is not an apology. That’s a black feminist text, you know, written by a woman, you know, who is very much about radical self love, but also about embracing her blackness. And I wanted to be a part of a team that was looking at doing their work and who was going to show up, even when the was hard. That was really important to me. So when I saw you write that, you know, when I saw you reading the book and I saw that job announcement go across my email, I was like, Kim, there’s something here. And I also knew that I could be a valuable part of an already incredible team. Like I could round out this team in a way, because I could bring my experience to serve our members, all of our members, all of our members of all colors and orientations and all the different diversity. I knew that I could help to show up and represent that as well.

Speaker 1 (00:23:17):

Yeah. And one of the things I did want to say when, and I just forgot was when one of the beautiful additions to you and, and you send you and Dana and Vern is that, um, so often you guys highlight what I will tell you what I love the most. And then we’ll get back to the book that I love the most about you guys is that you’ve really helped me consider that there’s a segment of our, of our membership who may not be thinking this way. And I think that that is probably been, cause y’all know, I love the thought work piece of it, but I love the perspective you guys bring sometimes because there are just things that I’m never going to think. Like it’s just like, I always like to equate this to, cause I really want people to understand this because I think like understanding that, you know, like we don’t intend to harm, but sometimes we do.

Speaker 1 (00:24:16):

It’s not because we’re. I mean, some people are in the world, but like our team is not trying to be an, but it’s just like, when you have a thin friend, who’s never had a weight problem and you’re sitting there and they say things like, well, come on, you can have one piece of pie. You have one piece of cake. They don’t intend to have her. They really think they’re trying to help you live a balanced life. Not knowing that the last thing you need is somebody helping you justify breaking your plan, going back on your word, how like, uh, convincing you to eat a piece of cake, not knowing you’re a binge eater and that, that one piece of cake and unintentionally Eaton could set you up for a weekend of eating your face off. Right. And so I always like for people to think about like one of the reasons why it’s like, I wanted to do all this work and I wanting to do stuff is because I really mean it when I say I want every woman to have an opportunity.

Speaker 1 (00:25:18):

And if I don’t want anyone to not feel like they can’t lose their weight, like, cause I’m no, my prompts good. I just know it is. Yes it is. I don’t want somebody not hearing it because of some that I’m saying that like, I will give you a good example until somebody told me that they were like, I know you don’t mean anything but black people can’t white knuckle. We don’t understand what you’re talking about. We don’t get white knuckles. I was like, I would have never thought about that. Never, never like every time I said white knuckle, I was not sitting there trying to be like, well, you know, all of us, white people, it’s really hard for us to be. It was one of those things where it’s just a, not an inclusive statement. It doesn’t mean that I was trying to be an, but it doesn’t mean that I need to keep saying it either.

Speaker 1 (00:26:13):

It means that those are the kinds of things that I want. Like the only way for me to even know those things is to be surrounded by people who will challenge it, who will say things. And what I, when I was coming back to earth or in the beginning of this is I’m Kim, you are the first one to voice and say like our women of color, our LBGTQ community, you are the first one to say like, have we thought about saying this? Or, you know, whatever it is that we’re considering. And I appreciate that because I know that, um, a lot of people fear me because I yell. And, uh, I just appreciate that. You were always, um, so good to prioritize, wanting to help other women, even if it means saying something like, I think you guys might be doing it wrong. Could we do this? And I just, I think it’s a wonderful attribute of yours. So anyway,

Speaker 2 (00:27:09):

You do have, uh, but you know, one of the things I connected with not under, you know, people see your big personality and that is you, but you’re also chill and you’re also willing to listen and they need to know that current cause like I got to see a different side of you, um, when you’re, you know, not in the pulpit, you know, saying,

Speaker 1 (00:27:32):

And preaching and teaching, but also

Speaker 2 (00:27:34):

Just the idea that you listen and you create this environment in the job where, I mean, people can feel like they can say that, but that also is my condition. And as a black woman, for me to kind of notice, you know, who’s being included, who’s not, and what we can do to make it better and, and, and make it. So like when you said every woman in it, for me, it’s every woman, right? So we’re, we’re coming, we’re coming for all the folks. And I remember even saying in my interview, well, Corrine, I lead with my blackness and I was like, and you know, Kerryn, my black face helps to get more, you know, women of color in the community. But here’s the thing I didn’t really know. I get so much love from the white women in the community as well. And I do believe that there’s something beautiful about me being able to you, you get, you know, I have this platform in this group and being able to come literally into their living rooms, via zoom to coach them. And there is the shared experience that I think leaves us all better. And that’s really important

Speaker 1 (00:28:53):

To me. Yeah. I mean,

Speaker 2 (00:28:55):

It’s just like me seeing you coach women of color and I’m like, mm, Corinne going to handle that. And you knock it out the box because at the end of the day, I love our diversity. I love our differences, but at the end of the day, so many of us want that same thing of feeling connected to ourselves, feeling connected to our lives, feeling connected to the people we love and how do we get there? And that’s that universal thing.

Speaker 1 (00:29:26):

Well, I mean, that’s the perfect way to say it because I mean, at the end of the day, like it literally, and I mean, I’m sure men feel this way too. I’m always talking about the women, but I never a woman that doesn’t tell me. And I think this is what’s sad. And one reason why I’m so passionate about it, who doesn’t want to love themselves more. That’s right. You don’t get me crying. I can’t help it. You know, I like to feel my feelings. I’ve heard that they taught me, you taught me, you know, it, it just, I mean, it bothers me. I just remember hating myself for so many years. I mean, hating myself in such a deep way, just, and I know I look back on it now and not like when we’re talking about this subconscious programming and everything that happens to us as a child and stuff.

Speaker 1 (00:30:27):

And it’s no wonder that in my teens that I was suicidal. I mean, everything around me was telling me I was not good enough. You know, I love my father. I know he did not try to, you know, give me a Bandon money issues and stuff. He just couldn’t be there for me. I get that. But as a child, when a parent doesn’t want you, I mean, that’s the way you take it. You don’t take it as like, well, he’s probably just going through his own emotions and he’s trying to figure his stuff out. And it’s painful for him to see you because he doesn’t know how to emote. Like, you don’t know how to do that at 10. You just think somebody doesn’t want you. It’s something’s wrong with you when all the kids are making fun of you, you just think you’re not good enough.

Speaker 1 (00:31:17):

You just think you’ll never be good enough. I remember like I was probably 12 or 13 years old thinking I would never get married. No one would ever love me. Like not only like, it just made so much sense. And I spent my entire like high school and twenties really believing that I needed to just like be with anybody if I wanted any hope to be married. And it’s just, that’s the thing about like one of the things that she talks about that you had, you had sent me some notes. She said, I can print. This is like legit. I’m reading it. This all happened organically. I can pretty much guarantee that every time you tearfully ask yourself the question, what the is my problem. The answer lies in some lame limiting and false subconscious belief you’ve been dragging around without even realizing it.

Speaker 1 (00:32:19):

And I think that that is what, the reason why I teach weight loss, the way I do is because the calories and the plans are never going to address the stuff they’re never going to help us heal the relationship we have with ourselves that was formed at an age that we did not know better. They’re never going to teach us that we get to decide our worth and our value and what connects us to have bravery, to be like, you know, I’m going in. I, you know, I’m going to apply for this job. I would love to do that because it just is. I don’t know. I just think that it’s important that we all know that the common bond that we have is like the common bond. I think we have as women, is that almost every one of us just wants to be loved either by ourselves or someone else more.

Speaker 2 (00:33:13):

But she was, she does in this book so well is, you know, she says, our conscious mind thinks it’s in control, but it isn’t. Our subconscious mind doesn’t think about anything, but it is in control. And for me, when I started this no BS journey, because you don’t know what to expect. I mean, you watch the podcast, you know, you listen to the podcast. And, but when I got into the journey and got kind of in my waiters, had to Wade through my old, you know, my old thoughts around a lot of things. I mean, even today, as you know, you start this work. And today I was like, I have a subconscious belief that I can’t be protected. I can’t feel protected when I’m in a, a one-on-one relationship. And that just came up because I’ve done the work in other areas.

Speaker 2 (00:34:04):

So those, those, those beliefs that we have, and we sure don’t tell our mom is what we’re thinking. I did not send it to my mom and say, Hey mom, by the way, daddy didn’t come home one day. And I actually think I’m responsible was I had no language for that. I had no way. I just knew, let me make sure I don’t hurt another person. Let me shut off these feelings. And just like you, your mama, you know, it was doing the best she could. And you know, did not have any idea. Somebody would come and break in, you know, to the hotel room or your dad like being able to come back to our lives and realize our own journeys. And our own struggles helps us to love the hell out of all the other people who have been in our lives, who we didn’t think did, they didn’t do right by us. We don’t think we, that was a thought. We don’t think they did right by us, but they were trying their damnedest to just make it. Yeah. And that then I didn’t know, weight loss was going to give me that kind of perspective.

Speaker 1 (00:35:09):

One, I think this is the perspective that like, we all have to, we have to realize that weight loss, like I always say this, I don’t even, I’ve just recently started saying this, but it’s an inside job. It’s not an outside job. Like we, we have to break down the reasons why we eat the reasons why food is our comfort reasons. Why food is fun for us, the reasons why all of these things and get to understand it so that we can decide, do we want that story anymore? Most of us at the end of the day, when we really look at our relationship with food, we don’t necessarily really want it. We think that it’s like, like, even for me, like as much as I love nachos and everything, it’s like, I want to eat them and stuff. But if you were to, like, if I was to keep saying, I love them so much, I can’t imagine my life without them. When I write that sentence down and I read it, I want to be able to say, I can’t imagine my life without my husband, child. I don’t want to even use that same sentence with a plate of nachos. But we say things like that. And we like tearfully want to hang on to these foods and act like they’re doing so much force. It’s like the end of the day. What if w if we could just get it all back to, these are just foods. What about my life?

Speaker 1 (00:36:30):

I would love to, like, if I could do anything for women, it would be to get it to where thinking about their body and their weight was about 1% of their day. Whereas most of us feel like it is the work of our life, and we’re just trying to squeeze everything else in. It never shuts off. It’s always on loop. And I just, anyway, I think a lot of that, just that whole, the whole thing about the subconscious, we all have to be diving more deeply into that. We all have subconscious beliefs and thoughts and stuff, and none of them are wrong. None of them are bad, right. Because if you think they’re wrong or you think they’re bad, you’ll never take a look at the subconscious beliefs that you have that are running your life right now, and making things harder for you. Because when you’re willing to look at them without that judgment, you’re also willing to decide what you would like to be believing instead and go to work on that part. All right. It’s true.

Speaker 2 (00:37:36):

You know, when I’m coaching women in our pro you know, in our membership, we do have one-on-one coaching when I’m coaching them. They are so surprised when I get to the point when I’m like, yeah, but what’s under the food. Like, what’s your desires. And there it’s just the silence.

Speaker 1 (00:37:52):

Yeah. And

Speaker 2 (00:37:52):

Then I say, well, let me ask it a different way. What did you used to love when you were eight that you’re not doing now? And I hear about people wanting to take dance classes online, and people wanting to go to Costa Rica and people wanting to have their husband unload the dishwasher and people wanting to not just feel like moms. And, and I I’ve seen that in my own life and my own journey and, 2020, you know, shine the spotlight on that for so many of us, because we were in our homes, we were very interior. And we had to look at some of those things that being able to run this place or go here, when that was taken away, we had to look those things and really look at like what the meaning of our lives were. And for me as a kid, I loved going outside and I’ve spent so much time gotten so much joy being back outside.

Speaker 2 (00:38:50):

And so that idea of the subconscious mind, isn’t always about all the, the that’s happened to you. It can also be about that joyful moment is also lodged in there too. And you can access that as well. Like what did I love? Like, what did I love before I say, I love a burger or Oreo, what did I love before that? You know, I love going outside and ride my bike. So, you know, those kinds of things, reclaiming those things are such a big part of our ladies being able to not just lose their weight, but live their life off the scale though, that way they want to.

Speaker 1 (00:39:33):

Yeah, no, I think that’s beautiful. And I think that I love what you said. What did you love before you loved the Oreo?

Speaker 2 (00:39:40):

Yeah. That Oreo shaped that you are in the drive-through trying to recreate. You know, that Oreo shake moment when what you really want to do is ask yourself these questions and answer them. That’s what our membership is all about. Ask yourself the questions and then answer them.

Speaker 1 (00:39:56):

All right. So the next part that I really want to get to, because you’re not are gonna be talking all right, is, uh, you’re a bad-ass boat, 54 through 55. I won’t read the whole thing, but it was when we’re happy and all in love with ourselves, we can’t be bothered with the, our own or other people’s opinions, wants desires, all that kind of stuff. Imagine what our world would be like if everyone loved themselves so much that they weren’t threatened by other people’s opinions or skin colors, or sexual preferences or talents or education or possessions, or lack of possessions, religious beliefs, customs, or any other kind of that you think about. I just thought that that was really cool. Cause she starts going into like, trying to decide about like when we drop all of that, when we’re really focused on loving ourselves, we start getting the capacity to be able to create the world we want for ourselves, all the other Monisha.

Speaker 1 (00:41:01):

And I say this a lot. And I was actually telling someone this today in a, in a coaching session was that when you really learn how to start respecting yourself and loving yourself and honoring yourself so much of the stuff that you worry about now starts going away. It D it loses its importance. It doesn’t mean that those things stop happening is that they keep happening. You quit paying attention to them because you’re so solid. And so in rock, hard belief on now. And I think what we try to do is we try to spend time manipulating how everybody’s going to think about us, shielding, ourselves, and what some people might say, protecting ourselves, withdrawing from relationships. I need a boundary over it. Like all we do all this stuff before we ever even consider what is our internal self-love conversation that’s happening each day?

Speaker 1 (00:41:56):

How often do I tell myself? I love me? How often am I grateful for my? How often? One of the reasons why I’m the planner? One of my favorite questions in the planner is what do I like about myself today? I love that question every single day. And I will tell you, there are some days it’s easier to answer than others. Sometimes. It’s like, I know, I know I will always answer my eyes. I’ve always loved the color of my eyes. I’ve just always felt very fortunate to have blue eyes. I remember when I was little, but my Popo used to always talk about my pretty blue eyes. And I think that’s probably where I just like, in my mind, that made me special. And so like, there’s always that, I always say my fingernails, this is another one, but it’s an odd one, but I can’t tell you many times I’ve gone to get a manicure. And they always comment, like those are real nails. I’m like, yes, they’re like, and they don’t like tear and crack and break. And I’m like, rock-hard they always happen. I got them from my great-grandmother, who was a cosmetologist, the good lady when she died in her nineties, she wanted to be in the coffin with her nails done.

Speaker 1 (00:43:11):

But he’s just like little things like that. I always have my fallbacks of like it when all else fails, Corinne can love these things about herself. And then there’s some days where I comment. And I just think, I just love that. I love these things about myself. Like other day I wrote down, I was writing about, I said, the thing that I love most about myself was my capacity to learn, you know, just looking at like all the different, unique ways that we can love ourselves. So what did you think? Cause she had some suggestions on how to love yourself, but before we read this off, wait, what were your thoughts on that?

Speaker 2 (00:43:47):

So I just want to piggy back on that, self-love that idea of, because we, you know, have been talking so much about body, body image as a part of self-love how you see yourself. Um, I always tell women that I don’t think every woman should lose weight. I think every woman should make a choice about how they want their lives to be. And if they want to lose weight, that’s cool. But we preach body positivity that, you know, I don’t want you to wait to lose your weight and then, uh, go buy a new dress. I want you to go buy the new dress and feel fantastic at it. Whether you’re 365 pounds, 265 pounds or five pounds, I want you to feel good in your dress. Right? So that’s something I love the way I look like. I like the way I look. I like that.

Speaker 2 (00:44:41):

I feel sexy. I like that. I I’ve always felt that way. Um, I like the fact that I’m smart. I love that I’m a goofy, goofy. And um, I’m always out to make the laugh happen because that’s the entertainer in me. But my self love also knew I was a professional singer for all these years, sung all over the world, got the iTunes, all those things. And I just knew there was a part of me that was not being authentic to still stay on stage and seeing when I really wanted to tell people, I wanted them to ask me questions about like, how do I do this with my life? And I give a suggestion and they say, Oh, I never thought of that. So the self love is like becoming who you always want it to be. And stepping into that unabashedly, you know, unapologetically, you step into that and you say, this is me.

Speaker 2 (00:45:41):

If you don’t get it cool. Other people’s opinions, not my problem. But even if someone does say something and I have a fault that it, and that creates a feeling of me feeling some kind of way about it. I know that I can always, the self love part is I can always get back to who I know I am. And so some of her suggestions are appreciate how special you are, drown yourself in affirmations, do things you love ditch the self-depreciating humor or sorry, self deprecating, humor. Love the, um, let the love in don’t compare yourself to others. Forgive your self.

Speaker 1 (00:46:28):

Yes. I think that’s a hard one for a lot of people because we are all gonna make mistakes. We are going to say things that some other human and their feelings are going to get hurt. I think, I think that like that, forgive yourself is a skill that I think that I really want to start tapping into teaching even more. We talk about not judging and not shaming a lot, but being able to also just say to yourself, like, like I forgive you for, you know, even if it’s eating something, even though like at the end of the day, you don’t need forgiveness, but it’s like, if you eat off plan because you were emotional to just even be able to say, like, I just forgive you for that moment. You were doing the best you could. It’s that compassionate moment that you have with yourself that I think is so important because it’s not to say that eating on or off plans, a good or bad thing. But when you make it, like when your brain goes to it’s so horrible, something’s wrong with I’m, you know, blah, blah, blah. It’s like sometimes we just need to forgive ourselves for like, yeah, we overate. Yeah. We regained some weight. Yeah. All this other stuff happened. It’s okay. Because at the end of the day, I love you. No matter what that’s right. That skill is huge.

Speaker 2 (00:47:46):

Absolutely. I coined this phrase, mistake, gratitude, like this idea that I want to learn from my mistakes. I want to be okay. I want to be the kind of person who can make mistakes and know that I still love myself. No, the people who love me still love me know that I can mess up because so many of us who are carrying around a couple of extra pounds are those good girls who are trying to, you know, major in being a perfectionist and that’s not doing us any favors. So that idea of forgiving yourself is so huge. You know, having the vulnerability to say, I said, this is not what I meant. I’m sorry if I hurt you, you know? And then going back and after that, check in with yourself and saying, okay, this happened now. I need to, like, I need to, I can feel my feelings, but now it’s time for me to let this go, that I did this because I’m allowed to make a mistake every now and then I got like, that’s part of what we need to give ourselves that ability to see the gratitude in allowing those mistakes.

Speaker 1 (00:49:05):

Yeah. I think so many of us get hung up in this idea that we’re not supposed to make mistakes and stuff. And then we just hang on to it as if like, well, if like, if we do something we think is bad, then we think that we need to be punished. And we just do all this punishing of ourselves as if it’s going to serve a purpose. One of the, I, I coach on, um, people who have regrets, like they’ve said, or done things in their life, or, you know, there’s been, there’s been things that have happened and they’re spending all this time, wishing they hadn’t done it regretting. They had done it, beating themselves up, overdoing it. And it’s like, once it’s happened, the best thing that you can do for yourself is to forgive yourself for being human and to just be like, I’m never going to be able to change that and that’s going to have to be okay.

Speaker 1 (00:49:54):

And how am I going to get there? What am I going to tell myself about that moment? That’s going to allow me to have compassion and love for myself versus hate and venom. It’s just, but you know, we’re just not, I mean, this is yet again, when it comes to self love, we’re really not taught how to forgive ourselves. We’re always taught how we’re supposed to be. And I think that that is like just on a bigger social level is that more women need to be coming out and being more vulnerable, showing how they forgive themselves. And like I made this mistake and this is, this is how I got over it. This is what I believe about me at the end of the day. I think there’s more women that need to see those things happening versus just seeing the social scroll of the perfect life all the time. constantly. I’m going to be like, no, this is what the hair looks like. First thing in the morning, this is what it looks like to drag your out of bed.

Speaker 2 (00:50:53):

Right? And the socials will give you that, right? The social, the social media will give you that image of everything being all good. And, um, I do think the people who come across as the most authentic, you know, show their scars and bars and and giggles and all the things, and you know, you, you raised a great point Kerryn. We’re not, we’re, we’re, we’re taught to avoid mistakes. We’re not taught to what happens after we do them. Right. You know? Um, and we’re not taught that mistakes are the way to get there. Like fail. You know, self-help has kind of cornered that phrase of our personal development of failing forward and all those things. But so many of us don’t know what that means. If you’re going to try to lose weight, you are going to like commit to at least a thousand mistakes, at least, you know, not quitting on yourself.

Speaker 1 (00:51:57):

I think a lot of it for weight loss is figuring out the value in the mistakes. And where is the line between, um, allowing yourself to continue to make state mistakes in the vein of, well, I’m just learning and when are you making mistakes and you need to find value. So for me, when it comes to weight loss, the way I like to look at it is when you lose weight, every time that you overate is trying to tell you something, are you going to listen? Are you going to truly listen? And in those moments, are you going to use it as an opportunity to figure out what is it that I’ve not solved yet? That I still need to solve on the way there, because that is what, like once the mistake or failure or whatever has happened, that there’s only two options learn and move on or quit. It’s very binary. It’s not complicated. A lot of people like to make it complicated. Like, well, how do you just move on? Well, the next meal, you don’t eat your face off. I mean, it’s a very simple decision and you’re less likely to eat your face off on the next meal. If you sit and you don’t beat yourself up, if you’re like, all right, I got another meal coming in the three to four hours. Steinbeck plan for that one. Yeah.

Speaker 2 (00:53:28):

Well, it’s funny. One of the, the connectors across all your podcast is about how you talk to yourself. That is the like key to it all. If I talk to myself like an, then I’m just less likely to keep going. Right. That’s hard to myself with grace and compassion. Like it’s also with regains, right? Why you keep coming back to those same five pounds? Because those five pounds are trying to tell you something that you’re not allowing yourself to listen. And it’s probably some subconscious. So like every time we repeat the same thing over and over, it’s an opportunity for us to learn how to treat ourselves. I mean, we always go to the treat others, and I get that. But sometimes it’s like, how do I treat myself as I’m learning as I’m a beginner, as I’m in the middle stages, as I’m, as things are coming up as, as the world is in a pandemic, like how do I continue to learn and allow myself to be fully human,

Speaker 1 (00:54:41):

Right. Fully human. It’s important because I mean, if you’re going to be fully human, you aren’t going to make mistakes. You’re going to think some things about yourself. Sometimes you don’t think some things about other people. Sometimes you’re going to worry. Sometimes you’re going to like all the things that are going to happen. I think that we have to just like, not only we have to forgive ourselves, but we have to be patient. Like when she talks about let the love in, it’s not even just letting the love in from others. It’s letting the love in for you. I can’t believe how many women I have to coach on the idea that if I love myself, I’ll never change. If I love myself, I’ll never grow. And I’m like, no, that is how we grow. And that is how we change. Because when we really love ourselves, we know what we truly want for ourselves.

Speaker 1 (00:55:35):

We start opening the door up to being, if you truly love yourself, you’re ready and willing to challenge yourself to do the desires, the inner, the real desires you want in life. You know, it wasn’t until I truly started rebuilding the relationship with myself and truly loving myself the first time that I was able to actually dream about losing all of my weight before, when I didn’t let my own love in, when I didn’t know how to talk to myself, I just knew how to beat myself up, to get about 50 pounds off. And then I ran out of steam because I was just no longer in so much pain and shame. And self-loathing over how much I weighed. Now. I was in a ton of pain, worry in text about everything that I ate. All I ever wanted. When you look at the course of when I was failing diets and stuff was to no longer be in pain, angsty and worry.

Speaker 1 (00:56:37):

And so when I was worried, aced and pained at two 50, I would dye it to relieve it. And then when I would get to a certain point where I didn’t have all that around my body, it just transferred over to the food. Well, I would want to get rid of that. And what’s the best way to do that. Start eating again. And if we don’t realize those things, if we can’t let the love in and just be like, I love myself enough to figure out how, what kind of relationship I truly want with food? The kind of relationship I truly want with people. My dreams do. I want to be the kind of person who tries new things, no one I might fail. But the beauty of being a human is you get to do that. You get to fail. Sometimes it stuff and realize it’s not for you, but you gave it your all. So you get to feel amazing about giving it your all. So many of us just, we just cut ourselves off and we don’t live those lives for a bunch of fears and. So I love, I love it.

Speaker 2 (00:57:41):

Her when she says the two true powers of life are deciding what you want to do. And continuing until you get there, even when your wants to quit, I think I might’ve added,

Speaker 1 (00:57:57):

He didn’t say enough. So I wanted to make [inaudible],

Speaker 2 (00:58:04):

By the way, shout out to my grandma who was the original cursor of, you know, live sheets. She, uh, she could put an and a and on anything to make it really special. But that whole idea of that shopper’s called the almighty decision. Like the only failure is quitting. Everything else is just gathering information. Yes.

Speaker 1 (00:58:32):

I love that. I love that. So

Speaker 2 (00:58:34):

That is the no BS credo like that. Like that’s the creed right there. Like, and we’re not talking about the day where you have an overeat. No, no, no. That’s not the quitting. The quitting comes in. You deciding I’m walking away from weight loss. I’m walking away from this program. I’m not worthy, which by the way, you’re always worthy. You came out the womb worthy. I’m not good enough. Of course, you’re good enough. You came out the wound. Good enough. But that idea that the only failure is quitting. That is how you change your life. That’s how I changed my life with no BS. That’s why I’m a life coach now. Um, that’s why I get to serve all these incredible almost 10,000 women from all over the country and the world. And I’m living my best life. And I want that for our women too.

Speaker 1 (00:59:27):

Yeah, me too. I I’ve always said that, you know, the day that I, the day that it dawned on me, how amazing that I was feeling because of how it was thinking, I may not have my body had changed, but my insight had changed so much. I just knew that I was going to help women do the same thing. Cause I knew that it was not something that most women were privy to, to feel that good about themselves. I mean, I think there’s a lot of women out there who feel pretty good about themselves. Like I’ll, I don’t beat myself up and stuff, but they don’t sit around and think about how smart they are, how amazing they are. They don’t sit around and think about all their potential. I’ll like, if anything, I set my mind to, I can just do, because I have decided I want to try. Most of us are sitting around with that mindset. We’re just not sitting around and talking to ourselves like a complete all the time. Just half-ass in it

Speaker 2 (01:00:26):

When you created this for women and it was so irresistible to me, I want it to be a part of,

Speaker 1 (01:00:32):

Well, we have definitely enjoyed every minute. Since you, how long have you been here now?

Speaker 2 (01:00:38):

I’m still kind of babyish. Uh, it might be a toddler November. So it’s been since November.

Speaker 1 (01:00:43):

Okay guys. I can remember when we hired, you guys y’all have been such a, like you, you said you, everybody, it’s just been such a great addition. We’ve just had, I will tell people like, you know, one of the reasons why people always ask me, like, why don’t you like hire outside of your membership? I’m like, why would I, as of right now, we have had amazing talent come from our own women. We have 10,000 members and I’m always, and I will just say this. People ask me all the time. Why do I hire from within it’s because our members want to be there. And there’s something magic that happens in there where we want to change. Like, it’s like, we’re like, some of us just want to change our own life. And we want to change others lives by just being a member and being a part of it all. But for some of us who have unique talents and unique things that we want to offer, we want to be a part of the movement. And that is why I always start there. I’ve only hired. Well, there’s only two people that weren’t no IES women that are on the team. One of which is my husband.

Speaker 1 (01:01:57):

Well, there you go. He almost is a no BS woman. She, uh, she came because I needed an assistant. And uh, I had a friend that owned a company and her specialty was finding, um, VAs. And so I, I had talked to her about it and she was like, I will find you someone. And she found a Sadie. And I will just say like, Sadie is one of them. I joke around with her all the time. I tell her she’s got the thin privilege because like, she’s never had a weight problem. Nobody in her family really has. I mean, she just, you know, does it get it? But she she’ll just, she’ll be the first to tell you, she’s an anxiety, hot mess. And she’s like, thank God I got this job. This is like self development. She was like, I’m changing my brain being here. She listens to everything we do. And so I always felt like it, it, I never think of her as not being a no BS woman now.

Speaker 2 (01:02:51):

Totally. And I worked so closely with Sadie, with the communications and marketing efforts. And I mean, that’s the truth. You listen to this pot. Everybody can benefit from listening to this pod cast. Oh yeah. I know you got some men every Friday who were like, has Corrine’s new hotness dropped, you know, so everybody could listen to this podcast because there’s something, I mean, we were talking a lot about weight loss, but we’re really kind of bait and switch. It’s a bait and switch to talk about how to live your best life.

Speaker 1 (01:03:32):

Yeah. Yeah. It’s like, y’all all listen for the weight loss, but you stay in the podcast because we’re helping you believe in yourself. And that is, and it’s, I don’t even know if it really is a bait and switch because when you think about it, it’s what the whole, that industry probably should have been doing all along. We’re not losing weight to fit into somebody else’s standard. And we are here to help you figure out what your standard is, love it to pieces and be unapologetic about it and how to get there. So it’s been a pleasure. I appreciate you coming on. And, uh, I will we’ll I’ll see you in meetings next week. You have a great weekend and I’ll have a great weekend. And, um, just want to tell all the listeners, coach Kim is one of our coaches. So if you ever decide to join the no BS program, she’ll be one of the people that you’ll see talking, coaching, and doing all the things. So y’all have a good one and we will talk to you soon.

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I'm Corinne Crabtree

Corinne Crabtree, top-rated podcaster, has helped millions of women lose weight by blending common-sense methods with behavior-based psychology.

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