What Is Will-Power?
Have you ever started a diet and after a few days or maybe even a couple of weeks it seemed like you were “barely hanging on?”
- All you think about is what you would like to eat.
- You just want to feel normal.
These are two sure signs you are using willpower to lose weight instead of building a new way to eat and live that leads to weight that NEVER COMES BACK.
- You argue with yourself about how hard your diet is when temptations and cravings begin.
- You think one day you'll be able to eat normally again.
How to make doable and lasting changes to what you eat:
For example, when I weighed 250lbs., I was NOT ready to give up everything I loved eating to lose weight. That's what I did when I set myself up to rely on willpower.
I would pick a diet that cut everything I loved out and think about how unfair it was that I couldn't eat normally. Girl, I probably failed 50 diets doing it that way.
Eventually, I would just want some relief from “how hard the diet was” and then blow it eating everything I decided was “bad.” After eating my face off, I'd feel like something was wrong with me. The only thing that was wrong was I was repeating a broken process and expecting it to somehow become “easy.”
- You lose weight figuring out what normal is for you.
- Don't do shit that feels too hard.
- When I started my last diet I decided to go about it RADICALLY different.
- I was not going to do anything I wasn't willing to do for the rest of my life.
That one rule stopped willpower in its tracks. Anything I did I felt like I was choosing it and that I was choosing it because I felt pretty sure it was something totally doable.
Stop Using Will-Power:
When I had cravings and temptations, it was easier to say no because my whole diet wasn't set up on deprivation. I had enough time with food that I could look forward to that when cravings hit I knew I could wait.
And, because I was eating things I loved and learning to like new things, I knew this was a new lifestyle forming.
It's important that you stop using willpower:
- Willpower is exhausting.
- It causes you to THINK about food all the time and wears you down.
Make sure you watch this coaching session so you never set yourself up to rely on willpower to lose weight again.
Figuring Out How To Lose Weight
A lot of people are trying to lose weight by using willpower instead of figuring out how to lose weight from a sustainable, lifelong approach.
I was obese my entire life. I was really good at starting and stopping diets. I was using willpower to get through the diets, instead of figuring out how to lose weight for good.
Willpower is about resistance and fighting for your weight loss:
- Willpower is useless.
- You only get so much willpower.
- You need to learn how to lose weight in a way that doesn’t require willpower.
- There is intensity and negative energy behind it.
If you spend all your time losing weight feeling tense and making yourself do stuff, you’re going to run out of steam. You will struggle to stick with your plan on a day where the world is throwing curveballs at you.
If you keep eating off of your plan and overeating, it’s probably because you created your plan using willpower.
- Willpower comes from you being able to use your conscious brain all of the time.
- Willpower is about your capacity to control your impulses to eat.
- “I have to make myself be good. I have to knuckle down and get serious.”
“I lack willpower.” We all lack willpower! You’re supposed to lose weight because you’re making decisions for yourself from love, from the idea that you want better things for yourself.
- When you say “I lack willpower” it’s basically saying “I lack personal beatdowns.
- I need to shame myself more often.
- I would stick to my plan if I called myself an asshole more often.
- “I need to be harder on myself.”
It’s the equivalent of saying “my kids lack whippings and me taking all things away from them.” When your kids get home from school you don’t tell them that they need to argue with themselves about homework and then whoop them because you can’t get homework done unless you’re super terrible to yourself.
This is the same way people look at dieting. “I can’t lose weight unless I’m terrible to myself.” People equate overeating as being good to themselves. They see it as comforting themself. Overeating is when you’re escaping and telling yourself that you deserve more. Overeating is a result of you not doing enough self-love.
How to stop using willpower:
- You know you’re using willpower when you argue with yourself. Let’s say you plan a healthy sandwich for lunch, but then start wanting a burger. If you argue with yourself, you’re trying to use willpower. Instead, make the next best decision.
- Know when you’re using willpower so that you can go through your week and look at why you’re setting yourself up to lose weight this way. Notice when you’re having argumentative thoughts and realize that you must not know why you’re wanting to lose weight this way.
- The most important thing that you need to realize is that you keep failing diets because you keep setting yourself up in a way that requires you to be an asshole to yourself. That you set yourself up to do things that you don’t intend to do for the rest of your life.
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- You have to learn how to figure out how to lose weight the way you plan to live it.
- You have to learn to like yourself through the process.
- You have to learn to do the things you don’t want to do because you want to do better for yourself.
I do not teach you to lose weight using willpower:
- I will teach you to lose weight in a way that you can follow for life.
- I will teach you how to talk to yourself when you catch yourself fighting with yourself.
- I will teach you the little things you can change this week.
- I will teach you how to not be an asshole to yourself.
Facebook Live: Why you keep losing willpower to lose weight
Go to www.pnp411.com to take the free course!
Links
56 Comments
Hi, I'm Corinne
I lost 100 pounds and get what it is like to be overweight and feel defeated. I did a complete mental and physical transformation and now I teach women how to do the EXACT same thing. You can get started today with the free course.
The struggle has been life sucking and I’m tired of feeling ashamed of myself for failing to lose weight. Thank you for your generous wisdom and plain talking. I cried out of sheer relief and happiness thinking I can make peace with myself and lose weight. At 64 I’ve lived too long like this. You are such a blessing to so many. Thank you Corrine!
Corinne…. sorry for the misspelling.
I am so glad that this message is helping you see your life like you want to see it! PNP Coach MJ
When I am using will power. I feel like I do not have food I can not have food. I feel lost. No plan. Also very up tight even my jaw
There are several podcasts about making a plan. That is a great place to start. Remember that the Tribe opens on December 29 where we dive deep into all of the things that you described. PNP Coach MJ
54 years old, a bazillion tries, you have helped me tremendously! Thank you for being YOU and sharing your success.
You are welcome lady. 🙂
It is working so much for me to be my own friend and do things out of love for myself. For instance when I want to eat when I’m not hungry, I will learn to say, “is this the best thing you could be doing for yourself? For your goals? For your future?“ I just finished a three week stent in Arizona with a new grandbaby and another grandchild that is 13 months old.Most of the time I was there I was feeling bad that I had in the last weight before I got there. Never want to feel such regret again. It makes sense that will power is just something that is a big fight and it’s exhausting where as conscious decisions about good health and happiness is so much more sustainable. Thank you for this talk.
You are welcome, Arden. Let’s focus on how you WANT to feel going forward and not on what you don’t. 🙂
You make so much sense. I had been on WW and lost all my weight but it didn’t last. I was starving all the time and the weight came back. Willpower is a four letter word. And I white knuckle my way through the grocery store. I need to change my attitude. I think your philosophy was what I was missing. I’m going to give it a go. Thank you.
Keep reading and let me know how it goes.
I love your point of: If you have to have a cheat day then it’s not a sustainable plan. If you’re planning the food that you enjoy and don’t “cheat” yourself, this will lead to a lifestyle change and not a “diet”. ❤️
This is such a freeing concept. Glad you found something that you liked! PNP Coach MJ
My goodness…. you’re always en pointe’! Thank u for being you! ❤️
So glad you’re enjoying! PNP Coach MJ
Using willpower, I justify eating 2 mini candy bars because I ate a a healthy lunch or dinner & unfortunately the candy can start a binge – it’s a viscous cycle. Definitely need to change my dialogue around eating.
P.S. what is the brand & color of your lipstick – love it (& the top you were wearing)!?
I believe this is Marc Jacobs Bang Bang? It’s almost all gone!
I don’t know how to switch! I plan and I do pretty well filling plan for a day and then something happens and you know what happens. How do I stop the willpower and just make the best decision. Help! I’m always arguing with myself. Ugh!
You have to start planning the things you are breaking the plan with. Eating with intention won’t be as fun as breaking your plans. Plus you won’t get relief because you took the willpower away. You’ll just be left with eating things that won’t get you to goal. THEN you are more willing to make better choices. I teach all of this deeper in my weightloss course for private members but that’s the short of it.
THIS just totally clicked for me! I have ALWAYS done it the WRONG way. I think TODAY is the day that I will change my mindset! Thank you!
Mindset is the key to success! PNP Coach MJ
You make perfect sense- lack of will power comes up when life gets crazy- and I use it for a way out of holding myself accountable- honestly- I’m afraid of failing again- and again and again
Life is always crazy right? What if you succeed? I know that you can do it! Remember the Tribe is open December 29 if you want to learn more. PNP Coach MJ
Thank you Corinne- this makes me realize I need to stop letting my own fears sabotage my weight loss plans; and love myself more.
Great thought to move forward. Loving yourself is such a gift! PNP Coach MJ
It really hit home when you said if you have to take time off from your diet, it is wrong for you. That was very enlightening.
So glad that you are learning and enjoying! PNP Coach MJ
I rely on will power completely and have lost and gained umpteen times, up 20# from low earlier this year, feels like giving up on myself, want to age more gracefully and feel better in my body, now 67 yo, past time to get healthier but have not found the “trick” there in the rub, there is no trick!
Yes! No trick. PNP Coach MJ
Wow. The whole thing about how we shouldn’t have to take a break from our diet – i.e., cheat day. That was enlightening. I don’t want to take a break from this – I don’t want to need a cheat day.
So glad that you are learning and that this podcast is helping you! PNP Coach MJ
This podcast enabled me to not go off plan yesterday and I asked myself “What is it I really need?” It wasn’t food but emotional nourishment. Thanks, Corine for the enormous amount of time, energy, and love you are pouring into us.
Girl! You did all of the work! Great job! PNP Coach MJ
OMG it’s all about the way I talk to myself! I don’t need to knuckle down, I need to watch my internal dialogue.
Yes! So glad you are changing your self talk! PNP Coach MJ
Thank you Corinne! I needed to hear this to understand about willpower
So glad it’s helping you! PNP Coach MJ
I find myself struggling with willpower every moment of every day! No matter the plan I feel like I am fighting with myself. I love the idea of making a plan each day and did really well doing this for the first 12 days or so, but then everything fell apart because businesses are bringing in food (bagels, sweets, etc) and my husband was in a car accident and life just seemed to get in the way. So, I have fallen back off the plan and am now just eating again. I don’t know that I would say I overeat as much as I do not eat the right foods and stress plays a big role in how my body stores food (at least that is my thoughts). So, why did willpower take over? I am going to need to examine these thoughts. One thing I know for sure, some days are easier to plan for than others.
You can start making a plan again! I know you can do it. PNP Coach MJ
Damn girl your living in my head. I am 71, husband died 3 yrs and 30 pounds ago. I write up a good plan in the morning. I will write in a ham sandwich and wind up eating a salad.. next day write in a salad and eat a ham sandwich.WTF. I am totally using wil power.
You can figure it out. Keep going! PNP Coach MJ
Hey! I started your free program last week and already down 2.5 lbs! I gotta say you’re absolutely adorable and HAVE TO HAVE your top. Where did you get it? 😘
I’m glad to hear that you are doing so well! PNP Coach MJ
I struggle with this, I feel like I WANT to eat I NEED to eat it’s like an addiction I feel like it’s to hard to much work I don’t understand that, why my mind has got to this mindset. I was going to have surgery and did the whole pre op liquid did fine! Once I got my mind to where I wasn’t doing it, it’s like food took over and controls me. I feel so defeated
See how your thoughts control things? You can do it! PNP Coach MJ
I use willpower too much. Didn’t realize it. Thanks for pointing it out. Now to try and change that mind set.
Great awareness! PNP Coach MJ
I really want to become a member. When will registration become available? Is it limited to a certain number of people? Don’t want to miss it.
Hi Barb. We open on December 29 for 6 days only. I’ll close it down on January 4 until at least mid-Spring. I recommend joining when we open. We know a lot of people want in this round so the earlier you join the more time you have to go through Orientation and settle in for the best of your life. I’ll be sending out emails when we open to join so make sure you have taken the free course and you are getting my weekly motivational and podcast emails now.
I just listened to the replay. I found you on 11/5/19. I have taken the free course. I’ve been listening to podcasts as well as FB Live Events. Today really stuck with me because I have yo-yo dieted since high school. I am now 52 years young. WILL POWER! A real kick in the ass. I am so happy to hear you speak on this. I have honestly beat myself up for years and it feels crappy. I have to tell you, thinking differently after thinking the same way for years and years isn’t easy and I truly have to work at it, but this is what I truly DESERVE. Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!
You sound exactly like me Michelle. Except I am 59 yrs old! Yrs of torturing myself with horrible internal dialogue 😞. How does it stop! It has to stop!!
It stops when you learn how to take control of your thinking instead of feeling helpless to what you are doing. Everything you eat and do was a thought at first. You think about food, you think about not being able to lose weight, etc. Learning how to watch and change the inner dialogue is what helps you change what you do with your hand and mouth!
You do deserve it! Great work! PNP Coach MJ
I found you a week ago. It’s changed my life , no joke. I went to weight loss clinic… Dr ordered and hated every minute. My anxiety level was off the charts not knowing how to transition from shakes to a doable weight loss diet. They talked about medication…. sent me to a eating disorder counselor….
And I found your program on fb by random on my feed. It’s the first thing that has made sense to me. I’m hopeful for the first time. My anxiety has been reduced greatly. I WILL be in the tribe…. I can’t wait. Thank you Thank you!!!
Thanks lady. I’m glad you’re enjoying the podcast! Can’t wait to see you in Tribe, December 29th, save the date!
You keep listening to the podcast girl! I’m glad you found me.