We use a term in PNPTribe called compare and despair.
Basically, take a look around. Do you immediately admire people for how wonderful they are or do you see where you fall short in comparison?
That’s what I used to do – find my shortcomings.
When I was overweight, everyone was thinner and better.
When I lost weight, everyone had better legs than me.
In maintenance, everyone had it easier than me.
Compare and despair is a pattern a lot of us have. This is one reason why losing weight “won’t make you happy.” If you always think something outside you defines you, then regardless of your size you will define yourself outside of you.
When I lost my weight you’d think I felt amazing ALL THE TIME!
Don’t get me wrong. I had times I felt freaking great. But, I had a habit of comparing myself to my friends. I could always find a thinner, fitter, and more successful friend.
I also had a habit of thinking my body was not good enough.
When I lost weight, I no longer thought I was fat. I changed the tune to “if I hadn’t been so fat, I wouldn’t have all this loose skin.”
Comparing yourself to others or sizing yourself up against who you think you should be, never improves your situation. It doesn’t make you feel better.
What it does is make you feel terrible. You feel inadequate and exhausted because nothing you do makes you happy.
I realized I wasn’t supposed to look like other people or judge myself against what I thought life would be like without my old weight.
My job was to start making myself find things that were RIGHT about me. That was HARD work. It felt like I was speaking another language to myself.
I used my old “compare” habit to trigger a practice thought. When I sized someone up I had to think up one thing right about me.
I agreed with myself, I didn’t have to believe all these new thoughts…yet. One day I might.
This allowed me to start living. I started noticing I was way more motivated to take care of myself when I actively looked within myself to find happiness.
I’ve never regretted one minute spent figuring out how to love myself.