Perfectionism does not get fixed by doing your weightloss perfectly. You fix it by making mistakes and catching how you talk to yourself right after.

When you eat off plan and then call yourself a failure, you spend the rest of the day eating over the name you just gave it. Change the name and the eating settles down on its own.

A woman in my membership told me she had a good plan for Friday. No cocktails, no mindless snacking. Then she ate some pita chips and hummus and she was off to the races. More than enough at dinner. Cookies after. By the time she wrote to me she was calling herself discouraged and asking how to stop before it goes so far.

Here is what I told her, and it had nothing to do with the chips.

She did not lose Friday night on the first handful. She lost it in the couple of seconds right after, when her brain said "Angie messed up, this is a screw up, this is wrong." Everything she ate after that was her eating over that sentence.

Why Perfectionism And Weightloss Cancel Each Other Out

So many women tell me they want to quit being perfectionists. Then in the same breath they ask me how to do it right.

You see, if you are a perfectionist about your weightloss, you have already decided that eating off plan means something is wrong with you. Which means every single time you eat something you did not intend to eat, you have to go pay for it. And paying for it, for most of us, looks like eating the rest of it and starting over Monday.

The research backs up what you already live. In a meta analysis in the Journal of Eating Disorders, the harmful half of perfectionism was not the high standards. It was the half they call Perfectionistic Concerns, which is self criticism and fear of making mistakes. That half is the one linked to overeating. Wanting to lose weight is fine. Beating your own ass every time you are human is what does the damage.

And in order to not be a perfectionist anymore, there is one thing that has to happen. You have to make some mistakes and talk to yourself differently while you make them. That is it. There is no long program for this. There are no 400 steps.

The Handful Of Chips Is Not What Ends Your Day

Two researchers named Janet Polivy and Peter Herman have been studying this exact thing for more than four decades. They found that when a dieter believes her diet has been broken, she eats more, not less. They called it the what the hell effect. In one of their studies, women who only believed they had eaten a bigger slice of pizza went on to eat significantly more cookies afterward. Nothing about their body changed. Their belief about the day changed.

That is the whole thing in a lab coat. Your brain files the day under ruined, and then it goes ahead and finishes the job.

I did this for years. I would eat one thing I did not plan on, decide the day was blown, and then eat like the day owed me something. Then I would lie in bed and tear myself a new asshole about it and promise that Monday I would get it right. Monday never fixed a damn thing, because Monday was never the problem.

You do not eat the rest of the day over a handful of chips. You eat it over what you called yourself right after.

Must Takes, And Where That Word Came From

Back around 2018, one of my coaches, MJ, was running a little accountability group. She is my head coach now, and this is one of the reasons why. Those women quit calling their mistakes mistakes. They started calling them must takes.

The thinking was simple. If you did it, it must be part of something you have got to figure out on the way to losing weight. It has to be taken. It is on the road, not off it.

That one word changed how those women ate, because of what the old word was doing to them. When you label something a mistake, your head goes straight to I messed up, I did it wrong, something is wrong with me, I am bad. Nobody eats well from there.

Call it a must take and the next question changes all by itself. Instead of what is wrong with me, you get to ask what was that about. And that question is the one that actually finds you answers.

The First Golden Moment Is How You Treat Yourself Right After

Inside my program I teach three golden moments. The first one is what you do in the seconds after you eat something you did not plan to eat. We start there before we touch anything else, and there is a good reason for it.

If you spend the next two hours proving to yourself that you are a failure, all of your energy goes into digging back out of that hole. You never get around to the part where you find out what the food was doing for you. That is why women stay stuck for years doing the same thing every week. They never get past the first sixty seconds.

Researchers at Drexel University followed people through real lapses during a weightloss program and found that the ones who responded to themselves with more self compassion reported better mood and better control over their eating in the hours right after. Same lapse. Different next few hours. The lead author said the thing I have been saying to women for fifteen years, which is that being kind to yourself does not make you lazy about your weight. It makes you able to keep going.

So in that first golden moment, you say something like this. I ate. That was a must take. Something was going on, and I am going to find out what.

Then you go on with your day. Not Monday. Your day.

Seven Critical Things Before She Had Been Awake An Hour

I coached a woman who could not stop eating ice cream at night. She had been negotiating with it for months. Not tonight. You can have it tomorrow. Let us skip it just this once. Back and forth every evening, and the ice cream won almost every time.

So we went digging. She tracked how she talked to herself for one day, and in the first hour of being awake she had already said seven critical things to herself. She was failing her daughter. She was not doing enough. Seven, before she got out the door.

That ice cream was the only good thing that happened to her all damn day.

Of course it won. Her brain was never going to trade away the one kind thing on the schedule because somebody promised her a maybe on Tuesday. The ice cream does not want to hear that it can wait. It wants to know when you are going to start being good to it.

So we gave her something different to say. I know why you want this. I have not been nice to us lately and I am working on that. You just want one good thing today. Let me see what else I can do for us right now, because I want to take care of you, and it is going to take me a while to get good at it.

It took her a few weeks of saying that before she believed it. The ice cream got quieter on its own, because she was not starving for the only kindness she got in a day.

Underneath most urges is a need that is not getting met. So the last thing you want to tell an urge is that it cannot eat. Give it permission and then go find out what it came for.

What To Do After You Eat Off Plan

Not every off plan night means the same thing. Here is how I sort them.

When it was a one off

• You have not eaten that way in months and then one night you did
• You cannot find an obvious stressor when you go looking for one
• You already felt relieved and a little proud that you handled it better than you used to

Take a look, and if there is no good reason sitting there, let it go. Say you know what, I am moving on, and mean it. Your brain offered you an old behavior it used to run. That is all that happened. It is not weird and it is not a warning.

When it keeps happening

• You notice three or four of these nights in a couple of weeks
• You can point at something real going on, a fight with your boss, three bad nights of sleep, a worry you have been carrying
• The same day of the week keeps showing up in your tracker

Now you take it to a coach. This is the part where you want help unwinding it instead of white knuckling it. When women track what they are doing every day, the tracker starts working like a flashlight. One of my members found she stopped past enough on Tuesdays, Thursdays and Fridays. Those were the days her kids were home. She never would have found that in her head.

Getting Started With Must Takes

You can start this today with nothing but your own mouth.

Change the word. The next time you eat something you did not plan on, call it a must take out loud. Say it before your brain gets to failure. The word gets there first or it does not get there at all.

Ask what the food was doing for you, not to you. Those are different questions and they get different answers. To me makes the food the villain. For me tells you what job it was hired to do.

Collect your nos. Did I eat when I was hungry, did I stop at enough, did I follow my plan. Write them down without commentary. You are gathering, not grading.

Go make some mistakes on purpose. You cannot practice being a non perfectionist in a week where nothing goes wrong. You need the off plan night to have something to practice on.

Frequently Asked Questions

What is the what the hell effect in dieting? The what the hell effect is a term from researchers Janet Polivy and Peter Herman for what happens when a dieter believes her diet is already broken and eats more because of it. Their studies found that simply believing you have eaten too much leads to eating more afterward, even when nothing about the food itself changed.

How do I stop being a perfectionist about weight loss? Two things have to happen. You have to make mistakes, and you have to change how you talk to yourself while you are making them. There is no way to practice being a non perfectionist in a week where you did everything right, so the off plan night is the practice, not the failure.

Why do I eat everything else after I eat one thing off plan? Because of the sentence in your head right after the first bite, not the bite itself. Once your brain files the day as ruined, eating the rest of it feels like the only option left. Catching that sentence in the first sixty seconds is what stops the rest of the day.

What is a must take? A must take is what my coaching team calls a mistake instead. The word came out of a member accountability group run by my head coach MJ around 2018. If you did it, it must be part of what you have to figure out on the way to losing weight, so it belongs on the road instead of off it.

Does being easier on myself make me lazy about losing weight? No. Research from Drexel University followed people through lapses in a weightloss program and found the ones who responded to themselves with self compassion had better mood and better control over their eating in the hours that followed. Beating yourself up uses the energy you need for figuring out what went on.

Should I tell myself I cannot have the food when I get an urge? Telling an urge it cannot eat almost never works, because underneath most urges is a need that is not getting met. Give yourself permission first, then get curious about what the urge actually came for. The urge gets quieter when the need gets handled.

Everybody, welcome back.

So today, what I wanna do is I wanna answer some questions that are coming in from my No BS members. If you don't know, if you are working with me inside No BS, you get a call with me every week, and you can answer questions.

You can come on and get coached. I spend two hours every Sunday just hanging out and talking to my women.

So we're gonna see what the No BS ladies have to ask this week, and I'm gonna give some answers.

All right.

"I've been in No BS for years, and I love it."

Good.

"Last night, I wanted to grab a bottle of wine and eat tons, kind of panic attack trying to remember everything I've learned. Instead, I ate two small pieces of pizza and a chocolate square. I was relieved and proud of myself for not drinking and binging. Was thinking earlier, 'Oh, I should go get wine and eat sugar and fat.' I guess what you're saying is probably habit."

Yes. So this is very common.

When you are losing weight, I teach you to do all these different kinds of things, and eventually, you get to where you're doing them.

But that doesn't mean that in the back of our mind that our brain got rid of all the ways that we used to act.

So if you used to, like, have a rough day, if you used to—whatever. Anything could trigger it. It can be being lonely. It can be being bored, whatever it is.

And the way you used to do it is just eat a bunch of shit and have a bottle of wine, and you haven't been doing that for a while.

You might randomly have a day where you're—maybe you're a little tired.

Maybe you're hormonal.

Who knows?

There can be just one little—like, it's almost like the pH balance is out of balance in your body.

We don't always need to explain it.

But every now and then, what will happen is you will just wanna eat like you used to.

And every thought and every feeling will come back.

You will hear the way you used to talk to go get a bottle of wine.

You will hear the excuses.

You will hear all the things.

That is not a problem.

That is not even weird.

It is normal.

We just need to be really good at listening for it.

That is all that has to happen.

And even if—even if you had went and you got a bottle of wine and you ate your face off, it is not the end of the world either.

One simple thing you can tell yourself is, "Oh, something got triggered."

There must have been a reason why I wanted to do this, and my brain just quickly moved through and said, "Oh, we used to do this. Let's offer that."

And if you were tired, you might not have caught it, and you might have gone through with it.

That is okay.

The real key is to not sleep on it.

And I don't mean going to bed.

I mean, the real key is to say, "You know what I wanna do? I wanna go to the coaches, and I wanna dissect this. I wanna make sure that there wasn't a reason for why I wanted to do it. I wanna make sure that, like, if it was just an old behavior that kinda came back, that's not a big deal."

If it came—like, you haven't done that in months, and then one day you did it, probably not a big deal.

But if it was like—if you think about it, it's like, "Well, I could see why I wanted to have a bottle of wine and just eat my face off last night. I had an argument with my boss that day, or wrapped a big project. Like, something happened. Or I haven't slept well for three days, and I've been worried about something, and I was probably at my breaking point. I can see why my brain would offer food and why, this time, I didn't stop myself."

That's all we gotta do.

We just don't wanna make these types of situations a big fucking deal.

And that's what I think a lot of you do, is you take a situation that's really boring.

"My brain asked for wine, and it asked for—like, it wanted to eat a lot of food."

That is all that happened.

Or, "My brain wanted a bottle of wine, and it wanted to eat a bunch of food. I went and got it, and then I had it."

That's literally the story.

That is all factually true.

But if you are making it mean, "I'm broken. Something's wrong with me. I shouldn't still be doing this. Oh my God. I'm never gonna lose weight," when you add your embellishments to it, you also add really intense feelings.

And when we have really intense feelings and we are an emotional eater, we're kinda just perpetuating the cycle.

So my answer is always, if it's something that just came out of the blue and you haven't done it in a long time and it just happened, take a look and see if there's a good reason.

If you don't really have one, don't worry about it.

Just say, "You know what? I'm moving on."

Now, if it starts happening more frequently after that, you go to the coaches.

And you're like, "You know what? I hadn't been doing that for a while. I've noticed, like, three times in the last couple of weeks, I have been eating unlike I've been eating the last few months. I need somebody to help me unwind this."

That is what you wanna take to the coaches.

That is why I want you using your No BS Wellness Tracker.

Because if you are tracking what you're doing each day, your tracker is gonna be like the flashlight.

It is gonna be shining a light on the little things that's easy to miss.

It's gonna be shining a flashlight on, like, "Oh, you've got a pattern of not stopping at enough at dinner on Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Fridays. I wonder why Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Fridays happen to be worse. Oh, Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Fridays are the days my kids are home with me."

Like, there's all kinds of little things we'll find.

But the main thing is that when you're using your tracker, you wanna collect your no's.

These are the things that, like, "Did I eat when I was hungry? Did I stop when I was at enough? Did I follow my plan?"

You wanna be like a no collector.

And then you wanna be working through, like, "I wonder why this is happening. I wonder what this food is doing for me. I wonder, when I don't stop at enough, if I had to talk to it and say, like, 'What are you trying to do for me?'"

And I mean for me, not to me.

Those are different.

"What are you doing for me?"

You'll get the answers to why you keep doing it, and then the coaches can help you work through it.

Or listening to calls like this, getting coached with me, that will work you through it.

But what I would do in this case is if you haven't done that in a long time and you already felt really relieved and proud of yourself that, like, you had the urge and you handled it different, I would just leave it at that.

Or I would take, like, "Here's what I did. I'm very proud of it, but I am curious as to why this came back up."

And if you have a weird stressor or a weird worry or anything going on, work on that.

Because the problem isn't that your brain asked for it.

The problem is, "I need to work through this, and my brain doesn't even have to ask me for these things anymore."

All right.

"Do you believe that some foods trigger a greater dopamine release than other foods, cookies versus apples, creating issues for some people with the pleasure reinforcement cycle? I find it so much easier to not eat certain foods, and I don't miss them. And I have no interest in the problems they seem to create for me with craving sugars and extra urges. I would rather just eat food that seems to affect my brain less intensely. I can enjoy a lot of foods this way and leave the desires to overeat these foods behind."

So this is a great question.

Here's my thoughts on it.

Scientifically, sure.

Some foods have—like, I guarantee you that if you eat ice cream or broccoli, you're definitely gonna get a different release in your brain.

Okay?

Now, this is what you're doing that's right.

You have a good attitude about it.

You're like, "You know what? I don't really miss them. I don't really like the way that it, like, shoots off the dopamine in my head. I don't really like dealing with it," and stuff like that.

Like, you've already done a lot of the emotional work around it.

Okay?

And you don't really miss them.

Now, for me personally, that does not work at all.

At all.

And that is a backfire big-time for Corinne.

Corinne likes those foods and wants to have those foods.

I've always wanted to have ice cream in my life.

I wanna have cake.

I wanna have cookies and stuff in my life.

Okay.

What I didn't want to do is I didn't wanna have those foods in my life where I relied on them for happiness.

For me, it really wasn't about the dopamine and stuff.

I do agree that when I eat ice cream or I eat cookies and stuff, I'm gonna get a bigger, like, "Woo-hoo," than I'm going to if I just eat, like, bland-ass chicken and broccoli.

But my problem was never the dopamine release.

My problem was I felt guilty for not being good enough for Chris.

I felt like Logan's autism was my fault.

I sat around at work back in the day when I worked in an office and thought I was the dumbest one in the room.

And I would just work so hard all day long.

And I would miss meals.

And I would go home at night and eat so that I could recharge for the next day of going into the office and feeling like the dumbest person in the room.

Like, my eating of those foods had nothing to do with dopamine.

And that's a very helpful way for me to think about it.

Does it, like, scientifically tie?

Sure.

But for me, to treat foods that I knew that I was eating emotionally as also a problem was not gonna help me lose weight, and it was going to detract me from actually working on emotional eating.

And so that's why I focused more on, like, "Corinne, we are going to figure out a way for you to have both. You can have the foods you want, and you can lose weight."

And when I went to solve that problem, what I realized was that I wasn't gonna be able to eat the foods I loved if I was eating them to make up for my feelings.

Like, I was—like, I was gonna have to learn how to like myself.

I was gonna have to learn how to talk better to myself.

I was gonna have to shed, like—like, sitting around and thinking, like, feeling guilty for not being a good enough wife for Chris when I had someone telling me all the time that they loved me.

Like, I needed to work on trusting love instead of thinking I'm not good enough.

So my answer is, the way you're doing it, Beth, works fine.

I think you've got a great attitude about it.

I think you've went through and you've understood all of it for yourself.

For me, the answer was never gonna be that.

For me, the answer was these foods wouldn't make me overweight and keep me overweight if I was eating them from actual pure joy and pleasure because they just tasted good, because it was a holiday, whatever it was.

I was eating them during those times and a hundred times more in other areas, and I wanted to solve the other areas.

So I hope that helps.

"Would it be possible to have anyone who believes she is an introvert-extrovert stand in the room on the first day just to show we are not alone, and maybe we can connect with a person and we could work through it?"

Sure.

So usually, Nancy, every single time I do camp or in-person events, I always start with having—like, I don't have everybody stand up.

I usually have people raise their hand, and you're gonna be at tables and rounds, so you're gonna probably have these people sitting at your table.

I always ask, like, "Who in here is an introvert? Who in here is an extrovert?" just so we can see the difference.

And I always give the speech that if you are an introvert—I don't wanna, like, blow the whole speech—but if you're an introvert, I always say, take care of yourself.

Realize you're an introvert.

If you need to get up, stand in the back of the room.

If you need to go out in the hall for a little bit, whatever it takes, you do you.

You are never going to bother me.

If you are an extrovert, find your extroverts.

They're raising their hand right now.

And if the introverts—they will let you know if they want you to bring them in and stuff.

So I always do that because I want everybody that comes, whether you're a member of No BS or you're at a camp, whatever it is, I always want you in No BS to feel comfortable.

I work really, really hard at helping women feel like they fit in here because I didn't fit in in life most of the time.

I—you know, writing y'all's new course has been, like, almost emotionally hard for me because I need to include a lot of stories to make it real and make it tangible.

And I have had to relive so many stories of growing up, nobody liking me, being made fun of, right, where all of my food stuff started.

And I just never wanted No BS to be a place where anybody ever felt like they didn't belong.

And so we just work really fucking hard trying to build community, and we work really fucking hard trying to make sure that we are sensitive to all of our members' needs.

And I know that when you're at camp, it's so brave for some of you to even come.

It's a big deal for you to come to something like this.

And we do our best to make sure that you have a damn good time and that you feel comfortable.

I mean, you will be—like, even the room.

We make sure that we—like, in a lot of conferences, they'll just pack as many people as they can into a room.

We don't even pack as many as we can into a room.

I remember when I was at work, when I was in my 20s, you know, and I was, like, 250 back then.

And, oh my God, to go to, like, a big department meeting where there would be 15 or 20 of us, I would be mortified to have to go to the bathroom.

Like, did not wanna go to the bathroom at all because I didn't wanna inconvenience anyone.

I didn't want anybody to see my ass.

I didn't wanna squeeze between the chairs.

And I would sit there and hold my bladder and just about pee myself right after a meeting.

So I try to make sure that that room has plenty of room for y'all to walk around in.

Like, I just feel like we really try to think through all the little things for y'all because I do not want anybody miserable at our events.

"I'm still struggling with diet mentality and perfectionism. This Friday, I had a goal to not have cocktails or mindlessly snack. As soon as I had pita chips and hummus, I was away to the races, eating more than enough and having cookies. Very discouraged. I can't stick with my plan, or when I veer off, I go way beyond. How to stop before it goes so far?"

So this is the crazy thing about perfectionism.

So many people say they wanna stop being a perfectionist, and then you'll ask me a question of, like, "But how do I do it right?"

Which is crazy.

Right?

Like, if we're a perfectionist, and then we're, like, trying to figure out, "How do we do it right?"

Right?

So this is the crazy thing.

In order to not be a perfectionist, there's only one thing that has to happen.

You have to make mistakes and talk to yourself differently.

That is all that has to happen.

There's no big long program.

There's no, like, 400 steps to it.

There's none of that.

If you really are like, "I just don't wanna be a perfectionist anymore," there's only one thing to fix.

Go out, make some mistakes, and correct your thinking when you're hard on yourself.

So, like, when you ate hummus and pita chips and you said, "Then I was off to the races," probably because in your mind, you didn't catch the moment when your perfectionistic brain was like, "Angie messed up. This is a screw-up. This is wrong."

And in that moment, you have to catch yourself and say, like, "Ah, this is where perfectionistic work begins."

Because if I'm not a perfectionist anymore, that means I just recognize I started eating.

I recognize I wanna keep going, and I remind myself I don't have to.

So something that we're gonna be teaching inside the new No BS—it's called No BS Eating: Weight Loss Made Simple, that you're all gonna get in October—is something called mustakes.

So this came from Coach MJ in her original accountability group back in, like, 2019 or 2018, something like that.

And they stopped calling them mistakes, and they called them mustakes.

Because if you did it, it must be a part of something you've gotta figure out on the way to losing weight.

So they all started calling them their mustakes, and it changed it for them.

But, I mean, this is why MJ's the head coach now because they had brilliant ideas that came out of that little group.

So when you label something as a mistake, you're probably thinking, "I messed up. I did it wrong. Something's wrong with me. I'm bad."

Now we're gonna learn how to label things as a mustake and make it a critical part of where I need to go, how I'm going to lose my weight.

So for you, a critical part of your weight loss journey is being able to eat off plan, catch yourself, remind yourself, "This is part of breaking perfectionism," and you just move right along.

And part of it is also, like, when your brain is like, "Oh, we should eat cookies. We should do this. We should do that."

So, like, that's that perfectionist talking again, and we're just not doing that.

"I just made a mustake. This is my opportunity to practice being the person who is no longer a perfectionist."

Because if you're no longer a perfectionist, that means you are open to making mistakes now.

You can't be a—like, if you're a perfectionist, that means I cannot be open to it.

It means I'm gonna have to spend the rest of my life trying to do it perfectly and doing it right.

If you don't wanna be a perfectionist anymore, that means welcome to the world where we all live.

You've been in Fantasy Island.

We're all living here in reality.

And in reality, shit happens, and we learn from it.

Shit happens, and we don't beat ourselves up over it.

Now it's called a mustake from this moment on.

You'll learn a lot about them in the new course.

"I know I emotionally eat when I have other issues other than hunger, and at the same time, I feel my triggers of my body cues that say I am hungry when I absolutely know my stomach is satisfied and satiated. How do I go through this discomfort when my brain is screaming at me to eat until I give in? It gets my desire not to, which then after eating, I feel like I have failed myself again."

So you gotta start at the very end.

You have to start with the part where you're calling it, "I failed again."

We gotta clean all that up first before the rest of it gets done.

So in the new course, we'll be talking about the three golden moments.

And the three golden moments are—the first golden moment is, how do I treat myself once I've made that mistake?

So that's kinda like you.

It's like, here I am.

My brain is screaming at me.

All this shit's going on.

Then I eat.

Then I call it a failure.

So the first thing we have to do is we have to fix the first golden moment, which is, "I cannot call this failing anymore. I have to call this what it is."

It's a mustake.

And in your case, it absolutely is a mustake because we've got to be able to teach your brain how to figure out between real hunger and just wanting to eat, and just wanting to eat for emotional reasons, and what those emotional eating reasons are, and then getting help with fixing my emotional reasons.

It's the only way it's ever gonna happen.

But the problem becomes that when you beat yourself up, we have to spend time figuring out how to like ourselves, and we don't get to spend time on what was the original trigger.

So golden moment number one is always—we gotta start there.

We just have to start there.

So I need you to go fuck up some.

I need you to make mistakes.

And the first thing you gotta do is you gotta learn how to not beat yourself up.

Like, hear it and say, "I get it. I've always talked to myself this way. But now I want to move on to the part where I'm really curious about what really goes on for me when I eat."

So you already know two things, which means you're ahead of the game.

I know one thing for sure is that when my brain is screaming at me, I'm not talking to it probably in the way it needs to be talked to.

So if you listen to our first call, she was saying that she was wanting ice cream at night, and she would do what we call the ping-pong thoughts, which is like, "Not tonight. If you want it, you can have it tomorrow."

You know, "Let's not have ice cream."

She was really just trying to negotiate not eating.

And then when we dug around, what we found out was the reason why she was eating ice cream at night was because it was the only time of the day where she felt like she got treated well.

Because the rest of the day, she was so hard on herself.

She said, "When I opened my eyes in the morning, I tracked it."

Within the first hour, I had already said seven critical things to myself, and that was just the first hour of being awake for the day.

I was talking to myself about how I'm failing my daughter, how I'm not doing enough, all that kind of stuff.

So the ice cream doesn't wanna hear that you can't have it.

The ice cream part of you doesn't wanna hear that we'll plan it if we want it tomorrow.

If the problem is, "I'm asking for ice cream because you're not nice to me all day, and I don't have another way to feel like we get anything good, that we are treated nice," then we have to talk to that moment in a nice way.

We have to say, like, "I know why you want the ice cream. I haven't been—I haven't been really good to us lately, and I'm working on that. And I know you just wanna feel like we get something really good today, that we have something nice happen to us."

"So is there anything else that we could do right now that would be nice?"

Because I wanna take care of you, and I am learning to do it all day long.

And I would even tell myself, "And it's gonna take me time. I am trying my hardest to catch every ugly thing and fix it because I want us to have a great relationship."

"I don't want you to need ice cream to feel like it's the only good thing of the day. I want you to feel like all day long, I'm just, like, dripping goodness all the time as often as I can."

That's the conversation that's needed.

So when you're thinking about, like, emotional eating, which is 70% of the weight that you're gonna have to lose, you know, everybody—like, we're only gonna be able to clean up so much mindless eating.

Like, that's just the little bites and bits here.

We're only gonna be able to clean up so much habit eating.

The vast majority of it is gonna be the emotional eating.

And so we attack it in several ways.

One, when we are having emotional eats, when we are overeating, we start asking questions like, "What is the food doing for me?"

And when we start figuring that out, we start looking at our days, and we're like, "Are there—like, am I stressed? Am I worried? Am I upset? Am I lonely? Am I bored? Is there anything that goes on all throughout my day?"

And that could be signaling why.

Like, I'm eating for relief, or eating to feel better, or eating to numb out, or eating for any reason other than just I'm hungry.

So we wanna—we wanna work on the real things, just like our ice cream person.

She has to have a different conversation in the moment with that voice because the real work is gonna be all day long, listening to how she talks to herself and offering a kinder, more compassionate way to think about things, giving herself credit when she gives herself no credit.

So these things always—they're, like, they're going on all together.

So we're working on how we talk to ourselves after.

We're calling it a mustake.

We're talking to ourselves about a different conversation in the moment.

We're also working on, outside of the eating, what's driving it to where there are certain moments where we need food.

That's why I wanted to recreate the No BS program for all of you.

I just knew that I had learned way too much over the last few years to not give you a better experience.

So I'm gonna just quickly, very quickly, go over what we're gonna be doing.

So in October, this will be—every new member will go through this from now on, and every one of you is gonna be going through it.

The very first thing is I'm gonna teach you just how to lose weight.

This is gonna be your basics, just like we've always taught, except the four basics have changed.

Hunger and enough is still always King Ding Dong.

We have got to do hunger and enough to know how to shine a flashlight on the things that are working and aren't working.

And you'll use your Wellness Tracker as a way to collect the no's and to see the mustakes and things like that.

And the—well, I'm—I know y'all are loving the Wellness Tracker.

We've got 69% of you using it already.

So very excited for y'all.

Let's get to 100.

Just saying.

But it allows—we can see on the back end what you're doing.

So if you go to Ask Coaches and you're stuck on something and you wanted to look at your data and your patterns, they can do that now.

And we've got more and more features rolling out over the next few months that we're adding more things to it.

So second one is always the 24-hour plan, but I'm teaching it a little different this time.

And you'll be excited to know that you can choose to either track what you eat or plan ahead, and then you can use it however it works for you.

I've talked—I'm talking to y'all about optionality in there where some of you, like, especially if you're ADHD, you need options instead of just one meal.

I used to always teach you, like, you had to plan in the morning, and you have to plan, like, what you're gonna eat for the day, and we don't vary.

Now I have put spirit of planning in there.

So we will be talking all about how to make the 24-hour plan really, really work for you.

And then we're gonna go into basic human needs, which is water, sleep, and self-care.

And then the new fourth basic, which is meet your emotional needs.

Because what I have learned since I wrote the original one is that you have to meet your emotional needs or nothing works.

And what I noticed was that too many people were just trying to do sleep, water, plan, hunger, and enough.

That was it.

And got pissed off when those things weren't working.

And that's why I've rebuilt the program from the ground up.

The old program is going away, and the new program will take its place.

So we will talk all about the basics and how to use mustakes.

Then the next section—this is not like you'll graduate from that.

I've kept it small and tight and right.

Then we move into talking about why you can't stop fighting food.

This is the part where we go into urges.

I have redone all urges work so that you will get a way to have an urge and experience it in a new and better way where you don't fight it, where you are not struggling through it, where it is going to be a lot easier on you.

I am going to give you four steps to go through every urge when you have them, and you will always have the permission to eat at the end.

This is gonna be a big important piece of urges that nobody talks about.

Most urges never wanna be told that they can't eat because, just like in our ice cream story, underneath every urge is usually an emotional need that is going unmet or an emotional need that you want to have, and you don't have enough of it in your life right now.

So the last thing that we wanna tell our urges is, "You can't have food."

If the message is, "Something's really wrong. You're not nice to yourself all day long, and this is the only good thing we get."

For some of you—like, especially my retired ladies.

I know a lot of you are retired, and once you retire, you're like—you feel kinda, like, untethered, but you don't really know what your role or purpose is anymore, and you're having a hard time figuring it out.

Well, if food is the way that you're passing the time and to not feel like you don't matter, or that you're lazy because you've worked for 40 years and now all of a sudden you're just sitting around enjoying your life, but you're not really enjoying it because you feel like you're not useful, you're not productive, whatever.

Well, we don't wanna take—we don't wanna tell the urge, "Well, I know that you're here because you feel like you don't have value anymore."

And then you're like, "Yeah. Well, you can't eat."

We don't wanna do that.

So we wanna be giving permission.

And so I'm gonna really teach you how to give yourself permission.

But how are we really gonna be talking to these urges?

And how are we gonna experience them so that you don't feel like it's discomfort?

Like, I hate it when y'all say, like, "I've gotta get used to the discomfort."

I don't think you should be getting used to discomfort.

I think it's a very painful thought.

I think it—like, I know I have said it in the past.

I don't agree with it anymore.

I don't think anybody needs to get used to discomfort.

I think we need to get good at knowing where the discomfort's coming from, and we fix it.

That's what I think we wanna do.

Then we're gonna go into, how do you stay on track?

There is a whole section of just, how does one stay on track?

I'm gonna go through the—you gotta be inconsistent before you be consistent.

We will teach you all about the forgetful phase and the messy phase and all the things like that.

We're gonna talk about, "I know what to do, so why don't I do it?"

There is an entire course coming at the end of the year on this.

It's gonna release in December.

But you are gonna get, in the interim, some teaching on what's really happening here because there's four parts to your brain, not two.

The planner is the one that decides what you're gonna do.

The action part of your brain is the one who takes action.

But in between is the habit brain and the pleasure brain.

And y'all, we are going to start working on, how do we work through each one?

Because if the habit brain and the pleasure brain don't get what they need, they will stop you every time from doing what you know to do.

That is their job.

And so we're gonna talk all about that.

And then we're also going to go into fuck-it eating, and we're gonna use the STOP method for that.

I will teach you all about the STOP method.

And that's—well, there's some other things in that one.

But it's basically everything you fucking tell me that gets you off track and you ask, "How do I stay on track?"

It is in there.

I made sure that it is filled with, like, "What do I do if I know what to do and I'm not doing it? What do I do if I get off track and I fucking eat? What do I do to get back on track?"

That is what that whole section is about.

Because by the time you know your basics and you've worked through urges, now we have to start talking about all these things that you think are wrong.

Then we're gonna move into, how do you lose weight on hard days?

Because the hard days are coming.

And that is where I'm gonna start talking to y'all.

We're reintroducing, quote-unquote, thought work, but not in the way that some of you old-schoolers are used to it.

I'm not having you journal and do all that kind of shit, but we are gonna talk about how your brain works.

Like, there's facts.

We're gonna get really good at understanding there's facts in the world, and then there's my thoughts about it.

I need to get really good and clear what the two are so that I'm not driving myself fucking crazy into the pantry.

And then we're gonna be talking about, like, how do you change your story around things, and how do you not blow smoke up your ass, but actually think about things in a way that feels better to you?

My goal, by the time you finish that one, is that every time you have a hard day, you know exactly what's going on, and it's easy for you to either get help from a coach to figure it out because you always have us, or it's really easy for you to quickly figure out what's really going on so you can get some relief.

And we're also gonna talk a lot about—the last lesson of that one is the best one—which is, "But what if I keep thinking?"

Because y'all must have asked me that five fucking million times over the last 10 years.

It's, "But what if I keep thinking?"

Well, I'm gonna teach you exactly what to do if you keep thinking things.

Y'all are gonna finish this one knowing exactly how that thinking brain of yours works, and you're gonna be a friend to it and not an enemy anymore.

I think sometimes y'all are, like, mad at your brain because it doesn't cooperate.

I'm gonna teach you every reason why it's not cooperating, and it's all gonna make sense to you now so you don't have to be pissed about it anymore.

Being pissy is never gonna be a way that you're gonna lose weight.

Then the last thing is we start really diving deeper into the emotional eating.

The first four sections have really got a lot of the emotional work in it, and it really sets the groundwork.

I have littered this whole program with helping you figure out your emotional eating by just telling you what it is.

But in the very last section, I want you to understand the seven reasons why you eat.

And it's gonna be the things like comfort, escape, reward eating, rebel eating, second-wind eating, boredom eating, and pleasure eating.

Most of you do all of them.

I did every single one of them.

This is why I was crying earlier.

Once I got to this part, it's been really hard for me because I've been all of them, and I had to, like, recount so many stories, like stories of my origin stories on all of it.

And, you know, sometimes I—I was never mad, but I was just sad that I had to go through it.

Just, I don't know.

I just felt—I guess I feel so much, just like I just wanna go back and hug that version of me that was struggling so hard.

I mean, when I wrote these lessons, I did not even realize how hard I was on myself and how, like, hard my life was because of how hard I was on me.

I was my own worst enemy.

I always thought it was bullies and the world and all kinds of stuff, and I realized it was me.

And not in a bad way.

Just like, if I can help another woman to not have to go through this anymore, ugh, this whole program would have been worth writing.

And I've been writing it for over a month.

And I have literally, as I told y'all earlier, I got a compression sore on my ass from sitting and writing so much.

But we're gonna talk about the reasons why we eat and how you untangle them.

For every one of them, I'm gonna tell you where it probably started so you never have to wonder where it started.

If you don't know where it started, I'm gonna give you the one thought that will make it all feel better because you don't always have to know exactly how it began.

I'm gonna tell you what each one is really trying to do.

You're gonna know, like, "This is how it looks. This is how you end up eating."

And then we're gonna talk about what we do about it.

So that is what you have coming.

It is gonna be great.

I think that I have never been more ready to really write the weight loss program that I always wanted until now, and I'm just excited to give it to y'all.

And so we will take you through it.

The nice thing is all the videos are nice and short.

They don't take a long time.

There are not thousands of worksheets.

There's barely any worksheets in this one.

I don't want y'all sitting around doing worksheets.

I want you to use your tracker, and I want you getting coached with our coaches.

That is the fastest way to lose weight.

There are a handful of little sections.

You've got a companion guide with every single one of the courses, and the companion guide is chock-full of tips and tricks and hacks and even more things that I couldn't include because I know some of you are readers and you would rather read.

So there is, like—it is just fabulous.

But in some of them, there are little sections where, like, if you want to figure something out on your own, I will give you something to help you figure it out on your own.

But I have literally kept this as simple as possible and where it will not take up your time.

I want y'all doing these things with us.

If you're gonna spend your time, I want you to spend your time, like, I want you to listen to something, and then I want you just watching your life and figuring out where it applies.

And then I want you letting us do the heavy lifting by going to coaches, Ask Coaches, and talking to us so that we can just quickly unravel things.

I just don't want your weight loss to take any longer than it has to.

I just don't.

Okay.

That is it for today.

Y'all have an amazing one, and I'll talk to you soon.

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