Episode 362. Signs Your Actually Changing Your Relationship with Food

Speaker 1 (00:01): 

Hi, I’m Corinne. After a lifetime of obesity being bullied for being the fattest kid in the class and losing and gaining weight like it was my job, I finally got my shit together and I lost 100 pounds each week. I’ll teach you no bullshit weight loss advice you can use to overcome your battle with weight. I keep it simple. You’ll learn how to quit eating and thinking like an asshole. You stop that and weight loss becomes easy. My goal is to help you lose weight the way you want to live your life. If you are ready to figure out weight loss, then let’s go. Hello everybody. Welcome back. So I’ve been getting a question from just my listeners to the podcast, people who are taking the free course. By the way, if you’re not taking the free course yet, you need to. Over a million women have taken it.  

Speaker 1 (00:52): 

It’s about damn time you did too. So make sure you take my free course. But here’s the question I keep getting over and over again. How do I know when I have a better relationship with food? And this is a really important question because a lot of women are very conditioned to diet and lose weight, but we don’t actually improve our relationship with food. We know how to count those calories. We know how to cut out our favorite foods. We know how to punish ourselves into weight loss. We know how to restrict and we know how to hang on by tooth and nail, and that doesn’t change our relationship with food. That’s why so many of us end up regaining our weight. We’ll lose weight through traditional diets that teach calorie counting, macros, cutting out foods, very specific meal plans or those plans where they ship you food, shakes, all that kind of stuff.  

Speaker 1 (01:50): 

And then what happens is once you are done with the weight loss, you don’t know how to eat like a normal person. You’ve only been able to eat by restricting, by following hardcore rules, by making yourself do things. And I’m just going to tell you, kudos for all of us who have ever been able to do that. I did it several times, but then I would always gain weight back and it would be because when I would lose weight, I wasn’t losing weight in a way that I could live my life. I was just losing weight and then hoping that I would be able to keep it off. It’s kind of like, let me tell you a story. So when I was pregnant with Logan, my husband and I, we went to birthing classes. We read books about pregnancy. We hired a doula to get that baby out.  

Speaker 1 (02:46): 

We did all kinds of preparation for labor. I mean, there were no two people that had ever studied labor more than the two of us. We dead reading though about what would happen once the baby was here. I didn’t know Dick about being a mother. He didn’t either. And so we have laughed so many times because that first few months with Logan freaked us the fuck out. We didn’t know babies cried. By the fourth day of that child being in this world, I was at the doctor’s office crying my eyes out telling them something was wrong with my baby because he cried a lot and she was just basically patted me on the head. She had five kids and she’s like, that’s just babies. There’s nothing wrong with him. So this is how we diet. It’s like we lose weight, we learn all we can about weight loss.  

Speaker 1 (03:48): 

We do everything we can to get the weight off, but we don’t do anything that’s going to set us up for day one of maintenance through the end of our life. And so it’s really important that as you lose weight, that you are not losing weight this way. I’m going to do this plan and when I get my weight off, I bet I feel so good that then I’ll keep it off. I’ll just feel so good about my weight loss that I’ll be able to keep doing all this. Let me tell you right now, when you are losing weight, you are at your most motivated. Seriously. Every week you’re motivated to see the scale go down. You’re motivated by your goal weight. You have things that are propelling you to go. Do not sit there and think that when you lose your weight, you are going to be so fucking happy that you’re just going to be able to now not have motivation and be able to just keep doing whatever it is.  

Speaker 1 (04:50): 

Because if it’s hard, when you’re losing weight, imagine what it’s going to be to do that asinine bullshit the second you’re no longer motivated when you’re just happy, ready to enjoy your life. But most of us, we’re losing weight so we can enjoy our life. Well, guess what? If you lose your weight and you want to enjoy your life, but you can’t fucking eat anything and you can’t go anywhere, you’re always paranoid around food and shit, well then you’re going to end up gaining weight because you’re just like, oh my God, I’m not even motivated to do this shit anymore. So now I’m just going to eat a little. I’m just going to give myself little breaks, little moments of happiness, little moments of living my life. And we all know how that ends. The second you start breaking the rules of your diet, then you start feeling like you’re out of control.  

Speaker 1 (05:44): 

You’ll see the scale go up a pound, you’ll freak out. Next thing you know you need to eat in order to feel better about the freak out, and then we just end up regaining our weight. So I say all that because people ask me then, what is it like to have a normal relationship with food? What is it that I need to learn and whatnot? And let me tell you, I’ve been thinking about this. So I look at my own members and I look at myself, and here is the difference between someone who diets and then has to hang on tooth and nail and maintenance between someone who does the no BS program where we’re learning how to eat our favorite foods, but we’re also learning how to really listen to our body when it comes to food. I teach people this all the time.  

Speaker 1 (06:36): 

There’s the physical needs, there’s the emotional needs, there’s the fun needs, there’s the practical needs. There’s all kinds of needs that food serves, and really knowing how to work with food throughout your life to serve all of those means you’ll be able to lose your weight and keep it off. So sign number one, and this one sounds crazy, but for a lot of my members, they say when I was dieting or when I was out of control with my weight and my food, I couldn’t sit down and eat my favorite foods out of a dish. One of the things that I did was I stood in my fridge or my pantry and I ate food as if that food didn’t count in my mind. If I sat down, if I was to put cookies on a plate, I felt really bad about it. If I stand in my pantry, it’s almost like I could do it mindlessly.  

Speaker 1 (07:41): 

So one of the things that we teach inside of No Bs is we teach a good, better, best system where we are not villainizing foods, where we’re removing the guilt around all the foods that you love and we are giving things like different values. I want you to know that all food is okay. I just want you making decisions based on lots of different things. And when you get to where you realize no one food is actually harmful to you, that it all kind of fits into the bigger picture. When you’re ready to eat some Oreos or you’re ready to eat some ice cream or you’re ready to eat some chips or whatever it is, you’re going to just plan it and you’re going to actually going to sit and you’re going to enjoy it, and then you’re going to get the pleasure out of the food.  

Speaker 1 (08:30): 

You’re not going to feel guilty after. You’re not going to have that backlash. You’re not going to need to feel like you have to hide and eat it in secret. Some of us are eating in secret from loved ones because we have so much shame around food and some of us are eating in secret from ourselves. We pretend that when we’re eating and standing as if that somehow isn’t counting. So for my members, they often say, I actually can sit down with my favorite foods now and I can have a meal and not lose control. Here’s another big one that is for sure. One of the first signs for me that I was definitely having a better relationship with food and that is being able to wait for my food to heat up instead of just barely knocking the cold off and needing to eat it right then there was for me, when I was doing all kinds of diets, there was always this hurriedness around eating as if I need to eat now, I’m not going to get something.  

Speaker 1 (09:41): 

It was almost like there was a fear and panic that food was going to be taken away, so I had to eat right then. I didn’t even have patience for, I just didn’t have patience for almost any meal, and it really showed up for me when it was time to cook something or microwave something, I couldn’t even wait the last three seconds. I couldn’t wait 30 more seconds, whatever it is. So this happens. The main reason is because very often when we are dieting in traditional diets, they’re taking food away from us all the time. You’re losing access to two things, foods that you actually like and when you lose access, kind of freak out when you get access to them and then we lose access to enough food. So many of the traditional diets really rely on not giving us near enough food. It’s just giving us just enough food to sometimes not be harmful, but it’s not enough food for our body to not go into some kind of hoarding mode where it feels like it is threatened.  

Speaker 1 (10:58): 

So that’s why I don’t teach that stuff inside my program. So for a lot of my members, they say, I just have a newfound patience with food. I’m not anxious while I’m heating it up. I’m not tapping my foot. I’m not turning that microwave off early, making the toaster pop before it’s actually done for me. I just think that’s so awesome. I know for myself, the ability to just wait for my food without feeling like I need to eat it now really helps me feel less stressed every day. And I know that’s a tiny thing, but I’m going to tell you as a woman in this world, we need every fucking tiny win we can get when it comes to lowering our stress levels. The last thing I want to do is this is the way I feel. I don’t know about y’all, but I got enough stress in my life between trying to figure out how to be a supportive spouse, taking care of my kid, paying the bills.  

Speaker 1 (12:05): 

I run three different businesses, I got demands, all kinds of shit. The last thing I need is to be stressed out when the microwave is counting down to zero, I am always looking for what are all the small ways we can cut out some stress in our life just so we can fucking feel better. That’s why I always tell y’all what I teach y’all in no BS is about changing your life. It ain’t just changing the size of your pants. We want to cut out as much of this bullshit that goes on in our food world as we possibly can. Alright, here’s the next one. Choosing what to eat without overthinking. This is a big one. One of the things I work really hard with my clients on is again, we got to first of all level the playing field with all the food, but then we also, we have to take into consideration that sometimes we’re eating for joy.  

Speaker 1 (13:12): 

Sometimes we’re eating for pleasure, sometimes we’re eating for weight loss. Sometimes we’re eating for if I’ve got a big day, I’m eating certain foods to give me energy to propel me. When you understand all that, guess what you’re doing? You’re thinking about food in a smart way. You are choosing things because it feels like this is a good idea. This is, this is what today needs and this is what I’m going to do. But what most of us do when we are dieting or we are not dieting is we’re just choosing what to eat with a bunch of overthinking, and it’s going to sound like this right before you eat anything. Is this good? Is this clean? Is this going to make me fat? Is this going to, is this okay? Am I breaking a rule? Should I be eating this? Shouldn’t I be eating this?  

Speaker 1 (14:09): 

What does everybody else think about me eating this? I’m going to tell you the moment your brain is freed from all of the overthinking chatter around food is the moment you feel like you have arrived. I don’t think most of us even understand how much we fucking overthink food and what we put in our mouth and how much we’re eating. I would just encourage you for the next couple of days, if you’re a podcast listener, just think about how much you think about food. If you’re eating breakfast, I love this conversation, Hey, before I order breakfast, what are we going to have for dinner? Because that’s going to dictate what I have for breakfast. Breakfast shouldn’t dictate what you’re having for dinner. They’re two separate fucking meals. But in diet land, it does because you know why? When people, that is code for if we’re going to eat something good or naughty or something I shouldn’t be having at dinner, then at breakfast, I’m going to need to be a good girl.  

Speaker 1 (15:18): 

Maybe I’ll even skip it. I’m going to have to eat less. I’m going to have to eat healthy as if we have to pay some price. All of that is just extra stress we load on ourselves. So I want you to be listening to yourself. If you’re eating something you like and you’re sitting there the whole time thinking, I shouldn’t be eating this, I shouldn’t be eating this, I shouldn’t be eating this. Guess what? You’re probably going to overeat it, but that’s overthinking the food. I want you to be listening for how much you owe or overthinking because that’s one of the things we work on inside of my program. That’s one of the things that makes us different from going on any other diet or just hanging out on the podcast. These are the conversations we’re having every single day that members are getting help with.  

Speaker 1 (16:00): 

When they talk to the weight loss coaches, when they come on calls, when they’re talking to people inside the Facebook group, we’re working through this bullshit that keeps us so anxious and so stressed out all day. Now, here’s another thing that happens. You are able to eat in front of other people with shame, without guilt and without the overthinking. Now, this is a big one because I remember God back in the day, I don’t care if I was dieting or not dieting. My whole world was consumed with worrying about what everybody else thought about what I was eating. And I don’t know if you’re like me, but I was damned if I do and damned if I ordered a fucking salad. I worried that everybody thought she must be on a diet. They probably all think she’s fat, all kinds of stuff. My brain would just go haywire about what people must be thinking because I ordered a salad.  

Speaker 1 (17:07): 

Well, then I’d order like a bloom and onion. Well, then my brain would go wild with I shouldn’t be eating this. They’re all thinking, I shouldn’t have this. They’re all looking at me. I thought all of those things all the time. It got to where I felt like I couldn’t eat in front of other people I didn’t want to because I had no way to win. So one of the things that happens with my clients is we really work on letting go of a lot of food shame and all kinds of stuff like that because when that happens, guess what? You don’t have a reason to feel ashamed of eating in front of other people. And when you can eat in front of other people comfortably, guess what else happens. You can eat food you like without the fear and worry that you’re going to overeat them because I’m going to tell all of you how good something tastes is never the reason why you’re actually overeating.  

Speaker 1 (18:08): 

We’re always overeating it because when something tastes good, we have thoughts underneath it. And if your thoughts are, I shouldn’t eat this. This is bad, this is wrong of me, they’re going to think this about me. I’m going to be judged by people that will make you eat the food fast for two reasons. Number one, because your brain is like, oh God, she’s eating this snotty thing. I better put my foot on the gas because I bet you she’s going to take it away again, so I better get all I can at this meal because if history serves, she’s going to try to restrict again. The other reason it will put the foot on the gas on eating it is to outrun your thoughts about it. Because if you’re, I want you to think about this. When we eat something that tastes really good, we’re supposed to enjoy it.  

Speaker 1 (19:05): 

I mean, just think about it just logically. If I eat a blizzard, my brain is anticipating joy and pleasure, otherwise I wouldn’t be ordering it. There’s a reason why you didn’t go drive straight past Dairy Queen and head for Publix and go straight to the broccoli aisle and GNA on head. It’s because you think you’re fixing against some joy and pleasure out of that ice cream. Well, if the whole time you’re anxious and your asses in a knot to the point to where you could bust a diamond out of it, then guess what? Your brain is going to try to get you to eat more and more and more. Number one, to shut down your shit thoughts. And number two, it’s like, well, if this much didn’t give me joy and pleasure, I’m going to need to eat more. I got to figure out how much to eat before she shuts down her thinking and actually sits back and is enjoying the food.  

Speaker 1 (20:02): 

That’s the stuff we work on. When y’all wonder what’s different between the podcast and the membership, here’s some of that shit because my members, they start reporting. I used to not be able to eat these foods in front of other people and now I can. And then here’s another one, and this is the last one I’m going to go today, not having to make up for mistakes and foods. We work really hard in no BS on how to have a positive relationship with Fuckups. And this is important because ain’t nobody, Jesus Christ, there’s only one perfect person ever walked the face of this earth. And for reason, all of us in diet land are marching around trying to be the second coming, and we are. You are not going to lose weight perfectly. You are not going to go through life perfectly. You are never going to do anything perfectly.  

Speaker 1 (21:02): 

You’ll do a lot of things right in this world. Being able to find that is amazing. But this idea that we have to do it right all the time stresses us out. So one of the things I work with them on is how do you have a positive relationship with yourself when things don’t go as expected, when they don’t go right, or when you have this idea that you perceive you’ve done something wrong. Because here’s what I notice in my clients when they first come in, if they make a mistake, they catastrophize it. If the scale doesn’t go down one week, it’s a perceived flaw. And a perceived flaw just means, oh, even if you did everything right that week, a perceived flaw is where you say, well, the scale didn’t go down wrong, didn’t go down, so I must not be able to lose weight.  

Speaker 1 (22:02): 

There’s something wrong with me. Somehow I fucked up. This is some bullshit. But then there’s the actual mistakes that we make. Sometimes we overeat, sometimes we don’t do what we say we’re going to do, we shit out on something and then we beat ourselves up. That almost always is going to lead to some kind of fuck it eating. And so what I work with my clients on is in order to eventually lose weight, guess one of the things that you can’t be doing is fuck it. Eating. To me, that is the biggest one of all. I lost weight making mistakes, accidentally overeating, grabbing some candy after a bad day. But what I really worked on that got a lot of my weight off was I do not have to fuck the day when the day can be saved. And so when I would catch myself doing something, I’d be like, alright, I’m disappointed that that happened, but the only way I’m ever going to lose weight is figuring out things that I can do to make sure this doesn’t happen over and over and over again for the long haul of my life, I had to cut out that fuck it eating first.  

Speaker 1 (23:25): 

That was the first thing that I noticed. And so for all of you, one of the things that when your relationship with food has changed is when you no longer think that you’ve got to do better tomorrow, that you have to cut out something because you overate here when you’re no longer fuck it eating when you’re just like, sometimes I just overeat like normal people and I just move on and I just figure out what’s the best decision I can make for myself. These are some of the things that my people say radically changes for them that never changed in any other diet that they’ve ever done. And it’s because we really do work with a lot of that stuff that goes on underneath that a traditional diet is never ever going to address. All right, I hope you got a lot out of today’s podcast.  

Speaker 1 (24:26): 

Make sure leave me a five star review and tell your friends about no bs. I would love for you to spread the word. I am looking to be a top ranked podcast and I need all of your help in order to do that. So share, review, and rate and let me know if this podcast was helpful. I send lots of emails out. Just reply and let us know if there’s a podcast that ever resonates with you, reply to any email we send you and we will read it and appreciate it and do more of it. Thank you y’all. Y’all have a good week. Thank you so much for listening today. Make sure you head on over to no bs free course.com and sign up for my free weight loss training on what you need to know to start losing your weight right now. You’ll also find lots of notes and resources from our past podcasts help you lose your weight without all the bullshit diet at. I’ll see you.