October 13, 2023

Episode 340: Overcoming Childhood Body Shame with Lisa Smith.

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Episode 340 overcoming childhood body shame with lisa smith.

“If you don’t quit feeding her, she will never find a man!”

My mother once screamed that at my granny after I ate a second helping of mashed potatoes.

I was 10.

I’m 49 now, but I still remember that moment clear as day.

When you were a kid, did someone say or do something that sent the message your body is “bad” or “needs fixing?”

Or maybe you worry you’re sending that message to your kid(s), even if you don’t say it out loud.

Listen to today’s episode. I go deep on body shame with Master Certified Coach Lisa Smith on her Real World Peaceful Parenting podcast.

We talk about where body shame comes from, how we’ve dealt with it in our own lives (and with our own kids), and real-life steps to overcome it.

(Hint: it ain’t about slapping a happy-ass thought over all of it.)

None of us comes out of the womb embarrassed by our chubby stomachs or wishing we had thinner thighs. We learn that shit. Usually from people who love us.

And they don’t necessarily do it on purpose. They’re likely trying to protect us in a society that bombards us with the message that being thin is the only thing that makes a woman “worthy.”

It’s my deepest desire that every woman examines her body shame and does the work to overcome it so we can stop passing this bullshit on.

But this isn’t only good for the next generation. It’s also for YOU.

Whatever your body goals are — to lose weight, to get off medications, to increase your strength — freeing yourself from body shame will get you there faster and help you feel as amazing as you deserve every step of the way.

Listen to Episode 340: Overcoming Childhood Body Shame with Lisa Smith.

Transcript

Ep #140:Parenting for Positive Body Thoughts
with Corinne Crabtree
Real World Peaceful Parenting with Lisa Smith
Welcome to Real World Peaceful Parenting, a podcast for parents that are
tired of yelling, threatening, and punishing their kids. Join mom and master
certified parent coach Lisa Smith as she gives you actionable step-by-step
strategies that’ll help you transform your household from chaos to
cooperation. Let’s dive in.
Lisa: Welcome, welcome, welcome. Welcome to today’s episode. Today, I
know I say this every week how excited I am to be with you all, but let me
tell you all something. Today is a triple special day. Today I’m joined by a
very important person in my life, Corinne Crabtree. Corinne is a fellow
coach, a colleague, a mentor, a sister, and a very important person to me.
She is someone that helped me love my body. I asked her to join me today.
First of all, let me say welcome Corinne.
Corinne: Well, thank you. I want to say you’re special to me too. We’ve
known each other for a long time now. I highly regard you. Like I talk about
you a lot. Whenever somebody asked me about parenting stuff, I’m like you
should listen to my friend Lisa’s podcast.
Lisa: Well, thank you. Thank you. Yes, I feel like Corinne is someone who
has helped millions of women around the world love their bodies and lose
weight in a way that feels delicious and incredible. Corinne has a few
businesses, but really, today we’re going to talk about weight and loving
your body. This comes up a lot with my clients, Corinne, where we talk
about body image.
Parents will be worried about their kid’s bodies and/or what their kids are
eating. Either because they perceive their child’s body as too thin or too
big. One of the things that I know in the world is that kids don’t do what we
say, they do what we do, right?
Corinne: For sure, for sure.
Ep #140:Parenting for Positive Body Thoughts
with Corinne Crabtree
Real World Peaceful Parenting with Lisa Smith
Lisa: So one of the reasons I wanted to have you on today is because I
wanted to have a juicy, robust conversation and beg parents to consider
neutralizing all conversation about the body. The parent’s body, the kid’s
body, other people’s bodies.
As I was preparing for today’s podcast, I had this epiphany this weekend. I
realized that the real problem around the body when we’re parenting
children or influencing them as coaches and mentors is if we have
judgment about the physicality, and I want to get your take on this, about
the physicality of someone’s body. If we’re judging it, if we’re judging it
because it’s too big, or it’s not little enough, or it’s not right, or it’s out of
proportion, we train our children to think about bodies that way.
Corinne: Yeah, no, for real. It’s not even so much like them thinking about
like if we kind of pass on this idea that there are bad bodies or bodies that
don’t work right or whatever then kids are going to internalize that as like
oh, that’s dangerous. So now I need to make sure that that never happens
to me.
When kids, especially when they’re little, and they’re not able to really
rationalize and think through things, they get very easily misconceived
ways of like controlling that. I coach a lot of women that their eating
disorders, their weight issues, all the things that they experience and suffer
with in their 50s and 60s, we go back, and we kind of look at like where did
all this begin.
They will almost always have a memory of their mother saying something
about her own body, a father commenting about what a girl should look
like. This body is more attractive than this body. They almost always will
have these memories, these inflection points where they took something in,
and from that moment on it left a wound in them that they’re desperately
Ep #140:Parenting for Positive Body Thoughts
with Corinne Crabtree
Real World Peaceful Parenting with Lisa Smith
trying to either heal, avoid, or do lots of antics in their older life to overcome
and to stay away from.
Lisa: It’s so incredibly dangerous. It makes me so passionate to talk about
this because that was my story. I was born into a large body. I grew up a
large kid, and grew up in a household where I got the message, whether it
was intentional or unintentional. Pretty sure it was intentional, but I’ll give
people the benefit of the doubt.
Corinne: We’ll give them some grace.
Lisa: There we go. Yes. But I grew up believing that I would be loved more
if my body were smaller.
Corinne: Oh yeah. I think that like my mother, she had weight issues too. I
had weight issues from the age of nine. Like when I was preparing for this
podcast, I was thinking about like one of my own experience. One of my
biggest memories that I have is I was probably around 10 years old, just
thinking about which house I lived in and all kinds of things. My
grandmother at the time, my mom was really poor. She was a single
mother. She was very young too. She had me at 17. So she was probably
a whopping maturity of 27 at this point.
I’m eating dinner. We lived with my grandparents because we couldn’t
afford our own apartment. I wanted a second helping of mashed potatoes.
My mother had just woke up. It was 7:00 at night. She worked graveyard.
So she’s moody and ill and 27. She’s already struggling with her weight,
and couldn’t find a man basically. So like all of this is probably going on her
head.
I remember her looking at me and getting so angry, and screaming at my
grandmother, “If you don’t quit feeding her, she will never find a man.” As a
Ep #140:Parenting for Positive Body Thoughts
with Corinne Crabtree
Real World Peaceful Parenting with Lisa Smith
child, I hear that, and I’m like oh my God. Then I feel so much shame for
wanting to eat mashed potatoes, a second serving. I’m like suddenly super
aware of my body. Now, I’d already been aware of my body before that. But
as an adult, like I’m 49 years old. I can see that moment clearly.
Now, as an adult, what I’ve done is I’ve gone back, and I really have looked
at through the lens of that story. There’s no way my mother was sitting
there like rubbing her hands together, trying to figure out a way to warp me
for the rest of my life. She was just terrified that I would probably end up
just like her. She was blaming a lot of it on her body and her weight
because my daddy, who she married, made fun of people who were
overweight.
Like women, especially, it is just in the water we swim around in. It is in the
air that we breathe that our body has to look a certain way in order to be
loved, in order to be safe, in order to make enough money to support your
family, to be worthy enough to go places. Wear certain clothes.
Lisa: To have friends. To be invited to birthday parties, to be included in the
in-crowd.
Corinne: Oh, yeah.
Lisa: I agree with you. I think parents really are trying to protect their
children. They mean well. The problem is that it’s rooted in diet culture,
internal bias, fat phobia, projection, and, listen to this, the pursuit of thin
privilege.
Corinne: Oh, yeah.
Lisa: Right? I mean, and it’s what I’ve come to realize, much like you. I
mean I understand these people that raised me loved me. They really
Ep #140:Parenting for Positive Body Thoughts
with Corinne Crabtree
Real World Peaceful Parenting with Lisa Smith
thought they were helping me. The problem is, and I want every parent to
hear this, hating the way you look is a learned behavior.
Corinne: Oh, yeah.
Lisa: Right? It’s learned. Again, kids don’t do what we say. So if you’re a
parent right now, and you’re listening to this, and you hate your body. You
say well, I hate my body, but I’m going to teach my daughter to love her
body. I’ve got bad news for you. It does not work like that. Right Corinne?
Corinne: It doesn’t work that way. Because like this is what I try to tell my
clients all the time. I know you teach this, but kids don’t really listen to what
they hear they. They do listen to some extent, but the majority of them,
children, they’re observational. They’re watching the world, and they’re
picking up cues on.
It’s almost like we’re hypersensitive as children to body cues, to facial
expressions and stuff. Because if you think about even like as a baby,
babies don’t know how to communicate other than crying. So they rely on
watching what’s going on all the time to figure out what my next best steps
are. If I’m going to walk, I’m going to watch these humans. Well, they all
seem to be on two legs. Maybe I should be doing that.
So it’s not far-fetched to think that your 10 year old and your 15 year old is
watching you squirm around uncomfortably in your clothes, or sighing when
you look in the mirror, or avoiding mirrors. They know when it’s like, “Well,
Mama seems to be in such a good mood at home, but the second we go
out in public she’s moody, she’s quiet, she’s withdrawn.” Kids know that you
never want to be in pictures. Like we have to think about these things.
Ep #140:Parenting for Positive Body Thoughts
with Corinne Crabtree
Real World Peaceful Parenting with Lisa Smith
So it’s one thing to tell your daughter you’re beautiful, and you’re all these
things. But if you’re sitting around, and you are not expressing that your
body is like at least okay, they pick up on it.
Lisa: Totally.
Corinne: You’re leaving it up to their mind to create the story around why
you’re so upset. So often it’s like even if they’re not picking up on some cue
that, “Oh, it must be that Mama’s body is not okay.” When you’re in your
head about your body, they may be picking up some cue that maybe I’m
not okay. Maybe I’m doing something. It’s our head drama.
Lisa: Yes. Let’s take that a step further. Let’s say that a girl figures out that
her mother doesn’t like her body. People say to the young girl oh, you look
just like your mama. The young girl then, studies show this, she projects
then, “Well if my mother doesn’t like her body, one day, my body’s gonna
look like that. I’m doomed. I have 50% of her genetics. I’m doomed to look
like that.”
So they either start sabotaging. This is the message that I’m desperate for
every parent to hear. Children not liking their bodies, whether their bodies
are big or little, is not innate. It’s not inherited. It is a learned behavior.
Corinne: It really is. I mean the best way to know it is to look at a two or
three year old. Like my niece. She was the chubbiest baby that was ever
born. She had dimples where dimples barely exist. Yes, I remember. Oh,
my gosh, she was a blowout diaper kid. My brother saying just getting it out
of the rolls is like an impossible task these days.
She just thought she would wear her princess clothes, and she had her
princess shoes at the age of two and three. If it was really, like if body
Ep #140:Parenting for Positive Body Thoughts
with Corinne Crabtree
Real World Peaceful Parenting with Lisa Smith
shame was just something we’re born with or whatever, then we would feel
it from a young age. We are taught to feel shame about our bodies.
At some point as women, we have to just decide like when’s the
generational curses going to end? Like which generation do we end it? I tell
our clients, and you hear me say this all the time. At some point, we have
to just take responsibility to change the future generations. We may still
have to suffer some, and we have to like really work hard at it and stuff. But
I hope that every time I work on any crappy thought that I have about
myself and every little thing that I think about my body or anybody else’s
body. The work that I’m doing that’s so super uncomfortable. That a
generation or two from now, that just won’t be a thing. That would be
amazing.
Lisa: Oh, I hope I live to see it.
Corinne: Oh my too.
Lisa: Let’s talk about this. Having said everything we’ve said, I think you’ll
agree with me, and I really want to get your take on this. If the listener
takes nothing away from today’s podcast, please take this away. All you
have to do to be part of that change that Corinne just beautifully illustrated
for us. All you have to do is just stop verbalizing judgment of bodies. I mean
it’s that simple.
Corinne: Yeah, like for everyone. I think that in order to stop, I think the first
step has to be you just have to listen to yourself. Like it is a little painful to
start listening to the way that you think about you, the way you think about
other bodies, the way that you express things and what you say.
But before you change and stop, get a really good grasp of what’s going on
inside your head that comes out of your mouth, and start listening for it.
Ep #140:Parenting for Positive Body Thoughts
with Corinne Crabtree
Real World Peaceful Parenting with Lisa Smith
Then don’t, this is the other, I think, key piece Lisa. Is women when they
usually turn the volume up of what they’re thinking about their body and
stuff, it creates so much shame.
It’s like it’s bad enough that we have terrible thoughts about ourselves. We
may even be saying some stuff unconsciously and it feels like without our
permission at times. But then we layer a layer of thinking on top of. It’s like
oh my god, I hear all this. I must be broken. I’m a bad person. Something’s
wrong with me.
This is what I want to tell every one of your listeners. There’s nothing wrong
with you. If you look at, just go to Kroger or wherever you, like what do y’all
got? Ralph’s out there?
Lisa: Fry’s.
Corinne: Fry’s, right. Publix. Just surf the magazine aisle for a hot second.
You will see how glamorized weight loss is, and I’m in the weight loss
business. But I really want to help women change their relationships with
themselves and food in order to be able to have a longer, healthier life.
But I want you to just look at it. I want you to watch TV, and I want you to
just scroll your social. It is everywhere you look. So there is nothing wrong
with you because you have all of these thoughts and stuff. What we want to
do is not shame ourselves for what we think and believe and not judge
ourselves for it. We want to say like I’m so glad I know this now because I
would like to change it for my own sake, and for the sake of generations of
women and young girls to come.
Lisa: I think that’s fantastic. I agree with you. This is one of the things I
learned from you is step one was to not shame my old way of thinking and
to really understand where it came from. I was indoctrinated into this body
Ep #140:Parenting for Positive Body Thoughts
with Corinne Crabtree
Real World Peaceful Parenting with Lisa Smith
judgment. Learning that that’s what I was doing. It was hard to admit
because I didn’t think I was doing it, but I was.
Corinne: Oh, yeah.
Lisa: Then I had to let go of the shame. Then I had to really separate worth
from presentation. Right? Thin people are not worth more. Thinner bodies
are not worth more than bigger bodies. Just really sitting down and working
through all of this inside one’s head so that you can model this for your
children can be really one of the greatest gifts you can give them.
Corinne: For sure. Because so much of like our body is genetic. My doctor,
he does such a good job of saying this. I just went and got my physical
about a week ago. He gives me the speech every year because he likes to
ask me like do you smoke, do you drink. He’s like taking the intake and
everything.
He says, “I’m so proud of you. Because the hardest part of my job is when
somebody walks in, and we have a lot of lifestyle things that we have to
work on.” He’s always says, “You are doing all the things you need that you
are in your control.” He’s like there is a lot of your health, and I believe this
is the same about our body. There’s a lot of things about our health and our
body that we can control. Then there’s the genetic side.
He’s like we’re not going to hate on the genetic side, but we’re going to
monitor. Your lifestyle stuff could influence it, but we’re also not going to
hate on the part that we just can’t escape. I think the same thing goes with
the body. I remember my mom, I’m really not trying to throw my mother
under the bus here.
Lisa: I know you love your mom.
Ep #140:Parenting for Positive Body Thoughts
with Corinne Crabtree
Real World Peaceful Parenting with Lisa Smith
Corinne: I adore my mother like to no end, but like she grew up in the 70s
and 80s. Then she’s trying to parent a young girl who had weight issues in
the 80s when that was not a good thing at all. I remember her one day
saying to me you’ll just always have big legs. We all got big legs on both
sides of the family. She talked about my Aunt Becky, then she talked about
her, and all these other things.
That’s stuck with me my entire life. You know me. The one area that I work
on the most when it comes to my body is I’m always super sensitive about
my dang legs. So I’ve been really working on like I just have to give up the
dream that my legs will ever look different. I’ve done everything within my
control. I have lost weight. I lotion the toot out of them. I drink all the water.
Lisa: You tried the fat blaster.
Corinne: I do everything. Like I’ve done everything that’s in my control, like
my doctor said. At some point, genetics just play a part. We’re not going to
hate on genetics at this point. I just decided I didn’t want to spend the rest
of my life. I didn’t want, at the end of the day, my tombstone read, she had
a great life but always hated her legs. That was pretty much the story. I just
kept writing every day.
Lisa: Yeah, well it’s funny Corinne because I’m sure when people look at
you, you’re so beautiful and so well put together. No one’s looking at your
legs but you. I mean first of all, I think you have fabulous legs. But we do
tend to focus on one area. I’m that way with my stomach. I love my body.
My size is amazing. I’ve lost weight. But my stomach is not flat. I feel the
same way about my stomach as you feel about your legs. But life’s too
short to worry about my stomach. I’ve got so many other great things going
on in my life.
Ep #140:Parenting for Positive Body Thoughts
with Corinne Crabtree
Real World Peaceful Parenting with Lisa Smith
Corinne: Yeah, and that is such a great point that you make. Because one
of the things that I do try to talk about when it comes to body image is we’re
not asking women to just love everything about themselves. For most of us,
because of the way society is and stuff, that is such a big ask. When we
make a big ask and we can’t get there, we tend to just go back to just self loathing, and it’s bad, and how we’ve always thought.
What I’ve been really trying to tell people is one of the most compassionate
things we can do for ourselves is admit there are parts of me I don’t like,
but they’re not the whole story. What I see most often that happens in body
image stuff is the parts of you, you don’t like about your body, whether that
just is your weight. For me, it’s loose skin and scars from years of being
overweight, whatever that is. It becomes the whole story. It becomes the
only part of the story we ever tell. We never give ourselves this opportunity
to see the bigger picture of life.
So I always like to tell myself it is a okay if you don’t like this, but we’re not
going to spend our entire life focused on it. It’s not going to define the day
anymore. It’s not going to be the only part of your body image anymore.
There are other things.
I trained myself. This part is just my legs. I have really gotten to an
acceptance point where it’s like these are just my legs. I never sit and think
like they are wonderful when they have got scars ripping up and down
them, lumpy parts, and all this other stuff. Still after years of work, it is a big
leap. But it feels so refreshing to be able to say like those are my legs, and
they’re looking good today. Thinking about the totality of my life, the other
areas. Like I’m blessed with great hair. I tell my son all the time. You’re so
lucky you got your hair from me.
Ep #140:Parenting for Positive Body Thoughts
with Corinne Crabtree
Real World Peaceful Parenting with Lisa Smith
Lisa: And beautiful eyes and a nice voice and amazing arms. I mean you’re
tall. You have nice shoulders. I mean, there’s so many things we could talk
about other than your legs. Your legs are just boring, right?
Corinne: That’s what we want to do is we kind of just want to make those
areas of our body that, like I just encourage people all the time like if you’re
so fixated on it. The first step isn’t to go straight to love. The first step is to
learn how to turn down the amount of thinking you’re doing about it. Turn
up thinking on other things in your life.
For some women, because I work with people who were like me who have
100 pounds or more to lose. I work with people of all sizes, but when you
have a lot of weight to lose, it’s very common to be like there is not one part
of my body I like. I work with so many women who will legit tell me I can’t
find a part of my body that I like at all.
I’m like okay. Is there a part of you or is there a part of your life that you do
like that you can at least find some like respite, some peace, and some
comfort in so that we can start neutralizing? This is my body. I’ve been
taught lots of things about it. It’s probably gonna take me a while to unlearn
it, but I’m working on that part.
That in itself feels so much better than just like this is my body that I hate.
I’m probably never going to change. This sucks. Wah, wah, wah. It’s like
looking for cracks that we can put into the story of not liking ourselves.
When we can find a crack, that means a little light can come through. A
little light can feel very cleansing.
Lisa: Totally. As you’re listening to Corinne talk about this, listen from the
lens of if I have a child, a daughter or son, a he, she, or they, and they don’t
like something about their body. Please don’t say to them oh, stop it right
Ep #140:Parenting for Positive Body Thoughts
with Corinne Crabtree
Real World Peaceful Parenting with Lisa Smith
now. Your eyebrows are fine. Or don’t worry about your legs, or they look
fine to me.
Let them not like a part of their body. Yeah, I get that I get you don’t like
your eyebrows, or I get that you don’t like your hair. Maybe someone has
super curly hair, and they wish they had straight hair. Acknowledge that for
them. Because listen to me. As a parent, to your child that feels like
connection. Remember, I say every week connection is when the other
person feels, key word, seen, heard, and valued. So if I say gosh Mom, I
hate my hair. Don’t tell me not to hate my hair. Acknowledge it, then maybe
help me find four or five other parts of my body that I do like.
Corinne: That is so important. Because it’s, not just with children, but even
with yourself. Trying to just slap a happy thought or a good thing on top of
something you inherently believe is not good feels so dismissive. I think
that’s really important with our children.
When I think about my clients, what they almost always tell me about when
they were children where some of the biggest wounds were created. It
wasn’t even intentional. I always think like the vast majority of parents are
very well intended. They just sound like crap when it’s coming out. Is they
always felt never heard.
Like I would try to tell my mom these things, or I would try to say these
things, or I would express my fears and stuff. They’re just like oh, it’s not a
big deal. Or oh no, you’re beautiful or whatever. Like in their head, they’re
not hearing your words of affirmation. They’re hearing you’re not listening.
Listening goes a long way for children.
Lisa: It’s really what a parent can do Corinne.
Ep #140:Parenting for Positive Body Thoughts
with Corinne Crabtree
Real World Peaceful Parenting with Lisa Smith
Corinne: Yes, it helps prevent some of those fundamental just, like I would.
My mom probably won’t listen to this podcast. You know my mother. She
barely listens to my own. So I’ll just say it. But like if I could have wished
one thing like in those moments when I was telling her about how bullied I
was and how terrible I felt about my body.
Like I remember her one time saying yeah, but one day you’ll be beautiful.
One day, you’ll lose the weight. I know she meant well. But in the moment,
I was just like but that doesn’t help me now. Then I was getting them, like I
think for moms, please if your daughter is complaining about her weight, do
not say well, one day, you will lose the weight as if she’s got to lose the
weight in order to feel valued and worthy. Because that’s the message that
ends up getting sent.
Lisa: Yes.
Corinne: I know our moms want to help our children. If they legit have
weight issues, like my son is 20 going on 21. I wouldn’t say he has a weight
issue, but he’s getting a belly. He’s not a young active running around 16
year old growing anymore. He’s eating like a 16 year old who’s running
around and growing.
I’ve really been trying to personally navigate this because my son is on the
spectrum but he does not have body shame. The last thing I would ever
want to do is introduce that. So I’ve just been kind of talking to him about
energy levels. Like saying like hey when you’re ordering, once you start
tracking. Because for him, being able to work and being able to focus is like
a super important thing to him.
So I’ve been trying to figure out a way to like start talking about this.
Because for me, it’s not that he has a belly. To me, it’s like when I see it I’m
like hm, I’m hoping he’s not getting too much like sugar and things like that
Ep #140:Parenting for Positive Body Thoughts
with Corinne Crabtree
Real World Peaceful Parenting with Lisa Smith
because I know him. He loves his cakes, and he loves his treats. He’s old
enough now mama’s not gonna dictate his eating decisions. I don’t care if
he is on the spectrum. I want him to be choosing.
So I’ve just kind of been talking to him about hey, let’s monitor your energy
levels. Let’s see. Are you more focused the next day? Like why don’t you? I
ask him. I said what do you think about like just writing down what you eat
each day so that you can track how that works for you when you work? He
was just like that’s a good idea.
So looking for like ways, like sometimes I think like if a child is carrying
extra weight, don’t focus on the weight. Really think about the totality of
what’s going on in their life and find ways that like you may want to
influence some eating decisions, not just so they can lose weight, but so
that they feel good. That they can be active in sports if they want to play
sports, or whatever that is.
Lisa: Yeah. Well, this is funny Corinne. My son was really a chunky monkey
when he was a little boy, junior high. The other day we were looking back
through some pictures. He was like, “Mom, did you know I was fat?” We’ve
really neutralized in our family the word fat. It doesn’t have any negative
meaning to it. He goes, “Did you know I was fat?” And I said yeah.
He goes, “Why didn’t you tell me?” I said oh, honey, there was nothing to
tell. You were loved just as you were. I knew that over time if I never
brought any judgment or value to your body, it would work itself out when
you were ready. That is exactly what happened.
I remember back then having some friends that were like oh, I don’t know
about that. Are you on top of that? I remember just refusing to worry about
it. I did the opposite of what was done to me because I had a similar body
to his growing up. there was so much energy dedicated to the size of my
Ep #140:Parenting for Positive Body Thoughts
with Corinne Crabtree
Real World Peaceful Parenting with Lisa Smith
body, which in retrospect was not that big. That’s the ironic thing. Right?
There was so much value and energy at family get togethers and
discussion.
Now here’s the irony. There was all this energy about my body. I want you
to speak to this Corinne. There was all this energy about the body, but then
there was like well let’s go to McDonald’s and get a shake, which was also
very confusing. Hurry up and get skinny, but here eat this.
Corinne: Right. I think that that was kind of how I grew up. Like my mom
was so worried about my weight, and rightly so. I was getting bullied every
day. I was coming home crying. It seemed to make sense that if I lost
weight that would just like solve all my problems in school. Then she was
worried about her weight too.
One minute we were dieting our butts off. Then the next minute she’d have
a bad day at work, and we were ordering pizza and having a free for all
weekend. Like if we ever wanted to connect, if we ever wanted to
celebrate, if we ever wanted to do those things, it was always around food.
I think it is important for parents to be thinking about like what are maybe
some of the unintended messages I might be sending with food, with the
body, with my talking, with my lack of talking, my lack of being in pictures.
Lisa: My comments about other people walking down the street or stars,
whether their body has gotten bigger or littler.
Corinne: Yes, like just even innocent things like that. Then just listening to
our kids and the way that they’re talking about stuff. Rather than getting up
their butt about it, just ask. Why do you think that? Just to figure out
where’s that coming from and stuff.
Ep #140:Parenting for Positive Body Thoughts
with Corinne Crabtree
Real World Peaceful Parenting with Lisa Smith
Lisa: Yeah, so I think the homework assignment, I always like to give my
listeners a homework assignment. So we’ll wrap up on this. The homework
assignment today from Corinne is take an inventory. Take an inventory of
your own beliefs about your body. Take an inventory of your beliefs about
your kid’s bodies. Take an inventory, listen to what you’re saying, listen to
what’s coming out of your mouth about your body, your kid’s body, other
people’s bodies.
Take an inventory of the message or the theme you’re projecting about
food. Do we use food to soothe or celebrate? Take an inventory of am I
listening to my kid when they talk about their body? What they like and
don’t like? Can I show up, even if it’s uncomfortable, and be present with
them when they’re talking about an uncomfortable topic like I don’t like my
body, or I’m being bullied, or I’m worried.
Don’t just push it away? Oh, don’t worry about that. You’ll lose it one day.
But show up listen. It’s that inventory that really is going to serve the
connection between us and our kids and really help them, right.
Corinne: Yeah. Then just one little add to that is not only don’t judge
yourself for what you find, but also don’t feel like this is an overnight fix. It’s
not an overnight fix. It takes time. I always tell people it’s like it doesn’t
matter if it takes a long time. It matters if you’re working on it. Those small
impacts will lead to big impacts later in life. So any little changes that you’re
making, you just never know when you’re going to have like a strong,
powerful, positive influence in your child’s life when they’re in their 30s and
40s and 50s and beyond.
Lisa: It’s never too late to model something new, ever.
Corinne: Never.
Ep #140:Parenting for Positive Body Thoughts
with Corinne Crabtree
Real World Peaceful Parenting with Lisa Smith
Lisa: Never. So Corinne, if someone likes what they’re hearing, a woman
because Corinne works with women. If someone’s listening, I’m sure there’ll
be many people listening right now. They’re like wow, she speaks truth. I
want to know more. Where can they go to learn more about loving their
bodies, and losing weight in a way that feels delicious? Where do they go
to learn more about that?
Corinne: I would start with taking my free course. I have a free course
where I introduce the topics of losing weight, but it’s not calorie counting
based. It’s more about listening to the body, which is I have found, for my
clients, is such a good way to model the types of real relationship that we
want to have food that can influence our children. It’s all about like I think
I’ve had enough. Oh, I think I’m hungry.
So it’s at nobsfreecourse.com. It’s just a three part video series, but it will
really speak to people who are especially parents who were a little fearful
they’re going to pass down their dieting heritage or like obsession with food
and stuff to their kids. I’m very anti all of that. I just feel like weight loss can
be done in a much healthier, smarter, relaxed way than what the diet
culture has taught us.
Lisa: That is what I’ve learned from you. I mean, I learned there was no
rush. I learned, we could do a whole hour on all I’ve learned. I can come on
your podcast and talk about all I learned. But I have learned really patience
and understanding and curiosity and just a whole different way to lead my
life. Just regardless of what the number on that box that I step on says, I
learned mental freedom.
Corinne: Yeah. That’s really what I want for women is we just have so
much. I just feel like sometimes we’re carrying around 40 pound weight
behind us all the time about what do we look like? What are we eating?
What do we eat next? Should I eat this? Is this good? Is this bad? Is this
Ep #140:Parenting for Positive Body Thoughts
with Corinne Crabtree
Real World Peaceful Parenting with Lisa Smith
the wrong thing? Like it’s just time for women to, we are too freaking
powerful. We’re made for so much more than obsessing about what goes
in our mouth and what our bodies look like all the time.
Lisa: It’s so true. I’ve given all that up. The amount of free time I have is like
oh, my goodness. I mean, it’s just crazy, the mental load. So if you are
ready to get rid of that mental load, I strongly encourage and recommend
and endorse. Go grab that course. You absolutely will not be sorry.
I mean Corinne and her team, and it is a team. It’s an army of amazing
women and coaches, and it’s just an incredible group of people that I am
privileged to be a part of. So big shout out to all the no BS sisters out there.
All right, I’m gonna end on this. I love me some Mr. Rogers. Y’all know that.
He says knowing that we can be loved exactly as we are gives us all the
best opportunity for growing into the healthiest people. Let me say one
more time y’all. Knowing that we can be loved exactly as we are right now
in this moment gives us all the best opportunity for growing into the
healthiest of people.
Corinne: Thank you for having me.
Lisa: Corinne, it was a pleasure. All right everybody, go forth and do your
work, do your homework, do your inventory. Until we meet again, I’m
wishing you peaceful parenting.
Thank you so much for listening today. I want to personally invite you to
head over to thepeacefulparent.com/welcome and sign up for my free
peaceful parenting minicourse. You’ll find everything you need to get
started on the path to peaceful parenting just waiting for you over there at
www.thepeacefulparent.com/welcome. I can’t wait for you to get started.
Ep #140:Parenting for Positive Body Thoughts
with Corinne Crabtree
Real World Peaceful Parenting with Lisa Smith
Thanks for listening to Real World Peaceful Parenting. If you want more
info on how you can transform your parenting, visit thepeacefulparent.com.
See you soon.

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I'm Corinne Crabtree

Corinne Crabtree, top-rated podcaster, has helped millions of women lose weight by blending common-sense methods with behavior-based psychology.

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