January 28, 2022

Episode 252: Why Losing the Last 20 Pounds is Hard

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Whether you’re trying to lose the last 20lbs or wondering why your weightloss stalls out before you reach your goal – this podcast is for you.

I’ve got 6 things you must watch out for so that you can lose those last stubborn pounds.

It has nothing to do with cutting carbs, exercising more, or starving your ass off.

You’ll learn…

What to do if you keep thinking, “I shouldn’t have to eat less,” and how to make changes that don’t freak you out.

Why you don’t need to “give up carbs” or “get restrictive” until you’ve done this one thing.

What makes you “be good” all week and then “relax” on the weekends.

How to determine if your weightloss goal is what you truly want, or if it’s based on bullshit like trying to feel good about yourself by losing a few more pounds. (Because if the first 50lbs didn’t make you proud, what makes you think 20 more will change how you feel?)

Listen to Episode 252: Why Losing the Last 20lbs is Hard today.

Transcript

Corinne:

Hi, I’m Corinne. After a lifetime of obesity, being bullied for being the fattest kid in the class, and losing and gaining weight like it was my job, I finally got my shit together and I lost 100 pounds. Each week, I’ll teach you no bullshit weight loss advice you can use to overcome battle with weight. I keep it simple. You’ll learn how to quit eating and thinking like an asshole. You stop that and weight loss becomes easy. My goal is to help you lose weight the way you want to live your life. If you are ready to figure out weight loss, then let’s go.

Corinne:

Hello, everybody. Welcome back. Today, Kathy, and are going to talk about a great topic that we don’t talk about it very often, because the majority of the time in NoBS, I am working with new clients, new members on losing more than that last 20 pounds. But here’s what we do get it inside of NoBS. We have a lot of people who lose a lot of weight, and then when they get to that last 20 pounds, things feel like they’re slowing down or they seem to be coming to a halt, or people struggle with them. Or we get a lot of people who have been listening to the podcast, you’ve gotten a lot of great traction, and you start noticing that you kind of hit a brick wall with the content that we have in the podcast because we can’t go deeper with you, you can’t ask your questions to a community, you can’t reach out and get help when you need it.

Corinne:

I wanted to focus today for anybody who is worried that they always lose weight and get stalled at some point, like at the last 20 pounds. I wanted to do a podcast for those of you who are NoBS women. We’ll dig more into this inside the membership, but the NoBS women, or those of you who listen to the podcast who get to a certain point, you get close to that 20 pounds, and you just notice like, all right, I have now … I’ve hit some kind of wall. I’ve really been thinking about this topic. And one of the things that I came up with was like, what are the reasons why this happens for people. What’s really going on? Because it is not …

Corinne:

I think it’s not helpful to blame it on your body. It’s not helpful to blame it on like, like my body just won’t go past this point. The reason why I say that is I guarantee you, that if you’re listening, that you can probably go and get me some article you’ll want to email us, and say like, “Oh my God, Corinne, I just don’t understand. I have like 1001 articles that I found on the Google that says, like these are the physical reasons why you can’t lose past the 20 pound.” I get all that. I just don’t think it’s useful to focus on that unless you have addressed these six common obstacles that come up when it comes to the last 20 pounds.

Corinne:

Today, we are going to focus on these six common obstacles, but I’m going to give all of you a secret. Before you’re just like, “Well, I got 100 pounds to lose, Corinne. This isn’t going to be helping me.” Yes, it is. It does not matter where you’re at in the journey. I guarantee you, this is either going to come up for you. This is already coming up for you before you even get started. Or this is something that you can plan on maybe happening, and now you’re going to have the tools to help you be aware of it and overcome it.

Corinne:

So, don’t tune out. If you’ve got more than 20 pounds to lose. I promise you this will be helpful. Let’s start with the last 20. This could be the last 10 for some people who don’t have lots of weight to lose. This happens in the five to 10 pound range. But I typically hear people bitching about this the most when it comes to 20. The last few pounds are what I would call, typically, not the hardest to lose, but where your emotional eating just ain’t going to cut it anymore. What do I mean by that? When I was losing weight, I don’t know, the 500th time I tried to lose a hundred pounds, and I would get to … I was so good at losing 75 pounds.

Kathy:

Oh my gosh, I was too. I could lose weight like nobody’s business.

Corinne:

If they posted a job somewhere and they needed an expert at losing say 75 pounds of a hundred, they would hire me because I was so good at it.

Kathy:

That’s hilarious.

Corinne:

What I knew about me is that I had enough willpower, stamina. Like a lot of things that would happen, I could cheat the system all the way up to about 75 pounds. And once I got 75 pounds, my bullshittery wasn’t going to cut it no more. This is what I think is one of the things that people mistake is like, well, this is when it gets hard. Well, now I’ve got to do … Now I’ve got to restrict. Now I’ve got to do all this other stuff. I’m like, no, you don’t. But you can’t sit there and act like overeating. I should be able to lose weight this week. I only blew it three days.

Corinne:

When I had a hundred pounds to lose, there was a lot of stuff I could get away with. For an example, like the first 20 pounds, I could eat a half a pizza and still lose weight because I was used to eating a whole pizza.

Kathy:

Right, and think about your ice cream story.

Corinne:

Yes. I could eat ice cream –

Kathy:

You can eat half of a half a gallon of ice cream. Absolutely.

Corinne:

Exactly. I was like, when I first started just walking some, a few pounds came off, because each day I was walking and increasing a little activity in my life. And because I was walking, I added some water. There were these little changes I was making and I was losing little weight. But I wasn’t ready to give at ice cream. But then, when I started reducing the ice cream, and y’all seriously, you’ve heard the story a thousand times, but I was sitting on the couch every night with a carton of ice cream, and I mean, a half a gallon, not a Ben & Jerry’s carton. Whatever [Brir’s 00:06:36]

Kathy:

We’re talking one of those big square ones, right?

Corinne:

Yeah. Turkey Hill Farms, like we’re all in. I would sit down with that, and I didn’t stop eating until I was either sick or my spoon hit the bottom. That was when I knew I’d had enough. I eventually was like, okay, we’re just going to take the half a gallon, and now what we’re going to do is we’re going to put it into the largest bowl I could find. I’m not talking a cereal bowl. I’m talking big-ass salad worthy bowls. I would put ice cream in that. But that was such a level up. I was basically controlling my portion some by making some changes that I didn’t feel … It didn’t feel restrictive to eat ice cream in a large size bowl.

Corinne:

I was like, well, it’s not exactly sitting with the carton, but hell, this is better than that. Then I would do that, and I would lose a few more pounds because I was just making these cha changes. But I was still probably eating more food than I needed to in the moment. There was a lot of that happening, but I was losing some weight that way. Well, eventually though, what happens is you can’t get away with hanging onto emotional crutches with your food. If you’re still having a snack every night at, let’s say you’ve lost a bunch of weight. This happened with me. I had lost a lot of weight, but I was bound and determined to keep my bedtime snack in forever because I looked forward to it. It was like my oasis the day after I had done everything I needed to do with Logan.

Corinne:

Just life, just doing life. For me, that evening snack, no matter what it was, it was not just food to me. It was a well deserved break. Well, I had about 10 pounds I wanted to lose, and I started realizing I am going to have to figure out how to go to bed in a way where I don’t feel like I’m doing something mean to myself, but that snack has to go. If the only way that I can feel like I had a good day is to end it with food, I got work to do.

Corinne:

If the only way that I feel rewarded for being a good mom and getting through my day was to eat something I had work to do, which meant there were going to be some nights where I was going to sit there wanting my snack, but knowing, you are not hungry. You’re hungry for your attention. You’re hungry for your own compassion. You’re hungry for creating feelings in yourself of worthiness, but you’re not hungry for the food anymore. I’m hungry for my weight loss. I’m hungry for that last 10 pounds to come off.

Corinne:

I had to have those conversations and I had to realize like, this is not about me being deprived of a snack at nine o’clock. This is me being deprived all day of thinking the way I need to think about myself. This is-

Kathy:

Yeah, mine was a 3:00 PM snack. I swear to God, you could set a clock by my stomach. It knew when three o’clock was, and I better have snack or I was headed to the vending machine. What I did, as I was losing weight, was I controlled the quality of the snack, what it might be.

Corinne:

But that’s like a level up in the beginning. For all of our people who are listening, I want to say this, even if you are not prepared to give up to your emotional crutch foods, going from a snicker to a protein bar is better than just sitting around being like, “Well, I can’t lose weight, I’ll just eat a snicker every fucking day.” At least make, I’m all about some level up, and so is Kathy, but at some point we do know like, all right, fuckery’s afoot around here. Don’t give up that snack.

Kathy:

Yeah. What I realized was I was preemptively eating. I was afraid I was going to get too hungry for dinner. It does give you, when you identify these snacky periods, like you’re talking about your 8:00 PM, my 3:00 PM, it gives you an opportunity to figure out what’s really going on here.

Corinne:

Right. That is, I think, what’s important is that there’s a lot of reasons why we hang on to those last few pounds. These six things that we’re going to talk about, if you’ve exhausted all of those, then I would go see a doctor or a nutritionist or somebody, and say like, “All right, I have exhausted the emotional eating.” That is literally not happening. I have done these things and that is not happening. Then if it’s still, you need to lose 10 or 20 pounds, yeah, go see a doctor. Clear that shit up. See what’s going on. At least get some medical validation. But what I see most people do is they’re trying to hang on to emotional eating and they’re trying to hang on to some ideas of the way it should be with their body.

Corinne:

And they’re frustrating themselves and spending out, and overeating sometimes, and just fucking around, and then they want to blame it on their body, and they want to blame it on something must be wrong, or it must just be hard. That first one is going to be, for a lot of you, you just haven’t adjusted what you eat or how much you eat in a while. So, if you’ve stalled or plateaued for a few weeks or months, one of the things that you can do is make sure that you aren’t eating because you think you should be able to eat this much.

Corinne:

You’ve got to challenge your thinking around your foods that you’ve been hanging onto and the quantities that you’re eating. We see a lot of people do this. They will be in the membership, and oh God … So, for our members, it’s infamously called the Amber call, but we renamed it. Kathy, while I talk about this, I want you to go to our team, go to community Missy, ask somebody like, what is the name of that call? Because, and I believe it’s in the video replays. I believe we’ve given it a prominent place.

Corinne:

Because what happened was, is I had Amber, who is a member of ours, who swore up and down to me. She was, I think, stuck it around like 185 or 190, that she had done everything, and that she was stalled, and that it just wasn’t working, and that she was going to have to restrict, and she was going to have to do all these things. And we coached on I, and what I did was I was like, “All right, tell me what you’re eating. Tell me when is the last time you questioned the volume of how much you’re eating and everything.” And came to find out that it had been a while and that when she listed all of it out, I was like, “You need all this food?”

Corinne:

She was stuck on the idea she did. I said, “Well, why don’t we just spend a week testing that. You do not need to cut it drastically of thing, but here are the changes to make, and I want you to just to pay attention and just notice, are you getting …” She was so afraid like, I’ll be hungry really fast. If I don’t eat this much, I’ll be hungry really fast. I was like, “Well, let’s just see what will happen.” What is the danger in just seeing what will happen? She was all in. Well, lo and behold, it didn’t take her about a day or two to realize like, oh fuck, I thought that I needed this much food.

Corinne:

I hadn’t challenged that in a long time. I hadn’t experimented with how much food I was putting on my plate and eating. She ended up shaking that plateau that she swore to God for months that she couldn’t do. And then ended up losing a bunch more weight. And we did a follow up call with her, where she talked about the changes that she made, and the aha moments that she had. She was like, “It really was. I just kept thinking, I should be able to eat this much.” When you get smaller, y’all, it don’t require much food to sustain your body.

Corinne:

At least in the United States, we are over-served so much. Portion sizes are so huge that when you see what an actual real portion is, it don’t look like much. It looks cheaty. It’s like, you’re cheating me out of some food. We have to realize that we have been conditioned to eat at bigger volumes than probably what we need and we have to get used to that. So, we have to have thoughts around, this is plenty. This is enough. I’m going to see how long this lasts me. Versus Kathy saying like, “I’m afraid it won’t last me.” Be curious. Same thing with me at night. I had to let go of the idea that I’d go to bed hungry.

Corinne:

It’s like, well, let’s just see, what is the worst thing? I go to bed hungry for two or three days, and then my body no longer ask for the food anymore because I’ve broke the chain. One thing that you have to understand, if we want to get into physiology, number one is that, if you eat at certain times, you train your body, just like you train your body to wake up at a certain time, guess what? If you eat at the same time all the time, whether your body needs calories in that moment, whether it needs sustenance in that moment, if you always eat at that time, it’s like, oh, time to send up hunger signals.

Corinne:

You are just conditioning it. That is why I teach the four basics. I teach us to break reliance off of timed eating so that we get really good at letting our body kind of take back over what it was always intended to do. Let us know when we need some food. Then when you have extra weight, sometimes it won’t send a signal for a while, because it’s like, remember when you were at Golden Corral and you ate the buffet three times? Well, today, I’m cashing in on my IOU on that extra trip you made on the third round. Today, I don’t need breakfast. I’m still eating the chicken wings that you got on trip three to the buffet.

Kathy:

I love how you talk about stuff like that. I mean, seriously, that just … It adds such a great visual to the concept that you’re trying to teach. And it’s funny too. I oftentimes say, oh, we’re not hungry for breakfast? Take a little off the right hip. I’m just going to make fun with it that way because that’s what my big thing was, the preemptive eating. Learning to be hungry, whether it’s eight o’clock at night or five o’clock in the afternoon, it’s all okay. We’re not going to die. Right?

Corinne:

No. It’s like, the thing about it is what I think a lot of us, what happens is we get … We have been on diets where it was traumatizing the level of hunger. I’ve been on diets where … I don’t know, I just felt like, what is this diet? Don’t eat. I mean, seriously …

Kathy:

Starvation.

Corinne:

We have one rule. You just don’t eat. Just don’t eat unless you’re going to pass out. Then when you feel like you’re going to pass out, you can have something, and your body remembers that. So, for a lot of you, I just want you to give yourself some grace that sometimes what can happen is that when you’re going to experience what we just called normal hunger, your body can be interpreting it as starving hunger. That’s when you have to like remind yourself, normal hunger is normal. We were always intended to have hunger signals before we ate.

Corinne:

Otherwise, we wouldn’t have been given them. From get go, we would’ve been given a buffet line to go and eat whenever we wanted to, but we did not evolve that way. So, it’s normal for you to have what I would just call like a trauma response to hunger. But that’s where, when you’re inside the membership, that’s when we work on changing our thinking around hunger, reconditioning our brain around it, understanding, like for all of you who are NoBS, going back through module two, going back through urges 2.0, and thoughts 2.0 helps you recondition your thinking around what we call the normal levels of hunger.

Corinne:

To teach your brain, this is not what I’m doing this time. Then the other thing that when we go back to the physical part of it that I think a lot of us have to understand is that your stomach has the capacity to hold more food than what your body actually needs. A lot of you want to eat until you feel full. Eating until you feel full is an emotional comfort, but that’s not what your body needs in order to have energy, to think clearly, to go about your day, to stabilize your moods, to sleep well at night. You don’t need that full belly all the time in order for those things to happen.

Corinne:

But our stomach is purposely designed to be able to hold more food than we need. Because ancestrally, if you think about how we’ve evolved over the years, we went through feast and famine periods. So, basically as humans, we had times where … Think about even just a few hundred years ago, when there weren’t going to be crops in the winter, and they stored stuff up, you fattened yourself up because you were going to have lean times.

Corinne:

You weren’t going to be able to eat all the things because there wasn’t going to be a lot of things growing, wasn’t going to be a lot of things available. So, you lived off you and you’ve experienced more hunger during certain parts of the year, and they knew how to eat up during other parts of the year to prepare for those seasons. You have to think about, the way our body is designed is for this very primitive style living. Now we just like, even right now, talk about busted thinking. If you go to the grocery store during supply chain issues and you just can’t get the cereal you want, it ain’t like you can’t get cereal. You just ain’t getting cocoa pebbles today.

Kathy:

Cocoa pebbles?

Corinne:

Well, some bitch will be sitting there going like, “Oh my God, hard times have fell upon me. I got to go get fruity pebbles instead.” It’s like, we don’t even think about like, we have this primitive designed system living in an ultra abundant life.

Kathy:

Yeah, for sure.

Corinne:

Even if you can’t get cocoa pebbles, you still could get cereal. You could get food, you could get oatmeal if you had to. It’s not like we’re sitting around like we used to where we had to fatten up during certain periods to wait out the famine periods of seasons. So, your stomach can always hang on to more food than what your body needs, and your stomach can also be sending up for hunger signals if you’ve been eating a snack, because like Kathy’s three o’clock is all about like, I am sure … Kathy and I, we’re pretty good friends.

Corinne:

Back when she worked for the state, I often talked to her during snack time when she’d be at the part of the day where everybody had gotten on her nerves and all she wanted to do was bitch for an hour. So, she snacked on Corinne for a while. She was-

Kathy:

Sometimes that was first thing in the morning. It didn’t take long.

Corinne:

It’s like, well, I just got to my desk. Before I go to the vending machine, let me call Corinne and unload. But it’s like, for all you, you can condition yourself to want to eat.

Kathy:

Yeah, absolutely.

Corinne:

All right.

Kathy:

Absolutely.

Corinne:

Number two, [inaudible 00:23:35] was going to be the longest podcast ever.

Kathy:

Well, let me pop in here real quick for all the members. The Amber call is now called Amber’s Done All the Things, parts one and two. Honestly, if you go into our website and you hit that brand new search feature we’ve got, and you just put Amber in there, you will find Amber’s Done All the Things, parts one and two.

Corinne:

It’s a great call. Well, I cannot tell you, if you’re a NoBS woman, listen to those two calls, because when combine the power of our course and the power of all of our tools that we teach you, when you hear a real human struggling and been like, “No Corinne, you’re wrong. Let me tell you my ways.” And then I talk to her, and you can just watch, you can see her face lighten up like, what did you just say? What do you want me to do? Then when I help her convince herself, it’s worth trying, she did not believe me.

Corinne:

I’m going to tell every single listener. Amber, I love you. But you could tell by the look on your face that you thought that I had flowers growing straight out my head, that this will not work. But here’s what I love about Amber. She was willing. As much as her brain was fighting that this won’t work, Amber was like, I don’t know, that Corinne, sometimes she’s right. Let me just try her out because what I’ve been thinking and do has got me stuck. So, if Corinne says, “Try this,” I’m at least willing to … I’m willing to try to prove her wrong. I would love for everybody to try to prove me wrong, because usually, in your effort to prove me wrong, you end up getting it right for your life. So, I invite everybody to do that.

Kathy:

Yeah. That’s such an important concept. You’ve got to be willing to step outside of your comfort zone. Step outside the box, whether it’s doing what Amber did or just trying one of these, what’d you say? Six things? In order to get past this 20 pounds or whatever plateau you’re on. You’ve got to have that willingness to try something new.

Corinne:

All right. Number two is what we’ve been talking about. You’re saying you’re stuck, when in reality, you got emotional eating happening that you can’t get away with anymore. That comes back to Kathy and I snacking. Look around, dig around for … Just be honest with self. Sometimes honesty is really hard for us because when we’re honest with ourselves, we judge ourselves for it. So, it’s like, when you start noticing, well, when I honestly think about it, I’m really actually eating past enough. I’m eating to what I emotionally feel is enough. I’m actually eating before I’m truly hungry. I’m eating only when I think I might be hungry in fear that if I don’t eat now, I will overeat.

Corinne:

When you become aware of that, this is another thing that NoBS women need to work on, and that’s in module two. We address this a lot in module two of NoBS, is shame comes over you. This is why we teach the concept of the judge versus the scientist. It’s like you notice like, oh my gosh, no wonder I’ve been fucking around with 20 pounds. In all honesty, I’ve been hanging onto this eating. And then you start thinking things like, I shouldn’t have done that. I’ve wasted so much time. Normal people don’t do that. There must be something wrong with me because I’m still doing it after all this time. I should have had this by now.

Corinne:

When that kind of thinking comes in, you dead stop, you stop looking for patterns. Because if you think about that thinking, it feels terrible. It’s very judgey. You weigh yourself down, you feel just awful about yourself. You feel demeaned by yourself. When you’re in that space, you’re not going to be focused on trying to figure out how to keep losing weight, you’re going to be focused on how not to feel so demeaned, how not to feel so bad about yourself, and what is the answer most of us do? Stop looking for solutions.

Corinne:

Because when I find things that I’m doing wrong, I make myself wrong. I’m just going to quit looking for things wrong so I don’t have to feel bad about myself. I’d rather just feel frustrated that I can’t lose weight. I watch people make that trade all the time. When you’re going to look at your emotional eating, and you’re going to find these patterns and stuff that like, I can’t get away with these anymore, for all of you, it’s time to like cut yourself some slack. There’s nothing wrong with you when you find this stuff. It just means I have now found the next thing I need to work on in order to finish the journey of weight loss. That’s all it means.

Corinne:

All right. Number three, you talk restrictively to yourself all week long and then you eat to relax on the weekend. I see so many people fucking around with the last 10 to 20 pounds because they’re like so good all week. In order to be good all week, this is what they do. I can’t have that. I won’t lose weight if I keep eating like this. This week, I got to be real good. I need to get my together. And you put so much pressure on Monday through Friday to perform like a trained monkey, that by the time you get to the weekend, all you want to do is feel good because you have acted like a jerk to yourself about losing weight.

Corinne:

Now, you might have some good thoughts of like, I’m just so good during the week. You’re not being good. You might be yelling at yourself, commanding and directing and being stringent with yourself, and too afraid to break your own rules. Then by the weekend, you’re just like, fuck me. I need to break. Anybody that’s taking a break on the weekends, you are not on a stall or a plateau. You have unresolved emotional eating happening. You are needing to listen more carefully to the conversation.

Corinne:

You don’t have to change what you’re doing during the week, but you got to change how you’re talking yourself into doing it all week long. Then on the weekends, you got to change how you talk about your weekends. You shouldn’t be when it comes to food, emotionally worn out on the weekend to the point, to the only solution is to eat. That is a red flag. So, you’re stalled in the last 20 pounds. For fuck’s sake, y’all quit saying like, I got to … I love it how, when you talk to yourself like an asshole all week long, then by the weekend you need a break, so you eat all the things. By Monday, you’re like, “You know what I got to do, Corinne? I just got to be keto and two day workouts.”

Corinne:

I’m like, what problem are you even solving? The answer is not more restriction, because during the week, it’s not that you’re restricting food. You’re restricting compassion, and love, and motivation, and cheerleading, and finding successes, and talking to yourself, like chain up.

Kathy:

If you are someone who says, I was so good today, take a minute, seriously, I would encourage everyone listening to this to take a minute and decide what that means. What does it mean I was so good today? Because that can be one of those loaded, sneaky thoughts set you up for reward eating on the weekends, or tomorrow. I was so good today I can have a cookie tomorrow. I was so good today.

Corinne:

So, tell us why though. Tell us like, when you say, why does that set you up for reward eating when you say like, ask about your reasons why it’s so good?

Kathy:

Yeah. If you’re telling yourself, I was so good today, because you are holding on to that thin thread of following your plan through willpower, then maybe you did follow plan, but you did it from a place of restriction, or from a place of, I have to do this, rather than just settling into your plan and following it and not needing to go back in and go, “I was so good today, I can have a cookie tomorrow.” Does that make sense?

Corinne:

No.

Kathy:

Maybe you can-

Corinne:

Let me see if we can bridge it together.

Kathy:

You help me. Yeah.

Corinne:

I get what you’re saying. There’s nothing wrong with the thought, I was so good. It’s when you add on the backend like, and I deserve a cookie. Number one, you need to tell yourself, I was so good today because I’m a great … I’m a good human being, or I was so good today because I’m learning to be the kind of person who follows through. I’m the kind of person who does this. It’s more about, if you’re going to tell yourself you were so good today, then reinforce the identity that you want to establish for yourself. What a lot of you do though, is you talk to yourself like an a-hole, and it’s like … Really what I was so good today means, I behaved today.

Corinne:

It’s like when we were children. It’s like, if your parents always yelled at you and you acted good, that doesn’t mean that you changed as a person. It just meant that you were too afraid to act out. A lot of you, that is what’s happening Monday through Friday is you’re ferrying yourself through your plans, telling yourself like, well, don’t eat that or you’ll gain weight, or you can’t have carbs or you’re going to get fat. You just talk like a jerk, it’ll sound like a drill sergeant, it’ll sound like an angry parent. It will probably sound a lot like the way you were talked to as a child about certain things.

Corinne:

And now you’re trying to parent the version of you that is trying to lose weight the same way. So, it’s just really important to understand that if you’re saying, I was so good today, do you mean I behaved today? Look there. I think the other thing is like, even when you have a plan, when Kathy says like, this is where I think we always have to really explain restriction, because when we say restriction, every single NoBS woman always wants to go to restriction means the foods I put on my plan. If you restricted through your plan, that doesn’t mean that you … It has nothing to do with the foods you put on there.

Corinne:

It has to do with restriction is a feeling. If you talk to yourself like, I can’t have these things so that’s why I’m putting them on my plan, you will always feel restricted. Or, if you have certain things that’s like, you know what? I know for me, for the next couple days, I’m going to eat some salads and I’m going to have fruit, and whatever. If you talk to yourself about like, well, I’m going to have salads and fruit because I can’t have these other things, these things make me fat, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, yeah, you’re going to feel really restricted, but it has nothing to do with salad and fruit.

Corinne:

If you put them on your plan because you’re telling yourself like, for a couple days, I want to see if I like eating salads and fruit. I want to see what it’s like for me. I want to see how it responds in my body. I want to pay attention. Maybe I’ll like them, maybe I’ll hate it. Maybe when I eat salads and fruit, I notice I’m talking to myself like a jerk. Is that how I really want to think about a salad? You won’t feel restricted. You’ll feel curious. You’ll feel open. You’ll feel willing, but you won’t feel restricted.

Corinne:

I always like to make it really clear, especially for these people that have the last 20 pounds, because y’all want to pull every carb and do every dumb-ass antic and start a detox, just like that before you’re willing to detox some badass thoughts that are going on in your head. You want to remove carbs instead of removing the drama you have around the extra food that you got going down. It’s like, so if y’all going to be detoxing and restricting, restrict the stuff that matters, what’s going on between your ears. Don’t start with restricting what goes on in your mouth first. Does that kind of make sense?

Kathy:

Yeah, it makes a lot of sense. It makes a lot of sense. I did really good today in my world, sounds really great when I try something new, when I congratulate myself for following my plan. But I did really good today doesn’t feel really good in my body or in my mind when I have restricted or have limited the food that goes in my body, the food that I eat out of fear of gaining weight. I think that’s the difference, to add a example to it.

Corinne:

Because I really want to make sure we’re clear on this. I want y’all to think about it this way. I used to talk about sentences in our head, our thoughts in the membership like this for a long time. I’ve been good today, it’s what the parentheses after it, like what you’re whispering, I’ve been good today because I didn’t have those foods that make me fat. I’ve been good today because I didn’t eat fattening foods today. I’ve been good today because I … Just whatever bullshit you want to insert. Or I’ve been good today because I did the things I said I would do and I’m very proud of myself for that.

Corinne:

It’s like thinking about what is the parentheses that’s going on after I’ve been good today. Because it’s either I’ve been good today, and because I followed my own orders from a drill Sergeant, or I did the things I said I would do today because I talked to myself in a way that I would love to continue talking to myself like. So, it’s just kind of identifying that. I think there’s so much when it comes to weight loss. We have to be very mindful that we’re not just losing weight. We are creating an identity that we want. When I ask people like, why do you want to lose the last 20 pounds? Very often I can tell, with their answer, if that last 20 pounds is like, we actually need to look at your food and adjust, and when …

Corinne:

I don’t look at a lot of food. I don’t adjust what people eat. I adjust the thoughts around what they keep choosing and the thoughts around why they choose the amounts that they’re eating. But very often, I can tell when somebody is stuck because they’ve been really good at ordering themselves to lose weight. When I say, “Well, tell me why you really want to lose this last 20 pounds. Well, because then I can be proud of myself. That tells me, if somebody says, then I can be proud of myself, that means I am restricting feeling proud of myself now.

Corinne:

Talk about restriction. When we talk about restriction, that’s the worst restriction ever, it’s to deprive yourself of your own at tension, to deprive yourself of your own love, to deprive yourself of your own compassion. If you want to feel proud of yourself, then every single day, look at the things that you’re doing and tell yourself, I’m proud of you for this decision. I’m proud of you because you were standing in the mirror, you were beating yourself up, and you caught yourself today. I’m proud of you for that.

Corinne:

I promise all of you that when you ask yourself, why do you want to lose this last 10 to 20 pounds? Whatever the answer is, that is what you’re restricting and depriving yourself of right now. What we teach, this is all the future self-work that we do inside of NoBS is we teach, how do you draw from those wants and desires of what we really want when it comes to those last 10 to 20 pounds, and how do you amplify and put those into play right now? Because when you do that, when you start giving yourself what you’ve been depriving yourself of, guess what? You’re relying on your 3:00 PM and 8:00 PM snack goes down.

Corinne:

Your need to keep eating to feel comfortable for the first time of the day, to feel satisfied for the first time of the day, to, if the only time you relax is when you eat, guess what? If you don’t learn how to relax in the rest of your life, if you don’t learn how to drop some of the stress, some of the beatdowns you put on yourself, if you don’t learn how to believe in yourself a little bit, if you don’t learn how to internally talk differently to yourself, the only time that those voices turn off is when you’re eating, you will want to keep eating.

Kathy:

For sure.

Corinne:

Those are the things to think about. All right. I’m going to … The next one. Here’s a big one. You might not need to lose [inaudible 00:41:54]. A lot of people, very often want to lose the 10 to 20 last pounds, and what they don’t realize is they actually are living the life that they want. They love their food life. They love everything that’s going on, but because they weighed 10 pounds less 30 years ago … This happens a lot with my members. I have a lot of members who are in their 50s, 60s, and 70s. Because of the generation that they grew up in, they don’t even know that you’re not supposed to weigh what you weighed when you were 18 for the of your life.

Corinne:

Now, there might be a woman out there who does, but the vast majority of us, as we age, our bodies naturally put a little more weight on us for a good reason. We’re going to get older, our bones need more protection and so do our organs. It’s natural to have a few more pounds the older you get. But what we do is we don’t even question why we want to weigh less. We keep thinking that we should just weigh that. For some of you, I have coached so many women, when I’m just like, “Well, tell me why you want to lose weight.” They don’t have a good reason other than, “Well, that’s what I weighed before my baby. Well, that’s what I weighed in high school. That’s what I weighed when I got married.”

Corinne:

They can’t give me any other reason. They like what they’re doing. They’re actually proud of themselves. They like looking at themselves in the mirror and stuff, but they hang on to this idea that they need to keep losing weight when in reality they don’t. For some of you, it’s just questioning. I coached someone not too long ago. I don’t remember her name. Was in the membership. She was in her, I think she was in her 60s. I want to say she was around 65 or 66. She literally came on the call with me and just said, “I just need your permission to stop losing weight.”

Corinne:

She’s like, “I’m 185, and all my life I thought I should be thinner, and for the first time in my life, I’m happy. I love the clothes that I wear. I think I look good. My friends think I look good. I’m going and doing all the things I want. I get to eat the things I want. But now I feel like I’m in control for the first time in my life. But for me, I’ve been told I should weigh 20 pounds less.” I was like, “By who?” And she was like, “Doctors have said this and whatever.” I said, “Are you in good health?” She’s like, “I’m in great health.” She don’t even take meds. But there’s no reason other than some external source said she should 20 more pounds.

Corinne:

I was like, “Well, if you’re just looking for permission,” I was like, “here’s what I’m going to tell you. You sound like the kind of person who needs to give yourself permission to just enjoy her fucking life and practice maintenance.” You could see the relief wash over her whole body. I just told her, I said, “You don’t need my permission. You already instinctively know. You came on this call knowing exactly what you wanted. You’ve already said it. You don’t even have a good reason to keep going. I think it’s just in time, and this is hard for a lot of women. It’s time to give up dieting. It’s not your job anymore. It’s time to go and find new entertainment, new things to pursue.”

Corinne:

For some of us, that’s scary. When we’ve been a professional dieter all of our lives, that means that we’ve been able to say like, well, I won’t write that book until I lose weight, or I won’t go back to college until I lose weight, or I’m not going to go and look for a partner until I lose weight, or I’m not going to do insert this scary, hard thing that I’m going to have to apply myself, risk rejection. It might not work out. It’ll take a lot of us an energy. I’m not going to do that until this weight thing is solved.

Corinne:

We hang on to 10 to 20 pounds to avoid going after that. We make this 10 to 20 pounds or our weight, our noble obstacle to not go pursue the life we want because we’re not courageous yet enough, because we’re not brave enough yet, because we got doubts and fears. So, for some of you, in that last 10 to 20, shit or get off the pot with your life. It’s waiting for you. That 20 pounds is not the permission slip to go do that. The permission slip’s in your head. That’s why I teach y’all so much thought-work in the membership so that you can think about your dreams and your goals.

Corinne:

I don’t want everybody being a professional fucking dieter for the rest of their life. That’s terrible. It sucks. Worst job ever. We should get-

Kathy:

You now have a story about this too, right?

Corinne:

No, but let me say this, that Mike Rowe from Dirty Jobs, he should diet for a month. Go ahead, what’s [crosstalk 00:47:24]?

Kathy:

Do the keto. I do. Gosh, I found you in 2013, I think, back when the membership was about, I don’t know, 75 or 80 people …

Corinne:

We were small.

Kathy:

You rolled out the very first accountability group program. I don’t even know if you remember this, you did all the matching. That’s how long ago it was. It was within my first month and you matched me up with [Jody Horman 00:47:50], who is a long time amazing member of our group. So, I started texting with her, and I’ve got this much to lose, and of course, she, I think she was still losing weight at the time, but she was doing her powerlifting stuff at the time. I said, “Okay.” I said, “That’s fascinating. I love that. One of these, days when I’m a little bit thinner, I’m going to learn how to lift weights too.” Well, Corinne, she busted me.

Corinne:

Oh, I’m sure.

Kathy:

Just like you just did. And this was before you had introduced a lot of thought-work. She went after me like nobody’s business, “Why are you waiting, Kathy? You don’t need to wait to lose a couple of pounds, or 80, to start lifting weights.” And I will never forget that message from her.

Corinne:

I like how you said a couple of pounds or 80.

Kathy:

Yeah. Right?

Corinne:

That’s a range.

Kathy:

Yeah.

Corinne:

But that I think-

Kathy:

But it’s so true.

Corinne:

I do watch a lot of women do this to themselves, and they just sit there and they keep their weight problem. It’s like, this is a problem I’m very comfortable working at. Also, this is what my friends are always working on and this is what we always talk about. We get lulled and complacency into it. When we have this amazing life to go after, it’s like, go after your life and quit eating over it. Let’s just learn how to quit eating over our life. Then y’all get to do so much more stuff with yourself.

Kathy:

Absolutely. Your weight is not a barrier to doing things. When you can kind of wrap your brain around … You can learn how to lift weights at 230 pounds. You can go for walks in the park at 230 pounds. You don’t have to lose weight to earn the right to do things, and I think that’s the mentality that I had to work through.

Corinne:

Well, and that’s what we teach our members. It’s like, you don’t have to lose your weight to be in the pictures with your children. So many of them are … Everything is just always so dependent on what we weigh. The last thing we consider is the life we want to live. It’s such a shame. It’s one of the reasons I think I work so hard on helping people understand our program is not like Noom and Weight Watchers, and the others, Jenny Craigs and stuff, where weight loss is the vehicle to feel good about yourself.

Corinne:

It’s more about like, we’re going to learn how to feel good about ourselves so we can finally release the weight that we’re carrying around because we don’t feel good about ourselves. We just kind of work it a little bit in reverse order. All right. Just to recap before we get in number six, because we’ve kind of been just all over it. You haven’t adjusted what you eat in a while. Might be why you’re stuck. You might be stuck in all or nothing. Either eat what I do or have to starve or cut out everything. That happens very often with a lot of you where … We talked about how you get to the point to where you think, well, if I’m overeating every weekend, then I’ve got to cut every single thing out.

Corinne:

It’s like, no, you need to talk better to yourself through the week to set yourself up, to still have an amazing weekend that doesn’t have to revolve around food. You’ve got that emotional eating happening that you just can’t get away with anymore. It might be that eight o’clock snack, it might be that three o’clock snack. You’re talking to yourself like a jerk all week long, trying to be good. Then, on those weekends, you’re eating to take a break. You may not have any more weight to lose. And then the last one is you’re losing more weight to try to feel good about yourself.

Corinne:

I think this is the most important, is that losing weight is not the answer to feeling better about yourself. If that’s you, I just want to feel better about myself, the answer is to learn how to think better about yourself so that you can lose your weight. If you are down to the last 20 many pounds and you still haven’t figured out how to feel good enough, how to celebrate yourself, how to be proud, 20 more pounds is not going to solve that. That’s not a scale issue. That is a mental thing that you’ve got to work on.

Corinne:

You’ve got to be taught the process of how to identify when you are not treating yourself well mentally, and how to change that narrative, how to change that story, how to change what goes on in your head. Because I promise you, for a lot of you, if you’ve to 80 pounds and the only time you feel good about yourself is when you weigh and the rest of the time you’re on edge, you’re looking at your body thinking about what’s still wrong with it and stuff, 20 more pounds will not fix that.

Corinne:

You will still be on edge. You will still be pulling your body apart. You will still find problems. If after losing 30 or 40 pounds, and you’re still afraid of food, you losing 20 more won’t suddenly give you confidence around it. Now, you may be happy that you lost some weight. I’m not going to shit any of you. When you lose weight, it is an automatic trigger for you to be like, woo, I did it. Or like, oh my God, I’ve never seen myself look this way. You’ll have those moments. But whatever your struggle with, if the first 20 or 30 pounds didn’t solve it, I guarantee you the rest of it ain’t either.

Corinne:

Those thoughts are going to keep haunting you, and keep haunting you, and you are going to be so disappointed when you lose your weight and you get there, and you didn’t just morph, like you didn’t and have a lobotomy along with it. This is why we teach it different inside of NoBS. You deserve, not only to lose your weight, but you absolutely deserve your own love, your pride, your confidence. You deserve an amazing relationship with food. You deserve all of that when you lose your weight, but it will not be handed to you because you lost weight. It will be because someone taught you how to change how you think on the way down.

Corinne:

If you’re stuck somewhere right now, where you’re just like, “Well, Corinne, I just found your podcast. I was Googling, and here you are. And I’ve been doing it like an asshole.” It is not too late for you. It does not matter how you’ve been doing it. What matters is, what are you going to do moving forward? Take our free course. Go to nobsfreecourse.com. Take it today. Don’t spend another day. Don’t even listen to another podcast.

Corinne:

I don’t want you to listen to one word that comes out of my mouth if you haven’t taken my free course yet, because you’re going to need to understand that free course is not just about losing weight. It’s about losing the mental weight that comes along with you trying to lose weight. And you need to take it so that you can get my emails each week that remind you about this damn podcast. My Monday motivations, that jerking not in your tail at the moment you need it, which is usually a Monday, because everybody be trying to start a diet on Monday.

Corinne:

I just filmed all of the stuff for our next course called How to Take Big-Ass Action. Because so many of us are half-assers when it comes to weight loss. I created one called Big-Ass Action. It’s like, how do you get out of procrastinating? How do you keep going when the newness wears off? How do you stay motivated? How do you make yourself do shit when you ain’t motivated? It’s all about how do you take action in the face of not wanting to?

Corinne:

One of the things I said in there was like, look, you deserve to be able to do this. You deserve to be able to wake up each day with some confidence that you can make some decisions that are good for yourself, and it’s a lot easier than what the diet industry has been telling you. So, take that free course. Listen to the things I say. Listen to the podcast, but start listening and implementing, and stop sitting around thinking that your problems are bigger than somebody else’s, harder than somebody else’s, that you’re broken, that something must be wrong with you. It’s like I just gave you six great reasons why you might be stuck. Do something with that information. Got anything else before we say goodbye to the peoples?

Kathy:

No, I do love this podcast though, because I do think it’s so-

Corinne:

Kathy is [crosstalk 00:57:16].

Kathy:

I am. I am. I wrap this up every week with, I just love this podcast.

Corinne:

So funny.

Kathy:

But it really is so important. I see my own weight life in what you talk about today, and about how, you know that last 20 pounds, I’ll just feel so much better about life if I lose that last 20 pounds. It’s just not true. It’s just not true. The amount of weight you carry around does not affect your quality of life unless you let it. How many 200 pound women do you see loving the world, or 300 pound women do you see loving life? They’re out there.

Corinne:

Yeah, it is possible.

Kathy:

It’s possible.

Corinne:

And it’s also possible to want to lose the last 20. It’s also possible to want to be 300 and want to weigh 150. It’s possible to do it and not … I want all of you to understand, you can want to change from a place of, I want more for myself. I see where like, I remember being 250. I was pretty miserable. I was miserable because of all the bullshit I thought about myself, and I really wanted more for myself. In my mind, I knew that part of that was … It was like, I wanted to eat better to feel better. I wanted to change the generational curse of obesity in my family. There was lots of things that I wanted, but I also knew that what I really wanted was I wanted to feel good about me. If I was going to feel good about me, that had to start on day one. I could not wait.

Kathy:

Exactly.

Corinne:

There was no more waiting for that. I was going to have to figure out little ways, all the way down, to start feeling a little bit better … I had to learn how to be an encourager versus a discourager. There were so many little things I needed to learn, and it made sense to me, and that’s why I teach it this way because that’s what I want for all of you. All right, everybody. Y’all have a good week and we will talk to you next-

Corinne:

Thank you so much for listening today. Make sure you head on over to nobsfreecourse.com, and sign up for my free weight loss training on what you need to know to start losing your weight right now. You’ll also find lots of notes and resources from our past podcasts, help you lose your weight without all the bullshit dieters. I’ll see you next week.

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I'm Corinne Crabtree

Corinne Crabtree, top-rated podcaster, has helped millions of women lose weight by blending common-sense methods with behavior-based psychology.

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