November 19, 2021

Episode 242: Scared to Lose Weight: Loose Skin, Exercise & Weight Gain and Male Attention

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There’s a lot of fear around weightloss.

You’d think there wouldn’t be, but today’s podcast proves the opposite.

I coach several women with the same problem. There’s something making them afraid to lose weight.

When you are stuck or suffering with worry, it’s a sign you got some shit lurking under the surface you need to overcome.

In this episode, you’ll hear…

  • A woman stalled out in weightloss because she’s so afraid of LOOSE SKIN. We talk about how I’ve dealt with my own loose skin issues after losing 100lbs. (It’s a mindset twist nobody ever talks about.)
  • How exercise, especially lifting weights, isn’t causing weight gain (even if the scale goes up every time you start strength training).
  • A brave woman talk about her fears around male attention as she gets smaller. This is common in trauma survivors. We discuss why this happens and a perspective shift can use to feel comfortable and safe in her new body.

Be sure you download the episode and share it with anyone who could benefit from listening.

Click HERE to listen to Episode 242: Scared to Lose Weight: Loose Skin, Exercise & Weight Gain and Male Attention

Transcript

Corrine:

Hi, I’m Corrine. After a lifetime of obesity, being bullied for being the fattest kid in the class and losing and gaining weight like it was my job. I finally got my shit together and I lost 100 pounds. Each week, I’ll teach you no bullshit weight loss advice you can use to overcome your battle with weight. I keep it simple. You’ll learn how to quit eating and thinking like an asshole. You stop that and weight loss becomes easy. My goal is to help you lose weight the way you want to live your life. You’re ready to figure out weight loss? Then let’s go.

Sarah:

This is the No BS weight loss Q&A With Coach Corrine and Kathy. Corinne, do you want to go ahead and introduce yourself and tell us a little bit about the room today?

Corrine:

Hey everybody, I’m Corrine Crabtree and I lost 100 pounds, it’s been 15 years. I need to actually do the math, I always say I know it sometimes I’ll skip a couple years. So it’s been at least 15. I’ve lost my weight after… So I’ve been overweight all of my life. And then I had a kid. And just got to the point where I couldn’t play with him, got to the point where I was just laying around and really was ready to solve it for the last time. It wasn’t so much that I wanted to lose the weight, it was that I wanted to feel better, I wanted a different life for myself. I was tired of the life that I was living where everything revolved around food and revolved around laying on the couch.

Corrine:

So I did lose the weight, I did it by making very small changes. I did it in a way that I could live the rest of my life. I didn’t want to do anything that I wasn’t willing to put on repeat until the last breath. So when you are sitting there and thinking that small things don’t matter, that you need to do deprivation diets and you need to do a bunch of horseshit, it’s just not true. Not only have I lost my weight, but I teach 1000s of women to do the same thing. And at some point, we are all going to have to rewrite the way this dot industry works. And that’s one of my missions. So that’s me and I’ll turn it over to Sarah.

Sarah:

All right Corinne, we are ready to start with weight loss Q&A today we’re going to start off with Michelle and we have coach Kathy here as well to answer some questions today. So Michelle, would you like to unmute. [inaudible 00:02:27] question is and let us know what you’re wondering about weight loss today.

Michelle:

So what my question is, so I have been with No BS since July and I’ve lost 30 pounds. I’ve lost 50 pounds all together as started in May. So my question is how do I get past the feeling that all this loose skin is terrible. I’m going to never really be satisfied with where I’m at. And I know that Corrine is about to tear into me and I’m ready.

Corrine:

Oh my God, you’re cracking me up Michelle. All right. Never worry I have a question for you Michelle, did you listen to last night inside the membership, I interviewed the author Jon Acuff on his book the soundtracks? Did you happen to catch that live?

Michelle:

No, I didn’t. I was working, but I am doing a book study.

Corrine:

Okay, so he and I actually talked for a good long bit in the middle of it about loose skin and about how our brains like to create these problems that we think are just going to be… Your brain right now thinks like, “Oh my God, loose skin is such a problem. I’m already thinking about it now. What is it going to be like when I lose all the weight, I’m probably never going to forget this, blah,” our brains love to do that. But the problem is our brain when it’s doing it, it is creating what we call a foe problem.

Corrine:

So when I lost all my weight, of course, I had loose skin. And I was telling him last night that one of the things that I’ve never ever said is like, “Fuck me and this loose skin, it’s been 15 years. I think I just want to regain my 100 pounds.” What we have to do when it comes to loose skin is we have to think about this. Yes, you may have thoughts about it. And you may not like it. But there are going to be so many benefits and so many things that you are going to love that you’re going to have the ability to love the vast majority of the benefits of losing weight and you have a small part that you don’t like that you get to work on. And you get to change your relationship with over time.

Corrine:

What we think is, “Well, I’m just going to be thinking about it. It’s going to be terrible, and it’s going to hurt my feelings because it’s already doing that now.” Yeah, because right now you’re not intervening it. Right now, you’re not talking to yourself about all the things that are going on positively. Right now, you still really believe those thoughts. You haven’t released the belief in those thoughts yet. So it’s just important for you to think about this, if I lose weight and I have loose skin, what else though will be amazing about it? What are all the things that I will love? What are all the things that will matter to me? And then with loose skin, the way that I’m going to start thinking about it now is, I bet this is a problem I can solve. And I don’t mean getting rid of your loose skin. I bet I can change my relationship with it. I bet it could not matter as much to me one day, as it does right now. What do you think, Michelle?

Michelle:

I think that this is an amazing idea. I’m already liking [inaudible 00:05:43].

Corrine:

I’m sorry, Michelle-

Michelle:

[inaudible 00:05:50] getting on airplanes [inaudible 00:05:51].

Corrine:

You’ll have to start over because you were cutting in and out. Oh, wait Michelle, I’m going to just end you here just for the recording. Sounds like you got it but your internet is cutting in and out really bad. So we’re going to move to the next person all in. If you want to talk more about this, please feel free to take it over to the Facebook group or take it over to Ask Coaches inside of No BS. And we can continue the… It’ll be super easy to continue the conversation right over there. You can even tag me, and I’ll make sure my team catches me today. So I can talk to you some more about it. Alright, let’s go on Sarah.

Sarah:

Right. Our next question comes from Kelly, would you like to unmute and say my question is.

Kelly:

Hi, Corinne. My question is, when you talk about weight loss and it happening from the four basics, I think it sounds like an impossible miracle. And I’m trying to talk to my brain about that. But I have been doing the four basics for a while and I’m not seeing the scale budge. And of course, everyone probably says this. I don’t seem to be over eating.

Corrine:

Alright, tell me what if you had to take a wild guess as to what? Are you a member or are you a podcaster?

Kelly:

I am not a No BS woman yet, because I have spent so fucking much money on weight loss. And I just feel like I am single handedly propping up the trillion dollar weight loss industry by myself.

Corrine:

So your thought is, “I shouldn’t join and I should just struggle with the four basics.”

Kelly:

Well, my thought was, how much can I just, while I’m saving up for the next investment, how much can I learn from the podcast, from the Facebook group just from binging Corrine?

Corrine:

Okay, but let me ask you this, if you had to take a guess. Because this is what happens. People will say like, “I’m doing all the things, I’m doing the four basics.” And yet when we dive into the numbers, they’re not doing… Just because you’re asking, “Am I hungry?” Doesn’t mean that you’re waiting for hunger. Just because you say, “Well, I’m trying to stop it enough. And most of the time I do or I make a plan every day. I’m just not following it yet.” That there’s a lot of wiggle room in the four basics to zone into what’s not happening yet. So if you take a wild guess what’s going on there?

Kelly:

I’m definitely a professional dieter. So when you give me the what I take as my rules or whatever-

Corrine:

Then you need to change professions, number one.

Kelly:

I agree. But I do hold myself to these rules like crazy. So I’m writing my hunger before and my hunger and halfway through my hunger at the end. And I have had times where I feel overfall but I’ve mostly been walking around with a semi empty stomach. Waiting for that second growl after the first growls 15 minutes later.

Corrine:

That’s fine so, but tell me where you think it’s going wrong? Because this is the thing everybody-

Kelly:

It’s the food, right? Well, we all been trained to believe that if I even one wrong food, I won’t gain weight. And that certainly will gain weight and that seems to be my experience.

Corrine:

Well, it’s not that… Let me ask you this, tell me the last time you ate a wrong food and what happened? Give me a really good picture of what happened.

Kelly:

Oh, okay. A wrong food is I had buffalo chicken wings.

Corrine:

Okay, when did you have them?

Kelly:

They were awesome.

Corrine:

When did you have them?

Kelly:

Sunday night.

Corrine:

Sunday night, were they planned?

Kelly:

Yes.

Corrine:

Okay. And then when you ate them did you stop at enough?

Kelly:

Yes.

Corrine:

And were you hungry?

Kelly:

I was hungry when I started.

Corrine:

Okay.

Kelly:

I stopped at enough.

Corrine:

Okay.

Kelly:

Well, I stopped at three and then I moved on to roasted Brussels sprouts because that was plenty of chicken wings.

Corrine:

Okay, that’s fine. So why is that a problem?

Kelly:

Well, it feels like a problem when I look at scale.

Corrine:

So how much did you gain the next day?

Kelly:

I didn’t lose.

Corrine:

Okay, so what’s the problem? You’re not going to lose weight every day anyway? Why are you allowing yourself to make this a problem?

Kelly:

Oh well, because I haven’t lost in a whole month.

Corrine:

Alright, so this last month, were you 100% perfect? You never overate?

Kelly:

[inaudible 00:10:15] perfect. Well, maybe you are [inaudible 00:10:16].

Corrine:

No, but this is what I’m asking because your brain is trying to attribute this to the wrong things. This last month, did you always wait for hunger? Did you always stop at enough? Did you always eat on plan?

Kelly:

Probably the last one, yes. Because when you write a plan, you can put anything you want in there. I can put the chicken wings.

Corrine:

Yeah.

Kelly:

When you were talking to that woman who was in the army and she needs to lose weight. And you said 1.6 is no problem. That was probably a long time ago for you. But for me, it was last week and I am really locked on to this, “Should I be losing weight from doing the four basics, from practicing, from making the same fuck ups everybody makes, from forgiving myself, from getting up the next day and trying again?”

Corrine:

Well, let me ask you this, what is the benefit of beating yourself up, whooping yourself in the ass and not learning from your mistakes? That’s what you said, “Should I forgive myself, learn and move on? Or should I beat the fuck out of myself and learn nothing?”

Kelly:

Well, I can see your point there.

Corrine:

Yeah, you’re point bullshit.

Kelly:

My brain wants me to say, “Alright, fuck this, let’s go on a restrictive diet.”

Corrine:

Well just do it. This is the thing. Don’t make it complicated Kelly, if you don’t believe in it, you don’t think it’s going to work. And you think you’re doing it perfectly and there’s no wiggle room for you to try things and experiment and look at your data, don’t do it. I’m not going to make anybody do the four basics or make anybody do my program. Go back to restriction, go back to doing those other things. But don’t tell yourself, that’s going to work better because you’re still going to carry you’re scared ass mindset with you. This is the problem with just doing it in the free program. You’re not working on your mindset around all this. You’re trying to make this all about the four basics. You’re taking your mindset out of it. You’re like, “I should try something different.” And still worry that I can’t do it. Because I promise you [inaudible 00:12:23] saying, “I’m going to go do keto, or I’m going to go do Weight Watchers, or I’m going to go do this. And I’m going to expect myself I’m all in I bet this is perfect. It will work there will be no problems. And this will be easy.”

Corrine:

Whatever you’re thinking about the basics is like, “Well, I’ve got a fucked up diet history. I’m a professional dieter or things don’t hardly ever work for me.” You just take that scared mindset everywhere you go. Then everywhere you go, every time you make a mistake, what most of us do, we continue to beat ourselves up and feel really terrible about ourselves. We take two to three weeks of fucking eating off at some point, or we’ll overeat just a little bit and then we’ll blow it out of proportion and let that last for a couple days. Or you’re doing like you, you’re trying to walk this tightrope for a month and you convince yourself you’re doing it all correctly. But you’re doing it with a broken mindset, which means that there’s probably nuances there with, why did you need chicken wings on Sunday?

Corrine:

I talk to my clients all the time. Yes, you can eat whatever you want. You can plan whatever you want. But at some point, you have to watch all the data and then decide, “Things that I’m planning, why do I have an emotional attachment to them? Why do I feel like I need to continue to eat these things? If I really want to lose weight, are there some meals that I keep telling myself I can’t live without this or this party won’t be fun without it? Where am I still emotionally attached to foods? And am I willing to be more emotionally attached to what I want in my life over food?” That’s what we work on inside the program that I can’t ever help you with in the podcast because it’s 2D?

Kelly:

Yeah, I hear that. When I hear you talking to people on the podcast who are in the program, they’ve thought about things 1000 ways from Sunday, their mindsets are different than mine for sure.

Corrine:

So what I would do, just so that you don’t have to wait until March to figure this out is this next month do what we have the members do. Don’t do it like you’ve been doing it. You need to come in, if you want to come back next month and give me some data, do it. But this month you track every single day. What is the percentage of meals that I waited for hunger? What is the percentage of meals where I know 100% I had enough? What are the percentage of times I followed my plan exactly as it was written? No substitutions. I don’t care if it’s even healthy. The way that we teach inside the membership is even if you make an equal swap, we still want you to do your thought work around it to figure out am I swapping from a good place or am I swapping from, “I just wanted this.”

Corrine:

Because one of the things that’s really hard to do with weight loss is to have the habit of in the moment eating whatever you want, because that means that in that moment, to be able to make good choices for whatever it is you want, you better have your emotions in check, you better not be tired, stressed, burned out, pissed off, whatever it is. Feeling guilty about something that you haven’t finished your dishes yet. So we always have to be really mindful about little nuances like that. That’s why we have everybody rack things. And we were like, “If you give us detail and data, I know we can move the needle for you. So do that this next month, and then come back next month, raise your hand, and then bring your data so that we really know exactly what we’re looking at.

Kelly:

All right. Well, that’s awesome. Thank you.

Corrine:

You’re welcome.

Sarah:

Thank you so much for your question Kelly. And I wanted to let our listeners know here in Clubhouse, that if you would like to take Corrine’s free course where she teaches you about the four basics of weight loss, you can click on the link up above the speakers or if you’re listening on the podcast, you can go to NoBSfreecourse.com. All right, our next question is going to come from Akansha. Would you like to unmute and let us know what your weight loss question?

Akansha:

Hi, Corrine. Hi, Sarah. Thanks for inviting me to ask my question. Hi, Kathy. I just enrolled. So this is my first time here. So it was good to know about the four basics and this free program that you’re running. So I’ve enrolled myself already. So probably I’ll come back with specifically this weight loss Q&A, but I have a question. And my question is, different body structures have to follow different kinds of exercise regime. So in my case, what I do is I actually hit the gym, I do the treadmill, I do running and then I do some bit of pedaling and then I do rowing.

Akansha:

So this is what my regime is and I actually do it regularly and whenever I do. So it’s not that I do it everyday, but I do when I’m gaining weight. And I start doing it for one, two months, I start losing weight and it’s very sharp. But what happens is I have thin arms and I have a fatty belly and thick thighs. And what happens is I see the way the skin coming down. But I don’t see as such a prominent loss, but my arms lose a lot of weight, is it wrong exercise regime that I follow?

Corrine:

Alright, so I’m just going to let you know that we aren’t exercise experts in here. So you’re going to just get.

Akansha:

No problem.

Corrine:

Yeah, you’re basically going to get my experience. [inaudible 00:17:51] I am an exerciser. And I have studied it in the past. So just take everything I say with a grain of salt. The way that most women’s bodies loses weight is think of an ice cream cone, we melt from the top down. So as we lose weight, typically you’re going to see it in your face and then your neck. And then women notoriously lose it in their arms and their boobs and they lose on down. Wherever that you typically store the most weight or where you carry the most of your weight is typically the last place that you’re going to see weight come off, there’s not really a way to just target a certain area and make the fat come off there.

Corrine:

Now when it comes to belly weight, I will say this, it’s not exercise that will do it. But belly tends to be more, if you enjoyed the sweets a whole lot. And I don’t teach this, you do not need to get rid of sugar and you don’t need to quit eating it. But just adding more fruits and vegetables and things like that and then using sweets as more of something that you plan more on occasion versus having it every single day. You may see that area improve but I just tell people when it comes to working out and I’ve done it all. I have body builded, I have competed, I’ve done triathlons, I’ve done marathons, tough mutters you name it, I’ve done it.

Corrine:

Find what you love and then just do that and enjoy it. And when it comes to your weight loss, don’t rely on your exercise to lose your weight, doesn’t mean that exercise doesn’t play a small component. But if you’re not addressing the eating and you’re not addressing that part, most people get into the cycle of trying to exercise to lose weight and sometimes in your 20s and 30s that can work. In your 40s and 50s and 60s not so much it quits working after a while. And it also fosters this belief that if I exercise, if you don’t have good emotional control of your eating, if you’re still eating for fun and you’re still eating for stress and you’re still eating to take a break, get away, relax all that stuff, you’ll convince yourself like, “Well, I exercise, therefore I can eat.”

Corrine:

So that’s one of the things that I just I teach a lot in the podcast and stuff is, don’t bastardize the relationship with exercise, make it something that you want and that you are including for a variety of reasons, not for weight loss. That’s what I typically try to tell people. And if you are a No BS member, I’m not promising this course is coming out next year, but it is on the list of development projects that I will have the final list next week. But an exercise mindset course is on my list of something that I do want to teach all of you because I think exercise is a gift, it will not be full of workouts and it will not be giving you… I’m not shooting videos of me working out or anything. But I’m going to be talking about how to get started. How to love it, how to use it for any reason other than your weight loss. So we are thinking about doing an exercise mindset course next year for all of you. Does that help?

Akansha:

[inaudible 00:21:16] following my regime, even if I’m passionate about it, just because I was not aware. And your answer has really motivated me not to give up and continue both my dieting and my exercise. Thank you so much.

Corrine:

You’re welcome.

Sarah:

Thank you and make sure to take Corrine’s free course that is really very helpful tool that will help you on your journey. All right. Our next question comes from Amy. Good morning. Amy, do you want to unmute? And tell us your weight loss question.

Amy:

Good morning. My question actually was, I think maybe a little similar to Akansha’s. I’ve been doing the four basics for about three months, I’m down nine pounds. I probably only had about 35 to lose. So just trying to be mindful getting more sleep, definitely getting more water. Doing all that. And I feel like I’ve made really good progress with honing in my hunger and stopping when I’m full and maintaining that well. I do really enjoy exercise. So I started the way Corrine did with the 15 minutes of walking every night. And doing that and then building up and I really enjoy Pilates. I have been incorporating that probably three days a week.

Amy:

My thing is, I would like to incorporate a little bit more. I really enjoy lifting. But I’ve noticed that I can keep my eating in check, my water in check, my sleep in check. And every time I try to add in additional exercise, my weight goes up. And I do understand that there’s some element of the muscle recuperating and inflammation and stuff like that. But I feel like it goes up two or three pounds the next day. And I’m like, okay, I’m telling myself, this is fine. But it’ll be three more weeks before it gets back to where I started. I can’t, how long does it take? Because I feel like I stall.

Corrine:

Right. But that’s a thought that you have. You’re thinking, “I’m stalling.” Versus thinking, “This is going to work. It’s taking my body time to adjust.”

Amy:

Yes.

Corrine:

It’s always a thought problem. It’s never an actual data problem.

Amy:

I’m just a little lost here. I don’t know how to… How do you get out of that mindset or how do you know-

Corrine:

You listen for that thought every single time and then you have to remind yourself, “This is working. It takes my body three weeks to get the inflammation and the water down.” Because if you’re not over eating and you’re just adding in weights, adding in weight says it translates to, “I gain fat.”

Amy:

Right.

Corrine:

If the only thing that’s truly changing is that, it’s not a problem, right?

Amy:

For me, it’s a problem. If I’m not getting back to losing.

Corrine:

It’s a problem because you’re making it a problem. It’s called a fault problem that gets you off your… Let me ask you this, do you think lifting weights is a good idea?

Amy:

Yes.

Corrine:

If it wasn’t for weight gain? Tell me all the benefits of it.

Amy:

Strength, balance, mobility, just feeling toned in general, increases my mood and feeling better in my skin.

Corrine:

Okay, is all that worth getting on the scale for three weeks being up three pounds of water retention and then eventually turning over into fat loss?

Amy:

It is.

Corrine:

Then that’s what you have to tell yourself. You can’t keep telling yourself, “I’m getting fat. This isn’t working. I don’t like the scale.”

Amy:

How do I explain this? I don’t feel like I talk to myself as I’m getting fat and it’s not working.

Corrine:

So what do you say to yourself about?

Amy:

I would say I’m asking myself, “How long do I wait or how long do I expect to see the scale go back down again?”

Corrine:

Well tell me the answer, how long are you willing to wait? That’s the question. If it’s not three weeks, then you have to ask your question. Alright. So if I’m not willing to wait three weeks, why? What am I telling myself? That three weeks isn’t it worth the wait? So what’s that answer?

Amy:

I don’t know.

Corrine:

It’s the fear [inaudible 00:25:33].

Amy:

I just want to be able to lose my weight. And I just want to be able to make it happen. And I just feel like I can’t make it happen.

Corrine:

Right. That’s the thought. That’s what’s really going on underneath it. So our brains like to ask questions, “How long am I willing to wait?” And underneath that, it’s like, “Well, only a certain amount of time otherwise, I don’t think this is going to happen for you. You’re not going to be able to lose weight.” That’s the fear part of it. That’s all that’s really going on. Intellectually, you explain to me, “Well, here’s all the benefits of lifting weight.” Not one time did you say, “There’s a lot of benefits. But Corrine did you know that people really just never lose weight when they lift weights?” You intellectually know all that, The fear that you have that your weight loss isn’t going to happen for you is coming down here.

Corrine:

So one of the things that you can work on is you could write about, what are all the reasons why this is going to happen for me? What are all the reasons why strength training doesn’t slow it down? What it really does is it recalibrates my body, it makes it stronger. It has a tipping point where at some point, the weight starts coming back off because the body now… And this is also something that happens just with strength training in general that most people don’t give credit for. And while your muscles are repairing and stuff, they’re burning all these extra calories, they’re cannibalizing fat cells the entire time, they’re feeding off of your fat.

Corrine:

But on the scale, it doesn’t translate, because while it’s doing that, the muscles have to have so much water in order to be able to do that process. And especially in the beginning, it can take three to four weeks for your body to want to let go of the extra inflammation and to let go of the water. Because usually what happens you’re probably going to notice that, let’s say you go and you lift weights for three weeks. After three weeks, you’re never as sore as you were that first juicy week. That first week is an ass kicker. After three weeks, you start noticing, “I’m lifting more or the same and I’m not getting nearly as sore. That means my body is now starting to not retain as much water, not inflamed near as much.” Which means now it’s just starting to be the great equalizer. If you could go another three weeks you probably see that not only will you be strength training and toning up and doing these things, you’ll also start seeing the scale go back down.

Amy:

Okay.

Corrine:

You just go decide, “Am I patient for it, or am I just going to sit here and think about how it’s not going to happen for me and be impatient?” And that’s the monster. Are you a No BS woman?

Amy:

I am not yet. I’m living-

Corrine:

Damn you all. Some of you all go have to join you so I can give you some resources. We actually teach this shit inside the membership. I was going to send you straight to Thoughts 2.0 because Thoughts 2.0 is the course that you need to be in.

Amy:

Damn it! My coworker, she’s a No BS person and she got me kind of into the podcasts and stuff. So I’m starting there. But I’m planning to get-

Corrine:

Have you taken the free course yet?

Amy:

Yes, that’s what I’m working through right now.

Corrine:

Okay, great. Well, you’ll get an invitation to join. If you get an invitation to join and you actually accept it, here’s what I want you to do. Go through the normal stuff which is, you got to get through the entire No BS program. It’s pretty short, you can get through it in three to four weeks. It’s not a whole lot of time like out of your schedule, but pay attention to module two. And this is where I want you to… That’s the one where we start introducing the idea of all of the thought work where how to do… Like when you ask, “Well, how do you make your mind stop doing that?” That’s what module two is all about. All about, how do we make our brain work for us, not against us.

Corrine:

And then when you’re finished with No BS the course, then I want you to take that juicy one called Thoughts 2.0. It sounds to me like you’ve got… Here’s what you got working for you Amy. You’re motivated to do really good things for yourself. Not everybody is. A lot of times I got to whoop some ass to get somebody motivated to do good things for themselves, but you’re not that person. So if you go through the course and then you take Thoughts 2.0, I think you’re going to find gaskets on the fire of your weight loss the more that you learn how to manage that brain of yours. And then it will all feel easier, and it will feel less scary because you’re already motivated, you’ll see your motivation go even stronger and harder for yourself. So it’s just something to consider if you join. But you definitely got your outline of what to do and not everybody gets that Amy.

Amy:

Well, thank you.

Corrine:

You’re welcome on the path then.

Amy:

Thank you so much. Bye.

Kathy:

Hey, Corrine, don’t you think it’s interesting how the last two callers want to tie exercise and weight loss together? I was thinking about this as you were coaching them. And I was thinking about, why do I exercise? I think this just might be an important part. It’s not to lose weight or it’s not to maintain weight. The reasons I exercise are to lower my resting heart rate, to lower my bad cholesterol and raise my good cholesterol. To lube up these knees, keep going so that the knees keep from hurting, stay lubed up and all that kind of stuff so I can lift boxes, so I can be flexible. I train so I can get that metal at the end of the race. There’s so many amazing reasons to exercise especially as you age. To be able to get out of the floor. That don’t have anything to do with weight loss. So I really think if you can divorce yourself from exercise being tied to weight loss, you begin to see all the amazing benefits that you get from exercise that aren’t related. I don’t know, I was just thinking-

Corrine:

I will tell you this too. When you come up with all the other reasons outside of weight loss, then what you end up doing is you stop putting so much pressure on weight loss for solving things. Exercise’s job is not to make you feel good, exercise’s job is not to build confidence that you can lose weight and stuff. Exercise is there for your body. It’s just sitting there waiting to be used. Your job is to feel good about yourself. Your job is to learn how to show up at the gym, and then think really good things about yourself. Your job is to strength train, get on the scale and be in that moment when the scale goes up because you lifted weights saying, “This is working.”

Corrine:

Because I know we have to decondition ourselves to thinking that the scale is always accurate. The scale doesn’t tell you exactly what happened inside of your body. I will tell you, the best way to know if you’re losing weight is to go and look at your habits and how you’re showing up for them. That’s why for all of you, if you’re a No BS woman, you know I’m a big believer in that damn habit tracker. I have you track your shit. Because the more when you come to coaching calls and you go to ask coaches or you do things like this, post in the Facebook group. When we have data, it’s so easy to find the next thing to work on to move the needle for you.

Corrine:

Like for me, I will tell you why I exercise. I lift weights because I like to have pretty arms. I mean, that’s it. But well, I also like to be strong. But I’ve always told people one of the reasons why I like to lift weights is I want to be that chick who walks down the street and when somebody wants to take somebody’s purse, I’m the last person they consider. I’m like, “Bitch looks like she could work my ass, I’m out.” I want to go and look for that person who’s like a cardio bunny, frail is all get out. She might be able to outrun but she better hope they don’t catch her because she can’t wrestle them to the ground. If you’re a robber, you better know we’re going to the mat. I will not be an easy takedown.

Kathy:

All right, who’s next?

Sarah:

Pretty funny. You know, I exercise for mental health benefits like anxiety relief and stress relief. It’s a big thing for me. And I didn’t never work out until after I lost 100 pounds. Wasn’t part of my weight loss journey. So just for all of our listeners, think about exercise in terms of what you want to do. It’s not a must do, I think for a lot of people. All right, we’re going to go to Janet. Janet, would you like to unmute and say my question is. Janet, you can unmute at the bottom right hand side of the phone. There’s a little mic button there.

Janet:

Good morning. Hi, Corinne. Hi, Cathy. Hi, Sarah. I am so excited to talk to you but nervous at the same time because I’ve been struggling with anger. And I apologize for the tears. I’ve been a No BS member since 2020. I had a vertical sleeve gastrectomy four years ago. So losing the weight in the beginning was kind of a no brainer. And then I joined and started following Corinne because I know the emotional side is… I apologize, I sound like a fool. The emotional side is so hard. And that was what drove me to overeat; out of anxiety, out of frustration, out of feeling stupid, out of feeling like I don’t know answers. And I was doing wonderfully until the one year anniversary of my mom passing away, and then putting both my dogs down in February. And so I’ve been gradually gaining again.

Janet:

I do have an accountability partner and she’s wonderful. But I can’t hold her this standard that she has the knowledge that Corinne does. So I need Corinne love and advice on getting through the anger of having to realize that I have an overeating problem.

Corrine:

Well, I think one is, why are you angry about it?

Janet:

I am angry because I self isolate thinking that I’m the only one in the world that struggles with this. And I feel stupid for struggling with it. I feel like I should know better.

Corrine:

Right. But what is the truth?

Janet:

Yeah. I guess the truth is, this is just my lot in life and I need to face it and move forward.

Corrine:

Well, is it your lot in life? Or is this just… I want you to think about this. So you are No BS woman. So let’s just get down to the facts first. This past year, you put down two dogs and you celebrate the one year anniversary of your mom’s passing. Correct?

Janet:

Yeah.

Corrine:

And throughout the year, you over ate.

Janet:

Yeah.

Corrine:

That’s all that’s happened? I just want you to take a second just to kind of be with that. That’s all that’s really happened?

Janet:

Yeah.

Corrine:

But you’re deciding to be angry at yourself because you have these shameful thoughts around, “I’m the only one.” Let’s question that one. Are you the only person 2021 in No BS that over ate because they had traumatic events?

Janet:

No.

Corrine:

Okay. So we know that’s not true. So this one’s what we call the unnecessary suffering, which is the softball pitch. It’s like, “All right brain, that’s not true. I’m not the only one. There are other people who have struggled this year, just like me. And that’s a good thing because that doesn’t mean I’m alone.” Because one of the things that you had said is, “I’m isolated. I tend to isolate.” That’s an isolation thought. That is your brain trying to be like, “We’re so bad, we should go into our shame cave. So let’s come up with a bullshit reason to go in there real quick.” Sometimes with some thinking, we just have to call bullshit and just say, “We don’t have to dig into this. I know that’s not true. There have been other people who have suffered trauma who have also over ate. So this must be something that other people go through. And if other people go through it, I would also imagine there are other people who come out on the other side.”

Janet:

Okay.

Corrine:

What was the next part that you were having problems? You said… Go ahead.

Janet:

Oh, go ahead. I’m sorry.

Corrine:

Well, you said something along the lines of like… So first one was, “I’m the only one.” So we debunked that. But what was the other part that you’re kind of dumping a lot of shame on? “It shouldn’t have happened,” or, “I should know.| “I should know better?” I think that’s exactly what you said.

Janet:

Yeah. It’s because I had vertical sleeve gastrectomy. And when I got the vertical sleeve, that was the third time of losing close to 100 pounds. So I’ve done it when I was in eighth grade, junior high. Got down to join the volleyball team, didn’t make the team, got back up to something. So it was 265, got down to 190 got to 292 got down to 190 got back up to 260 to have the vertical sleeve. And then realizing that okay, the easy part starting to slip up and then I was blessed to run into you I think through Instagram. And so I credit your program and I credit your truth and your love because you’re full of love. I can’t imagine that anybody is as amazing as you because you’re just motivated by love truth and what you’ve walked in. And so I admire you greatly for that. And I guess I’m feeling shameful that it’s not osmosizing in my brain yet. I feel like I’ve been on it for a year and I’m struggling. You know what I mean.

Corrine:

Let me ask you this Janet. So you started this all, did you say eighth grade?

Janet:

Yeah.

Corrine:

And how old are you now?

Janet:

I’m 54.

Corrine:

So how many years is that? Like 40?

Janet:

Yeah.

Corrine:

Alright, so for 40 years you’ve thought one way and you’ve been in the program one year and you’re shocked that your brain hasn’t completely changed yet?

Janet:

Okay, you’re right.

Corrine:

[inaudible 00:39:22] and you just go to your brain be like, “Now look, I’ve been listening to Corrine every day. What the fuck is going on now?” This is another one of those things where, “I should know better,” is a thought that just sounds so true. And it will be so… You will have facts, you will have stories, you will have all this stuff. But I don’t care how true it feels, it never makes it true.

Janet:

Thank you.

Corrine:

It just makes it the way you’re interpreting things. You know, honestly Janet, I think really the only thing you need is, I would honestly… Have you done the self love course yet?

Janet:

I have not?

Corrine:

Why don’t you do the self love course because I really feel like what’s truly going on here for you is, it’s a lot of just self loathing. It’s a lot of just doing what we’ve done all of our lives which is, we just make like, “Oh my God, I’m overweight. I’ve been overeating. And this means a laundry list of terrible things about me.” The way that I see you last year is, you had traumatic events happen and you went back to caring for yourself the only way you know how for those things.

Janet:

Yeah, you’re right.

Corrine:

We don’t have to be a professional weight loss person every single day of our life. But now that you’ve seen it, and you’ve seen all this happen, you get to just decide going forward, I want to learn how to care for myself in a new way. I want to learn how to stop over eating over some pain and start wrecking silence and pain. I want to stop judging myself for taking care of myself. We don’t always take care of ourselves in the best way. Hell, we don’t even take care of our children in the best way. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve said shit to Logan and savage his life. Yeah. I mean, we’re just not perfect humans. That’s all there is to it.

Corrine:

So why don’t you do self love first before you get into… Restart your basics, but that doesn’t mean you’re going to get them perfect. I just want you to restart them and spend the next 30 days doing the basics and just tracking what’s working, what’s easy, what’s not working, what’s not as easy. Collect data for 30 days. And while you’re doing that, go through the self love course, watch the videos, do all the worksheets and stuff to kind of give yourself some peace of mind about you right now. And then after that, I think what you could do is you could immediately go into Basics 2.0. Since you’ve been around, did you ever do Basics 2.0 when we did it this year?

Janet:

I started it and then it got real busy with work. Crazy season.

Corrine:

Okay, that’s fine because some of it will be a repeat so it’ll be easier for you to understand it the second time is going to be fresh and new and of course that’s always exciting. So just have a goal this time to spend the rest of this month getting through self love then spend December going through Basics 2.0 and that will set you up. And if you don’t know, we have that huge workshop on January 2nd. That will take you through to January 2nd. We have a big-full day workshop with everybody. It’s included in your membership. It’s you and me going hard all day long. And we’re going to… It’s called, ‘Creating the You of 2022.’ So you can be thinking about, 2022 can be the year that I put some of my trauma to bed and I get back to work on Janet.

Janet:

Okay, thank you love.

Corrine:

You’re welcome. And let me just tell you, it was such a treat to finally have someone come on and say they want the Corrine love not to say, “All right, I’m ready to get my ass worked because you’re always [inaudible 00:43:03]. I appreciate that Janet.

Janet:

Oh, girl, I love you to pieces. And I tell people ,because I had a couple friends saying, “She’s kind of offensive.” I go, “Really? To what?” And they’re like, “Well, I just didn’t know.” And then later they come back and say, “I’m sorry. She was absolutely right and that’s why I was offended.” I’m like, “Okay.”

Corrine:

It’s funny how that works.

Janet:

It is. God bless you. And I get the same thing sometimes. I work in a police department. I’m a civilian, but I’m very much 24 years in and so I get you. You’re my soul sister.

Corrine:

Well, you are going to do just fine and keep in touch. Use ask coaches if you run into anything that’s a sticking point, it’s hard to work through. Just go to ask coaches, post your work, and they’ll work through it with you. Okay?

Janet:

Okay, dollface.

Corrine:

You’re welcome. Thank you.

Sarah:

Thank you so much for your question Janet. We are going to move on to our last question of the day. But I just wanted to remind everyone, if you have not taken Krantz free course, we have a link here and Clubhouse or you can go to NoBSfreecourse.com. And that is the best way to get moving on your weight loss and make sure you’re ready for the new year. All right Kate, you’re up. Do you want to unmute and say, “My question is.”

Kate:

Hi. I just want to make sure you guys can hear me. I have my air pods on.

Sarah:

You sound good.

Kate:

Okay, awesome. So my question is that I have a very real fear of losing weight because as I’ve gained weight, I’ve gotten less male attention. And I’ve actually been really enjoying that because a lot of my relationships have improved because there’s not that sexual component. So I don’t know if there’s like trigger warning that needs to happen here. But I was just really curious to hear from Corrine about how to overcome that, because I definitely want to lose weight this time for me. And I know that the attention is going to come, and I don’t like that. But I know that it’s going happen, and it’s something that I’m going to have to deal with. So I’m just curious.

Corrine:

This is actually a BS question. I was going to say this is… So did you say you’re a member or not a member?

Kate:

I’m not a member yet.

Corrine:

All right, all of you. I’m going to have to literally whip some asses at this point. Oh my God! We actually have a training on this inside the membership. So who’s going to tell you. Let’s say this Kate, if you do become a member at some point, you should take the ending self sabotage course because this is a self sabotage thing. This is what happens. So classic self sabotage is where you have something going on underneath the surface that manifests itself in your eating, in your life. You catch yourself doing things that you don’t want to do, even though you really want to lose weight.

Corrine:

So you might find yourself eating and then every night going, “I just don’t know why I keep eating when I say I want to lose weight so bad.” But for you, you’ve identified one that’s very common especially in people who have had past… We call it Big T Trauma where like, if you’ve had sexual abuse. So a lot of times what happens is, if you are abused or something happened in your childhood, we create this fear as an adult. And it’s very normal. It is your brain trying to protect you because your brain has decided, “This was so traumatic, here’s what I want to do. I want to hedge the bet that this will never happen again.” And in order for this to never happen again, it may go through and protect you in ways that aren’t really protecting you.

Corrine:

So one of the things that I always ask people when it comes to, especially our clients that have had abuse in their past. Now, I will just say, we are not counselors and therapists inside of No BS, but we do work on this kind of stuff for people who have had therapy, or who are functional at this point in their trauma. We are not there if you are not in a functional space with it.

Kate:

Yeah, I’m in therapy and actively working on this, but I love your approach and just the way that you frame things. So I was just really curious.

Corrine:

Yeah. So here’s a couple things that you can think about. Number one is, you can question, do overweight people also get abused? Do they?

Kate:

Okay.

Corrine:

Do they?

Kate:

Yeah.

Corrine:

So it’s one of the things that we want to tell our brain because when our brain is hanging on to weight as if that protects me, this is what keeps me from being harmed. We have to show our brains, “I get where you’re coming from. I get why you created this story, but it’s not true.”

Kate:

Yeah, and I guess my fear stems from just the unwanted sexual attention.

Corrine:

That’s what I’m coming to next.

Kate:

Yeah. I could care less if somebody is like, “Oh, you’re fat bitch.” I’m like, “Yes.”

Corrine:

No, I get that. But I’m talking about, are overweight women sexually abused, raped?

Kate:

Yes.

Corrine:

Are overweight children molested?

Kate:

Yes.

Corrine:

And I know this is like… It’s the wrinkle in the brain that you need to create, to teach your brain to hang on to the weight isn’t what’s protecting you.

Kate:

Right. And I know that as an intellectual person. I guess it’s just trying to internalize it.

Corrine:

Well, that’s how you internalize. You start reminding yourself like when you start thinking, “Hanging on to my weight is such a good idea.” You just say, “I get why…” This is the actual conversation. It’s like, “I understand brain what you’re trying to do. You just want to protect me. But hanging onto my weight doesn’t protect me. What will be helpful is for me to learn how to take advances and these kinds of things in a way where I don’t feel threatened.” So here’s the other part that I teach women when it comes to… Because it’s a natural response to want to hang on to your weight because it’s like, “If I hang on to my weight, then I don’t have to have men hitting on me.”

Kate:

Yeah, and that’s been great.

Corrine:

Yeah. Well, it’s not been great because this is also the thing you got to journal on? Why has it not been great? Other than just been hitting… This is the problem is I always have our members do this exercise very often inside of our membership, this is something you can think about. Over the course of your lifetime, I always ask the question, “Raise your hand if over the course of your lifetime, five people have harmed you in such a way that it radically changed the trajectory of your life.” And of course, most of the room raises their hand, right? Then I’ll say, “Okay, lower your hands. How many of you have had 10 people harm you so bad that it radically changed the trajectory of your life?” And about half the room will raise their hand. Then I’ll say, “Okay, lower your hands. How many of you have had 20 people do this?”

Corrine:

And eventually what happens, when we get to about 25, no one raises their hand. Then I flip it and say, “All right. Five people that have had a positive impact on your life, that has changed you for good.” And the room will raise their hand. You have to think about podcasts and books you’ve read, and things you’ve seen on TV, all these things. And then we keep going and most people, most of the room will have their hand raised to well over 100. And what it shows you is that what we do in our life is our brain over indexes pain. And it’s so desperate to keep us out of it that it builds walls to keep the bad people out. But when we build walls to keep out the bad, we also keep out the good people. We keep out all of the men that are never going to harm us that are genuinely interested in us. That is not in their moral fiber. And when we build walls, we’re not just even keeping out men at that point, we start keeping out family and friends. Because if we’re so afraid that someone will hurt us, we isolate in our house and we eat, and we don’t go out with our friends.

Corrine:

So we have to teach ourselves that hanging on to our way is not really protecting us anymore. That we can learn how to protect ourselves in a lot of ways. We can also learn how to trust and rebuild that stuff. And that’s kind of the work to really do there so that you can get to… Because losing weight or not, it doesn’t really matter. It’s more about you becoming the kind of person who becomes strong in your mind, in your emotions, to where you build up that resiliency, to where you don’t need the food and the weight to protect you any longer. You now have your mind protecting you. Does that make sense, Kate?

Kate:

Yes. I mean, that was just so beautifully put. Thank you so much.

Corrine:

Well you’re welcome. And you keep going to therapy. Keep working through this.

Kate:

Oh, 100%

Corrine:

Yeah. But I just want to tell you, you’re really smart because you identified this pattern. So many people never even realize they’re doing it for a long time in their life. And they just keep blaming their past, they just keep blaming their circumstances. And they don’t realize, “Oh, there’s so much more power I can take over here. I don’t have to keep re-victimizing myself because I was a victim at one point in my life.”

Kate:

Yeah, and I mean, I definitely identified it because it 100% has happened in my past and I was just now realizing that, “Oh, one of the reasons why I’m not really giving it my all is because I’m afraid that the attention is going to come back.” And it will, because that has already happened when I’ve lost 70 pounds and then I gained it all back. I’ve been one of those people as a lot of us are. And so to recognize that, “Oh, when I’m heavy people who talk to me are actually genuinely interested in talking to me, not just because of how I look.” And so I have been enjoying that little piece and I’ve definitely healed some parts of that. But I know now that it’s time to take the next step and reclaim my body for myself.

Corrine:

That’s awesome. Well, I appreciate you getting on stage. It’s not like it’s an easy topic to talk about. So, I mean, I just think that’s amazing.

Kate:

Well, thank you. I appreciate you so much. I literally had a friend mention your podcast to me maybe two or three weeks ago, and I’ve just been deep diving into the podcast. And now that you’re saying that you have a whole thing on self sabotage, I’m 100% going to go sign up.

Corrine:

That’s awesome. Yeah, we have a ton of courses in there. We’re just like, “What’s your problem? I got a course for that.” All right.

Kate:

“You get a course. You get a course.”

Corrine:

Yes. I’m like the Oprah of courses. Thank you so much for [inaudible 00:54:24].

Sarah:

Thank you so much Kate for your question. And every woman who came on stage today. It is hard to ask the question but your bravery is heard around the world as your question is helping other listeners to the podcast. Alright, that is it for today. We will see you next month here on Clubhouse. Thanks you all.

Corrine:

Thank you so much for listening today. Make sure you head on over to NoBSrecourse.com and sign up for my free weight loss training on what you need to know to start losing your weight right now. You’ll also find lots of notes and resources from our past podcast to help you lose your weight without all the bullshit dieting. I’ll see you next week.

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I'm Corinne Crabtree

Corinne Crabtree, top-rated podcaster, has helped millions of women lose weight by blending common-sense methods with behavior-based psychology.

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