April 9, 2021

Episode 210: Taking Overwhelm Out of Weightloss

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I want to talk with you about a topic that I hear over and over.

I want you to hear it so badly that I’m letting you listen in on a Q&A I held inside of my No BS membership.

It’s a modern day catch-phrase for all the things in your life you are completely “over.”

Hell, it even has the word “over” in it.

The word is overwhelm, and y’all are using it to not take action when it comes to your life and weightloss.

As I’ve said for years, overwhelm shows you a place you’re ready to take responsibility.

Usually, that means making a change. I’m going to use Jenga to drive the point home. Yes, that Jenga, which is the game where you try to see how many wooden blocks you can remove before the tower comes tumbling down.

In today’s podcast, I’m going to show you the exact way to handle overwhelm, and how it can help you level up how you approach your weightloss.

Topics discussed in this episode:

Topic 1: What to do when the newness wears off in weightloss, and what to do next. [00:01 – 14:12]

Topic 2: How overwhelm is completely normal, and the easy way to take the drama out of making lasting change. [15:57 – 22:07]

Topic 3: How overwhelm takes patience to deal with, and how perfection and resistance actually make it feel worse. [22:10 – 27:45]

Topic 4: Tools I’ve taught to thousands of No BS Women that teach you how to feel your feelings, and the exact amount of time emotions last. [27:46 – 33:40]

Get the Free Course here:

NoBSFreeCourse.com

Transcript

Speaker 1:

I want to talk about that today, because one of the questions that we got was all around overwhelm. And I want to do a little talk on overwhelm. And I want to kick that off with this. I told you I was going to do this. Guess what Corinne finally bought? She finally bought the jenga tower. Oh shit. Let me hold the jenga tower up. All right. Corinne’s got her jenga tower. We’re going to do an example. First of all, I got to get my mic because it’s falling down and ripping out my ear. All right. When we want to succeed, all we have to do is take small steps. So I want you guys to imagine a jenga tower. This is a game where you remove one piece at a time. And eventually what happens is, the structure can not hold itself anymore because too many blocks have been removed.

Speaker 1:

This works with ratty thinking, our old shitties. You know little old shitty. If you don’t know who old shitty is yet, and you’re new, you will know him soon. We talk about him all the time. All old shitty is, is some broken thought like, I can’t lose weight. I’ve never been able to do it. Finding my satisfied level is hard. Making a doable 24 hour plan scares me. All of that is old shitty thinking. It always feels terrible. And when we feel terrible, we might as well just try to lose weight with the parking brake on, trying to get some place. So you can pull out one old shitty at a time and fix it. And eventually what happens is you feel a ton better because your whole bunch of old shitties come down because there’s not enough of them supporting them anymore.

Speaker 1:

Same thing happens when you are working on taking action. I want you to think about, this tower is you making progress towards your weight loss goal. And every time you take one new action, you remove a block. Now guys, I’m not going to pull the blocks because Corinne does not need jenga all over the place. I got the holder on there, if y’all are wondering. It’s why I can hold it up so well. So, every time you take an action every few days, let’s say you take one action from here and you do it for a few days. And it’s like, “Oh, it’s not as bad as I thought. I’m glad I did that. I could keep doing this. Tomorrow, I think I’m going to start this.” So you keep taking action.

Speaker 1:

Eventually what happens is that all the actions you’re afraid of, or all the actions you think you can’t do and stuff, if you remove enough small actions that are doable, suddenly the whole tower comes down, which means every action after that, that you’ve always been afraid of, that you just knew you couldn’t do, that you thought was impossible. Just like when I first started losing weight, what did Corinne eat every single night? Big fucking half-gallon of ice cream. I cut her down to a big-ass bowl. I went down to a smaller bowl. I went down to a little bit. And then I switched that bad-ass to fruit. It took me a while, but it was like the jenga tower. When I first started, the reason I ate out of the half-gallon is because I was like, “Ugh, I can’t see a day in my life that I don’t have ice cream.” I was sold on that belief. Sold.

Speaker 1:

So, the first action I took was, do something else for weight loss, don’t take away your ice cream. Action number one. Then after a little bit, I was like, all right, I don’t probably need to eat out of the carton anymore. I can fucking sure do a big-ass bowl, and I won’t go back for seconds. So I’m going to do a heaping bowl. And I mean like, not a soup bowl. I’m talking about like one of those big salad bowls. That’s how I used to eat my ice-cream. Another action. Then when I went to the smaller bowl, to the cereal bowl, another action. And then when I went down to the little souffle thing, another action. Next thing I knew, I switched to fruit. And the whole ice cream tower came down. Small steps add up.

Speaker 1:

So, all you guys have to do. If you don’t want to be overwhelmed, and you don’t want to be sitting around worried you’re going to have to do everything and stuff, is you have to remember it’s a jenga tower. We do one thing at a time. Eventually, what happens is we prove to ourselves that stuff isn’t as bad as we thought, we might be a little bit more capable than we gave ourselves credit for, some stuff we might actually fucking start to enjoy, we start being a little more consistent rather than inconsistent. Shit just starts feeling better. Momentum starts building. And once momentum kicks in, the jenga tower comes down. You start getting excited to try new things rather than having to be scared and doing it anyway. That’s how the shift works. So I don’t care if you’ve been here five minutes. Welcome, if you have. I always come out guns a-blazing. Or five years, if you’re still hanging on to the idea that you’ve got to do a lot to get your results, you’re wrong.

Speaker 1:

It may feel true, but it’s only because you refuse to try something different, and you refuse to tell yourself something different. The moment you start saying, I don’t care if it rings loud in your head, that small things are not good enough. You need to just remind yourself, I am so wrong about that. Corinne says it every fucking week. For some reason, her and her band of women that keep losing weight all say that’s what worked for them. Why do I think I am entitled to be different? Why do I think, for some reason I am the one who knows better. You don’t know better. You know what you’ve always thought. And what you’re thinking, feels like complete ass. So I highly recommend that when something feels true and like ass, that you decide to trust me rather than your broken ass belief system.

Speaker 1:

If you want to keep hanging on to that shit, you go right ahead. But whatever you weigh today, probably what you’re going to weigh in another month, all because you won’t just be doubtful and scared enough to do it my way. And this is the funny thing. For those of you who are stuck in not good enough land, you’re scared and doubtful you’ll ever lose weight. So if you’re going to be scared and doubtful, you might as well try something new that somebody who’s an expert says, this works. Your brain can’t even prove that your shit works.

Speaker 1:

I promise, every woman who’s in here, nobody joins No BS because whatever shit they did was so great, they’re just like, “That Corinne Crabtree, she looks like she needs some charity work. I’m going to donate to her fund.” Nobody joins for the Corinne Crabtree fund. Everybody joins for one reason, I either want to lose weight or I have lost weight, but I still weigh 250 pounds in my brain. Because I came to the party with 250 pounds of diet rules, bullshit thinking about my body, and fears that I can’t keep the weight off.

Speaker 1:

All right. I’m not going to talk anymore about it. I actually have some more wisdom drops, but I’m going to stop and save them for another day. I can go all day about this. All right. Let’s see what the questions are. Let me put my glasses on. I don’t know why I ever think I’m going to take these glasses off and pretend to read. Question number one. “I’m a new member. I’m feeling overwhelmed and a little anxious about process right now.” Which is normal. The first thing I just want to say, it’s normal. I created a presentation for this. One of my famous, I grabbed some white pieces of paper presentations. “The first week or so, I was rocking it. But yesterday and tonight I have eaten food not on my plan. Feelings of guilt are creeping in.” Old thoughts, old behaviors. So, old thoughts are what are causing the guilt. And the guilt is what’s causing old behavior. You will learn that all in module two.

Speaker 1:

So, the first thing I just want everybody to know is that when you first join, you have thoughts like, I can’t wait to try this. Or I’m so glad I’m here. We have a lot of exciting thoughts. And when we have exciting thoughts, we are motivated. And when we’re motivated, we’re paying attention, we’re doing the things. We’re all, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. This is the problem. You can’t rely on newbie motivation for the long haul. What always happens is, once the newness wears off, your thoughts change from, I can’t believe I’m here, to, I’m here. From, I can’t wait to try this, to, is this what we’re going to do every day? It just isn’t new anymore.

Speaker 1:

And so guess what, if you don’t have thoughts that you plant after the newness wears off, your brain naturally goes back to the default thinking that it’s always had. So it’s like, okay, you are motivated and excited, but let me just tell you the news. Do you know that you’ve never been able to lose weight? That’s what your brain starts doing. It starts its old default thinking. That’s okay. That’s a normal part of the process. You don’t need to think it’s broken. You don’t even need that thinking to go away. You don’t need anything other than to realize, I come in hot. And some of you don’t. But for this person, I come in hot. And after a couple of weeks, this is where my real thinking kicks in.

Speaker 1:

This is why you’re here. Because diets, they trade on motivation. They trade on newness. They trade on new and that first little window. They don’t give a shit about the long haul. They don’t try to help you transcend the part where it’s like, “Oh, what I’m really here for is not weight loss. What I’m really here for is to learn how to get over my bullshit so that I can lose weight long term.” That’d be real easy for me to put everybody on a detox and a cleanse, the first two weeks. I could rip some weight off y’all all the time, if I just said, “Hey, you ain’t going to die. We’re all drinking water for 14 days.” And I’d have amazing results. But the problem is you won’t change through the process. You’ll still be a dieter. And then, the second that the 14 days ends, guess what? Your old default thinking comes in. It’s like, Ooh, I’ve been so good. We have to work on default thinking.

Speaker 1:

So, after the first couple of weeks, default thinking kicks in. And default thinking is just where it’s like, I’m hard on myself for making mistakes. This is what she said. “I’m reading and going to journaling, hoping I can shake this feeling.” You don’t need to shake the overwhelm, and the anxiousness. You don’t even need to shake any of it. All you need to do is get aware that I ate. I’m in the phase where it’s normal, where I’m going to be hearing my default thinking, which means my doubts, my fears, my worries, what has always been underneath. They’re just now coming to the surface.

Speaker 1:

And we want to know those, because once we know those, then we can start changing how you think, and calming you down, and building belief in yourself, and understanding how to process through it so that from now on, you actually know how to be anxious and overwhelmed without freaking out about it, without thinking something’s going wrong. Why can’t I just get rid of that and be in happy land? You’re not supposed to be happy all the time. We’re supposed to hear our bull shit. And then we reprogram it so that we can quit dealing with that bullshit and let the other bullshit come up.

Speaker 1:

I want all the newbies to know this, and I want everybody who’s listening to me to hear this. The purpose of us doing, when you get to module two, all the thought work piece. When I teach you the Think, Feel, Do cycles. When you start learning all about your mindset and stuff, it’s not to get you to where you’re happy all the time. It’s to get you to where you’re no longer scared to feel anything. Our goal is to teach you to know when you are supposed to be nervous, when you are supposed to be anxious, when you are supposed to feel sad and stuff. And then when you are not supposed to be feeling sad.

Speaker 1:

A lot of you will look in the mirror, at your body, and be sad about all the damage you’ve done to it. That’s not when we’re supposed to be sad. If our dog dies? Yes. When we look at our bodies, we want to work on that because we want to learn how to look at our body without having to feel sad or judgy or frustrated. So we want to teach you how to feel all your feelings, and not be afraid of them so that you can start deciding, is this feeling appropriate for what’s going on? Just like our person who just asked the question. She’s feeling guilty because she didn’t follow her plan.

Speaker 1:

Let me ask all of you. Is that when we’re supposed to feel guilty? No. We’re not supposed to feel guilty for not eating on plan. We’re supposed to feel curious as to why we didn’t. We want to feel guilty if we murder someone. Think about it. If you go and steal your girlfriend’s husband, maybe that’s an appropriate time to feel guilty. But that’s what I mean. It’s like we use our emotions that we need in life to keep us on our moral path. But for some of us, what we’re doing is we’re using a lot of our emotions in the most inappropriate of times.

Speaker 1:

You following your 24 hour plan is not a morality statement of you. You either follow it or you don’t. And if you don’t follow it, sometimes I’m a little disappointed myself, but mainly, you know what I am? Curious about what’s going on, so I can start taking care of myself. I know, deep down, I don’t want to take care of myself with food. I want to take care of myself with my brain. On the days when I feel bad, I don’t want to eat over it. I want to comfort myself with thoughts like, it’s okay. You’re strong. This is just part of life. We got this. That’s how I want comfort. And so, that’s why it’s important for us to pay attention to feelings.

Speaker 1:

So let’s talk a little bit about overwhelm. Number one. It’s normal. Guys, we get overwhelmed for a reason. It’s to make us gut check what’s important right now. Overwhelm is not a bad thing. Overwhelm is just a signal that we need to say, all right, am I doing something or thinking about things right now that I don’t need to be thinking about? We have to quit thinking that it’s a bad thing. It’s just overwhelm. The second thing is we have to get better at overwhelm. You’re always going to experience overwhelm in life. It is part of the human experience. We are gifted the feeling of overwhelm for a reason. It’s to make sure we don’t burn out, that we don’t take too much on and stuff. The problem is that we have to get better at overwhelm versus not doing positive things for ourselves or eating. This is how most of us get rid of overwhelm. We either stop doing everything so that we don’t feel overwhelmed. And then that means we stop doing our dreams and the important things in our life. Or we eat through it.

Speaker 1:

We don’t want to end overwhelm that way. We want to get to where we are handling overwhelm, defeating overwhelm, and overcoming overwhelm. We handle it, I’m going to give you some tips on how to handle it, by telling ourselves, “I’m just feeling overwhelmed right now.” We defeat it by looking at patterns of the things that we say yes to, and the things we say no to. Most people who are overwhelmed are rarely ever saying no to anything, but to themselves. They have to learn the skill of saying no externally. That doesn’t mean you have to be a bitch or an asshole. I’ll give you a good example. So, y’all know that my sister-in-law comes to our house. She does the laundry. She takes care of the house stuff. And she cooks our food. Her best friend’s mom died suddenly, and so she can’t be here this week. So I’m washing clothes and changing cat boxes and doing all the things that normally my sister-in-law, I pay her to do, so that she doesn’t have to get a job. And yesterday, I had to do all that. Plus I had literally talked from 7:00 AM to almost 5:00 PM. Didn’t have a break yesterday. That’s why I’m hoarse today. If y’all are wondering why I’m drinking tea and hoarse, that’s it.

Speaker 1:

And last night I had to do laundry, otherwise Logan’s going to have to go naked to school today. And I thought, “Yeah, I just don’t want to fold clothes.” And I finally just said, “I don’t need to fold clothes. They’re clean. And they’re in the basket.” I call it a win today. That’s how we avoid overwhelm. Because I was starting to feel overwhelmed with all the things I had to do. And I started saying no to bullshit that was just a false expectation I put on myself versus something that like, as if Logan couldn’t get dressed unless the clothes were folded and put away. I had met the minimum expectation. But I’m willing to say no to things so that I don’t have to feel overwhelmed. Overwhelm is almost always a choice.

Speaker 1:

And the last thing is just overcoming it and overcoming it is by setting yourself up to not be overwhelmed. One of the reasons why I tell you guys, at the beginning of almost every video, the best way to overcome overwhelm is, don’t put your self in a position to be overwhelmed in the first place. So if you are pushing play on a Facebook live, or fucking around in Facebook, see me pop up live, but you’ve been overwhelmed with the whole No BS program. That’s a problem. That’s why I tell you guys, get off. I’m your red light. I’m like the stop sign that says, “Hey, alert.” If you’re overwhelmed by content and you’re listening to a Facebook live, you need clear directions right now because you’re not giving them to yourself. And I’m willing to do that.

Speaker 1:

So, overwhelm goes away with, number one, a learning mentality. When we think about question number one, when she overeats or eats off plan and she feels guilty, that’s when overwhelm starts to take ahold. That’s when overwhelm, the whole door is open to overwhelm land. With a learning mentality, we’re not feeling guilty about off plan eats and overeating. We’re like, “It’s good to know. I want to track my patterns. I want to see if there’s something I could change tomorrow. I know that with enough time, patience and attention, that I will be able to solve this problem.” That’s a learning mentality. But sitting around thinking, “Oh my God, I overate. I’m probably never going to lose weight. See, I knew this would happen.” Allowing yourself to stay in that mentality. Guess what it does? Overwhelms you.

Speaker 1:

It does not mean to say that you are not going to have those thoughts. I just don’t want you to stay there. I don’t want you to think those thoughts are a problem. I don’t want you thinking about those thoughts and obsessing over them. That leads you to overwhelm. I want you to just switch gears and be like, “Wait a minute. Not supposed to feel guilty right now. I’m supposed to feel curious. A curious person is asking questions. A curious person is looking for patterns. A curious person asks for help. Anybody else do this? What are your fixes?”

Speaker 1:

The next thing, overwhelm always goes away with patience. Patience is a feeling. Hang on, y’all. All feelings begin with a thought. So you can’t feel patient unless you have a thought that creates patience. So in the chat, I wish you guys would type in, what’s a thought about your weight loss journey that generates patience. One of mine was always, I’m going to figure this out. I did not allow myself to think anymore, I can’t figure this out. I’m too broken. I would just tell myself, enough small steps. And I bet they’ll add up. Those are patience thoughts.

Speaker 1:

Next is trusting yourself. This is going to be one that’s going to take some practice for a lot of you. A lot of you have practiced, for a long time, thinking that you can’t be trusted with food. You can’t be trusted with your weight loss journey, that you can’t do it, that there’s something wrong with you, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Over time, as you go through our program, you will come to find that we’re going to work on your ability to trust yourself. That’s how overwhelm goes away. Overwhelm goes away with believing, I’ll figure it out. I just need to do one thing. I know I can do one thing.

Speaker 1:

A lot of times, trusting yourself is like, there’s no wrong decisions. That comes in with dropping perfectionism, which is next. Perfectionists typically are overwhelmed. They also are typically people who don’t get a lot done because they get paralyzed. So when you trust that you can figure it out and you drop perfectionism. And just be like, “I know that mistakes and failures are part of the process. But those are the things that have always gotten in my way. And the only reason they got in my way is because each time they happened, I stopped.” This is the thing, I failed thousands of times in my life. I have made mistakes galore all the way. The last 15 years, even with my weight loss, I’ve over ate, I’ve over drank. I’ve done all the things you guys do on a regular basis. But I gave up the habit of fucking quitting.

Speaker 1:

If I allowed myself to think like some of you do, every time I made a mistake, I would have a hundred pounds on this ass, and no business, and none of you would be listening to me right now. I knew, when I was losing weight, I couldn’t afford to think like a quitter anymore. I had to think like a solver. That’s what happens when you drop perfectionism. People who want to lose weight faster, make more mistakes, because the faster they run up on their obstacles, the faster they find their solutions.

Speaker 1:

Overwhelm goes away when you give up worrying about what other people are thinking. If you’re worried about what other people’s opinions are, before you even decide to not care, I at least want you to, before you’re thinking about them, be like, “But what am I thinking about me in this moment?” Work more on your thoughts about you. So if you go to somebody’s house, let’s say you go to your grandpa’s house. He’s got a shitty attitude about a lady carrying some weight. And he’s like, “Hey, looks like you’ve been saddling up to the buffet these days.” Rather than getting your feelings hurt, notice, if your feelings are hurt, what am I thinking about myself in this moment? Because if you’re thinking grandpa’s right, your feelings are hurt. If you’re thinking, he shouldn’t say that. That’s because your thinking is aligning with his. We don’t need you thinking poorly of yourself. When you think poorly of yourself, you tend to get your feelings hurt by what other people say, because it snaps into alignment with your inner beliefs.

Speaker 1:

The best way to no longer give a fuck about what people say is to be thinking all the time like, “Man, I am figuring this shit out. Look at me. I joined No BS. I’m a No BS woman. I’m a poster. Whatever it is that you need to think about yourself. When you start really changing the relationship with you, guess what ends up happening? You don’t agree with people anymore. So when grandpa has snide comments, you’re just like, “What a fucking asshole. He don’t know me. His opinion is not worth getting worked up over.” That’s because your relationship with you is now strong and tight. That’s how you build armor. Most of us build armor by building walls. We don’t let nobody in. We keep out the good and the bad. That is the problem with walls. They keep everybody out.

Speaker 1:

And then the last thing, overwhelm goes away with trial and error. Eventually what happens is, you start making mistakes, and you start figuring some shit out. You say, “Oh yeah. I got that one now. Now for the next thing. Now for the next thing. It’s just like the jenga tower. You’re not overwhelmed with stuff anymore because you have the self-confidence that you’re figuring shit out.

Speaker 1:

All right. The steps to overcoming your owl brain, overwhelm brain. But the owl brain. Number one, know when it’s here. Just know it. Number two. Remember it’s just a feeling. It’s not a catastrophe. It’s not an indicator of whether or not you can lose weight. It’s not nearly as terrible as your brain’s making it out to be. It means, right now, I feel like I have a lot of choices. I’m probably overwhelmed because I think there’s a wrong one. That’s probably why I’m feeling overwhelmed. But that doesn’t mean that it’s a problem. It just means I got a lot of thoughts. So when you remember it’s a feeling, the third part is just feel it in your body for a second. We’re going to do a lot of this, this year. This is all in module two.

Speaker 1:

There is a lesson in module two of No BS that talks about the NOW process on noticing, owning and witnessing a feeling. Get better at that, if you’re afraid of your feelings. Go listen to that lesson as many times as it takes. So, feeling it in your body just means, when you feel overwhelmed, take 30 seconds, pay attention to what your physical body actually feels like. Are you sweating? Is your heart racing? Is your mouth watering? Are you jittery? Are you antsy? Are you tapping your foot? What’s going on? That’s overwhelm. Most of us have an elaborate story around it that’s making us more anxious. All feelings have a physical component. And when you really start feeling your feelings, you’re like, Oh, so I’m freaking out. I’m eating. I’m yelling at people. I’m withdrawing from life. I’m drinking. I’m over-shopping. I’m buffering up with some Netflix. I’m like doing all this busy-ness of my life. Doing shit to avoid my racing heart, my palpitations, my feeling constricted in my chest, like I can’t breathe. I’m doing all of that to avoid this for about 90 seconds.

Speaker 1:

Feelings take about 90 seconds to run their physical course, especially if you just drop into your body and physically feel them. Because when you’re concentrating on what’s going on in your body, you’re stopping the thought patterns that are creating the chemical reaction in your body of that feeling. Every thought creates a feeling, which means every thought sends a chemical cocktail through your body to generate a physical feeling. It’s just how it works.

Speaker 1:

So, once you’ve felt it in your body, you’re like, all right, I’m overwhelmed. This is how I feel, blah, blah, blah, in my body. Step four is super simple. You break down whatever you think is overwhelming right now into small steps. The smallest steps you can find until you find a step that you can just do. You use the Can I Just method. So like, if you’re overwhelmed with the planner, then you ask yourself, can I just write down my breakfast for today? I’m going to start with getting something written down in that planner. I’ll see if I’m willing to write anything else out, but if I’m not, then at least I took a step, because I’d rather see you take a step in the right direction than to take no steps in any direction because you’re overwhelmed.

Speaker 1:

Then the last hack that I have for overwhelm, in particular, for all of you, is if every single night before you go to bed, If you’ll think about, this is for all my journalers. This is great for nighttime journalers. If you will write to yourself, all the expectations you’re willing to let go of yourself, and then right down the most important things you want to get done the next day. And I mean the most important life changing, this would blow my mind shit. Not laundry. Not dishes. Not run my kids to school. I mean, literally write down, if I, tomorrow, would walk for 15 minutes. If I, tomorrow, would put on makeup instead of just sitting around feeling like I have nowhere to go. Whatever it is. Just put down a few things that you know are life-changing for yourself tomorrow. Put those down. Then when you get up in the morning, you commit to doing that shit. You get it done. And the rest of the day, you can do anything else you want to do.

Speaker 1:

This is how I live my life. This is why all of you are like, how do you have a kid on the spectrum and keep a hundred pounds off, run a business, actually fucking work with your husband when most people say that a husband and wife can’t work together. Shit like this, just this boring ass shit. That’s exactly how I do. All right.

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I'm Corinne Crabtree

Corinne Crabtree, top-rated podcaster, has helped millions of women lose weight by blending common-sense methods with behavior-based psychology.

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