December 25, 2020

Episode 195: Let Go of Your Magical Weightloss Why’s

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Episode Summary Introduction: 

Today, I’m issuing a huge warning to all my podcast listeners about how to stop using your bullshit thinking to force yourself into weightloss submission.

“But Corinne, I’ve wanted to lose weight all my life, but I just can’t figure out my why to stay motivated.

Your why’s to weightloss aren’t something you whine your way into understanding.

If the scale ain’t saying what you want, you’ve got to learn to ask yourself your reasons, and love the hell out of them.

It ain’t magic, y’all. Your why isn’t some damn bunny you pull out your hat. You can learn to break your habits and do new things to change your life.

Your why’s job is to remind you of your courage, when all you want to do is “Netflix and chill” with a bag of Lay’s potato chips.

In today’s podcast, you’ll understand how to stop letting your indecision trip up your weightloss success.

 

Topics discussed in this episode:

Topic 1: The actual jobs of your why’s when it comes to weightloss, that keep you creating the courage to lose weight. [1:43 – 2:17]

Topic 2: How to erase the shame around making weightloss mistakes, and how to restart right where you are. [14:16 -17:47]

Topic 3: The 10-minute “sticky-note” party to nail your why, and how to use it to create the version of you that loses her weight for good. [33:34 – 37:00]

Topic 4: How creating kickass why’s (and writing that shit down) helps you do the mindset work necessary to lose your weight quicker. [36:48 – 42:22]

 

Click here to listen to Episode 195: Let Go of Your Magical Weightloss Why’s

Transcript

Hello, everyone. Welcome, welcome, welcome. I’m Corinne Crabtree, we are going to do another Facebook Live. For all of you who listen to the podcast and who follow me on social, if you’re listening to the podcast Losing 100 Pounds, this is the place for you. We are going to cover today all about the why. I’m going to teach a class today. A lot of times we just do Q&A, but today, what I really wanted to do was do a class for all of you where we are going to talk about one of the things that I think confuses a lot of people when it comes to weight loss and that is, if I know that I want to do it, if I sit around and dream about it, like it’s, “Corinne, you just don’t understand, I’ve wanted to lose weight all my life, but here’s what I don’t know. I don’t know why I don’t do what I say I should do in the moment.”

And so a lot of times what we do is we get convinced in our head that we need this big magical why, there’s going to be this… Like, I’m going to sit and I’m going to write and there’s going to be this thing that comes out of my brain that makes everything easy from that point on. Every time I’m hungry, I’m going to eat the right things, and every time I’m stressed out, I’m going to know my why and I’m just going to say no, and it’s all going to feel magical. It is such a bunch of horseshit. We are going to go through it today because if you think your why is supposed to do the work for you on your weight loss, you got a problem. The why is important, but it’s only important for certain reasons. It is not there to make every decision easy.

Your why’s job is to give you an understanding as why you’re fixing and do the things that’s not easy, why you’re going to unbreak habits, why you are going to change the way you’ve lived your life, which means you’re going to get doing new things and feeling like an amateur ass while you’re doing it. Your why’s job is to compel you to use courage, it is to compel you to be moving forward when all you want to do is kick back and watch a little Netflix with some chips. That’s the why’s job. So we’re going to explain all that today. But I’m going to wait a couple minutes, I’m going to go through a couple things for you guys first, to get the groundwork laid on how this little class is going to work, all the things you need to know about me, and then we’ll get started. So I want to make sure that everyone’s here so I won’t be repeating my ass. You all know me, I’m too lazy to be repeating myself over and over again. All right, so here’s what we’re going to do.

Number one, when I get done, if you have questions about your why, about what I talked about today, you can use #ask in side the comments, and one of my team members, they are going to be pulling up the questions that pertain to today’s topic. We’re going to talk about today’s topic, we’re not going to talk about, “I don’t know Corinne, give me one of them signals for your hunger.” You all, all of you if you do not have a question about your why, you need to go to your iTunes or wherever you get your podcasts, you need to pull up Losing 100 Pounds With Corinne, you need to subscribe your ass while you’re there so that you ain’t missing episodes and you need to look through the damn near 300 podcasts that I got, that I and for fuck sure know that that’s going to answer your question. It is that simple. Those who want will do, those who want to sit around and be frustrated and confused and don’t know and blah, blah, blah, blah, guess what they do?

They sit around and hope to God I answer their question, so they ain’t got to go listen to the damn podcast, they ain’t going to have to subscribe, they’re not going to have to flip through. Now, if you’re one of my private clients, guess what? You don’t have to do all that. If you have a question today that has nothing to do with the why, head your ass over to the Facebook group, our private one, ask your question over there, community team is there every single day answering questions, tagging coaches, they will do the heavy work of going through all of our private member content for you, they will link you to the exact video, the exact coaching session, the exact anything that you need, and I will promise you this and you all know it. If you ask some kind of unicorn magic question that’s never been asked before, guess whose ass is probably going to make a video for you guys?

I will see you on Saturday in my live coaching and I will answer the things. So, that’s how today rolls. If you’re brand new, I cuss a lot, be prepared. If you’re brand new, you need to go over to pnp411.com, you need to sign up for my free course. I’ve got three videos and a workbook that introduces you to all of my work, you will also get introduced to the podcast and all the things. So if you like what you hear today, that’s what you need to do. All right, I think we’re ready. You all be prepared to take notes, because today, we’re getting down and dirty into the why. Oh, I did want to say this, for my private clients, if you’re coming there’s over 2500 of you coming to our three day private virtual event where you all got an old shitty in your swag box. We are going to be going over all the things that I’m fixing to tell you, a total deep dive.

If you’re one of my clients who is not coming to the virtual camp, do not worry, we are going to be covering this stuff inside the membership in the month of January also. So you don’t have to worry that you’re going to miss out on something. All right. Here’s what we got to know about the whys. Number one, they are just one part of a goal. So there are three parts to goals. And this is what I see most people do when it comes to weight loss. Most people when it comes to weight loss, they’re sitting around and they’re like, “I want to weigh 150 pounds and I want to wear a size eight.” And they think… And they want to do it by July 2021. And they think that they have set the goal. They’re like, “I don’t get it Corrine, I went to Weight Watchers and signed up, they asked me to enter my goal weight, I put that shit in there, I even told them when I’d like to lose it by.

You know what else? I told them how many pounds a week I want to lose. Why am I not just changing on a dime? Why am I still wanting to eat my face off every night at eight o’clock like I have for the last six months? Why is it every time somebody brings to the nurse’s station doughnuts thanking us, I’m just like, ‘Well, I better eat one of them.’ Why does that keep happening?” It is because a goal is not a goal unless you understand the three vital components of it. The number and what you want away, that’s just one part. So I want you to think about it like a three legged stool you all. If you go sit on a stool and only one leg’s working, you’re going to have problems. And that’s what most of us had been taught by the diet industry. It’s like, “You need a meal plan, or your calorie range, my fabulous app to track your food, and you need to know your goal weight.”

I will tell you in all the years that I was trying to lose weight, I just weighed 250 pounds almost all my life. The only time I was everything in my entire life was when I came out of the womb and that shit didn’t count. We all love a good little chubby baby. I wasn’t even a chubby baby, it happened too late for me. So all those years, I would enter every single time of trying to lose weight, doing the exact same bullshit every single time and wondering, being confused as to why I just wasn’t doing the plan. Why was it hard for me? A lot of it had to do with the other two parts of goal setting. So the part where you do the what, that’s just how much you want to weigh. That’s just like when do you want to weigh it by? You’ve got to know who you want to be at the end.

So when you think about yourself in six months or a year or wherever, how long it’s going to take you, two years from now, when you think about that, you need to think about who is she? What does she worry about? What does she not worrying about? What does she think about each day? What is she not thinking about anymore? You have to identify to the who concept of you so that your brain is really aware of like today, when you’re not being her. So for example, when I weighed 250 and I was just getting started with my weight loss, just getting started. I would sit and I would like weigh in and I would notice there were times where I would step on the scale and it wouldn’t move and I would freak out and start thinking it’s not working.

“See, I’ll never be able to lose my weight. I might as well just fucking eat.” And it dawned on me that the person who loses her weight, never steps on the scale and talks that way to herself. The person who loses all her way can’t afford to play in a shitty diaper of self pity, frustration and victim mentality. The person who loses all of her weight steps on the scale, notices it doesn’t move and says, “I’m doubling down, I did a good job this week, I’m willing to look at what I did to see if there’s anything I can work on. I know it’s just a matter of time.” If I just keep going, that version of me that [inaudible] was always thinking about where she was going. She never thought about where she’s been, she never thought about her past working against her. I knew that in order to lose my weight, I was going to have to stop thinking like that person.

So that meant every time that I would hear the old me come in, I would have to redirect myself to that future version of me that I wasn’t used to thinking like, that I had to create. What is she thinking like? Because I’m going to have to implement that now. And so when I was doing that, I also noticed that my person, who I was going to be, also really understood why she was doing all of it. She thought so much more about why herself, her weight and why it was important. She didn’t focus on numbers and data and statistics, she used that to learn, but 90% of her brain space when it came to losing weight and eating and stuff, had nothing to do with anxiety driven obsession over what I was doing. It was always about, “Why am I doing these things for me?” Really reminding myself as often as I could, why these things are important. This I think, is one of the magic keys of weight loss. When we talk about is there a magic pill? I think knowing this part is the magic pill.

Because the problem with weight loss is that if you don’t understand, if you don’t stay tapped into where you’re going, versus all your failures, if you don’t stay tapped into the why it’s important, the parts that are going to feel good, the parts that are going to move you and motivate you, compel you and drive you, then you get caught up in the parts that demotivate you that are hurtful, that when you think them slow you down and make you feel like you’re trudging. Most of us quit weight loss, because it’s hard, we just think that the doing is the hard, the hard part is everything that we think about the doing. It’s the time that we spend thinking, “I’ll probably never be able to do it. Well, even if I lose weight, I’m probably going to have a lot of loose skin.” We just allow ourselves to think these low level duty white dots that don’t even allow us to look forward to it, that don’t allow us to get enthused about it, that don’t allow us to spend time feeling like we’re giving ourselves a gift by taking care of ourselves.

When I was losing weight, I knew I was going to have loose skin. I knew it. I’ve had my wight for 15 years, I still got a lot of loose skin. Go to my Instagram, go to my Facebook page, I post pictures of my bikini body, it’s all there for the seeings. And when I was losing weight, guess what I didn’t focus on? I was going to have loose skin. It was just not useful. Now, did I want to think about it? Of course. Did my brain go there? Of course. But I had to decide where do I want to allow my brain to stay. And so I can either think about when I lose weight, I’ll probably have loose skin or I could think when I lose weight, I’ll be living life I never thought I could. There are just two ways to think.

But we forget that we don’t have to just… Just because you start thinking something negative, doesn’t mean you have to keep thinking it and believing it. You have an option. So the why is the most important part of the goal. This is where we tap into the reasons why we want this. All right. So you got to have all three and we’re drilling down the why. What is the why’s job? Why do we even need one? What’s it supposed to do for us? A lot of you think that we’re going to find magic why and everything gets easy after that. Well, the problem is that’s not what our why’s job is. Let me put this down. The why’s job, number one is to give us pause. That’s it. The why’s job is literally to say, when you’re traveling down the road and a donut is staring you in the face and it’s hot, icy and fresh and free, let’s just not forget that donut is always free. Are we going to choose to eat it now or eat it later?

After we’ve lost weight, or when we’ve planned it, or three days from now when we have a right mind? So a why’s job is in the moment that you want to break your plan, in the moment you want to overeat, in the moment when you know you are fixing to eat like an asshole. Do I choose what I want right now or do I choose what I want later? And I make that decision based on before I put a fucking bot in my mouth. I will ask myself, “Why am I really wanting to lose weight?” And you remind yourself of your why or your why’s, and in that moment, it’s job is just to pause you. So you can be like, “What do I want? Gratification now or gratification tomorrow?

Do I want to feel a little pleasure right now, ora a fucking amazement, excitement, pride and delight tomorrow morning? Which one do I want?” That’s all it does. Your why will make you make the best decision. Your why’s job is to put the best decision on the table so that you’re no longer never even considering saying no. The second thing it does is it gives equal airtime. All this means is that it says, “I’m going to remind you not just what you want in the moment, but let’s at least think about what we want for us long term.” Because most of us go through our life, you’ll listen to me, I’ll tell you write some shit down, you might be one of my all star podcast listeners, you’re just like, “All right, Corinne said write it down. I got my paper, I got my journal, I’m writing my shit. I’m all in with the free stuff.” 10% of you do that, 90% of you hear me say amazing shit that you could do. And [inaudible]. You don’t do it. You don’t have a good why for doing it.

You’re like, “Well, it’s free.” My private members, they do the shit. My cat literally is just knocking shit off my desk behind me. It’s crazy. So equal airtime just means that most of the time we’re sitting around and we’re thinking about what we don’t want for our life and we’re thinking about all the things that we want right now. We don’t spend a lot of time thinking about the things we want long term for ourselves. We don’t spend a lot of time understanding why things are important to us. We literally move through our day thinking, “I don’t like this, I hate this, I wish this wasn’t the way it is, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.” Then the other part of the time it’s like, “Let me think about all the things I don’t like about my life right now, then let me think about all the ways that I can quit thinking about that.

I wonder what we’re having for dinner, you want to order fo pizza? Yeah, let’s do that.” And then we started looking forward to pizza and we started coming up with all the good reasons why we can just start tomorrow. That’s where we allow ourselves to spend time in. So when you come up with whys, part of their job, so you use every time you want to overeat or eat out of plan the way I teach you, you use it to give yourself equal airtime. It’s like, “All right, bitch.” If we’re going to sit around and think about what we don’t want, here’s what our whys are going to do. We’re going to think about the things we do want and why we want them so bad. You’ve got to be in a diehard practice of knowing the most important things that you really want for you and put them on the table again, whether you do them or not, you owe it to yourself to at least think about those things. The last thing, is your whys, they make change worth it.

And what I mean by this is when you are talking about your why, having strong whys allow you in the moment when you’re fixing to do something that you don’t want to do in that moment, worth it. So like for me when I was losing weight, one of the things that was really hard for me in the beginning was becoming someone… And I don’t even teach you guys to work out, but I wanted to be an exerciser just so bad. I can’t even tell you at the depths of my soul how bad I wanted it. I had never played sports, I had watched my brother be the star athlete. He’s 44 years old. I don’t give a damn what he tries at 44, he’s still always the best of his friends, he can just do anything athletically. I was so jealous growing up. I couldn’t do shit. I was always 50 to 100 pounds overweight, pick dead last, sucked at everything I tried, didn’t matter.

And so when I started thinking about why did I want to lose weight and stuff, one of the first things that came into my mind was, I saw myself exercising. I saw myself doing 5Ks with my friends. I just saw this other version of me. And not for weight loss, because I wanted to be athletic. Just for me being able to move my body meant so much to me. And so I remember when I first got started, I had a baby. And Logan was very high needs, he’s on the spectrum, he’s God loving, but when I was trying to lose weight, he woke up… He was up every day at least by 6:00 am, if not earlier. He never took naps. He stayed up, I had to sleep in his room. He was just a high needs child. He didn’t really sleep well, until he was nine years old. And so [inaudible], the reason why he’s the only child, we didn’t even know he had autism, but he didn’t even sleep through the night.

And I mean getting up five times a night until he was over 18 months old. And guess who was the one who was up with him the most? It was me. And I couldn’t do another kid. And so when I wanted to be an exerciser, I was going to have to get up before him, because once he started for the day, there was a lot of running around after him, I couldn’t leave him alone, he need to be held a lot. There was just a lot going on. I loved him, but once he hit the floor, there was no more time for Corinne, it was all Logan time. And so I knew that I was going to have to get up like 4:30 in the morning to start doing this shit. It was a big ask. I cry about it now because you all don’t even know how difficult his first years were.

So I’d get up in the mornings at 4:30 because I knew that from 4:30 until his little feet hit the ground. That was the time that I had to pursue being an athlete. And that was when I was going to do it. And I will tell you I was not loving getting up at 430 when I’d already been up. Even up until he was nine, I most the time got up at least once or twice every single night to deal with him. But I needed that dream to drag my ass out of the bed at 4:30 in the morning. Otherwise, you know what I would be doing? Telling myself, “You should just sleep, you got a hard kid.” I didn’t indulge in that stuff. I couldn’t allow myself. Like the moment feeling sorry for myself. I didn’t want to feel sorry for me. You know what I wanted to feel? Like someone who worked towards her dreams. And that meant not using excuses and using my whys, it did not make 4:30 fun. It never shut down the, “Let’s just sleep voice.” It still does at 15 years later.

This morning I didn’t want to get up. But it made it important and it gave me equal airtime just enough pause to decide what I ultimately wanted for me not just what I wanted in the moment. And it made change worth it. All right, so that’s why you got to be looking for these things. The why must knows. Here’s the things you have to know about your whys that trip people up. Number one, they change. They change over time. So when I first started on my weight loss and stuff, being athletic, I really did not want… I did not want Logan be bullied about his weight and I knew the way I was eating, I was going to teach my child and go down the same road that I was going. I was eating in McDonald’s all the time, I loved my fast food, I did not know how to cook at all, I did not like a lot of stuff. You all, give me your moshed excuse about food. And I guarantee you I had it.

I had it. I loved feeling full because I grew up so poor and so broke that when we ate, we ate all we could, we didn’t know when our next meals were coming. So I had every emotional tie to the food, I had all the things. But knowing my whys, at first was all about being athletic and making sure that Logan was going to learn how to eat unlike his mama. So it made it easier for me to say, “Okay, since he’s so little, I probably ought to start changing some stuff.” I didn’t change everything, but I started making little bitty changes. And then over time, my why changed/ When I dropped about 50 pounds, my why started becoming more about, “Ooh, I want to be hot.” That was a big compelling reason for me for a long time. I just wanted to be hot as fuck. I wanted to be able to shop wherever I wanted to shop. Those were some of my big compelling reasons. Those are some big ass whys. And so they change over time.

So when I teach you how to do whys, I would suggest every few months, do this exercise one more time, see if you have new whys coming up. And I promise you guys, as you’re losing weight very often, your whys do change. Certain ones that will get you started, they lose… Like for me being athletic, once I started already feeling athletic, telling myself why that didn’t work as much as switching over to something else like being hot. I just… I know you all must think I’m being a shit, but Mama loves Hutch clothes, Hutch heels. I like dressing like the slut for my man, I just do. It’s been one of the things I’ve enjoyed the most. And it was very compelling for me. And here’s the other thing about your why, that didn’t even make the reason or make the list. Your why’s for you. There’s only one person who is probably going to tell their whys to the world and that’s me because I’m your teacher. But if you want to look hot as fuck, if you want to… Whatever your dream is.

I remember just wanting to be on top in weight loss than Chris. There was a lot of whys. I just wanted to know that I didn’t outweigh my husband. That was very compelling for me for a long time. And so they’re your whys, there ain’t no good ones, there ain’t no bad ones, there’s no shameful ones, there’s no anything. Then bad boys are for your brain to motivate your ass. To be proud of anything you tap into that makes you feel like, “Yes, this is me.” Get it, double down on it. Think about it as much as you can. All right, so they change and you also need a lot of them, because you’re going to need the right reason at the right time. So let me tell you what that means. When I was losing weight, even to this day, let’s say that you want to like me.

You’re like, “You know what? I really want to change for my kid.” I want Logan to have a better healthy life than I ever had. I want to give him that gift. That reason is awesome when I’m making the grocery list. That reason is awesome when I’m even at the store buying the things off my said grocery list. That reason is good for lots of things, but I’ll tell you when that reason sucked, and that was on date night when Logan hadn’t slept much all week long and Chris and I were going out and I wanted to drink more than I’d planned. I didn’t give a fuck about Logan’s future, I didn’t give a fuck about what he ate. You know what I cared about, relaxing and having a good time. That why sucked for that moment. So you need a lot of whys, because you’re going to need whys for different moments of your life.

So for all my clients, one of the things that you could do and you can post inside the Facebook group or take it to ask coaches, take your top five times you break your plans or overeat, and then you need to come up with your why that matches that moment with the intensity. The one that will give you the pause. The one that will make you think is this truly worth it. For a lot of times for me, when I’m doing my why work even now, so let’s say I’m going out drinking like I’m going out drinking tonight with my husband, tonight is our date night, we like to go out on Thursdays because it’s too busy on Fridays. We don’t like a lot of chitter chatter about the people. So we’re going to go, we’re going to go dinner, and I’m going to have my wine.

And invariably, every time I go to dinner and want to have wine, I want to have more wine than I plan. For me, if I’m just thinking about, I want to be fit as fuck, it does not matter in that moment. I don’t give a shit about being fit as fuck. My brain wants to throw up all the excuses. Thinking that, my brain just goes, “Yeah, well, I know you can work out hungover.” My brain will tell me all the doo-doo. But if I think about, here’s everything you’re going to feel like in the morning and here’s what your day has ahead of you tomorrow, do you want to be bringing all that hangover and all that stuff into it? I for me, feeling good for my work is very important to me. That will slow me down. That will make me think it through. I don’t like wasting time.

And for me, that really works for that. Now, you know why that reason doesn’t work, when I’m just at home watching all the British Bake Off shows, because I’m a huge binger of that and I just want a snack. Well, having a snack is not going to make me not be able to work the next day. So using that reason, does not work in that moment. Another why works in that moment. So what you want to do is you want to have a lot of them, but you want the right reason at the right times. That takes playing with them. It takes thinking about them.

So for my clients, I would love for you after this live, once you’ve heard it, go to our private Facebook group, you all start discussing the reasons why you want to lose weight. And what reasons attach to some of your most common overeats, off plan eats and things like that and start brainstorming together. What all could we be saying? What are all the different whys we all use? Because you will go mine out in that group, whys you haven’t even thought of or got on your radar. And I’ll make sure that the coaches check the posts before they go to bed tonight, I will make sure that we have spent some time and they’re working with you guys on it. All right. So how do you come up with whys? The easiest way possible, number one, is what I call sticky note party.

You take a stack of sticky notes, you give yourself 10 minutes, I would do it in the morning, I would do it during a time when… Don’t be doing it when you tired, don’t be trying to do it like, “Well, I’m not going to overeat tonight, so I’m going to work on my whys.” That’s bullshit. If you’re going to want to eat Oreos tonight, guess what you’re not going to want to do? Sit around and do your thought work. Don’t quit trying to do thought work when you want to overeat if that’s not working. Like I always tell you, whatever your overeat is equal value energy expenditure in your brain. All right, for my clients, you know what I’m talking about. Sticky note party is, you take a bunch of sticky notes, you do it during a good time, you write down one why per sticky note, and you’re just trying to get a bunch of them. It’s just like, “How many whys can I think about this?” The first thing you do is you take some of the sticky notes, you start putting them in some of the places that you can see.

The biggest mistake I see with people when it comes to their whys is they’ll do the work, they’ll think about it and then they’re like, “Well, that should work now. I should never have to remind myself ever again.” That is wrong. This just tells you what you need to start practicing thinking. All those sticky notes are what you need to practice telling yourself over and over again. Time and time again every single day, every single hour. Yeah, it’s exhausting. Get the fuck over it. You all… I love this as much as I’ll say, “Oh my God, Corinne, all that thought work that you tell us to do, all that reminding, I’m just so tired of having to think about it all the time.” And then a week later, “Oh my God, Corinne, all I’m doing is thinking about how I can’t get my dreams. I’m just sitting around frustrated because I never seem to lose weight. It’s so exhausting.” Pick your exhaustion at this point, make a choice. There’s no plan C, sit around and bitch about it all the time.

Let’s remove that option off the table, either be exhausted, because you believe your bullshit that you can’t do it, or be exhausted that you’re working fucking hard on changing how you think about yourself. At least it has a good payoff. Bitching about it, don’t, and then just believe in your horseshit, don’t either. All right. And then change those sticky notes out. Don’t just put them on your mirror and then six months later, have toothpaste splatters all over it and you’re not even noticing it anymore. Change them out frequently. If it’s new, your brain will look at it, if it’s old, it’s not going to see it. That’s why we got dust underneath all these kinds of weird places. Think about every pile of shit you got laying around your house right now. You get used to seeing it, you just don’t see it anymore. Your brain adapts to it. You’re going to have to change sticky notes out. The last thing is write them down daily too.

If you’re a real winner, you’re going to write your whys down. For one of my girls, every single day in your planner I have spaces for you for all your why work. You just follow the leader on that one, you ain’t got to do nothing special. And the last thing, no titty baby talking. Tie what you do to your why. This is simple. You guys will say, “Here’s what I’m going to do Corinne, I’ll take a free course.” I’m going to ask myself, am I hungry before I eat? That’s what I’m doing. And then three days later, this is the way you’re talking about. Day one, this is where you all, “Am I hungry? All right. Well, that’s easy. I think I could do that, it’s the simplest thing I’ve ever heard. No wonder so many of her chicks lose weight.” Three days later, “I’m sure am tired of asking that question. I’m such an idiot, I can’t even remember that question. I don’t even know if that question is going to work. That just seems too easy.” That’s called titty baby talking.

We do not talk about asking ourselves… Here’s how you do it. Three days later, “Am I hungry before every meal?” You’re like, “I’m not going to ask myself, am I hungry for this meal?” You know why? Because one of these days, I’m going to be that kind of person who doesn’t have to think about question anymore. One of the reasons why you might want to lose weight is just to be a natural normal eater. You start talking about the things you’re going to be doing to lose your weight with your why talk, not your whining talk. It’s that simple. This is not rocket science. We’ve got to quit over complicating it. Somebody asked what do you do if you don’t want other people’s to say your sticky notes? You got a phone with a passcode on it, download you a widget to your phone and have one of your widgets have your why on there. Change it out every week.

Get creative. If you don’t want other people to see it, do you got a purse? You got panty drawer? This is what’s crazy. You all will ask me questions like, “What if you don’t want people to see your whys?” But if I said, “Hey, we’re all going to sneak around and eat Ding Dongs for a week, I guarantee you to lose 10 pounds.” 10 pounds, we’re all going to eat Ding Dongs. But here’s the deal, you can’t let anybody see you eating the Ding Dongs. All of you would all of a sudden be able to go sneak off and eat like a raccoon in the night. You’re like, “Well I plans. I know how to figure this one out.” If you will tie needing a why to, “I bet if I did this for two months, I’d lose 10 pounds…”

If I promised all of you if you just did this, you’d lose 10 pounds, every single one of you would do it. But here’s the thing, you could promise yourself that it could happen if you’re just thinking about it. You all go to what if this don’t work? What if I don’t make it happen? Blah, blah. Let me just tell you, thinking about why you want your shit and doing future stuff, at the end of the day, you’re going to feel better, you’re going to be doing way more things that are more likely to get you to lose weight than that other horseshit plan that you are like, “Well, let me go to Pinterest and see if I can download me another meal plan that I’m going to sit around and not talk about with my whys and not talk about who I want to be and all this other stuff. I’m going to just keep picking plans based on this mindset.”

The mindset of, “Well, I’m such a fucking loser, I need to lose some weight. No one’s ever going to love me unless I do blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. I probably can’t do it anyway. I need to get something really hard because I shouldn’t be eating like this.” And you all wonder why you’re never motivated, never excited, don’t look forward to shit and why are things hard? I promise, all of you, all of you, that how you lose weight does not have near as much to do with what you ate, as it does with what you think. Because whatever you’re thinking about is going to let you feel a certain way. And how you are feeling, is going to be what drives what you do or don’t do for you.

And if you are constantly beating yourself up, if you are constantly thinking about all the reasons why you can’t do things, if you are always thinking about how you need to punish or delay happiness in order to feel happiness, which I never get, no, you’re not going to be motivated. You’re not going to want to take action. You’re going to be very inconsistent, you’re going to easily get overwhelmed, you’re going to start plans and burn out real fast. That is exactly how all that happens. All right. So take the free course if you’re new. If you got value out of this, you need to share my podcast. Make sure you share this live if you want to share it on your own timeline, there’s buttons here for you. If you want to… A lot of you are always like, “Corinne, you just do so much for us, blah, blah, blah, how can we help?” Here’s exactly how to help. Go to the podcast, pull up an episode, screenshot it, share it on your social media, There’s 300 of them there for you to pick.

And then when you’re there and you listen to an episode you love, download it. Don’t just subscribe. When you download the episodes, they live on your phone, they can be there as a source of inspiration for you when you need them most. All right, let’s answer some questions. Let me get to where I need to be. How do you figure out your why when all you know is that you’re not happy with where you are? I know I need whys, but they feel superficial or lame because all I know is I’m not happy with where I am. So if you’re not happy with where you are, here’s how you get your why. If I’m not happy where I am, what do I think would make me happy? I would be thinking this about myself.

So you can take… One of the hacks for finding a why is list all the things you don’t like with where you are and then you come up with an inverse. So if you say, “I don’t like my body,” then why do you want to lose weight? “So that I can develop a relationship with my body of love and trust.” That’s what most of us really want. And then just put some in here and see what other people have. Copy off people. If you’re one of my girls posting the thing, say, “Corinne, told me to list out 10 things that I know I don’t want. Here’s what I think the inverse is. What do you think? What else could I be thinking?” Posted it in our Facebook group. All the success stories will come in there and help you. The coaches will come in there and help you, we’ll all help you.

All right. We don’t have very many questions today. This is going to be a good one. We’re going to get out early. I love getting out early. I always like to get you guys back to work. All right. So I’m going to give it about another minute to see if there’s any more questions, use #ask if you want to ask any. Otherwise, we are going to get out of here so that you guys can get to doing. Here’s the best thing that I want you to take out of this today. I want you to make a list of at least five whys. Do not judge them, do not think they’re not good enough and do not be confused if it really is why, it doesn’t matter. You need to get your brain used to just asking the question. Next to each one, when you write it down, ask yourself, “How does this make me feel?” If it doesn’t feel good, you probably need to inverse it, just like I was telling Jen.

Which means if you’re like, “I don’t want to be so unhappy,” then one of your whys is to learn how to be happy with myself. So those are things that you do. And so if I was going to be happy with myself, what are the things that I would be doing that would make me happy? You can list some of those things, so you can start getting a picture of stuff you may want to start trying, stuff you may want to start doing. Because here’s the thing, in order to get to the end of the journey, in order to be able to lose weight guys, you can’t put off doing the things that you think you’re going to be doing once you’ve lost the weight. You have to have bravery and courage and creativity on figuring out how to start giving it to yourself now, because at the end of the day, most people want to lose weight, because they want to feel like, “I just want to love myself.

And I want to be happy, and I want to feel cared for.” But mostly what you want to do is you try to lose weight, not caring for yourself yet, you don’t think you owe it to yourself. I get up and shower every single day, put on makeup and lotion and stuff. I have been doing that since the get go because I knew the version of me that lost her weight was going be very proud of her body. That meant I had to be proud of the things that I did for my body today when I was losing weight. Which meant I needed to take care of myself even on the days that I told myself that my body wasn’t worth taking care of yet. And I’d be like, “No, that’s not what we’re doing.” You can’t deny yourself love and loving kind words and actions, you can’t deny yourself comfort in your words and your actions and then expect yourself to be able to get to the end. Most of us are eating because of a lack of true love, happiness, peace and trust with ourselves.

So we have to learn how to do that to get there. Let’s see. I think I saw a couple of questions come in, hang on. I haven’t found a why or the early evening before dinner, I clock out of work by four, dinner’s not until six or 6:30, the hubby is retired, so four is the time to be together, sit and watch the news and munch on something. Hey, why don’t we start talking about it like this? Four is the time to sit together, sit watch TV and relax without food. Sounds like you need to just learn how to relax without food. And your why could be, “I want to become someone who can relax and unwind and be nourished by her own thoughts of, this is how I’m taking care of myself versus, I need a little food to unwind.” I tend to get a little hungry then as well. It’s out of my work time, time to chill time.

I’ve done healthier snacks, but I feel like it’s a habit I need to break. It’s just a habit. And yeah, I may be a little hungry, but I think most times I don’t pause, ask myself if I’m really hungry. The best way to know is to just stop eating and you’ll know for sure if you’re hungry. Just try it for two days and see what happens. Because sometimes we are just a little hungry and we’re not like… I’m not advocating anybody to be starving or anything like that, I never do. But every now and then we’re just a little hungry and if we wait 10 minutes and we allow our brain to catch up and relax and settle down and stuff, that hunger goes away. It’s more of a conditioned eating response that’s happening during that time. And surely shit, if he has something I didn’t plan I will take a bite or two trying to figure out why that will work in that particular moment.

I think I’ve already given you some things to think about, but I think for you it’s a lot of just remembering in that moment, one of the reasons why you don’t want to eat during that time is, I want to learn how to relax with my husband and food doesn’t have to be in my mouth to be a part of it. I just want to be the kind of person that can just chill out and not need a snack doing so. That’s always been a big reason for me. I don’t snack hardly ever anymore. I used to, I don’t anymore. Because I really understood after a while that I would look forward to my stack, so I could sit down and relax and eat. And really it was like, “I want to be somebody who can relax and doesn’t need food.” Because what I noticed is that when I started tying my snacks to relaxation, then any time I wanted to relax, I automatically would start getting a desire to eat, now I automatically started getting hunger signals and I would know I wasn’t hungry.

If I’d had dinner two hours before I knew, I was like, “I am not hungry. I have just been going, going, going all day long and now it’s time to relax, I’m wanting to eat again because I’m always tying eating to relaxing. I don’t want to be that person anymore.” I wanted to literally be someone who was like, “I’m hungry, I trust myself enough to have a snack, or I’m not hungry, I just need a break and I want to learn how to take breaks without beating myself up over it.” I want to learn how to sit down, tell myself I deserve the break versus all the reasons why I shouldn’t be taking a break and then relax into it. And for me, I will tell you, my top A person, it takes me about 10 to 15 minutes to settle down from the day because that first 10 to 15 minutes is a lot of all things I should be doing. I could be doing things left over that I got to do tomorrow.

My brain wants to spin out in that and I just have to sit there and be like, “It’s okay, we’re just done for the day, there’s plenty of time tomorrow, I have to reassure myself, I have to let all unwind.” And then things are much better. How do you tap into your why emits the end of the day and stressors from work and performance with family to create a ritual or behavior and a pause because before it’s so noisy in your head, you cannot even access the why. Just like I told you. Shareen, you’re probably going to have to have on your phone a tripwire. It’s like having an alarm go off about the time, and that is remember your why, remind yourself that this is the time of day that you’re kind of jacked up because you’ve been running on adrenaline and you need to let all that burn off. Do you have good examples of equal brain power options? Yeah, just go listen to my podcast. Thousands of examples in that podcast. I’m always telling you guys ways that you can think about stuff.

Whatever shitty thought you’re having, you just need a better thought. That’s equal airtime. If I’m going to sit around and think I can’t lose weight, then I have to also sit and think and here’s the reasons why it’s easier than I think. Or here’s the reasons why it’s worth it. That’s equal airtime. Most of you won’t do it and then wonder why you’re staying stuck. Most people want to keep arguing for shitty thoughts that feel terrible. It’s the craziest arguments. It’s like, “Yeah, but I keep thinking.” “I know. So do I.” I just gave you all several examples of how I do it all the time. You still hear me bitching that I have to shift my mindset. Here’s what you hear me say. And here’s what I do, because I do want to feel better. I don’t say, “Oh, I got shitty thoughts.” That’s terrible. I hate that. I go right to the why. I want to learn to feel better on a dime. I want to learn how to… Sometimes I just want to like be able to sit and feel bad without needing a snack.

You know what the equal airtime for that one is? We’re going to sit here and feel bad, it’s okay. We can handle bad. Rather than, “Oh my God, I feel bad, I hate this, I wish this wasn’t happening, I can’t handle it.” Equal airtime is like, “We’re going to sit here sad today.” One of my mom’s closest friends died this week. I’m very sad for my mother. I don’t sit around going like, “Where are all my happy thoughts?” Here’s my best thought. I love my mom and I have to feel sad with her. And that’s okay. That’s equal airtime rather than, “Se shouldn’t have died. This is horrible. I hate seeing my mother in pain,” blah, blah, blah, blah. I hate seeing my mother in pain or I love my mom enough to be sad with her. One feels compassionate, one feels very resistant. How do I decide which whys work for which situation? Trial and error, that’s right, Chris. It’s just trial and error.

Scott Robin, you don’t quit trying until you’ve run out of errors and you’ve stumbled upon what works. That’s the real key. A lot of you want to do trial and error like three times and then quit. It’s like trial and error until it’s trial and failed. Can you imagine what your life would be like if you went through your life with trial and error, until found mentality versus trial and error, “Oh, shit, this sucks, I’m getting out.” What is your why for when you’re watching the baking show and just want a snack? I don’t eat when I’m not hungry. I don’t want to be someone that eats when she’s not hungry. That’s my biggest why. I just don’t want to be that person. It feels really good to me to be the kind of person that can eat. I love the idea that I’m the kind of person who can sit and watch cooking shows now and not just sit and think about overeating. I actually enjoy it. I think about baking and enjoying the process of baking, the fun of creating.

I think we forget that that is a huge piece of food is the creation, the fun and blah, blah, blah. We boil it always down to the eating. Or were like, “I’m going to do this [inaudible]. And I just hope I don’t eat it.” I don’t even think about the eating part. I delight and pleasure out of like, “Oh my gosh, I’m going to make cakes that my son absolutely loves.” Because that’s something that I’ve always thought good moms do. For me, it just even feels good thinking about it. The learning, the like, “Oh, this could be a hobby for me.” What I don’t fixate on is, “Well, you’re going to have to carefully plan all that food, you’re going to have to do this and that.” No, I don’t. I know if I want a piece, I will plan a pace. I don’t have to think about it anymore.

You know what I’d rather do? Spend all my time thinking about how fun it’s going to be, how creative it’s going to be, the time that I’m going to spend with my husband doing it together. I think about the process and I delight and all of that. That takes all the emphasis off the eating part, it makes the eating part the most unimportant part. And then if I want to have it, I always know I can plan it, I always know I’m going to eat it with joy and then I can do that as often as I want or as little as I want. It will always be my choice. That’s what I tell myself. And the reason why I tell you all of this is because when you tell yourself shit like that, guess what you feel? In control, powerful, relaxed, confident. It’s the conversation around all of it.

And I will tell you, every shitty thought you have right now, I’ve had all of them and I tell you this because if I can change a lifetime of obesity thinking and habits, to now teach thousands of people every single week how to do it to retire my husband, so we can run a company teaching this shit, if I can go from that to this, I think the rest of us could probably just build a better relationship with food and love our life. I really believe this. This is why I do what I do. This is why I do these Facebook Lives. It’s why I do my podcasts, this is why I do so many of the things I do. Because I know this is possible for people and nobody’s teaching it. And I won’t promise all of you, January, you’re going to get inundated with detoxes, fasts, diets, all the things in unprecedented measures. I’m not even opening my doors in January. I don’t even want to be a part of the industry thinking that January one is when you start.

No, you know when you start, every single one of you watching this right now, you start with the next meal. Are you hungry and have you had enough? That is it. You take my free course and you listen to podcast, when I open the doors in March, you’ll be ready. You’ll be ready to throw gas on the fire. I don’t want you waiting another day to fix what’s broken in your brain. I want you starting right now feeling better for your own sake, talking better for your own sake, thinking better for your own sake. There’s nothing to lose with going to work on your mindset at all. And your mindset is where weight loss begins and where it ends. And it’s the one thing nobody can take from you. All right. I think that’s it. How do we become a client? Well, I just kind of addressed that Brandy.

We’re not open right now, we’re only open a certain… So many times a year. Next year, we’re only opening… I believe we’re only opening twice next year. So if you’ll if you just make sure that you’ve taken the free course or listen into the podcast, when I do free challenges, when I do free Facebook Lives, when I do my free stuff, you won’t miss out. And then when I open the doors, you will get all the notices. So you can go to one of two sites pnp411.com, or you guys can go to… Let me look it up to just make sure. We just changed our web address a little bit. It is nobsfreecourse.com. So go to nobsfreecourse.com and you guys can sign up for my course. Thank you guys so much. I will see you again next month.

I’m going to figure out what I’m going to talk to you guys, I’m going to watch what’s going on with the new year starting with people wanting to get that COVID off and all that kind of stuff. So we’ll see what I’ve got at my sleeve but work on your whys, don’t not do it, I know it’s going to be a game-changer for you. You all have a good one. Thanks for coming bye all.

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I'm Corinne Crabtree

Corinne Crabtree, top-rated podcaster, has helped millions of women lose weight by blending common-sense methods with behavior-based psychology.

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