What Is The Difference Between “I can’t” and “I won’t”?
If you hear yourself saying “I can’t” when it comes to whatever you’re trying to change…
- “I can’t stop eating because I’m always bored.”
- “I can’t lose weight because I’ve always been the fat girl.”
- “I can’t plan because nobody ever wants to eat what I cook.”
That’s gotta stop now!
As soon as you change “I can’t” to “I won’t” you can begin to control your mind.
“I won’t stop eating because I don’t want to feel sad.”
See what happens?
- You take responsibility for the shit you’re pulling on yourself.
- You realize exactly what’s standing in your way.
- You know what happens next?
- You’ll start figuring out how to lose the weight.
But saying “I can’t” will stop you right in your tracks.
In today’s podcast, we talk about how to find the areas in your life where you are saying “I can’t” and how to flip them into an “I won’t” that leads you to figuring it all out. You can listen here.
“Everything is Figureoutable”
Marie Forleo has a new book out called “Everything is Figureoutable” {see links below} and I got this concept from her.
It’s all about thought-work and getting out of your own way. “When you argue for your limitations, the only thing you get is to be able to keep them.”
How you talk about things is everything.
Instead of saying “I’m not ________” you need to say “I’m learning how to be _______” or “I’m figuring out how to be _______.”
Procrastination:
- You will always procrastinate on something you don’t believe you can do.
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- Procrastination will become a big action for you.
Two of the most important things taught in the No BS Program:
1. How do you only eat when you’re hungry?
2. How do you plan?
Most people want to have a normal relationship with food where they don’t think about it all of the time.
When it comes to food, most people with a weight problem either think: “I’m not good at it, so I’ll just eat whatever I want and hope I figure it out someday” or “I’m such a mess-up and I can’t control myself, so I must need to suffer.”
Letting go of your judgments:
I teach that you have to let go of your judgments and what you think is the only way that will work. You might have doubts and insecurity and do it anyway. Most of us when we have doubt or insecurity do nothing.
If you’re struggling with planning, it does not mean you need a harder more difficult plan.
- Instead, make an easier plan.
In the No BS Program, there are hunger challenge weeks where the ladies practice eating when they’re hungry and stopping when satisfied.
Common “I can’t” statements in the No BS Program are:
- I can’t find my +2
- I can’t lose weight, it’s hard for me
- I can’t plan, I’ve tried
- I can’t lose weight eating a realistic plan
- I can’t follow my plan
- I can’t get my water in
- I can’t get up in the morning
- I can’t journal
Take some time to figure out where in life you are using “I can’t statements.
Instead of saying “I can’t” try “how can I make this happen?”
In Marie’s book, she discusses the concept of “I can’t” versus “I won’t”
Spend a week paying attention and every time you make an “I can’t” statement, make a note of it.
After this podcast, check out the following things:
1. Marie Forleo’s book “Everything is Figureoutable”
2. Take a Break with Rachel Hart’s podcast episode “Rolodex of Excuses” (part 1 and 2)
3. Seth Godin’s Entreleadership podcast episode “Are you indispensable?”
When losing weight…
- Be aware of what’s going on.
- Stop the self-judgement.
- Start changing how you think and act.
Kathy’s big “I can’t” is I can’t get all of my work done. This thought makes Kathy feel desperate and helpless.
My big “I can’t” is I can’t take time off. This thought makes me feel like it’s the truth.
After you have your “I can’t” list, next to each one write “I won’t”
Kathy’s changes to “I won’t get all my work done.” Saying it this way makes it feel like a choice rather than an absolute.
When I think I can’t take time off, I think of all the bullshit that comes up with that thought “everyone is waiting on me” “I’m the only one that can answer the members questions” “I’m the only one good at it.” I can’t is a bunch of bullshit.
- The first part is to understand your “I can’t.”
- The second part is understanding why you’re using that – what are you using behind it.
- The third part is saying is as an “I won’t”:
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- I won’t get my work done today
- I won’t find my +2 today
- I won’t lose weight
- I won’t plan
- I won’t lose weight using a realistic plan
- I won’t follow my plan
- I won’t get my water in
- I won’t get up in the mornings
- I won’t journal
- I won’t figure out what I’m supposed to say
With “I can’t”, you make yourself a victim. With “I won’t” you’re making a choice to be defiant and not do it.
“I can’t find my +2” turns into “I won’t find my +2.” I’ve decided it’s easier to quit, than to struggle with it.
“I can’t” stops you in your tracks. It stops your brain from figuring it out.
I thought “I can’t take a day off, nobody on the team does it as good as me” that gives her an excuse to keep working. No, you won’t take a day off because you keep believing that no one else can do it. It’s a choice.
Take ownership:
Taking ownership, you tend to move forward.
- Don’t blame your past or someone for how you show up.
- You are responsible for you.
- When you’re in blame mode, you’re in the helpless side of things.
- When you take ownership, you have the power.
Being honest is the quickest way to weight loss!
Links
www.pnptribe.com
www.pnp411.com – blog, show notes, & free weightloss course
www.pnptribeshow.com
www.amazon.com/Everything-Figureoutable-Marie-Forleo/dp/0525534997
www.rachelhart.com/rolodex-excuses/
www.rachelhart.com/rolodex-excuses-2/
www.entreleadership.com/blog/podcasts/seth-godin-indispensable
